I’m sorry. My usually cheerful blogging demeanor has been dampened a bit by bad weather. Not actual bad weather, mind you. It’s supposed to be a rather pleasant day in the teeny slice of earth where I reside. I’m talking about bad movie weather. That’s the subject for today’s Thursday Movie Picks hosted by Wandering Through the Shelves. More accurately, she calls it Storms/Adverse Weather. Since I brought up accuracy, I can’t even blame her. I’m going to blame Daniel at Dancin’ Dan on Film. Yup, I consider Dan one of my blogging buddies. Over the last year or two, I think…or I like to think…that Dan and I have developed a good enough relationship that I feel comfortable saying this. Dan, you kinda suck for this.
Woah, woah, wwwoooooooaaaahhh.
What do I have my panties all in a bunch for?
I'm sorry, Dan. Truth of the matter is this is not a Dan problem, or a Wanderer problem, this is a Dell problem. Did I really just refer to myself in third person? See, I told you I was in a weird place today.
Anyhoo, moving on.
If there’s one genre of films that makes me roll my eyes in disgust, it’s the Man vs. Mother Nature flicks. For whatever reason, they’re just not my cup of tea, on average. Sure, there are some great films that use weather like an extra character, or even a god manipulating all events. Sadly, those didn’t immediately leap to mind. The ones that did are the ones that I hate. So, that’s what you’re going to get. No worries, that’s perfectly within the rules of TMP. We’re allowed to tell you about bad movies that deal with the chosen topic. In other words, instead of seeking out the unabashed garbage I usually recommend, steer clear of these high profile duds.
The Day After Tomorrow
Forecast: Global Warming on FleekThe Earth goes haywire and we are very rapidly plunged into a second Ice Age, or something to that effect. It’s been over ten years since I watched this trash, so forgive me if I’m fuzzy on the details. I do remember several things clearly, however. For instance, our hero (the ever-bland Dennis Quaid) walks from Philadelphia to New York in what seems like a handful of hours. If you're not familiar with the proximity of these two cities we're talking roughly 100 miles. Oh, I didn't mention that the temperature was a rather balmy 100 degrees. Below zero. Yeah, that's doable.
Forecast: Big Ass WaveThe first ten minutes of this movie are spectacular. A tsunami bears down on Indonesia and destroys everything and everyone in sight, except for a female French news reporter who was there working. And then nothing. More accurately, we get a bunch of (eventually) intertwining stories about people as Matt Damon tries to figure out what really happens to us after we die in the most boring way imaginable. The reporter suffers from survivors remorse, and so do us viewers.
Forecast: Snowy With a Chance of Wolf
Liam Neeson and a bunch of tough guys get stranded somewhere near Anchorage Alaska when a severe snow storm causes their plane to crash. In order to make it back to civilization, the men have to band together to brave the elements, figure out where they're going, and survive being eaten alive by wolves. Wait, what? Yup. And I don't mean any regular ol' wolves. Picture those big ass humongous werewolves from Twilight...on steroids. It tries to be some deep philosophical meditation on man fighting through adversity, but it's not. It's a humorless slasher flick with wolves as our killers. I swear I was waiting on one of them to drop a one-liner after devouring one of these schmucks. Seriously, it would not have shocked me had one of these things turned to another and said "Man, I wolfed that one down." I'll stick to my Friday the 13th flicks. At least then I know I can have a few laughs with my killings. Sigh. I know. You love this movie. You might have even picked this movie as a "best" if you're a TMP participant. It's okay. You mean well.