Thursday, September 29, 2016

Thursday Movie Picks: Cults/Secret Societies


Leave it Wanderer @ Wandering Through the Shelves to get me in October mode a few days early. Like lots of other bloggers, I'll be starting my annual 31 Days of Horror in a couple days. As if to warm me up, she chose cults and secret societies as the topic for this week's Thursday Movie Picks. No problem, let's go there. Better yet, I already went there so you don't have to. By that, I mean these are some cults that should have stayed so secret that they never made it to the big screen. I would have been better off never seeing any of these. Heed my warning and avoid these duds.


The Wicker Man
(2006)
This remake of 1973 British cult classic has become infamous and synonymous with bees. I'll just leave that right there and continue on with the synopsis. The plot follows a police officer played by Nicolas Cage. I would give you the cop's name, but let's face it, telling you it's Nic Cage is more than sufficient. He travels to a secluded island in search of a missing girl. The locals give him the runaround and he eventually figures out they're all part of a massive cult. The original is an odd, quirky cinematic experiment that somehow works despite being made up of seemingly incompatible parts. The remake? No...just no. I will give it credit for one thing. It pulls off the admirable trick of watering down its predecessor while still being even weirder. That makes no sense when it's written like that, but if you've seen it you might understand. Unfortunately, this is a Nic Cage flick, so you might already have. Sorry 'bout that. For those that haven't, don't. (Click here for my full review)

The House of the Devil
(2009)
I'll go quickly through a basics because I have some ranting to do. Samantha (Jocelin Donahue) is a college student in desperate need of funds so she takes a baby-sitting job from a creepy older couple who turn out to be Satanists. Sounds like it could be interesting, right? It's anything but. It's boring as hell because nothing happens, Nothing. NOTHING. The truth is, I'm not even mad at the movie because it is what it is. I'm pissed at you. By you, I mean anyone who is reading this, has seen it, and thinks it's good. And there were a lot of you. There were so many of you, you made me anxious to get my hands on this movie. You told me this was a great throwback to 80s horror. You told me this was a fantastic slow burn building to a frightening climax. In the immortal words of I don't know how many Will Smith characters, "Oh, hell naw!" (Click here for my full review)

The Lords of Salem
(2013)
The director is Rob Zombie. He's the rocker most known for remaking/re-booting/re-imagining Halloween and making sure his wife Sheri Moon Zombie has a prominent role in all of his movies. That might be enough for you to make a decision on this, one way or the other. If not, I'll press on a little bit. This one follows Heidi, played by Sheri Moon (duh), a late-night radio DJ who receives a mysterious record one night. Every time she plays it she starts having nightmarish visions. Eventually, a coven of the descendants of seventeenth century witches, or something like that, gets involved and we don't care one single, solitary bit. (Click here for my full review)

26 comments:

  1. I just got The Lords of Salem in my DVR queue as I'm going to see it next month. I haven't seen The House of the Devil but I have seen the remake of The Wicker Man which is fucking hilarious.... OH NO, NO, NOT THE BEES!!!! AH, MY EYES! MY EYES!!!!!!

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    1. I'm definitely waiting for your review on The Lords of Salem. Maybe you'll like it better than I did. F'in bees.

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  2. I love The Wicker Man! Oh...you...you're talking about the remake.

    Never mind.

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  3. If there's one thing The Wickerman Remake did right, at least it gave us this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-LYbB8RY1o
    lolol

    I got paranoid for a second about House of the Devil. I was like "Did I see that and recommend it?" Nope, and now I'll steer clear of it.

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    1. Everything about TWM is lol worthy. Thanks for sharing.

      Stay far away from THotD.

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  4. Well Dell I can proudly say I've seen none of these so you can't direct your anger at me about what sounds like the total piece of crap that is your second choice!

    I have seen the original Wicker Man which is an odd but fascinating film, however I've constantly heard the remake is a disaster.

    I did a mix of cults & secret societies.

    12 Monkeys (1995)-In the future a deadly virus has wiped out most of mankind forcing those who remain to formulate a society underground while animals roam free on the desolate surface. James Cole (Bruce Willis), one of the workers in the underground world, has been selected by the ruling body to travel back in time and try to stop the secret society of the Twelve Monkeys who are believed to have instigated the plague. After a few misplacements in time he arrives in the present day and tries to find answers all the time pursued by people who think he’s insane. Potent, grim and fascinating with a completely unhinged performance by Brad Pitt that landed him an Oscar nomination.

    Ticket to Heaven (1981)-Reeling at the end of a long-time relationship with his girlfriend a young man (Nick Mancuso) seeking a change unwittingly falls in with a cult and is soon brainwashed and isolated. His best friend goes to great lengths to rescue him from their clutches and assist in his deprogramming but the cult does not let go easily. Intense, brutal low budget Canadian drama is loaded with now familiar faces including Kim Cattrall, Meg Foster and Saul Rubinek.

    The Brotherhood of the Bell (1970)-For the last 20 plus years a successful college professor (Glenn Ford) has belonged to a secret Ivy League society, The Brotherhood of the Bell, without being asked to actively participate in its inner workings. At the latest initiation a request is made of him with which he is leery to comply but does so against his better judgment leading to tragedy. Disgusted he attempts to exit the group but only as his life is systemically destroyed does he come to realize how insidious and far reaching the power of The Bell is. Premiered on television in the US but shown theatrically abroad.

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    1. I love the original The Wicker Man. The remake is hot garbage.

      Of your picks, I've only seen 12 Monkeys. Fantastic film and arguably Pitt's finest performance.

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  5. I almost began to panic when I saw The Wicker Man remkae on your list (I stupidly thought you were going to defend it!) But luckily I was wrong. Loved your picks this week and must agree with you on The House of the Devil. I was sat waiting for things to happen throughout the whole thing and nothing until the last 15 minutes or something. And even then it just came out of nowhere. This has been one of my favourite TMP so far!

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    1. Thanks. Very glad I am not the only one who understands how bad THotD is. And there's no defending The Wicker Man remake unless you say it's one of the best comedies in recent memory.

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  6. Haha. I loved The House of the Devil for it's slow burning chills. Not a fan of Rob Zombie, but I have seen his latest film 31 and was unimpressed. The Wicker Man remake is a comedy masterpeice...doubt it was intentional though

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    1. A movie with slow burning chills would've been fine, but The House of the Devil contained no burning and no chills. It was just slow. I'll probably get around to 31, but I'm not pressed about it. The Wicker Man remake, yeah, hilarious in a bad way.

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  7. I saw the original Wicker Man long, long ago and just remember animal heads on people and being freaked out. I was a kid after all. Most Nic Cage flicks are just...not good. I always think of him as a huge nasal nerd trying to be Sly Stallone. I have not seen the other two and will stay away from them.

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  8. I'm curious to see what you thought of the original if you watched it now. Never thought of Cage in relation to Sly, but OK, I guess.

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    1. I was really young so all I remember were the faces of animals and being really scared. As for comparing a age to Stallone....not in a serious manner:) Cage just seems so nerdy but he wants to be a tough guy.

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    2. "nerdy but he wants to be a tough guy" haha...so agree. He's a comic book nerd, apparently his name Cage comes from Luke Cage. I think Cage was at one point was suppose to be Superman, I think there's photo of his full costume screen test or something online.
      Anyway yeah...The Wicker Man remake was just ridiculously bad.

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    3. There's a whole documentary about that Superman movie that never was. It's called The Death of Superman Lives. Haven't watched it yet, but plan to real soon.

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    4. There's a whole documentary about that Superman movie that never was. It's called The Death of Superman Lives. Haven't watched it yet, but plan to real soon.

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  9. I haven't seen any of these, and they all look pretty freaky!

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  10. Cage's The Wicker Man is hilariously bad! I still have to see the original though. I believe that one's way better.

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    1. The original is far far better. Please see that one.

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  11. Oh no. The remake. I didn't bother with that cack. Although I find the bees meme so hilarious. I wonder if Nic Cage ad libbed and everyone was just like 'yeh ok, let him run with this'. The other two I've not seen or will see, in my head its horror, even if its bad, I just can't.

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    1. I wouldn't be surprised one bit if Cage just made it up on the spot, lol.

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  12. No just no. Sometimes that just covers it.

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