The Lone Ranger

Directed by Gore Verbinski.

2013. Rated PG-13, 149 minutes.

Cast:

Johnny Depp

Armie Hammer

William Fichtner

Tom Wilkinson

Ruth Wilson

James Badge Dale

Helena Bonham Carter

Barry Pepper

JD Cullum

Harry Treadaway

Saginaw Grant

Way back when my age was denoted by a single digit, I made sure to watch three television shows that were made before my birth, but still in syndication. One was "The Adventures of Superman," starring George Reeves. The second was "Batman" with the one and only Adam West in the lead. Finally, to complete the daily triple shot of pre-pubescent testosterone, I watched "The Lone Ranger." I knew that Superman was really the mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent and Batman was millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. The Lone Ranger was different. That masked man was so mysterious I didn't even know his real name. His secret identity really was just that - a secret! How cool! I guess Tonto knew, but he didn't say much. Besides that, our hero had some other cool things going for himself. He rode that beautiful white horse name Silver and wore a hat that matched her coat. He had a long nosed six-shooter and was so accurate with it he could shoot the gun out of a man's hand from any distance without hitting the hand. Then there was that theme song. Dutta dent, dutta dent, dutta dent dent dent dent - dent dent dent dutta dent....I know, I'm not doing it any justice at all. Maybe this will help...

Fast-forward more years than I care to count and The Lone Ranger graces the screen once more. He made it there once in the 80s, but let's pretend that never happened. This time around, we get Armie Hammer taking over the titular role. Okay, not the first person I think of for the part, but not someone who makes me scratch my head, either. The problems start with his role, though not necessarily with him. What I mean is The Lone Ranger is only the third most important element to this whole production. In reality, this is a film all about the director, Gore Verbinski, and the muse he occasionally borrows from Tim Burton, Johnny Depp.

Depp plays our hero's sidekick Tonto. Sort of. It's really some weird amalgamation of Tonto and all of Depp's other face-painted characters. From the Tonto side of the equation, we get all the broken English we can stand, even if it is fairly irregular. From the other side, he brings his now trademark mugging for the camera and often prancing about the set while playing everything for laughs. It gets close to minstrelsy of a Native American hue. It is pretty much the direct opposite of the way the character was portrayed all those moons ago, in a supposedly less enlightened era. Let's keep it real. He was always a walking stereotype. However, no matter how racism or just plain ignorance was explicit in how he was drawn, Tonto was always honorable and prideful. Depp's version may or may not be a pathological liar, is closer to being a court jester than a hero and is at least a little bit insane. I guess if it makes the kids laugh then mission accomplished, right?

This is where Verbinski comes in. He does here what he does with the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. He introduces a lot of colorful characters we should get to know better, but don't, and places our heroes in one life-or-death situation after another. As per his usual, he does it all in a manner that's so silly it's bound to get a few laughs, but not nearly enough to make up for all the gags that fall flat. Finally, he delivers what should be a simplistic plot in a convoluted manner. This starts with where we first met Tonto. He is and exhibit in a museum in 1933. As if this were Night at the Museum, he comes to life and relays the whole adventure to a young boy. It adds nothing to the movie except run-time and a different style of makeup for Depp to perform in. This defines the word extraneous.

Verbinski does give us some exciting set pieces. Early on, we get an amazing scene featuring a runaway locomotive. Sure, it ends in ridiculous fashion, but it's a sight to behold. The climactic battle at the end is also fun. There are also some standouts among the supporting cast. In fact, there are two. One is a cross-dressing henchmen with the IQ of a buffalo head nickel played by Harry Treadaway. He's good for easy laughs. The other is played by Helena Bonham Carter, also on loan from Tim Burton. Here, she appears to be something out of Robert Rodriguez's fantasies. She comes complete with an artificial leg that doubles as a rifle.

Unfortunately, the positives aren't nearly as weighty as the negatives. The good things amount to a few empty thrills. Those looking for lighthearted action may be pleased. Even they won't have much to grab onto, however. The rest of the movie is basically a bunch of stupid stuff happening. As far as our hero, The Lone Ranger himself, well, he's not all that heroic. He whines and complains a lot. He also winds up following Tonto a lot. Only at the end does he change gears. That seems as much about giving him the obligatory shining moment than about him actually developing into that. In other words, this could probably have been titled Tonto: the Movie or Pirates of the Wild West. A whole bunch is going on, there are a few laughs mixed in with some big action sequences that will entertain some viewers while the rest of us will think it's a mess.

Snitch

Directed by Ric Roman Waugh.

2013. Rated PG-13, 112 minutes.

Cast

Dwayne Johnson

Susan Sarandon

Barry Pepper

Jon Bernthal

Michael K. Williams

Benjamin Bratt

Melina Kanakaredes

Nadine Velazquez

Rafi Gavron

David Harbour

You just can’t trust people these days. Jason (Gavron) learns the hard way when his best friend sets him up with the feds by shipping a box of illegal pills to his house. The thing is, Jason is not really in the drug game. His buddy is and just needed someone to implicate in order to reduce his own sentence. Now, he faces a possible ten year prison bid. No worries, his dad happens to be The Rock…er…Dwayne Johnson…I mean John, played by The Rock…um…Dwayne Johnson. Like any good parent, dad wants to help his son in any way possible. Since we need something to justify us spending nearly two hours with him on his quest to save the boy from permanently becoming Bubba’s bitch, he does so in the dumbest way he can imagine. Despite being wealthy enough to afford a lawyer good enough to beat an extremely flimsy case, he uses his connections to get a meeting with Joanne Keeghan (Sarandon), the powerful District Prosecutor. There, he volunteers to do what his son wouldn't: help the cops catch more bad guys. Despite being told it doesn't work that way, and warned not to do anything stupid, he does precisely that. He takes it upon himself to go undercover and pretend to be a guy looking to get into the drug trafficking business.

The setup of any movie requires the viewer to buy in for our suspension of disbelief to kick in. This is no different. The problem is in trying to simultaneously create empathy for John it removes logic from his thought process. What he does should be a last ditch effort, not the first thing that pops into his brains. As mentioned, he’s financially well off. He owns a successful business. It is obvious he is not an idiot. I’m sure the man has dealt with lawyers before. Why he immediately accepts what he’s been told at the police station and by the prosecutor who’s job it is to lock people up boggles the mind. He never even asks his son what happened. It becomes galling because we know that the case against the kid is flimsy. Yes, the feds have a bunch of pills that were shipped to the boy. However, their whole case is really based on the idea Jason explicitly agreed to commit the crime he’s charged with. What makes this flimsy is not just that he did no such thing, but the entire conversation takes place online, so it’s presumably retrievable. Any lawyer worth his salt would have a field day with this. The takeaway from all this is that our hero is a guy unnecessarily playing cowboy. It’s something he does several times throughout the picture, putting himself and the rest of his family in harm’s way. The movie would have benefited greatly from having everything he does be the only thing he can. It rarely feels this way. Instead it feels like we’re watching a man back himself into a corner over and over again when he doesn't have to.

Faulty premise aside, Snitch does a number of things well. For starters, and in aid of its “inspired by true events” label, it resists the urge to become an all out balls-to-the-wall action flick until very late in the movie. It lets situations play out in a manner that at least suggests reality more than simply having John load up his arsenal and go hunting bad guys. We get a decent bit of tension from wondering how our hero will come out of his various predicaments in possession of his life. Two people in particular help things along in this regard. First, Barry Pepper as Agent Cooper excellently provides our voice of reason. He gets roped in to working with John, but doesn't like it one bit. He knows the risks too well. His heedings are at the backs of our minds whenever … decides to fly by the seat of his pants, which is often. On the other end of the spectrum is Michael K. Williams as mid-level drug dealer Malik. I know, it’s a stereotypical role. However, he plays it with such intensity we can’t help feeling a little worried for anyone on the screen with him.

The pacing of the film also works to its advantage. It moves along nicely, quickly getting our hero into one dangerous scenario after another. Between them, he argues with Susan Sarandon. The cycle works well enough that eventually, we let go of that nonsensical beginning and just roll with the idea that this is a father trying to save his son. Still, the memory of it is never completely erased because our hero keeps doing stupid things. This is just one way in which the movie undermines itself. Another is in its heavy-handedness. I mentioned the pacing is a plus. However, we get numerous pauses in the movie’s flow so someone to make sure the audience understands that none of this would have happened if not for the evils of mandatory sentencing. Whether I agree or not is irrelevant. I don’t want to be repeatedly hammered over the head with any viewpoint. At times, it feels more like propaganda than entertainment. A message should be weaved seamlessly into the narrative, not stopping it in its tracks every so often. The end result is a movie that works when it focuses on dad saving the day, but struggles with everything else.

MY SCORE: 6/10

True Grit (2010)

Seven Pounds

Seven Pounds
2008. Rated PG-13, 118 minutes.
Director: Gabriele Muccino. Starring Will Smith, Rosario Dawson, Barry Pepper, Woody Harrelson, Michael Ealy.

Plot: An obviously troubled man (Smith) is on a self-imposed mission to help others and unexpectedly falls in love.

The Good: It effectively strings us along. We're never quite sure exactly what our hero is up to until very late in the proceedings and the movie likes it like that way. Will Smith is solid but Rosario Dawson is outstanding. She very much makes us believe she's a woman who has missed out on things most of us take for granted and increasingly anxious about the time, or lack of time she has left.

The Bad: It's a little too cryptic. Why our hero is troubled is hinted at throughout so it was anticlimactic instead of being the huge revelation it wants to be. Showing this earlier may have helped his pain resonate with the audience more. The movie also takes itself way too seriously. Moments that could've been humorous and lightened the mood are enveloped by our hero's grim greater purpose, a destination he not only trudges toward but drags others with him.

The Ugly: Why he keeps the jellyfish.

Recommendation: The big problem seems to be how shamelessly it campaigned for the Oscars when it was being released. The commercials told us how it was being touted by some critics as a Best Picture candidate with a mind-blowing twist. Since it's not quite that, it became the chic movie to hate. I don't think it's nearly as bad as everyone says. In fact, I thought it was pretty good, even if it is overly self-important.

The Opposite View: Rawlin, VSN

What the Internet Says: 7.6/10 on imdb.com, 28% on rottentomatoes.com, 36/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 7/10