31 Days of Horror: 13 Music Videos vol. 2

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This is the End

Directed by Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogen.

2013. Rated R, 107 minutes.

Cast:

Seth Rogen

Jay Baruchel

James Franco

Jonah Hill

Craig Robinson

Danny McBride

Michael Cera

Emma Watson

Channing Tatum

Rihanna

You may know actor Jay Baruchel from such movies as The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, She’s Out of My League, and Goon. He finally has some time off so he goes to Los Angeles where he wants nothing more than to kick back at his buddy Seth Rogen’s house while the two smoke some weed and play video games. When Seth informs him there is a party tonight at James Franco’s place, Jay very reluctantly agrees to go. The problem is Jay doesn’t like Franco or any of the other people he is told will be there. Though he’s having a miserable time, things get considerably worse for Jay and everyone else as the apocalypse seems to be upon them, literally. Some people are instantly lifted towards the heavens while the ground opens up and swallows others, including many of Franco’s famous party guests, all playing themselves. Inside the actor’s home seems to be the only safe place for our remaining players: Franco, Baruchel, Rogen, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson, and Danny McBride.

Early on, the movie gives us ridiculous thing to laugh at. We get things like the drug fueled lunacy of Michael Cera, Craig Robinson leading a group of revelers in a rendition of “Take Yo Panties Off,” and Rihanna being the target of a few sexual advances. There are also many more celebrity cameos, most of which comprise of the stars making fun of their own images. Once we transition into the survival portion of the film we explore the dynamics of the various relationships of our survivors, and of course, a number of power struggles. Weaved into all of this is the debate over whether or not what is going is biblical. With death waiting outside the door in the form of seldom seen, but very deadly creatures, it functions as a monster flick, too.

Comedy is the thread that holds it all together. If you’re familiar with any of these guys, you should know what type of humor to expect. It’s profane, over the top, completely irreverent, homoerotic, and especially when the guys get really thirsty, flat out gross. Thankfully, it works far better here than it has in any of their other recent comedic efforts. The guys settle into their roles quickly, caricatures of themselves, and play it for all it’s worth. Save possibly for Jay, none of the guys are particularly concerned with developing empathy for themselves. Each is just a portion of the joke. They all make their portion work.

Eventually, the movie gets into good vs. evil, and just what it takes to be accepted into the kingdom of Heaven. Don’t expect any deep meditation on the subject. In fact, if you’re serious about your religion you might bristle at the conclusions that are reached. Though, to be fair, it doesn’t question anyone’s beliefs as much as it pokes fun at them. More attention is given to the friendship between Jay and Seth in particular, but we also delve into each guy’s relationship with the other guys, and some of theirs with each other. This is the End becomes a amalgamation of bromances held together by outlandish humor. Therefore, if you just want something fun that’s not afraid to offend or appear stupid, yet still woks as a story, this will suit you quite nicely.

Battleship

Directed by Peter Berg.

2012. Rated PG-13, 131 minutes.
Cast:
Taylor Kitsch
Brooklyn Decker
Rihanna
Alexander Skarsgard

Tadanobu Asano
Hamish Linklater
John Tui
Liam Neeson
Jesse Plemons
Gregory D. Gadson

I played a lot of board games as a kid. Monopoly and Life were my favorites. I was never big into Battleship, but I had friends that were. I remember the commercials far better than the game itself. They always end when one kid incredulously exclaims “You sank my battleship!” Some version of that iconic scene playing out at the climactic moment is pretty much all I expected the film version. Even those modest hopes proved too lofty.

Toy company Hasbro owns the rights to the game and apparently aren’t too particular about any sort of faithfulness to its properties. As long as whatever is thrown up on the screen brings in goo-gobs of money, all is good. Who could blame them? After all, they also own the rights to Transformers. Whether you love or hate those movies, there is no denying they’re ridiculously successful at the box office.

This brings us back to Battleship, the movie. The game is one of naval strategy, your fleet against your buddy’s. The movie is about an intergalactic alien invasion just off the coast of Hawaii. Wait…what? Okay fine, I’ll roll with it. After finally finding a planet similar enough to Earth to sustain life we send out a signal in an effort to make contact. Never you mind that it’s travelling billions of miles yet appears to get there quicker than most cell phone calls. Just know that whoever is on the other end sends back a military scout team to set up their own communication with their boys back home and commence the takeover.

Before any of this, we meet Alex Hopper (Kitsch), a long-haired hothead with a penchant for trouble. He’s infatuated with Samantha (Decker), the blonde at the bar who very strongly resembles a swimsuit model. By the way, her dad happens to run the local Naval fleet. Fast forward a year or so and now Alex is a short-haired hothead Naval lieutenant who is in love with and dating the swimsuit model from the bar. Her dad still runs the fleet. Oh yeah, Alex might be a captain. Stupid movie has people calling him both. I’m sure this is a joke that I don’t get but that’s kind of a problem, no?

Anyhoo, you write the rest of the script. Make sure the aliens aren’t particularly bright and let an awful lot of obviously military people live after having shown the capacity to kill by the hundreds. Do this to spare our heroes for the sole purpose of making sure this thing stretches to over two hours. Keep your love story mostly centered around Alex being intimidated by his girlfriend’s father. Even though this guy is played by Liam Neeson, don’t use him for anything else. Shoehorn in a few references to the game, including a giant grid, of course. Add in a ton of jokes and one-liners. Pray at least a few of them are funny. In other words, make it exactly like Michael Bay’s Transformers movies, or any of his other movies, for that matter.

Imitating Bay is precisely what director Peter Berg does. However, Joe Q Public isn’t as much a cushion for Battleship to fall back on. Despite the game having been around since World War I, in some form or another, it has nowhere near the nostalgia factor going for it that Transformers does. Dots on a paper or blips on a grid are nowhere near as exciting as giant fighting robots. Besides that, I’m not sure anyone who has played the game could come up with enough of a storyline to justify a movie being made for it. Sadly, neither could the people actually involved in making it. Second, this doesn’t offer the spectacle of said robots transforming. The fact that none of aliens has as much as a personality renders this even more run of the mill. Think about it. We’ve seen scores of alien invasion flicks, but only three Transformers flicks. So far, that is. I hate to sound like I’m defending that franchise because I hate the last two movies it gave us. At least they give us something we’re not really getting anywhere else. Don’t get me wrong. If you’re looking for lots of stuff going boom, there is some enjoyment to be had here. It’s paced quickly enough and the aliens unleash some nasty weaponry. If you want anything deeper than that, move along. Nothing to see here.

MY SCORE: 4/10