Thursday Movie Picks: Clones/Doppelgänger

Thursday Movie Picks: Heist Movies

Thursday Movie Picks: Twins

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning

Directed by John Hyams.

2012. Rated R, 114 minutes.

Cast:

Scott Adkins

Jean-Claude Van Damme

Dolph Lundgren

Mariah Bonner

Andrei Arlovski

Rus Blackwell

Audrey P. Scott

David Jensen

Roy Jones, Jr.

John (Adkins) is woken up in the middle of the night by his daughter who says there are monsters in the kitchen. Like a good father, he goes to investigate. When he gets there, he discovers she was right. Three men in ski masks are waiting for him and proceed to beat half to death with a crowbar. While he lies in a pool of his own blood, the men bring down his daughter and his wife and murders them right in front of him. Fast forward nine months to John waking up in the hospital. He’s told by the FBI that a man named Devereaux (Van Damme) is responsible. Our hero trying to find this man ensues. His quest is made a bit more difficult because Devereaux’s second-in-command, Scott (Lundgren), has sent the maniacal goon known as The Plumber (Arlovski) after John to kill him. If that weren't bad enough, all these bad guys are hopped up the Universal Soldier Serum which makes the stuff Captain America got seem like a B-12 shot.

Immediately, it becomes clear that our focus is on brutal and bloody violence. At this, it succeeds. The next knock-down-drag-out is never too far away. Everything in the vicinity gets smashed, blood splatters everywhere, and body parts are left among the debris. Don’t worry, they get regenerated. No, I’m not joking. Anyhoo, without overextending itself, it is enough to satisfy your average action junkie.

Between all the noisy parts, we get a story that’s simple at it’s core, a bit convoluted in execution, and holds together barely enough to get us through. A few things don’t quite make sense, but not enough to ruin the movie. However, if you’re looking for all of this feature Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, you will be sorely disappointed. Neither guy has very much screen time. It is all about this young guy, Scott Adkins. He provides a solid enough protagonist. After all, it’s not like Van Damme and Lundgren were ever accused of being great actors. Okay, maybe once. Van Damme was excellent in JCVD, but that’s it so the point remains. Besides, they do get in on the action a little bit.

In case the title and the presence of two 80s action gods didn’t clue you in, this is another entry in the Universal Soldier canon. I have no idea how many this makes, nor do I really care. The very first one is the only one I have seen. I must confess that happened so long ago I don’t remember much about it. What I’m getting at is this: familiarity with the franchise is not a must to enjoy Day of Reckoning. It works well enough as a stand-alone. For those of you that are familiar, I have no idea how well this fits or doesn’t with the series motif. In any event, it’s perfectly acceptable as a mile-a-minute, turn your brain off action flick.

MY SCORE: 6/10

The Expendables 2

Directed by Simon West.

2012. Rated R, 103 minutes.

Cast:

Sylvester Stallone

Jason Statham

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Bruce Willis

Jean-Claude Van Damme

Chuck Norris

Nan Yu

Dolph Lundgren

Jet Li

Terry Crews

Randy Couture

Charisma Carpenter

Everything goes boom. There’s really not much more description or explanation needed. This is a movie simply about everything going boom and the guys we love to watch make stuff go boom making stuff go boom. We have plenty of holdovers from the original. Since he’s the creator of both of these homages to the 1980s, Sylvester Stallone once again plays our fearless leader. Joining him again are current action king Jason Statham, former straight-to-video action king Dolph Lundgren, martial arts legend Jet Li, Terry Crews and Randy Couture. Expanding their cameos from the first flick are The Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mr. Die Hard himself, Bruce Willis. Also joining in on the fun are “the muscles from Brussels” Jean-Claude Van Damme and the man who doesn’t do push-ups but instead pushes the Earth down, Chuck Norris.

How the hell didn’t this movie not have a part for Steven Segal? Well, he possibly ate himself out of a role. And again, no Carl Weathers? Did Ivan Drago…ahem…Dolph Lundgren really kill him during that boxing match where James Brown performed “Living in America?” Woo. Good Gawd. Jump back. Kiss myself! Hey! May the Godfather of Soul rest in peace. Sorry. Got off track for a moment.

There is the basic construct of a story here. As you may recall from the original, Sly and the guys whose names I dropped in the first group are kinda, sorta like The A-Team. By the way, since another major draw is our familiarity with and nostalgia for the actual actors and their past work, we won’t be using any character names here. The youngest guy on the squad decides the life of a merc is not for him. . He’ll finish out the month then go home to settle down with his girl and raise a family. If you don’t know how that works out in action flicks, think of him this way: in another movie he’d be a cop with only a few weeks until retirement. In other words, he’ll need to be avenged. He meets his fate during a mission the boys get sent on by Bruce Willis. They don’t want to do it, but Sly owes Bruce a solid. Their job is to grab hold of a thingamajig from the wreckage of a downed plane and bring it back. Of course, that doesn’t go as planned since Van Damme and his evil cronies show up to get their grubby little paws on it. Yes, Van Damme is a villain. He’s a pretty good one, in fact. Anyhoo, that’s about as specific as I’m going to get. From there, our heroes trying to retrieve the thingamajig and avenge their fallen brethren ensues.

The Expendables 2 is a dumb, fun action flick sure to give your surround sound system a workout. It’s even better than its predecessor because there’s not nearly as much downtime so we can get to know the boys. They all pop in, shoot stuff and/or fight while either themselves or someone else makes a reference to one of their old movies, or their persona in general, as a joke. For instance, a large percentage of Arnie’s dialogue is made up of him telling whoever is within earshot “I’ll be back.” You should understand this to mean this flick takes itself even less seriously than its predecessor and is therefore closer to what I thought that movie would be. Without question, this is a “turn your brain off” experience starring a group of guys who made a pretty good living making stuff go boom. In other words, it's so bad it's awesome!

MY SCORE: -10/10

Kung Fu Panda 2

Directed by Jennifer Yuh.

2011. Rated PG, 91 minutes.
Cast:
Jack Black
Angelina Jolie
Dustin Hoffman
Gary Oldman
Jackie Chan
Seth Rogen
Lucy Liu
David Cross
James Hong
Michelle Yeoh
Danny McBride
Dennis Haybert
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Victor Garber

Since becoming the Dragon Warrior, Po (Black) is enjoying life and dispatching the occasional bad guy. Of course, we wouldn’t get a new movie without a newer, greater threat on the horizon. That threat comes in the form of shunned peacock Shen (Oldman). He was banished from the city he calls home long ago for being a very bad boy. Now he’s back with plans to take over all of China, starting with his hometown. Though he’s pretty darn good at martial arts, fighting isn’t his main tactic. Instead, he has created something that seems to symbolize the death of kung fu itself. Not only is it up to Po and the rest of the Furious Five to stop him, but Po is also dealing with an identity crisis. Having never met another panda, he wants to figure out where he came from and what happened to his parents.

Like he was in the original, our hero is still a goofball and very much like most other characters played by Jack Black. By the way, his schtick works better here than in his live-action roles. There are also fun interactions between Po, Master Shifu (Hoffman) and the rest of the Furious Five. In particular, his moments with Tigress (Jolie) provides a huge chunk of the movie’s most tender moments. Another large chunk comes from Po’s time with the only dad he’s known. There is also plenty of action, even more than in the original since we don’t have to spend so much time on Po learning to fight.

Alas, more action does not necessarily make a good movie. This is a good movie because it maintains its predecessor’s most important trait. Aside from the fighting, the plot functions as much like a true martial arts film as it does a kiddie flick. Other than using human beings not many changes, if any, would be needed. It would be right at home amongst a group of Shaw Brothers productions.

It also helps that Gary Oldman gives us a wonderful heel in Shen. He’s more menacing than Tai Lung from the first movie because instead of wanting to be more than he is, Shen embraces his villainy. His one true care is about vengeance. What he has to do to achieve it is not important to him, only that it is done. Oldman conveys this in that just over the top, maniacal bad guy. Even as just a voice actor, he continues to show he is one of the most versatile performers in Hollywood.

When speaking of sequels, I don’t like saying that if you liked the first, you’ll like the second. In this case, that’s a true statement. The follow-up maintains the original’s magic and expands enough to still feel fresh. It pulls the trick of making us feel like we know these characters and that their adventure is bigger because they’ve grown – not just because. I’d be naïve to say it definitely isn’t, but it doesn’t feel like a cash-grab. It feels like the continuation of a saga.

MY SCORE: 8/10