Thursday, January 14, 2016

Thursday Movie Picks: Post-Apocalyptic World


At some point, all the lights will go out. We'll be left powerless in more ways than one, forced to fend for ourselves in once flourishing lands that no longer give life, only take it. Or, some mysterious virus will spread faster than can be controlled. It's victims will become like rabid animals who will either kill or infect nearly all of the rest of us. Or, the machines will take over. We will be subjugated to them and have to fight, united as a species, to wiggle free of their rule. It's coming. At least, that's what movies tell us.

Wanderer, our host, tells us that this week's topic for Thursday Movie Picks is Post-Apocalyptic World. So yeah, some movie where there has been a major catastrophe that has irreparably damaged humanity. Survivors are either still putting the pieces back together to create a new society, or they have already formed it and, well, it usually ain't pretty. Being honest, the line between post-apocalyptic and dystopian is a bit on the blurry side, so forgive me if I land on the wrong side of it. That said, this particular theme gives me a chance to do something I haven't done in a little while on TMP, dive deep. Staying out of the mainstream this week for some hidden "gems." Trust me, I use the word 'gems' very loosely. Don't get me wrong, I love the movies I've been picking, and that you will pick, but it's been a little to safe around here, lately. Let's mix it up, shall we?

Surf Nazis Must Die
(1987)
Well, it finally happened. That gigantic quake happened and killed up a whole bunch of Californians. In its wake, a few gangs have risen up to battle for control of the all-important Power Beach and surrounding areas. The one we focus on calls themselves the Surf Nazis. Yeah, they do the whole swastika thing. And yes, they are a group of surfers. And of course, their leader's name is Adolf. How could it not be. Anyhoo, random martial arts fights break out between the gangs, the occasional and even more random sex scene pops up, some guy has a gigantic hook for a hand, and Adolf says weird shit. All of that is rendered irrelevant because of the lady in the pic above. Along the way, they kill her son. That is why all Surf Nazis must die.


Knights
(1993)
I knew I wanted to pick this, but couldn't remember the damn title. I racked my brain for hours, and nothing. Suddenly, a piece of the puzzle fell into place. I remembered that Lance Henriksen is in this film. I hit up his imdb page, and voila! There it is. Knights. And guess what? Kris Kristofferson is in this. How did I forget that? Anyhoo, the generic title tells you nothing, so I'll help. Cyborgs have taken over the world. And they're vampires. Yup. Let that marinate for a minute. Henriksen plays the main baddie, by the way. And when forced to live under the rule of vampire cyborgs someone has to lead a revolution. Why not a female kick-boxer? Seriously, why not? Besides, we're talking real life kick-boxing champ Kathy Long. Think of her as an '80s version of Ronda Rousey. Here, Long basically spends the last half hour of the movie whipping ass in non-stop fashion.


The FP
(2011)
In a post-apocalyptic/dystopian/totally effed up future, two gangs battle for control of Frazier Park, or the titular FP, the 245 and the 248. That's pronounced 'two fo five' and 'two fo eight' for the uninitiated. Those are the names of the gangs, in case you were confused. And how do they settle their differences? By taking part in a mean head-to-head battle in a game that suspiciously resembles Dance Dance Revolution. No, I'm serious. It's called Beat Beat Revelation. No, I'm serious. It's like a really bad, really really bad, steam-punk infused hip hop movie from the '80s with an all-white cast, except for that extra-gangsta-talkin' Asian dude. No, I'm serious. Just in case you didn't know how real it is out here in these streets, we open on one of those fierce BBR battles. One of the competitors dances so hard, dude literally dies. No, I'm serious.


Oh yeah, just in case you couldn't tell, all of these movies are bad. In fact, they're so bad they're awesome!


Click below for more Thursday Movie Picks

26 comments:

  1. Surf Nazis Must Die.... oh fuck yeah!!! That film was awesome!!!!

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  2. I've never heard of any of them but Surf Nazis Must Die sounds great!

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    1. It's great in the most terrible and ridiculous of ways.

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  3. Never before have I seen a list of movies that sounded so terrible I felt the need to watch them like, right now. You had me at Surf Nazis!!
    - Allie

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    1. Cool! Surf Nazis is actually on YouTube right now.

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  4. Sign me up for Surf Nazis Must Die based on the title alone! lol

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    1. Speaking of titles, I have been thinking about your Favorite Movie Titles Blogatgon. That was great fun. Hint. Btw, Surf Nazis is on YouTube.

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  5. Ah man I'v not seen any of these but I have heard of Surf Nazis Must Die hahaha looks good.

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  6. SURF NAZIS MUST DIE!!! Oh that movie! Tremendous pick. I haven't seen the other two but they sound...unique in their individual wretchedness. Actually when I saw the name of the second one I thought you were referring to the 80's Ed Harris movie Knightriders. I realized once I thought about it that that one isn't a post-ap movie but a Renaissance Faire biker flick, probably the only one in existence. Have you ever seen it? It even has cameo appearances by Stephen and Tabitha King!

    This isn't a genre that I have a particular affection for so I had to cast around a bit for three, this is what I came up with:

    The Planet of the Apes (1968)-The original story of a crew of astronauts who crash land in a world where a society of intelligent talking apes reign supreme. They are quickly taken prisoner and discover that humans are now subservient. Both cheesy and impressive at the same time with hambone Charlton Heston the exactly right actor in the lead.

    The Time Machine (1960)-At the turn of the 20th century H.G. Wells tells a group of friends of his time machine to their disbelief and one’s warning not to tempt the laws of providence. Wells ignores the advice and travels far into the future to find a sobering world populated by recessive humans called Eloi and strange creatures called Morlocks. This won an Oscar for its revolutionary time lapse photography.

    The World, the Flesh and the Devil (1959)-Miner Ralph Burton (Harry Belafonte) trapped for a number of days in a cave-in, emerges to find himself the seemingly lone survivor of a nuclear holocaust. Traveling to the closest large city, New York, he finds it deserted at first but eventually meets Sarah Crandall (Inger Stevens) who has also managed to survive. They form a close friendship until the appearance of a third survivor (Mel Ferrer) and tensions flair. A three person chamber piece.

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    1. Yay, me! I've seen two pf your picks this week! I'm a fan of both. The one I haven't seen, or even heard of is The World, the Flesh and the Devil. Sounds interesting and I am always interested in seeing Harry Belafonte.

      Glad you like Surf Nazis. The other two are perfectly wretched and I haven't seen Knightriders, though I do remember hearing about it.

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    2. Well even though Knightriders doesn't deal with the same theme as yours don't let Ed Harris's name being attached lead you to think the movie is of any greater quality than your recommendations, I think it might have been his first lead so you know he was probably just happy to be working! Or did the Renaissance Faire biker storyline already tip you off?

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    3. Yes. Renaissance Faire Biker was a giveaway, lol.

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  7. EFFING YES!!!!!!

    THIS is what I want from you Dell. Not last week's 'everyone could come up with' list! Surf Ninjas Must Die!!! MY GAWD, that's for real? AMAZING!!!

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  8. Surf Nazis Must Die sounds like a right laugh, might have a few beers and put it on one day.

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  9. LOL why am I not surprised I haven't heard of any of these. Surf Nazis Must Die sounds awesome, though.

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    1. I'm not surprised, either. These are special movies.

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  10. OK-Surf Nazis Must Die is a special brand of movie that I would love to watch with some like minded people. The other 2 sound horrible also (Does Rutgar Hauer star in the 2nd one also?). One has to love really bad movies

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    1. Surprisingly, Rutger Hauer is not in that one. It certainly fits his filmography, though.

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  11. Holy crap. I've got to see Surf Nazis Must Die. It might be a good movie to watch when I am not completely sober.

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  12. Haha...dive deep...yeah they can really create some crazy post-apocalyptic world.
    Hmmm well Dystopian fiction can take place in a post-apocalyptic world but not necessarily. It's probably easier to see it as being the opposite of being Utopian and in many Dystopian fiction it is in an effort to create a Utopian world/society that results in a Dystopian one because “Better never means better for everyone... It always means worse, for some.” ― Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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    1. Great quote. I know dystopian doesn't have to mean post-apocalyptic, but I just had to use The FP. That one isn't quite clear whether it's PA or not.

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