Just Go with It

Directed by Dennis Dugan.

2011. Rated PG-13, 117 minutes.

Cast:

Adam Sandler

Jennifer Aniston

Brooklyn Decker

Nick Swardson

Nicole Kidman

Dave Matthews

Bailee Madison

Griffin Gluck

Kevin Nealon

Ratchel Dratch

Minka Kelly

Dan Patrick

Keegan-Michael Key

Ever since he was jilted at the altar twenty some odd years ago, Danny (Sandler) has been an unrepentant womanizer. He still wears the engagement ring he bought way back when as a decoy. When the woman he’s talking to notice it, he tells them how miserable his marriage is to gain sympathy points and to get in their pants. It usually works. When he meets Palmer (Decker), he thinks his days as a ladies’ man is done because she is the one. However, she actually wants to meet his wife to verify the two are actually getting a divorce. This is where Katherine (Aniston) comes in. Danny happens to be a top notch plastic surgeon and Katherine is his assistant. She agrees to pose as his soon-to-be-ex-wife during a lunch. When it slips that she has two children, Palmer naturally assumes they are also Danny’s kids. One thing leads to another and the whole gang of them, plus Danny’s cousin Eddie (Swardson), are off to Hawaii for a week of bonding that our hero hopes will end with he and Palmer living happily ever after.

If you want to know how this is going to play out, you only have to tap into your memory banks and do a little tweaking. Let me help. If these characters were in high school, Brooklyn Decker would be playing the hot and popular cheerleader while Jennifer Aniston play’s Sandler’s platonic best friend, hiding her beauty beneath a pony tail and glasses. Aniston really does sport that look, at least in the beginning. If that doesn’t help you, I don’t know what will.

Since we don’t have to worry about where the plot will take us, we only have to decide whether or not we find it funny. It is. In a few spots. Sandler doesn't do anything terribly different than normal so he’ll make you laugh as much, or as little as usual. Swardson is his buffoonish sidekick and mostly annoying, but does have a moment or two worthy of a laugh. The two kids have their moments, as well. Aniston is funny only when her character is “in character” as the over the top ex-wife. Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews fare best as a couple Aniston desperately competes with in Hawaii. Finally, as an actress, Brooklyn Decker is a great swimsuit model.

Therein lies the rub. Ms. Decker is both the best and worst part of Just Go with It. As implied, her performance is entirely forgettable. Nothing she does suggests she is more than just a pretty face. She’s since failed to change my mind on that with her less than stellar work in Battleship and What to Expect When You’re Expecting. On the other hand, for pigs like me, the scene of her emerging from the ocean in a yellow bikini is indelible. It’s probably one of the best bikini scenes of any movie ever made. It completely overshadows a similar, less bombastic but still impressive moment featuring Aniston. Then again, what does it say about this film that these are by far the two best scenes? Other than causing envy in lots of viewers wishing that their own sexual dilemma is having to choose between these two ladies, it doesn't speak well. The only thing I clearly heard the movie say is Adam Sandler has lots of money and will spend any amount of it for a piece of ass.

Parental Guidance

Directed by Andy Fickman.

2012. Rated PG, 105 minutes.

Cast:

Billy Crystal

Bette Midler

Marisa Tomei

Tom Everett Scott

Bailee Madison

Joshua Rush

Kyle Harrison Breitkopf

Jennifer Crystal Foley

Rhoda Griffis

Gedde Watanabe

Tony Hawk

Alice (Tomei) and hubby Phil (Scott) haven’t had a vacation in years. Phil has a business trip coming up that he wants her to accompany him for that very reason since his work responsibilities will be minimal. With no other choice, the pair reluctantly decide to ask her parents to watch their three kids while they’re on this little rendezvous. Having been shut out of their grand-kids’ lives, Artie (Crystal) and Diane (Midler) agree. The big deal is that Alice and Phil subscribe to a lot of new school parenting techniques while Artie and Diane are definitely old fashioned. Hijinks and shenanigans ensue.

Most of the humor revolves around the differing philosophies between the parents and grandparents as a paranoid Alice keeps hanging around out of fear that her dad will break her kids. The rest of the jokes are about the youngest child, Turner (Rush) and his imaginary kangaroo friend Carl. All of it is rather hit and miss with more misses. It’s kind of hard to hit when both the story and most of the gags are easily predictable.

What keeps Parental Guidance from being totally unwatchable is the level of cuteness it maintains throughout its run time. Sure, it can veer into just being cheesy, but there is a charm to the performances of Billy Crystal and Bette Midler. This is particularly evident whenever the movie turns to Crystal’s real life love: baseball. The twinkle in his eye is genuine and never wanes. For her part, Bette Midler is still a force of nature, still playful and infectious. Together, the two of them have a fun little song and dance number and some nice scenes with the kids.

Alas, our two stars can only do so much with the trite material. Cute is nice, but the movie seems to have no other ambitions. The big debate at its core, old school vs. new school, is waged as innocuously as possible with points made that we've all heard before. Marisa Tomei is sufficiently frantic, Tom Everett Scott blends into the scenery and the children are a collective “meh.” So while not a total waste, it never really grabs us and winds up being totally forgettable.

MY SCORE: 5/10

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Directed by Troy Nixey.

2011. Rated R, 99 minutes.

Cast:

Katie Holmes

Guy Pearce

Bailee Madison

Jack Thompson

Julia Blake

Alan Dale

Trudy Hellier

Garry McDonald

Guillermo del Toro

Sally (Madison) is a tween who, according to her, was perfectly happy living with her mother. However, mom thinks the girl is a few Barbie dolls short of a complete set, if you know what I mean, medicates her and ships her off to live with her dad Alex (Pearce) and his girlfriend Kim (Holmes). Sure enough, soon after arriving at the mansion dad and Kim are not only living in, but renovating, she starts hearing voices coming from a basement no one knew existed. Dad busts open the basement, pleased he has more house to fix up. He doesn’t buy the voices so naturally he and Kim also think the girl is nuts but don’t know what to do with her since sending her back is not an option. On the other hand, we know she is completely sane and the things she hears and sees are quite real. What she sees are a bunch of tiny, evil creatures with a liking for sharp objects and a peculiar appetite. This is a remake of a made-for-TV movie from the 1970s starring Kim Darby. Almost forgot: PG-13 horror that somehow earned an ‘R’ rating ensues.

Okay, the prior sentence takes an unnecessary shot at Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. It is better than that line implies. The creatures themselves are immediately reminiscent of those from The People Under the Stairs, at least to a person like me who hasn’t seen that movie in well over a decade. They are a particularly vicious lot when given the opportunity and prone to pop up suddenly, giving us a few jump scares.

Director Troy Nixey acts as an extension of Guillermo del Toro (director of Pan’s Labyrinth, both Hellboy movies) who hatched the idea to do this remake and serves as producer. Nixey gives us a sufficiently spooky tone, those aforementioned jump scares and a couple of truly harrowing scenes. He wrings what he can from a clichéd screenplay. As is often the case in haunted house flicks, dad is oblivious to what’s going on, while (step)mom is at first skeptical but slowly comes around. There’s also the old man who doles out ominous warnings and always looks nervous, obviously knowing more than he’s telling. Finally, we eventually discover some of the house’s dark secrets. These are not explained in nearly enough of a coherent manner, but still move the plot forward.

Speaking of the plot and things unexplained, we’re left with a number of holes and a blatant setup for a sequel. Given what happens in the beginning, the last scene doesn’t make sense other than to give those already frightened one last chill. This makes it a decent watch that falls apart under even rudimentary scrutiny. Therefore, it’s best if you don’t think about it too much. This includes not trying to figure out that ‘R’ rating I mentioned earlier. I get it, I guess. The opening scene is truly squirm inducing and one other scene is a bit on the bloody side. Still, it wouldn’t bother me one bit if this garnered a PG-13 especially since that’s the crowd likely to get the most enjoyment out of this. Either way, it’s best if watched in the dark you shouldn’t be afraid of with some jumpy people who are.

MY SCORE: 6/10

Brothers