Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Things I've Learned From Friday the 13th Movies


Over the weekend, I let you all know of my undying affection for the Friday the 13th franchise. Don't worry, I won't rehash it again yet. For that, just click here. What I will say is that watching these movies multiple times, as I have, has taught me a few things.

Here are just a few:

Never under any circumstances become a camp counselor.

Never attend, or send your children to attend a camp.

When in the company of lots of people, never steal away from the crowd for a quickie.

In fact, just don't have sex.


While we're at it, don't take part in any activities that involve stripping.

Don't drink or do drugs.

When going camping, choose a different site should an insane homeless looking person give you a wild-eyed warning.

If you answer a knock at your door and don't see anyone there, do not step away from the doorway.

Never investigate strange noises. If you do, make sure you turn on all lights.

Dressing up as your potential killer's mother is a suitable means of self-defense.


Should you hear a strange noise while outdoors, do not ask "Who's there," just start running.

Should you find yourself running from a homicidal maniac, don't trip.

If you trip, get up immediately, being careful not to trip again. Run like hell. However, be mindful of the fact that the killer walks faster than you can run.


Make sure there is absolutely no way your car will stall.

When you think you've killed the killer. Kill him again.


If you have any other lessons that you've learned, please feel free to share them. Above all, stay safe out there.



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14 comments:

  1. Here's another one. Never get into a fist-fight with Jason. One punch from him and you're fucked.

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  2. Never split up to "cover more ground" you're running from a killer not looking for a puppy. And if someone gets separated from the group, they're dead, move on. Great post, the horror genre just has so much you can rip it off for.

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    1. Hahahaha, "not looking for a puppy." Pure gold.

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  3. I love this. Another one:
    If you find yourself in a situation where you may or may not be hunted by Jason Voorhees, just kill yourself. It's probably less of a hassle.

    lol

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    1. Never looked at it that way, but very true.

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  4. Haha - brilliant. This takes the whole "don't have sex" thing as a "rule" to surviving in a slasher movie up a few notches!

    This is perfect: "Should you hear a strange noise while outdoors, do not ask "Who's there," just start running."

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    1. Yeah, no sense in finding who it is since that person is likely wielding a blood soaked machete with which to kill you.

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  5. Haha, this post is just brilliant!

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  6. So, basically, you have to be an agoraphobic nun to survive in this world. Haha, but seriously, I loved this post. Nice work!

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