Thursday Movie Picks: Movies About Assassins

Once again, it's that wonderful day of the week that most of you only like slightly more than Wednesday because it's one step closer to Friday. Around here, Thursday has recently gotten a sprucing up thanks to Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves and her Thursday Movie Picks Meme.

Yes, this is the part where I urge you to swing by her place, check out the blog and join the Thursday fun.

Do it.

Now.

Just make sure you come back here, at some point.

Soon.

This week's theme is "Movies About Assassins." No shortage of those, so I didn't have too much trouble picking this week. In fact, I had way too many to choose from. I had to narrow it down some way. Therefore, I settled on three that don't take themselves serious, at all. Not even a little bit. These are three movies filled with blood soaked action, profane profanity, and situations so far over the top ridiculous doesn't even begin to describe them. All three are underappreciated, so I've no choice but to call them hidden gems.

Shoot 'em Up

Clive Owen does not play an assassin. However, he is trying to protect an infant from one. Just how insane is this movie? It starts with the delivery of said baby by Owen amidst a shootout that includes the death of the mother. Owen engages in another shootout literally while having sex with Monica Bellucci. The assassin who is always hot on our hero's trail is played with mustache twirling brilliance by Paul Giamatti. It's all a bit much to take in, but it's totally worth it when you do. Don't believe me? Take it from the late great Roger Ebert. About this movie he wrote "I may disapprove of a movie for going too far, and yet have a sneaky regard for a movie that goes much, much farther than merely too far." And he gave it 3 1/2 stars out of four.

Smokin' Aces 

This one features a cast of thousands (not quite). Most of them are hitmen trying to kill a magician/gangster played with sleaze dripping from every pore by Jeremy Piven to keep him from testifying against a Las Vegas mob boss. The roster of killers includes Chris Pine, Kevin Durand, Peter Berg, Taraji P. Henson, Common, and even Alicia Keys. Don't worry Piven's got some help from the likes of Ryan Reynolds, Ray Liotta, Andy Garcia, Common, and Jason Bateman giving what I consider his finest (and most disturbing) performance. "The Critics' Consensus" on rottentomatoes.com for this film is that it's "a violent mess of a movie." And like that's somehow a bad thing, it only earned a 28% rating. Ladies and gentlemen, I am the 28%.

Crank

It doesn't get any more ridiculous than this. Jason Statham plays an assassin who makes a hit that has some unforeseen consequences. He finds himself poisoned with a drug that inhibits the flow of adrenaline and will eventually slow his heart down enough to kill him. Well, it will kill him if he can't keep his heart rate up. To do so, he does everything you could possibly think of, and then some. Take methamphetamines? Check. Get into fights with both gangsters and the police? Check. Have sex in the middle of the street? Check. Of course, he does all this while trying to get the guys who did this to him. Does it always make sense? No. Is it often downright sadistic? Yup. Do you need to "turn your brain off" to enjoy this? It wouldn't hurt. What? I don't see the problem.

Bonus pick!

Crank: High Voltage

Just because I couldn't let you escape without mentioning the sequel. I'll keep this one short and simple. Suffice it to say when I wrote 'it doesn't get any more ridiculous than this' about the original, I lied.

Bonus Bonus Pick!!

The Big Hit

I won't say too much about this one since I used it as a Thursday Movie Pick a few weeks back. Click here.

Click here for more Thursday Movie Picks.

Identity Thief

 

Directed by Seth Gordon.
2013. Rated R, 111 minutes.

Cast:

Melissa McCarthy

Jason Bateman

Amanda Peet

Morris Chestnut

John Cho

Jon Favreau

Génesis Rodríguez

T.I.

Robert Patrick

Eric Stonestreet

Things are looking up for Sandy Bigelow Patterson (Bateman). He lives in Denver with his lovely wife Trish (Peet) and their two lovely kids and is about to start a new job paying him two hundred fifty thousand dollars per year. In the midst of all this joy, his credit cards start getting declined and he’s arrested for skipping a court date in Florida. Thing is, he’s never even been to Florida. He finds out what we already know: a woman who lives there has stolen his identity. Faced with not only the trhreat of going to jail, but losing his new job even if he doesn’t, Sandy heads to The Sunshine State to clear his feminine, ahem, unisex name. His plan is to bring the perp back to Denver and get her to confess. In case you were somehow wondering, that woman is Diana, played by Melissa McCarthy.

Thus far in her acting career, McCarthy has proven to be a force of nature. As the identity thief, she is again a ball of boundless comic energy. Bateman is a wonderful straight-man, seemingly a perfect foil for McCarthy’s off the wall antics. On paper, it’s a match made in heaven. On screen, things even start off well. The first half hour or so is entertaining despite being a violent, mean-spirited brand of humor. Bateman chases her down, she chops him in the throat, or does some other heinous thing to him, and scampers off. He chases her down again and the cycle continues. This is precisely the problem. After a funny sex scene, and the inclusion of some gangsters that never fully makes sense, we arrive at the point where we've heard all the jokes and seen all the gags this movie has to offer. That joke I cracked about Sandy’s name being feminine? We only hear it about half a million times during the movie. Identity Thief just keeps repeating itself until it mercifully decides to end.

To their credit, McCarthy and Bateman give it their all. There is a very nice ebb and flow to their scenes together which comprise most of the film. Unfortunately, even the best comedy routines lose their luster after we've seen them umpteen times. However, we can sense the spark they have. I think they could make a thoroughly hilarious movie if given better material. What they’re working with here is lazy writing content to let our stars do all the work on their own.

MY SCORE: 4/10

The Switch

Directed by Josh Gordon, Will Speck.

2010. Rated PG-13, 101 minutes.
Cast:
Jennifer Aniston
Jason Bateman

Patrick Wilson
Juliette Lewis
Jeff Goldblum
Thomas Robinson
Bryce Robinson
Todd Louiso
Kelli Barrett

Wally (Bateman) is a really nice guy. He’s a bit on the neurotic side, but a nice guy nonetheless. He’s also in love with Kassie (Aniston). They’ve tried dating once, but found they were more suited to a platonic relationship. At least she thinks so. They have been bestest buddies ever since. Unfortunately for him, he can’t seem to fight his way out of the friend zone. Suddenly, he’s in luck. SPOILER ALERT! Since he is the nice guy and this is a Jennifer Aniston rom-com, it’s inevitable that they’ll wind up together. It’s the how that provides us with a movie.

Kassie is really listening to the ticking of her biological clock. She’s not interested in getting married or even seriously dating anyone, for that matter. Still, she wants to have a baby. She logically decides to get artificially inseminated. In rapid fashion, she turns down Wally’s offer to be her donor and finds Roland (Wilson), a handsome dim bulb to do the same. So far, so good. However, here is where the plot gets completely contrived. At the behest of Debbie (Lewis), her other best friend, she throws an “insemination party.” Uh…no, this doesn’t involve Kassie in anything even remotely sexual so don’t get your hopes up. It’s a mostly regular party with two major differences. The first is that at some point there is a big announcement to let all the revelers know that Roland is off to the restroom to make it with a dirty magazine and a cup. Second, another announcement. This one will kick everyone out so that Kassie can have some privacy while performing the insemination herself. Huh? Who does this? Is there even a doctor present? Yup, we see him sitting on the sofa smoking a joint. Lovely.

Between the two announcements, a very drunk Wally heads to the bathroom to use it for its intended purpose. Of course, he finds himself alone with Roland’s donation. One thing leads to another and he winds up switching out Roland’s sample for one of his own, unbeknownst to anyone else. Ewww. Again, who does this? Needless to say, Kassie gets pregnant and moves far away to raise the baby in a safer place than New York City. Fast forward seven years and she moves back to the city with her son Sebastian (both Robinsons) in tow, who is obviously just like Wally. Our seed-switching hero agonizing over how to tell Kassie what he’s done and that he loves her ensues.

For a romantic comedy, The Switch is remarkably light on both elements. In place of romance, we get the aforementioned agonizing. We also get lots of bonding between Wally and his illegitimate son. Comedy is generally supplied by Debbie’s usually unfunny putdowns of Wally. Occasionally, we do get some real humor through a wonderful but underused Jeff Goldblum as Leonard, Wally’s boss. Aside from the ickiness of the actual switch, the movie moseys along plowing through genre clichés and banks on our inherent soft spot for the two stars. By that, I mean it hopes we have one for Bateman, it just knows we have one for Aniston. If you’re in the demographic they’re aiming at, have at it. If not, follow Wally’s lead and switch this out for a different specimen.

Up in the Air

Directed by Jason Reitman.

2009. Rated R, 109 minutes.
Cast:
George Clooney
Vera Farmiga
Anna Kendrick
Jason Bateman
Amy Morton
J.K. Simmons
Melanie Lynskey
Sam Elliot
Tamala Jones

Ryan Bingham's (Clooney) job is to travel around the country firing people. However, he faces an uncertain future as his company considers taking him off the road.

George Clooney has entered the rarefied air of Pacino, DeNiro, Nicholson and Washington. I mean, his persona and presence is so overwhelming that he seems to be playing himself in every role but it still works perfectly. He simply dominates the screen, commands you to look at him and compels you to root for him, even when we know we shouldn't. This quality combines with an outstanding script to make the movie work wonders. It vacilates between funny and sad to create empathy. Clooney isn't alone in excellence. His two female co-stars, Farmiga and Kendrick are both great, as is Jason Bateman as Clooney's boss. Still, it's the series of firings that ground the movie, with two that particularly stand out. One is the first victim of the company's new technology. It's a jarring look at the coldness that advancing technology can often bring with it. The other is a brief but powerful cameo by Tamala Jones (Daddy Day Camp, The Brothers, The Wood) that literally haunts the movie.

As much as it plays on our economic fears, it still manages to largely avoid real issues of recession. It's present but our characters are not only above it all, but seem almost totally unaffected (aside from their occasional sympathy). Yes, what the company is considering is a cost-cutting measure but it's more the natural evolution of a business that's thriving. Therefore, it can come across as insensitive, at times. Finally, near the end, our hero begins to make a grand gesture for one of his sisters. However, we never see how that plays out and are robbed of a potentially great moment.

2009 gave us two movies essentially about hopeless womanizers and the path to loneliness that the playboy lifestyle really is, this one and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. If that premise appeals to you, see this one and skip that one. That is, if you're looking for something that handles the subject with both humor and maturity. If you desire to see something zany with more eye candy...and stupidity, then go for the other one.

MY SCORE: 9/10

Horrible Bosses

Directed by Seth Gordon.

2011. Rated R, 98 minutes.
Cast:
Jason Bateman
Jason Sudeikis
Charlie Day
Kevin Spacey
Jennifer Aniston
Colin Farrell
Jamie Foxx
P. J. Byrne
Donald Sutherland

Nick (Bateman), Kurt (Sudeikis), and Dale (Day) are three working stiffs and bestest buddies. Even though they work three separate jobs, each of them hates their boss. After a drunken night of hypotheticals they hatch the idea to kill their overbearing employers. They decide against it when sobriety kicks in. Of course, each then has the one experience that pushes them over the edge. Understandably, the plan is on. Now they just have to figure out how to pull off three murders without getting caught.

Our would-be killers are all solid characters. They take turns bringing the funny. Kurt is the most consistent of the three. He strikes a nice balance between the hyperactive Dale and the somewhat bland Nick. Each actor performs solidly in their roles. Because of them, we like these guys despite watching them in the midst of plotting some heinous acts. It helps that they’re not so savvy criminals. We know when they’re getting scammed. We see them make dumb mistakes.

However, the real strength of this film is in the casting of the bosses. Colin Farrell’s sweaty, balding, kung fu obsessed cokehead is priceless. Kevin Spacey gives us a smug, arrogant jerk like only he can. Yes, they’re both over the top but that’s what is needed to ensure our hatred of them. It also makes us laugh at them. They represent a case of the ridiculous actually working.

As good as Farrell and Spacey are, neither holds a candle to the Hitchcock inspired choice for the movie’s lone female boss. Let me explain. For most of Jimmy Stewart’s career he was as clean cut and wholesome as they come. His everyman looks and “gee willikers” demeanor made him feel like a slice of apple pie brought to life. He was the walking embodiment of Americana. Then came Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window and Vertigo. Stewart is decidedly against type in both, a sexual deviant. Essentially, he’s a peeping tom in the former and a stalker in the latter. In HB, the corrupted All-American is Jennifer Aniston, the ultimate girl next door. Although she’s been oft criticized for being vanilla, there have been scenes in other movie’s where she’s acted provocatively. Here, that’s her entire role. More than provocative, she’s downright trashy. She says lots of things you might only hear in videos on those websites you’re not supposed to visit at work. She nails every nasty line. For my money, it’s 2011’s best female comedic performance (yes, I saw Bridesmaids). The legion of men who already drool over her will either be thrown into overdrive or completely turned off by her walk on the dark side.

Aniston’s new-found sluttiness aside, the movie sinks or swims with its premise. It’s a solid one. The plot surrounding it unfolds well enough with a nice twist, here and there. When the bosses aren’t on the screen, the jokes are hit-and-miss, so it’s not a comic masterpiece. It is fun, has some real laugh-out-loud moments and some terrific work by its cast.

MY SCORE: 7/10

Paul

Directed by Greg Mottola.

2011. Rated R, 104 minutes.
Cast:
Simon Pegg
Nick Frost
Seth Rogen
Kristen Wiig
Jeffrey Tambor
Jane Lynch
Jason Bateman
Sigourney Weaver
Bill Hader
Blythe Danner
John Carroll Lynch

The writer Graeme Willy (Frost) and his trusty cohort Clive Gollings (Pegg) are a couple of sci-fi geeks from the UK, in the United States to attend Comic-Con, an annual convention for the comic book industry. Afterwards, they tour some of the locations where famous UFO landings have allegedly taken place, like Area 51 and Roswell, New Mexico. Along the way, as luck would have it, they meet Paul (Rogen). Paul is the classic little green man with an enormous head alien. He enlists our less than dynamic duo to help him get home. All the while, the trio is being chased by man in black, Agent Zoil (Bateman). Zoil maintains almost constant contact with “The Big Guy”, whom we find out right away is actually a woman. What she actually looks like isn’t revealed until the end, so I won’t spoil it.

Eventually, the plot becomes reminiscent of E. T. This is fitting given that Pegg and Frost wrote the screenplay. Like their movies Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead before it, we’re treated to a steady stream of references to other movies. They’re done far more skillfully than in any of the “____ movies.” You know the ones: Scary, Date, etc. These references are weaved seamlessly into the tapestry of a story that stands on its own. We can actually enjoy the story we’re watching and enjoy the allusions. By the way, there are enough of them that you’ll probably miss a few, here and there.

References to other movies aren’t the only things that make us laugh. The way relationships are established and carried out are both funny and sweet. Most notably, the contentious nature of things between Graeme and Paul gets the most giggles. As stated by Paul, the two are characters that should be best friends but seem to be missing a connection. Even more of an edge is added when you factor in the lingering question of Graeme’s sexuality. Because of that question, the way he behaves in regards to others give us cause to pause.

In the title role, Seth Rogen acquits himself very well. True, Paul behaves much like most of Rogen’s characters but he’s easier to take when personifying another species. However, there could’ve been more to him. How did he get to be the foul-mouthed, cigarette smoking wise guy we know him to be?

Paul is a fun ride, overall. There are some stretches where it drags a bit. Occasionally, it gets too busy referencing other movies that it doesn’t quite work. Aside from the aforementioned stars, Jason Bateman was also very good as the agent tracking them down. Things are fairly predictable, but we’re not here for mystery. It wants you to laugh and possibly geek out with them on all the allusions you recognize. It does that.

MY SCORE: 7/10

Couples Retreat

Directed by Peter Billingsley.
2010. Rated PG-13, 114 minutes.
Cast:
Vince Vaughn
Jason Bateman
Faizon Love
Kristin Davis
Kristen Bell
Malin Akerman
Kali Hawk
Jean Reno
Tasha Smith
Ken Jeong
John Michael Higgins

Plot: Four couples get a group rate to go to an island paradise. Once there, they discover that the unorthodox therapy sessions that came with the discount are mandatory.

The Good: From time to time something funny happens. When it does, it’s usually hilarious. Our four couple often find themselves in outlandish and compromising situations. Chief among them is the yoga scene which is one of the funniest scenes I’ve watched in a little while. Vince Vaughn (Dave) is only doing the Vince Vaughn persona he does in nearly every movie, but he does it so well. It’s “so money”, to fondly remember where it all started. He’s not alone. The other guys also wear their familiar personas well. Therefore, we get what we’ve come to expect from Favreau, Bateman and Love.

The Bad: Those hilarious moments are spaced kind of far apart, while easily predictable things happen to fill the gaps. Worse than that, nearly every funny moment in the movie was in the trailer. There really wasn’t much else. Of course, a tidy bow is wrapped around everything, including one character’s wife popping up literally from nowhere. It’s a movie that could’ve been so much more but takes the lazy route more often than not. Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned the walking, talking stereotype named Trudy (Hawk).

The Ugly: I guess he really wasn’t wearing drawers.

Recommendation: It has its moments. It’s not the affront to humanity some have made it out to be, but it has a severe case “if you’ve seen the commercial, you’ve seen the movie.”

The Opposite View: Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly

What the Internet Says: 5.5/10 on imdb.com (6/15/10), 11% on rottentomatoes.com, 23/100 on metacritic.com


MY SCORE: 5/10

Extract

Directed by Mike Judge.
2009. Rated R, 92 minutes.
Cast:
Jason Bateman
Mila Kunis
Ben Affleck
Kristen Wiig
J.K. Simmons
David Koechner
Clifton Collins Jr.
Gene Simmons

Plot: Joel (Bateman), a successful extract manufacturer, has to deal with a lawsuit by an employee severely injured on the job, a thief loose in his plant and a sexless marriage.

The Good: Joel is the kind of guy we can identify with. He’s successful, but total happiness seems just out of his reach. He gets bad advice from friends that he follows anyway. This includes ideas about his marriage, which is in trouble. In all, he’s an everyman for us to cling to. Because of this, there are some very funny bits. However, the funniest moments belong to David Koechner as Joel’s annoying neighbor. It’s a wonderfully understated performance that feels more genuine than anything else going on.

The Bad: The movie pretends to resolve things but never does. What’s clearly supposed to be a happy ending feels more like coming back to square one. In movies where that’s the point, it can work. Here, we’re supposed to think everything is all better when it isn’t, mostly because he’s still the same. The other offense is it’s only funny in places. There are too many flat sections that’ll have you checking your watch.

The Ugly: What Dean (Affleck) accidentally gives Joel.

Recommendation: It’s touted as a return to corporate America for director Mike Judge, who also directed Office Space, one of my favorites. While Extract has its moments, it pales in comparison. Character development is nil and the story never goes anywhere. I desperately wanted to like this movie more than I did, but I just couldn’t.

The Opposite View: Brian Holcomb, CinemaBlend

What the Internet Says: 6.5/10 on imdb.com (6/9/10), 63% on rottentomatoes.com, 61/100 on metacritic.com


MY SCORE: 5.5/10