War for the Planet of the Apes

31 Days of Horror: Maggie

Z for Zachariah

Turbo Kid

Thursday Movie Picks: Post-Apocalyptic World

Mad Max: Fury Road

Stake Land

The FP

Rapture-Palooza

Directed by Paul Middleditch.

2013. Rated R, 85 minutes.

Cast:

Craig Robinson

Anna Kendrick

John Francis Daley

Rob Corddry

Ana Gasteyer

Thomas Lennon

Ken Jeong

Tyler Labine

Paul Scheer

Adrianna Costa

If you're familiar with the Bible then you know that after the Rapture, things on Earth go haywire. Well, that's where we are. Much of the population has vanished from the planet and taken up residence in Heaven. Those left behind have to deal with locusts, blood rain, falling meteorites, wraiths, and yes, The Anti-Christ in the form of Earl Grundy (Robinson) who prefers to be called, what else, The Beast. He's taken over the U.S. government, dropped nukes on Chicago and Orlando among other places around the world. Now, he's living in Seattle and has taken a liking to local girl Lindsey (Kendrick). Not being the sort of girl that goes for bad boys, but one that does have a boyfriend, she turns him down flat. Unfortunately, you just can't tell the Anti-Christ no. He gives her an ultimatum. Either she marries him or he will kill everyone in her family. She has eight hours to decide. What's a girl to do?

Immediately, we start down the path of religous satire. It's meant to be a rather irreverent one, at that. No problem. A number of good movies have successfully taken on organized religion. Even if you're a devout follower of one or another, you have to admit it's a big target. From time to time, someone is going to take a shot at it. Sadly, even if you were nodding off reading up to this point, nothing as interesting as this review happens in Rapture-Palooza. I'm not just tooting my own horn, either. Travel around to as many different sites and read as many different reviews as you want. I promise every one of them will be far more intriguing than this movie.

Our heroes are just plain bland, and yes, I purposely put two synonyms next to each other for emphasis. Anna Kendrick sleepwalks through her role in the lead. John Francis Daley, who plays her boyfriend Ben, whines his way through his. I really wanted to slap him. Hard. Twice. At least. As our villain, Craig Robinson pretty much does what Craig Robinson does. He isn't necessarily bad, just failed by the writing of his character. In a movie meant to spoof Christianity, the character of the Anti-Christ is ripe with possibilities. There are so many depths to be mined. However, this movie is content to have him talk dirty, really dirty, to Anna Kendrick. Further robbing the character of any power, his behavior, and his race merely exploit stereotypes in hopes of getting cheap laughs. It doesn't. Instead, it just plays like white guy paranoia. Literally, it feels like it's a movie about a big evil black guy out to take an innocent white woman from her loving white boyfriend. That their grand solution is trying to lock him up doesn't help matters. Oops, spoiler alert...not really.

Believe it or not, there are actually three potentially interesting characters in the movie. The first is Lindsey's mom Lora (Gasteyer). She was taken during the rapture, but was sent back. All she gets to do is cry. A loud, fake "movie" cry. Let's move on. Next is Mr. Murphy (Lennon). He's become a zombie, but doesn't try to eat anyone. Neither do any of the other zombies, but that's beside the point. Mr. Murphy seems to have a story that's begging to be told. He just pushes an imaginary lawn mower until he gets a real one. Sigh. Finally, Ben's dad Walt (Corddry). He's one of the few who has managed to make a nice living and has done so by working for The Beast. Hmmm....could be a complex character that gives us some food for thought. Nope. His job is to repeatedly urge Lindsey to marry his boss. Ugh. At least we get an unfunny cameo from Ken Jeong. SMH.

Here is where I usually try to wrap up my review with a nice tidy conclusion summarizing all of my thoughts on the movie. On a good day, I'll end it with a clever sentence. This ain't a good day, boys and girls. Rapture-Palooza sucks and I've spent far too much time on it.

MY SCORE: 0/10

Morgan Freeman Week: Oblivion

Morgan Freeman Week continues...

Directed by Joseph Kosinski.

2013. Rated PG-13, 125 minutes.

Cast:

Tom Cruise

Morgan Freeman

Olga Kurylenko

Andrea Riseborough

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

Melissa Leo

That alien invasion you've been waiting on has finally happened. It's 2077, well after the big showdown and I'm happy to inform you that we won. Sort of. In the process of beating the invaders, we pretty much ruined Earth by nuking everything. The entire planet is a desolate wasteland. The few human survivors have all relocated to Titan, the largest of Saturn's moons. Well, everyone but Tech 49 Jack Harper (Cruise) and Victoria Olsen (Riseborough). As needed, he flies around and repairs the drones that are protecting power stations from Scavengers. The power stations basically harvest the water for energy to be used on Titan. Scavengers are the few remaining survivors of the invading army. Victoria works the control tower from their apartment in the sky. At night, they turn the place into a love shack. Anyhoo, Jack has the sneaking suspicion that something isn't quite right. This is mostly due to the fact that even though his memory has been completely wiped, as has been done to all humans, he has recurring dreams of meeting a woman at the Empire State Building back before the war. That's not even mentioning the fact that the Scavengers, or Scavs as our hero calls them, are getting bolder by the day.

What works most is the look of the film. It presents us with stark visuals of what the world could be like after nuclear annihilation. You really get the sense that the planet has been decimated. This helps us get the same sense of isolation as our hero. The only contact they have with anyone else is with Sally (Leo), the lady who works mission control from the space station Tet, that functions as headquarters for their little operation. That feeling is compounded by the fact that Jack is the only one who goes out. This means he is alone most of the day except for Victoria's voice in his headphones. It is a fairly lonely existence.

The concepts put forth by Oblivion are also intriguing. It uses these concepts to build mystery and suspense. This is especially true of the Scavs. For awhile, we are strung along trying to figure out exactly what they are trying to accomplish. Jack struggles with this also. We watch him attempting to piece things together in his head, but see that it's not quite coming together. Meanwhile, the mysterious creatures that roam the Earth seem to be closing in on him. It many ways, the movie functions like an updated version of Richard Matheson's iconic novel I Am Legend with Tom Cruise giving us his version of Robert Neville.

Okay, let's be honest. Tom Cruise is really giving us his version of Tom Cruise, pretty much like he always does. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It's just that you know what you're going to get before the movie even starts. Likewise Morgan Freeman gives us Morgan Freeman. The major difference is that he's a bit more suave than normal as he's seen often sitting cross-legged while puffing on a cigar. This is a bit strange given the setting and circumstances, but it works. In case you're confused, no Cruise and Riseborough are not the only people in the movie. However, I won't tell you who Freeman plays since I don't want to spoil things for any of you that haven't seen it.

Most of this film's problems lie within the execution of things. This is particularly true for the second half of the movie where things are to be resolved. We start to notice the threadbare script as it cuts corners. Things aren't fleshed out quite enough to work. And in one case, the film goes all out on a bait-and-switch that feels like a cheat, at best. At worst, it creates a hole in the plot bigger than the one Jack gets trapped in at one point. This leaves us with a movie that was going along nicely and then falls apart at the end.

MY SCORE: 6/10

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9

Directed by Shane Acker.
2009. Rated PG-13, 79 minutes.
Cast:
Elijah Wood
Christopher Plummer
Martin Landau
Jennifer Connelly
John C. Reilly
Alan Oppenheimer
Crispin Glover

Plot: Man has been completely destroyed by it's war with machines. A group of dolls created shortly before this that have been given life, is the closest thing to humanity left. Each is known only by a number, and appear to be made of burlap. Together, they try to overcome what man couldn't.

The Good: It's an interesting take on a post-apocalyptic world where man vs. machine has technically become machine vs. machine. The overally dusty look works well and aids in the mood of the story. The moral dilemma of whether to run and hide or stay and fight is played quite nicely. On top of those things, we get excellent visuals during the many chase sequences.

The Bad: At only 79 minutes, it doesn't seem to fulfill it's potential. So much more could've been said and done. It's PG-13 rating ensures that it's not strictly for kids so worrying about the audience's attention span shouldn't be an issue. Therefore, it should've been free to expand it's world, situations and relationships, becoming a serious epic. Instead, it ends and leaves us feeling like it pulled it's punches.

The Ugly: We get perhaps the most menacing use of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, ever.

Recommendation: First, don't go in thinking this is another cuddly kiddie flick because it's not. Though the creative minds behind The Nightmare Before Christmas and Corpse Bride are producers, Tim Burton and Timur Bekmambetov, don't even think this is in a similar vein to those. This is not a musical and is a rather humorless affair. That said, it is a fascinating watch. I just wish there were more of it to see and absorb.

MY SCORE: 7/10

The Book of Eli

Directed by the Hughes Brothers.
2010. Rated R, 118 minutes.
Cast:
Denzel Washington
Gary Oldman
Mila Kunis
Jennifer Beals
Ray Stevenson
Michael Gambon
Evan Jones
Joe Pingue

After “The Flash” much of the world’s population has been killed. The lucky survivors have restarted life anew amidst desolate conditions. It’s a world where alcohol wipes are an extremely valuable commodity since soap is apparently non-existent. He who possesses water also possesses immense power. Of course, many of those in power are evil. Carnegie (Oldman) is one of these men. Yes, he is evil.

Carnegie is also a collector of another rare commodity, books. He seeks one particular book which he feels will give him unlimited power over what he calls “the weak and desperate”. That book is none other than The Holy Bible. You see, shortly after “The Flash” they were all sought out and destroyed. However, we learn that one copy of the good book survives. It is in the hands, rather backpack of Eli (Washington). He’s on a mission to deliver it somewhere out “west” and he’s not letting anyone else get their grubby paws on it. Remember, there’s no soap so we’re talking literally grubby paws, I digress. I wouldn’t suggest getting in Eli’s path or threatening him in any way. People tend to end up dead that way.

From this, we get a parable that’s divisive, much like religion itself. The naysayers will quickly point out the ridiculousness of all Eli accomplishes given a certain fact about him which I won’t spoil. Supporters will note that it’s a metaphor, not meant to be taken literally. Count me among the supporters. I find it a brilliant portrayal of a biblical saying I’ve heard numerous times, even during this movie. Honestly speaking, if taken at face value it’s an easy-to-dismiss movie. Think a little deeper and it makes perfect sense. It has the conviction to follow through to a difficult conclusion. For directors, Albert and Allen Hughes this is their best film since the similarly perplexing Dead Presidents.

If the religious angle doesn’t move you in the slightest way, but you’re an action fan then still give it a look for the sizable amount of swift and brutal violence. Gary Oldman is also great, as usual. He gives us a villain that knows he’s the bad guy. However, he desperately wants to appear good so that he can be worse. You might have to see it for that to make sense. That stuff is fun to watch as the movie unfolds. Still, it’s all that deep stuff that sticks with me.

The Opposite View: Kim Newman, Empire

What the Internet Says: 6.9/10 on imdb.com (7/11/10), 47% on rottentomatoes.com, 53/100 on metacritic.com


MY SCORE: 8/10