The Quick and Dirties: 31 Days of Horror 2018 Grand Finale!

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

Escape from Planet Earth

Directed by Cal Brunker.

2013. Rated PG, 89 minutes.

Cast:

Brendan Fraser

Rob Corddry

Ricky Gervais

Jessica Alba

Sofia Vergara

Sarah Jessica Parker

Jonathan Morgan Heit

Paul Scheer

Scorch Supernova (Fraser) is the most famous astronaut/explorer/hero on Planet Baab. His devil-may-care attitude has gotten him into a lot of tight spots. Luckily for him, his brother Gary (Corddry) works back at Mission Control and always knows what to do to get him out of a jam. Of cours, there is no glory for running the show almost anonymously from your desk. Accolades are reserved for the star of the show. Gary is also a good judge of what missions might be too dangerous. Scorch is give one such assignment and decides to accept it against his brother’s better judgement. When Gary expresses his concern, the powers that be shout him down. Frustrated, he quits his job. However, after learning that Scorch has indeed been captured on “The Dark Planet,” Gary sneaks into a spaceship and takes off in hopes of rescuing his brother. If you couldn’t tell by the movie’s title, “The Dark Planet” is Earth.

The flip side of all those alien invasion flicks plays out. Almost. What if we were the bad guys in the close encounter? Not necessarily “we”, but definitely a human. It’s a nice turn of the tables that serves the movie well. More important, however, is the relationship between the two brothers. The big, strong, handsome hero having to be saved by his scrawny sibling is what the story hinges on. It gets lots of mileage out of their differences. The relationship between Gary and his son Kip (Heit) is also given ample time. Our focus here is on the boy’s image of his dad as compared to how he feels about his uncle. Combined with the sibling rivalry we witness, this becomes a nice little commentary on hero worship and who our idols should really be.

In addition to watching those relationships play out we are treated to some sight gags, pop culture references and other jokes that mostly lean ever-so-slightly further on the intellectual side of things than many kiddie flicks. We also get some lively visuals and solid action sequences. There are also a number of recognizable voices who all handle their roles well. One drawback is that the plot plays out without much surprise, even for the little ones. Another, and bigger one is that it doesn’t quite connect on an emotional level the way it seems to want. Therefore, this is a perfectly acceptable movie aimed at kids that is fun to watch, but doesn’t really stand out from the crowd.

MY SCORE: 6/10

Little Fockers

Directed by Paul Weitz.
2010. Rated PG-13, 98 minutes.
Cast:
Ben Stiller
Robert De Niro
Teri Polo
Owen Wilson
Dustin Hoffman
Barbara Streisand
Jessica Alba
Blythe Danner
Laura Dern
Kevin Hart
Daisy Tahan
Colin Baiocchi
Thomas McCarthy

We all know someone like this. He’s normally a nice guy. You like him, well enough. One day, he tells a hilarious story. It’s literally a knee-slapper, might be the funniest thing you’ve ever heard. This is Meet the Parents. A few months go past and he tells the story again. This time he adds some details he left out the first time, giving it just enough twist to get you cracking up all over again. This is Meet the Fockers. After a few more months, he pulls out that story again. He tries switching it up a bit, but you quickly realize its just the same story and it is no longer funny. To make matters worse it’s now his “go to.” Anytime there’s a break in the conversation he starts up with it. That, my friends, is Little Fockers.

With the passage of time, our tale has a few inevitable wrinkles. Gaylord Focker, AKA Greg (Stiller) and his wife Pam (Polo) now have a set of twins about turn five years old. He’s now head nurse at the hospital. His mom Roz (Streisand) now hosts a talk show where she gives sex advice. His dad Bernie (Hoffman) is feeling neglected and is off in Spain learning to dance the Flamingo. Pam’s mom is feeling much the same way, sort of. She really just wants to get laid more often. That’s the job of Jack (De Niro), self-proclaimed protector of the Byrnes family name.

At first, things seem great with Greg firmly entrenched in the circle of trust. Shortly, Jack suspects Greg as having an affair and we’re back to square one. Jack mercilessly trying to find out the truth while Greg gets bent out of shape ensues. By that, I mean anything involving these two guys consists larely of recycling the jokes of the first two movies. By the way, the person Jack thinks Greg is sleeping with is pharmaceutical rep Andy Garcia played by sometimes “it” girl Jessica Alba. Immediately upon meeting her, we realize she is very purposely named after the male actor of the same name. We figure this out because they run that joke into the ground within about two minutes of her first showing up. Did he sign off on this?

Another recycled element is Kevin (Wilson) and his obsession with Pam. He’s actually planning to marry someone else. When that doesn’t work out, he pops by the Focker household to make Greg all sorts of uncomfortable, especially since Jack is rather fond of Kevin. Finally, we have the actual little Fockers. Despite the movie being named after them, they hardly figure in the proceedings. They are Samantha (Tahan) and Henry (Baiocchi). She refuses to talk to her dad because she’s just like Jack. Henry is basically a prop that constantly sees, hears or says things he shouldn’t.

The time when the movie focuses on something besides the infamous circle of trust, it is at its best. This is not nearly enough. Much more could’ve been done with the marriages of both sets of in-laws, including Jack’s health. More could also have been done with the children and their relationship with their grandparents. Instead, we heaping doses of Jack efforting to catch Greg in a lie, again, along with the prerequisite cheap body and/or sex humor. It’s just more and more of the same thing we’ve already had two helpings of, but it’s less than half as filling as it was before.

MY SCORE: 4/10

Machete

Directed by Robert Rodriguez.
2010. Rated R, 105 minutes.
Cast:
Danny Trejo
Jeff Fahey
Jessica Alba
Robert De Niro
Steven Seagal
Michelle Rodriguez
Don Johnson
Lindsay Lohan
Cheech Marin

A couple years ago, director Robert Rodriguez joined forces with his bestest buddy, fellow filmmaker Quentin Tarantino to create Grindhouse, an homage to low-budget, 1970s grindhouse cinema. Rodriguez’s Planet Terror is unquestionably the more adrenaline-charged of the two halves. It has loads of zombies, a heroine whose amputated leg is replaced by a functioning machine-gun and buckets of blood. Between the this and Tarantino’s Death Proof were a few faux-trailers that fans immediately began hoping would really be made into movies. One of those trailers was Machete. At least in this instance, fans get their wish.

Machete (Trejo) is the name of both our hero and his weapon of choice. He’s a Mexican Federale on his way to rescue an apparent kidnapping victim from druglord Torrez (Seagal). Long story short: it doesn’t quite work out for the good guy. His whole family ends up dead, along with his partner. He himself is left for dead in a burning house. It should hardly be a surprise he manages to escape. The movie knows this is too easy and doesn’t even bother showing it to us. We just jump into the opening credits and theme song, after which we switch locations from Mexico to Texas.

Once in Texas, we find the immigration debate is on steroids. Senator John McLaughlin (De Niro) is so anti-immigration, he and his cronies literally hunt Mexicans under the cover of night. Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) runs a taco stand that’s really a front for “The Network”, a modern-day underground railroad for Mexicans trying to cross the border into the States. Then there’s Machete. He’s been moseying along as a day-laborer but suddenly finds himself hired to kill the senator. After some double crossings, which the senator survives, Machete has to go on the run from the American law, try to clear his name and bring the real bad guys to justice.

As expected, a healthy dose of graphic and over the top violence keeps our inner-sadists sated. This includes beheadings, impalings and even a crucifixion. There’s also enough nudity to live up to the exploitation flicks to which Machete owes its existence. It basks in the light of outrageous, testosterone driven fun.

Those things alone would make it worthy of a look. However, it adds something extra. It gives us really sharp social commentary through satire. The immigration issue is front and center. However, it also riffs on internet culture, celebrity culture, our obsession with technology and even the clergy. Between the action scenes, there are plenty of laughs to be had.

The cast aids immensely in our enjoyment. For the most part, they play it straight. It’s as if they’re unaware how ridiculously exaggerated this all is and it works perfectly. In the lead, Danny Trejo is deadpan but awesome. A surprisingly good Steven Seagal and surprisingly creepy Don Johnson steal all of their scenes, not to mention the incomparable Cheech Marin. Even Jessica Alba is solid. My one minor complaint is with one of my all time faves, Robert De Niro. He actually turns in a fine performance. He’s the one person who doesn’t quite play it straight and is at his campy best. This actually fits the character and the movie. For some reason though, I just felt like this should’ve been William Shatner’s role. In no way am I suggesting Shatner is a better actor than De Niro. I’m only saying that, in my humble opinion, the senator seems to perfectly fit Shatner’s abilities.

If you’re a fan of Rodriguez’s work and have some understanding of what you might be getting into, you’ll have a blast. The key here is that although nothing that actually happens is to be taken seriously, the movie’s message is. Of course, if you’re one of the hardliners who support what the government is doing in Arizona and think Mexicans are stealing “our” jobs, this might piss you off. If you’re not, or you at least have a sense of humor, it’ll be a fun ride. As for me, I’m anxiously awaiting the sequels we’re promised at the end of the movie: Machete Kills and Machete Kills Again. Please Mr. Rodriguez, make it happen.