Thursday, April 28, 2016

Thursday Movie Picks: Affairs


I've been doing Thursday Movie Picks since the beginning about a year and a half ago. Thanks to our host Wanderer from Wandering Through the Shelves for coming up with this great idea. A year and a half might seem like a long time to some of you, but it pales in comparison to the number of Thursdays, and every other day, that I've woken up next to the lovely Mrs. Dell. We've been married for over eighteen years. Sure we've had our ups and downs, but unless I've missed something, there hasn't been any infidelity by either of us. That means when I saw this week's topic, I instantly knew it was something I'm only familiar with because of movies, tv, and a few unfortunate friends who have had to deal with it. I can't speak for my wife, but movies like the ones I will discuss today help keep me faithful. I just imagine that having an affair will inevitably turn into the worst nightmare imaginable as it explodes all over your life. Let's be clear. These aren't good films. In fact, they're terrible. Better yet, they are...well, I'll say it later...


Obsessed
(2009)
This one is a bit of a cheat because there actually isn't an affair. It's just one crazy chick, played by Ali Larter, trying desperately to seduce a married man, played by Idris Elba. I mean, she slips the dude a mickey and rapes him, but I'm not counting that as an affair. Following that, she tries every other trick she possibly can to get some more Stacker Pentecost. Little does she know that the dude's wife, none other than Beyonce, don't play that shit. CAT FIGHT!!! Let's pause right there...

like any good husband I've told my wife a number of times that I would never cheat on her. She has often said she trusts me, but not other women. This movie is exactly what she means. Not that I'm worthy of such fawning, I'm just saying. I don't normally condone violence, but if some chick were to do all the crazy stuff Ali Larter does here I'd like to think that my wife would play the Beyonce role and whoop that bitch's ass...um...spoiler alert?

Oh, the movie? It's so bad it's awesome.


Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor
(2013)
Incredibly and unnecessarily long title, I know. A pair of childhood sweethearts grow up and get hitched. The hubby, played by Lance Gross, is happy and pursuing his dream of owning his own pharmacy. Little does he know that his lady, played by Jurnee Smollett-Bell, is getting bored with him. She also happens to work at a match-making agency. Soon enough, she is sleeping with a wealthy potential investor, played by Robbie Jones, and kicking hubby to the curb. Of course, she soon finds herself on drugs and her new beau to be a complete psycho. Throw in a subplot starring Brandy that plays like a horror flick and the worst acting imaginable by Kim Kardashian in another subplot. Now make it all a cautionary tale about as subtle as getting anally raped by Dirk Diggler on the hood of your car in a Walmart parking lot on a Saturday afternoon and you have a film so ridiculous it has to be seen to be believed. The only way to enjoy this is to laugh at it. Mind you, there are no actual jokes told here because this is director Tyler Perry being "serious," but it's still funny as hell. So yeah, it's so bad it's awesome!


The Boy Next Door
(2015)
J-Lo plays the neighborhood MILF/high school English teacher who also happens to be having some problems with her absentee husband, played by John Corbett. He's cheated on her in the past and she's pretty sure that's what he's doing these days on all of his "business trips." Feeling lonely and susceptible to the charms of a dashing young hunk, she succumbs to her lust for the guy who just moved in next door. Of course, he's a high school student who is soon enrolled in her class. And he's batshit insane, to use a technical term. They bang, she realizes her mistake, and wants to call it off. He's not trying to hear that because he's all about that "If I can't have you nobody can" stuff, so he gets his Glen Close on. Is this movie complete and utter crap? Yes it is. Is it highly enjoyable crap? Yes it is. It's so bad...you know the rest.


26 comments:

  1. 2 of these films I have seen and yeah, they're bad. One of them is the Tyler Perry movie and a cousin of mine saw it and she thought it was awful. Especially in how it ended and such. Ugh.... I read the spoilers and shit.... that is one of the most awful endings ever.

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    1. Oh, that ending is beyond awful...and that's the beauty of it.

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  2. I haven't seen any of these, although your Beyonce pick reminded me of the current buzz around her new album, Lemonade.

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    1. Haven't heard/seen it yet, but I'm looking forward to it.

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  3. I have not seen any of these films, but the way yu described 'Obsessed' makes me want to watch it. Even more so because it sounds so bad. Great post Wendell!

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    1. It's rip-roaring fun in the most horrible way. Guilty pleasure to the max.

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  4. Your opening paragraph was so sweet! I've never seen any of these, though I've seen quite a few clips of Obsessed. That was a whole lot of crazy in just those short clips too lol.

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    1. Thanks. A whole lot of crazy accurately describes that whole movie.

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  5. Wow Dell I haven't seen any of these but they sounds completely dreadful. The Tyler Perry/Kardashian movie sounds like one of the outer circles of hell. I've considered the J-Lo movie a couple of times but it just seems too terrible to waste time on. Excellent work in finding these bottom of the barrel entries.

    I was excited when I saw the theme because it gave me a chance to use a film that I've loved for years and haven't been able to fit in anywhere else so far, They Won't Believe Me. I'm a big fan of my other two picks but I saw this one as a kid and it stayed with me, I watch it at least once a year without fail.

    Second Skin (2000)-Madrid housewife Elena (Ariadna Gil) suspects her husband Alberto (Jordi Molla) of having an affair, threatening their seemingly happy life with their son. Devastated when she discovers not only that her suspicions were correct but that the person he is involved with is a man, surgeon Diego (Javier Bardem) she confronts Alberto. At first he insists that it was a momentary lapse but eventually confesses that he is genuinely in love with Diego and torn between his two lives.

    They Won’t Believe Me (1947)-Larry Ballentine (Robert Young) is on trial for murder and as he takes the stand in his defense the film explores the story of how he’s found himself there. Indifferent to his wealthy wife Gretta (Rita Johnson) who loves him deeply Larry is a cad involved in a quadrangle with her, his mistress Janice (Jane Greer) and a secretary at his insurance office, Verna (Susan Hayward). A reprobate who is never satisfied with what he has he makes a series of selfish decisions that lead to tragedy. Even if he’s innocent of the crime accused is he indeed blameless. Nifty noir with a super, out of character performance from the usually good guy Young and a great ending.

    The Macomber Affair (1947)-Francis Macomber (Robert Preston) and his wife Margaret (Joan Bennett) arrive in Kenya for a safari and hire experienced hunter Robert Wilson (Gregory Peck) as their guide. Their marriage is a troubled one and Margaret becomes openly interested in Wilson with disastrous consequences. A three person chamber piece with both Peck and Preston doing good work but the standout is the under-appreciated Joan Bennett as a woman turned into a hard article by a bad marriage. Though subtle gestures and sly looks she gives the film a tough grounded center and has rarely looked so beautiful. A solid adventure film with noir elements and a Hemingway feel. The film is an adaptation of one of his short stories.

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    1. You might be right on the Tyler Perry flick. Haven't seen any of your picks. Haven't even heard of the last two, but they both sound very interesting. The Macomber Affair is particularly of interest because it has Gregory Peck. Thanks!

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  6. Aw, you and Mrs. Dell are lucky! Congrats on so many years together, and may any woman who attempts to Ali Larter you get Beyoncé-ed!

    You know how much I ADORE The Boy Next Door. It knows EXACTLY what kind of movie it is, and just goes for the gusto. That Tyler Perry movie looked awful from the very first (That title! I mean....), and Tyler Perry has long since proven that he takes himself way too seriously to ever lean in to the awesomely bad stuff the way The Boy Next Door does. Oh well. Not every bad film can be a trash-terpiece!

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    1. Thanks!

      Valid point about Perry taking himself so seriously. The Boy Next Door is definitely a "trash-terpiece." I love that word. Might have to steal it from you.

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  7. I haven't seen any of these, but now I kinda wanna see Obsessed.

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    1. It's horrible, but damn is it a blast!

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  8. Ok I have heard of these and they all looked Terrible and now I want to see them. You have to love Byonce getting angry...hahahaa

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    1. Terrible with a capital 'T' is right. Go for it when you're in a goofy mood.

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  9. I though the Boy Next Door looked a bit same-y but if its enjoyable crap that's understandable. I;ve not seen the others but I remember my Beyonce obsessed friend getting excited about Obsessed.

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    1. Oh, there's nothing original about The Boy Next Door, but I had lots of fun with it.

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  10. I once made it a whole 15 minutes through Temptation. So, man, good on your for sticking it out until the end!

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    1. I fully understand what you mean. Thanks!

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  11. I'm sure plenty of people would act that way even if they weren't a young hunk haha. Wasn't Ali In a Doritos advert? Unfaithul was a vety good sensual affair movie.

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    1. Yes, she was in a Doritos ad. Ha! I forgot about that.

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  12. Haha you went with the bad.
    The only one I've seen is Obsessed and yeah it wasn't good.

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  13. Wow, Obsessed sounds absolutely nuts. I'm tempted to watch it just for Idris Elba.

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    1. It is wall-to-wall nuttiness. Have at it!

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