Red Dawn (2012)

Directed by Dan Bradley.

2012. Rated PG-13, 93 minutes.

Cast:

Chris Hemsworth

Josh Peck

Josh Hutcherson

Adrianne Palicki

Isabel Lucas

Connor Cruise

Edwin Hodge

Alyssa Diaz

Julian Alcaraz

Will Yun Lee

Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Brett Cullen

Fernando Chien

Kenneth Choi

The first person we meet is Matt Eckert (Peck). He’s a hotshot high-school quarterback who selfishly puts himself before his team, the Wolverines. Hint: this will be a recurring theme. We next meet his father Tom (Cullen), the local tough guy cop and his tough guy brother Jed (Hemsworth), home on leave from the military. Blanks are filled in by an assortment of locals. You know the locals: the girlfriend, the geek, the other girl(s), the black guy, etc. In a shocking nod to diversity, we actually get two black guys. Of course, neither one…well, I’m getting way ahead of myself. Most of the locals are teenagers and friends of the boys, but there are a few strangers who find themselves in this ragtag bunch due to the circumstances. What circumstances? North Korea has invaded the United States and are hitting the town of Spokane, Washington pretty hard. A daring escape forms the aforementioned bunch, without dad, by the way. One thing leads to another and before you know it, they’ve become a resistance known as…wait for it…wait for it…the Wolverines! Yayyy! If, like me, you’re old enough to actually remember the last decade of The Cold War then you probably know this is a remake of the 1984 original which stars Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, and a number of the day’s hottest young stars.

Like its predecessor, Red Dawn is a relentless barrage of blood-soaked patriotism. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with national pride, but that’s pretty much all there is. Some effort is made to develop the relationship between the brothers, but I've already told you everything there is to know. Everyone else is a cardboard cutout either part of and/or helping the resistance, or they’re traitors, saving their own hides by helping the enemy. Speaking of the North Koreans, that’s just it – they’re North Koreans. The idea, drilled home by all the news blurbs that open the film, is that their current real-life leadership is not only crazy enough to invade they actually make that move. From there, we get a depiction of how we Americans like to think we’d react to such a situation.

Of course, such a depiction requires lots of action. Red Dawn does lots of things well in this department. For starters, there’s lots of it. The next supposedly covert operation is never far away. It should go without saying that each one erupts in gunfire. These scenes do a surprisingly decent job of creating tension. If nothing else, we know that a number of North Koreans (and their supporters) will die along with one of our heroes. Guessing which “good” guy gets it is where the  tension is. The problem here, like with the rest of the movie, is we might be emotionally invested in the cause (provided we’re American or anti-North Korean), but not in any character not named Matt or Jed. Therefore, ancillary characters dying is of little concern to us. Even worse, when the movie tries to manipulate us one last time with a major decision made by one of these people, we’re just thankful he made the choice on his own because we wouldn't hesitate to shoot him, otherwise. Our lack of compassion for this character further proves that our roster of freedom fighters is made up of types rather than actual people. Magical Negro, anyone?

Okay, so depth is not found here. It’s a shoot ‘em up, popcorn flick designed by Americans for Americans and uses no uncertain terms. At being precisely this it succeeds. Note for note, it’s practically identical to the clunker Battleship. This one swaps out space aliens for North Koreans. Otherwise, they’re virtually the same. Somehow, this is still better. Perhaps because we can more readily identify with menaces from another country than another planet. More likely, this one removes just enough cheese and other Michael Bay-isms (I know he didn't direct Balttleship) to be a more believable, if still implausible tale. The action looks better and the run time is a good deal shorter, avoiding most of the long, boring stretches where nothing is really happening. Things are happening here all the time. This makes it a fun watch that uses our fears to create an action-filled adventure. There is no cinematic genius on display, so I wouldn't call it good. It’s just a better movie than Battleship constructed from the same parts.

MY SCORE: 5/10

Immortals

Directed by Tarsem Singh.

2011. Rated R, 110 minutes.

Cast:

Henry Cavill

Freida Pinto

Mickey Rourke

Stephen Dorff

Luke Evans

Isabel Lucas

John Hurt

Kellan Lutz

Joseph Morgan

Ann Day-Jones

Peter Stebbings

Where there are swords, there must also be sandals. Not really, but they do enjoy each other’s company quite often. In Immortals they not only hang out together once again, they have many more of the usual suspects with them: chain mail, oracles, prophecies, and of course, immortals. Oh, I almost forgot there has to be a magical weapon. In this case it is The Epirus Bow.

Let’s back up a bit. Many moons ago, the gods defeated the titans at war. Instead of killing their enemies, the gods banished the titans to a special cage deep within the bowels of a Greek village where they are to spend eternity in a state of suspended animation. Sigh. This is where The Epirus Bow comes in. Whoever possesses it can use it to free the titans and wreak havoc on the world. Inexplicably, the gods don’t keep nor attempt to destroy this bow. The gods must be crazy.

Fast forward a few years. Unsurprisingly, the tyrannical King Hyperion (Rourke) is busy turning over every stone he comes across looking for said bow as part of his master plan…wait for it…wait for it…to rule the world! Muahahaha…ahem, sorry. In the process, he kills lots of people just to make sure we know how evil he is. Many of these are his own soldiers and mostly for no more reason than I’ve already given. That’s got to be bad for the troops’ morale, no?

Since every villain must contend with a hero, we have Theseus (Cavill). He’s a peasant who takes care of his mom and pals around with an old man (Hurt) whom he doesn’t realize is Zeus (Evans) in disguise. Pretty early on, Zeus comes right out and tells us Theseus is the only person who can stop King Hyperion. Of course, the gods could but Zeus forbids them from getting involved in human affairs. That whole thing gets darn messy, but I digress. The virgin oracle we can’t believe is a virgin is played by the almost impossibly beautiful (in my opinion) Freida Pinto.  Also early on, she “sees” that Theseus will indeed get his hands on The Epirus Bow. So there, now you don’t have to watch this crap. Hmmm. Since we are in Ancient Greece I’ll say it Olde English (wait…what?). This crap, thou mustn’t watcheth.

If you couldn’t tell already, I hateth this movie. Immortals is aggressively dumb without the good sense to not take itself so seriously. Nearly every action any character makes can be summed up by one word: stupid. It also breaks its own rules several times. This is noticeable mostly because the film itself makes a big deal out of these rules. Save for a couple of brief instances, it lacks the visual splendor of 300 or even the Clash of the Titans remake so we can’t even distract ourselves with shiny objects other than Mickey Rourke’s ridiculous looking headgear. The final, meant to be spectacular, battle involving the cgi titans is underwhelming. The Epirus Bow isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, either. It’s a bow that supplies its own arrows which is nice, but after taking the one shot to free the titans, it’s still just a bow and arrow.

Immortals wants to an epic but just comes across as hokey. Despite his helmets, Mickey Rourke is awesome as always and does all he can with a role requiring little more of him than being sweaty and stomping around the set. John Hurt also fares well. As our hero, Henry Cavill is just ho-hum, though he certainly looks the part (or for Superman, the part which he’ll use to soar into theaters next summer). Freida Pinto is absolutely drop dead gorgeous, just in case I didn’t make that clear. Unfortunately, the amount of drool that escapes my hanging bottom lip whenever she is on screen isn’t nearly enough for me to recommend this.

Daybreakers

Directed by The Spierig Brothers.
2010. Rated R, 98 minutes.
Cast:
Ethan Hawke
Claudia Karvan
Sam Neill
Willem Dafoe
Isabel Lucas
Michael Dorman
Vince Colosimo

Plot: It’s 2019 and almost all of the world’s population has been transformed into vampires. To survive, they hunt and farm the remaining humans for their blood supply. With only a few humans left, both they and the vampires are on the verge of becoming extinct.

The Good: It’s original. The vast majority of vampire fare is fixated on some sort of romance. This takes the vampire legend to a logical point. If such creatures did exist, it stands to reason they could become the dominant species. Though here, that’s attributed to an unnamed plague. It’s a different sort of apocalypse. The movie does a nice job showcasing just how different, but also how many things would remain the same. Taken all together, it works as an excellent metaphor for and warning against our cultures seemingly insatiable consumerism and devouring of natural resources. That said, it never forgets blood is the main draw for the characters and the audience, alike. Therefore, there’s plenty of it splattering the screen. When a vampire dies, or bites someone, it’s usually a very messy thing.

The Bad: Our main villain, Charles Bromley (Neill) is quite up to snuff. We need a more dynamic personality to instill the fear and loathing this movie obviously wants to. Our human resistance isn’t always the smartest bunch. I mean, why would they ever travel by night? Finally, our solution isn’t necessarily a sure thing. Normally, I’d be fine with that but here, it’s passed off as if it is. It would take a whole lot of convincing or a lot more scenes like what happens at the end here to be effective.

The Ugly: What happens to the first guy they try out the blood substitute.

Recommendation: If you’re looking for a different type of vampire movie, look no further. It’s what I Am Legend could’ve been, had those creatures maintained most of their human faculties. If gore bothers you, steer clear. Of course, I realize I’m in the minority while championing this movie. There appears to be a lot of hatred for it. Perhaps, it’s because of that ending. People seem to feel it doesn’t go far enough when the premise is so great. I can definitely see that, but I still thoroughly enjoyed it.

The Opposite View: Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel

What the Internet Says: 6.6/10 on imdb.com (6/15/10), 66% on rottentomatoes.com, 57/100 on metacritic.com


MY SCORE: 7/10