War Goddess
(1973)
A race of Amazons, somehow near Ancient Rome, crown a new queen every four years. To do so, they have a decathlon style competition with the winner taking the crown. There's some archery, some obstacle course, and a few other events with competitors being eliminated along the way. When we get down to our two finalists, they literally wrestle for the crown. Topless. And greased up. This is really just the first act of the movie. The rest is comprised of inner conflict, war with men, and the challenge of procreating. None of it is to be taken too seriously, by the way. I mean, the actual title is Le guerriere dal seno nudo, which translates to "The Bare-Breasted Warrior." Shakespeare, it ain't. And they live up to the title quite often. The most interesting thing about this, however, is that it's directed by Terence Young. Before this, he directed three James Bond movies: Dr. No, From Russia with Love, and Thunderball. I'm not sure if he pissed somebody off, or just gave in to his inner-Corman.
H. O. T. S.
(1979)
While War Goddess has most of its athletics at the beginning, H. O. T. S. gets them in at the end. The actual plot is something Revenge of the Nerds would rip off a few years later. A group of girls who aren't cool enough for the popular sorority on campus decide to start their own. Of course, it's named H. O. T. S. And of course, things come to a head with a big showdown at the end. Instead of a battle of the bands sort of thing, we get a football game between the two sororities. Did I say football? I meant strip football. Completely stripped.
Girls with Balls
(2018)
A girls volleyball team is on the way home after a game when their minivan (not bus) breaks down in the middle of nowhere. In true horror fashion, they soon find out some psychopaths are actually hunting them. That said, it's as much comedy as it is horror, gory, dumb as hell, and pretty fun. Don't go watching this if you insist on thinking during movies...or ya know, respect yourself in any way. Leave this crap for fools like me.
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I thought you'd go with Love & Basketball too since it's one of your favorites. I haven't seen any of your picks this week, honestly Girls With Balls sounds intriguing. I love dumb horror.
ReplyDeleteGirls with Balls definitely qualifies as dumb horror. Go for it.
DeleteI always love your wacky picks even though I have not seen most of them. I bet all of these contain jiggles and giggles and maybe some jello? I wonder why that director did that first movie after all the Bond films?
ReplyDeleteDefinitely jiggles and giggles. Not sure if there's any jello, though, lol. Yeah, I'm baffled by Young's career trajectory.
DeleteWell Dell ya almost got me however I have seen that magnum opus H.O.T.S. long ago. It was pure late 70's/early 80's pap right up there with other such pieces of cinematic achievement as The Malibu Bikini Shop and Hardbodies!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty much a hard no on Girls with Balls but I'll have to track down War Goddess. I love that sort of peplum bodice/toga ripper. I used to watch all the Steve Reeves ones when I was younger.
I likewise decided to forego my first thought-A League of Their Own-one because I figured it would be everywhere and two because it prompted me to remember a long ago obscurity that hinted at it and like you I was sure wouldn't get used. Along with that I picked some others that are lesser known.
Girls Can Play (1937)-Ambitious cub reporter Jimmy Jones (Charles Quigley) covering the sports beat meets Ann Casey (Julie Bishop) player on an all-girl softball team sponsored by local drugstore owner Foy Harris (John Gallaudet). Jones thinking he smells a story about women in competitive sports pursues Ann, there’s a story alright but it’s not the one he thinks. Using the team as a mask of respectability Harris runs a bootleg operation from the back of his store. With the girls out on the pitch and Jones digging for dirt team catcher Sue Collins (Rita Hayworth) learns too much and pays the price. Lower case Columbia B has a shadow of the future A League of Their Own, but nothing is done with the idea. It does provide a glimpse of future star Hayworth, still a brunette, working her way up before the studio transformed her into one of the premiere love goddesses of the Golden Era.
Hard, Fast and Beautiful (1951)-When teenager Florence Farley’s (Sally Forrest) skill as a tennis player begins to attract attention, her manipulative mother Milly (Claire Trevor-easily stealing the picture), pressures her to join the competitive women’s tennis circuit over the objections of Florence’s father Will (Kenneth Patterson). Florence's fame and success grow and so do her mother's ambition and chicanery. Look at the mid-century women’s sports world was both written (Martha Wilkerson) and directed (Ida Lupino) by a woman…the ONLY film directed by a woman in all 1951!
Pat and Mike (1952)-College athletic director Pat Pemberton (Katharine Hepburn) decides to enter some professional women’s golf matches to see how she’ll do. She excels until her domineering fiancé, Collier Weld (William Ching), turns up and distracts her. But before that happens sports manager Mike Conovan (Spencer Tracy) sees her talent and offers to train her, and she turns pro. After realizing that Pat stops trying when Collier is around, Mike works to keep them apart especially when he takes a shine to her himself. Written specifically for Hepburn by Garson Kanin and Ruth Gordon because of the star’s athletic skill the film also features many of the top women athletes of the day including top golfers Betty Hicks, Helen Dettweiler and Babe Didrikson Zaharias.
Babe (1975)-Speaking of Zaharias, considered one of the greatest athletes of all time, this TV biopic follows her life (enacted by Susan Clark) from just before she won two gold medals in the 1932 track and field Olympics through her dabbling and excelling in baseball and basketball, her courtship and marriage to professional wrestler George Zaharias (football star Alex Karras), her decision to pursue golf, her ascension to the top of that game and finally being felled by cancer at age 45. Susan Clark (who won an Emmy for her performance) and Karras fell in love and married after the film remaining together until Karras’s death in 2012.
Instead, you got me. I've not seen any of your picks. Honestly, the only one I've actually heard of is Babe, which I'm curious about. Great job.
DeleteTo be honest you've missed nothing not having seen Girls Can Play. It's at best a B- programmer from the time when the studios were grinding them out like sausage to fill the lower half of a double bill in their theatres. It does cram alot into its hour run time and does have that shadow of A League of Their Own in the all-girl ball team but that's not the focus of the story. If you're a Rita Hayworth fan (I definitely am and she's one of the performers whose filmographies I'm attempting to complete-only 2 more for Rita!) than it holds some small interest but it's highly skippable except for that completist thing.
DeleteUnfortunately Babe is going to be even harder to track down I think. A pity, it's a well done film about an interesting figure who should be better remembered with a strong lead performance by Susan Clark. She was one of the queens of TV films in the mid-70's what with this, another excellent biopic on Amelia Earhart and a solid version of Ibsen's Hedda Gabler.
Hate to hear that about Babe. Hope I can find it.
DeleteI don't remember if I've seen H.O.T.S. as that's a film I'm sure I saw in my teens. I haven't seen your other picks. I'm glad you mentioned Love & Basketball as it's one of my picks as I'm happy it's coming out on Criterion as I would love to read your thoughts on the Blu-Ray when it comes out. I've been hoping for this film to come to Criterion as I'm hoping the same would come for White Men Can't Jump. That film also deserves the Criterion treatment as I want to know why the film has managed to appeal such esteemed auteurs such as Stanley Kubrick and Terrence Malick.
ReplyDeleteH.O.T.S. is the type of movie that would play on something like USA's Up All Night, or something similar. I'm definitely getting the Love & Basketball on Criterion when it comes out. White Men Can't Jump would be interesting. I love that one. Getting the opinion of at least Malick on that would be great because it seems to be on the opposite end of the film spectrum than his own work.
DeleteDude--you buried the lede on H.O.T.S. It features the acting "talents" of one Danny Bonaduce. If I needed an additional reason to stay away from it, there it is.
ReplyDeleteYes! I totally forgot to mention Bonaduce. Funny thing is that right before I wrote this I told myself not to forget about him, lol.
DeleteI haven't heard of any of your picks, but I do have Love & Basketball on my watchlist. I swear that I will watch it sooner or later.
ReplyDeleteI would love to hear your thoughts on Love & Basketball. Hope you get to see it soon.
DeleteFrom the title alone I would watch Girls with Balls. I chose Love & Basketball for my picks for this one but I had no idea it was getting a Criterion release?? That's so exciting.
ReplyDelete