Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Terrible Movie Summaries #8

It's been a while since the last installment of this series, but it's never too late. Once again I'm going to try and sum up a few beloved, and not so beloved, movies in one sentence. Just one. As usual, I can't promise accuracy or good taste.

8 Mile – Rappin’ Rocky.

Ant-Man – Rich white dude enlists the aid of a Mexican, a black guy, and some poor white trash to help him steal stuff.

Bloodsport – Jean-Claude Van Rocky.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice - Two men bond over their love of women named Martha.

Creed – Black Rocky.

Inside Out – A girl is saved by the voices in her head.

Goon – Hockey Rocky.

It Follows – A woman tries to rid herself of an STD without seeing a doctor.

The Karate Kid – Karate Rocky.

Poltergeist – A suburban family calls in an expert when their television malfunctions.

Million Dollar Baby – Rockette.

Purple Rain – A guy abuses his girlfriend, apologizes through song.

Rocky Balboa – Old Rocky.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens – Still distraught over the death of the grandfather he never met, a grown man throws temper tantrums.

Rudy – Football Rocky.

Unfriended – A group of friends experience technical difficulties during a Skype call.

Step Up – Dancin’ Rocky.

White Men Can’t Jump – Basketball Rocky.


I need a do-over on one of those…

Unfriended – Click…read…type…click…read…type…click…read…type…click…AAAAARRRYYYAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! WTF!!!…read…type…


  1. Karate Rocky, Rockette, Black Rocky, Hockey Rocky, Old Rocky, Dancin' Rocky, Football Rocky... those made me laugh along with the one on Ant-Man. Football Rocky is my dad's favorite film.

    1. Glad to give you a laugh. I remember you telling me about your dad and his love for Rudy. That is so awesome!

  2. Hahaha...I'm literally still laughing whilst typing this, I think I got half way through reading your post before my brain even picked up on the Rocky theme. Love it!!
    - Allie

    1. Thanks! I had a lot of fun with Rocky this go round.

  3. I need to see Jean Claude Van Rocky again real soon. That movie is hysterical.

    Oh, and you cheated on that last one. One sentence? That looks like a 6th grade ESSAY.

    1. It is hysterical, like most of his movies.

      Sad, but true.

  4. The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer - Man runs afoul of the law, is punished by being forced to date Shirley Temple.

  5. Citizen Kane - Sled forces man to make his wife an opera star.

    1. Amazing. Never looked at it from that angle.

  6. Hahaha!! Most of these gave me a good laugh, especially Poltergeist :D

  7. I love these SO. MUCH. The Rocky runner is amazing, but the best one is Million Dollar Baby.

  8. These are so good! I laughed a lot at It Follows – A woman tries to rid herself of an STD without seeing a doctor. Its true those films are Rocky repackaged. It's like how most action films are Die Hard. I read a list of films in Empire once and they were so spot on too. I'll dig that out for this.

  9. Ahah, fun stuff Dell! That BVS one had me in stitches!! When I saw that 'Martha' bit in the movie I felt like throwing the spear right through BOTH of them!

  10. Actually I think your summary of The Force Awakens is right on the mark.