Oh, hey! Didn't realize you were here. How long have you been there? Never mind. I was working on this post and uh, as you can see, struggling with my opening. Instead of droning on with some inane story like I usually do, I'll just talk about movies about people who do this writing thing better than I. Well, maybe they do. Thing is, these films can't be about real life writers. Hmmmkay. Thanks Wanderer, our wonderful host from Wandering Through the Shelves, for this topic. Yeah, thanks a lot. No, really. I mean that in all sincerity since it kept me away from exploding hookers, imploding vampires, and evil-sadistic-lesbian prison guards. Oh well, YOUR loss. I've already seen those movies. Let's move on. Shall we?
I Spit on Your Grave
AKA Day of the WomanJennifer (Camille Keaton, Buster Keaton's grand-niece) is a young novelist who took a vacation at a secluded house to work on her book. Soon enough, some local yokels sniff her out and proceed to gang rape her. She then sets out to get revenge on her tormentors. I'm going to assume you took my recommendation from a few weeks back and watched 2016's Hush. Take that movie and multiply it by a thousand...to the third power. Roger Ebert opened his review of it by calling it "a vile piece of garbage." In other words, it's damn tough to watch. If you can't handle it, try the 2010 remake of the same name. Or don't. That one goes anal.
The Lonely Lady
(1983)I could put an AKA for this one, too, as in AKA the movie that sank Pia Zadora's acting career. If you're wondering who Pia Zadora is, that's my point. She was once hailed as the next great triple threat, in the mold of Liza Minelli. Well, no. Rather than go into her bio, I'll get into the movie at hand. She plays Jerilee, an aspiring screenwriter who gets raped pretty much right at the start of the movie. Her life gets even worse from there. No worries, (spoiler alert?) due to her immense talent as a writer, there is a happy ending. By immense talent I actually mean she has none whatsoever. That doesn't stop the film from trying to pass her off as the greatest thing that ever happened to Hollywood. You have to see it to understand what I'm babbling about. By the way, Roger chimed in on this one, too. He said "If "The Lonely Lady" had even a shred of style and humor, it could qualify as the worst movie of the year. Unfortunately, it's not that good." Now THAT sounds like fun, don't it?
Basic Instinct 2
(2006)I'm guessing one or two of you who participate in Thursday Movie Picks will pick the original Basic Instinct. I get it. It's a watershed moment for American made, sexy thrillers. It also contains the most iconic scene in the cinematic history of vaginas. The owner of said vagina, none other than Sharon Stone, is back for the sequel. Yes, I've set a site record by using the word vagina twice in the same paragraph. Three. Anyhoo, Stone again plays erotic novelist Catherine Tramell. This time, without Michael Douglas to pick on, everyone is fair game. By the way, this is another movie that starts off with a rape. Sorta. Catherine is the passenger in her dude's sports car as he's driving in excess of 100 miles per hour. She gets so turned on, she actually mounts him while he is still driving. I love sex as much as the next guy, but no. Just no. Not surprisingly, the car goes over the side of a bridge, he dies, investigations and way more of Catherine's antics ensue. Trust me, it's far crazier than it's predecessor. And better...because it's worse. Makes sense, no? I'll let Roger explain. "It's a lot of things, but boring is not one of them. I cannot recommend the movie, but ... why the hell can't I? Just because it's godawful? What kind of reason is that for staying away from a movie? Godawful and boring, that would be a reason." Amen.