Against the Crowd Blogathon 2016: Dell's Entry and Day 3 Recap

Pointless Lists: Greatest Talking Animals

Yesterday, I gushed over Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. This got me to thinking about Caesar's place in another world, the one of talking animals in movies. There have been plenty. I'll be the first to admit that once you're passed the age of twelve most of us, myself included, hate most of them. However, there are a few that sneak through our defenses and find a warm spot in our heart.

For this list, I gave myself a set of simple rules to follow. First, the character in question has to be a real animal that can be found here on Earth (even if they aren't on Earth in their movie). Therefore, Falcor the luck dragon from A Neverending Story, nor any other type of dragon, will not be making an appearance. Second, the character can't be represented as a replica of the real thing. This means no Ted or Lots-O'-Huggin' as they are stuffed animals, not actual animals. Lastly, the animal has to appear completely as such. I mean, being played by a guy (or girl) in a suit is okay, but human features cannot be visible. Bye bye, Cowardly Lion.

Now that the criteria is set, let's get to the actual list. In my opinion, and certainly not a definitive list by any stretch, these are the ten greatest talking animals in movies.

10. Sid

(voiced by John Leguizamo)

Natural Habitat: The Ice Age movies

What is he? A three-toed sloth

What do smart people call them? Bradypodidae

Fun Fact: Sloths only come down out of the tree they live in to urinate or defecate, once a week

He speaks with a lisp, isn't the sharpest prehistoric bone, and generally gets on the nerves of everyone around him. You know what? I love him for it. Through four movies, with a fifth on the way, Sid gives us probably 90% of all the funny moments not given to us by the non-talking squirrel.

9. Aslan

(voiced by Liam Neeson)

Natural Habitat: The Chronicles of Narnia franchise

What is he? A lion.

What do smart people call them? Panthera Leo

Fun Fact: Male lions sleep up to 21 hours a day

This lion is not just the king of the jungle, but of everything. I mean that literally, as in that biblical "King of Kings" sort of way. Given that, it's no surprise that he's wise, brave, and well, god-like.

8. Puss in Boots

(voiced by Antonio Banderas)

Natural Habitat: Shrek sequels and prequels

What is he? A domestic shorthair tabby, or a cute li'l kitty cat - your choice

What do smart people call them? Felis silvestris catus

Fun Fact: The technical term for a cat's hairball is "bezoar"

You gotta love a sword fighting cat that's also a ladies' man, right? If you don't, he'll melt your cold, icy heart with the most pitiful set of sad eyes you've ever seen. I mean, can we get Puss in Boots 2 already?

7. Po

(voiced by Jack Black)

Natural Habitat: Kung Fu Panda movies

What is he? A panda

What do smart people call them? Ailuropoda melanoleuca

Fun Fact: Pandas spend roughly 16 hours a day eating

Simply put, I love the Kung Fu Panda franchise. Both function as wonderful kiddie-flicks and excellent martial arts movies. Po is at the center of it all, giving us a terrific hero and probably the best character Jack Black has ever played.

6. Roger Rabbit

(voiced by Charles Fleischer)

Natural Habitat: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

What is he? A rabbit

What do smart people call them? Oryctolagus cuniculus

Fun Fact: In the wild some female rabbits can produce about eight litters of bunnies per year.

Okay, I'll be honest. Roger is here mostly because I've never seen a good Bugs Bunny movie. However, that doesn't make him any less fun a character. Besides that, he has arguably the hottest wife of all time. I mean, after mine, of course.

5. Jiminy Cricket

(voiced by Cliff Edwards)

Natural Habitat: Pinocchio and all things Disney

What is he? A cricket

What do smart people call them? Gryllus assimilis

Fun Fact: Crickets' ears are located on the knees of their front legs

More than just a cute little fellow in an adorable suit, Jiminy actually provides our hero with a conscience. He is the angel sitting on the wooden boy's shoulder.

4. Scar

(voiced by Jeremy Irons)

Natural Habitat: The Lion King

What is he? A lion.

What do smart people call them? Panthera Leo

Fun Fact: The roar of a lion can be heard five miles away

I know that Mufasa's iconic voice is provided by the legendary James Earl Jones. I know that Simba is the hero. However, watch The Lion King again and tell me it's not Scar who makes the movie tick.

3. Dory

(voiced by Ellen DeGeneres)

Natural Habitat: Finding Nemo

What is she? A regal blue tang

What do smart people call them? Paracanthurus hepatus

Fun Fact: Blue tangs are capable of adjusting the intensity of their hue - from light blue to deep purple

Finally, we have a female on the list. Sadly, she's the only one. However, this doesn't make her any less deserving as she is by far my favorite character in a great movie. I can't wait for Finding Dory.

2. Napoleon

(voiced by Maurice Denham)

Natural Habitat: Animal Farm

What is he? A domestic pig

What do smart people call them? Sus scrofa domesticus

Fun Fact: Pigs are widely accepted to be smarter than human children up to 3 years of age

Another villain finds his way onto the list. Napoleon is used to represent many of society's ills of the 1950s and he is a masterful one. Animal Farm is a great movie based on a great book. Fun facts about the movie: it was the first British animated film to get a theatrical release and Maurice Denham voiced all of the animals.

1. Caesar

(voiced by Andy Serkis)

Natural Habitat: Rebooted Planet of the Apes franchise

What is he? A common chimpanzee

What do smart people call them? Pan troglodytes

Fun Fact: Chimpanzees make and use tools for more purposes than any other creatures except human beings

Perhaps I'm just basking in the afterglow of my viewing of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Or, maybe Caesar is a piece of truly genius filmmaking, both technically and emotionally complex. Either way you want to paint the picture, he gets my top spot.

I know. I missed your favorite, or at least a character you feel is worth mentioning. Let me know what you think.

Click here for more Pointless Lists.

Kick-Ass 2

Directed by Jeff Wadlow.

2013. Rated R, 103 minutes.

Cast:

Aaron Taylor-Johnson

Chloe Grace Moretz

Christopher Mintz-Plasse

Morris Chestnut

John Leguizamo

Jim Carrey

Donald Faison

Lindy Booth

Olga Kurkulina

Augustus Prew

Clark Duke

After his exploits in the first movie, David Lizewski (Taylor-Johnson) is no longer fighting crime as his alter-ego Kick-Ass. These days, he's just trying to lead a normal life. Meanwhile, Mindy Macready (Moretz), or Hit Girl, is vigorously training for her return to action. Finding normal life a bore, David relents and starts working out with Hit Girl and the two decide to form a team. She's got issues of her own, though. Emotionally, she is torn between honoring her father's dying wish for her to continue his life's work as a superhero and her guardian, Det. Marcus Williams' warnings about the inappropriateness, illegality, and pure danger of that lifestyle. She opts out of the crime-fighting business. Still, David is in luck. Through some rigorous internet searching he hooks up with a group of superheroes calling themselves Justice Forever, headed by Colonel Stars and Stripes (Carrey). Of course, things aren't all hunky-dory. The main issue is that Chris D'Amico (Mintz-Plasse), aka Red Mist from the first movie is really pissed about how things turned out in that initial flick. With lots of money at his disposal, he recreates himself as a super-villain and starts putting together his own team for the sole purpose of killing Kick-Ass.

Hit Girl's personal conflict takes up as much of the spotlight as Kick-Ass, if not more. It's just as well since Chloe Grace Moretz is clearly a better actor than Aaron Taylor-Johnson. In an ultra-violent superhero flick built upon trying to apply comic sensibilities to our world, she brings real depth and weight to her character. It's a character given more room to breath as she isn't boxed into reacting to Nicolas Cage this time around. To really sell it, though, she has to convincingly handle the physical aspects of her role. She does so very well. I'd argue hers is the most physically demanding role in the movie and she pulls it off without a hitch.

Christopher Mintz-Plasse is another highlight as our bad guy. Understandably, some viewers may be annoyed by him, but I think that's what the movie is going for. He's a class A Jerk, a privileged brat, remorselessly evil, and at least a little racist. The gallery of criminals he hires is a fun collection of baddies he identifies by stereotyping their ethnicity. The most prominent of these people is Mother Russia (Kurkulina). In my review of Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 2 I noted there is a character who looks like Drago from Rocky IV with boobs. Mother Russia is the live action embodiment of that. Combine this with her flat out ruthlessness and she might be the scariest woman you've ever seen.

Like it's predecessor, Kick-Ass 2 is a sharp spoof of superhero culture, both on the page and the screen. Lots of the dialogue is simplistic, slogan filled, and declaritive. It sounds like it, but it is not lazy writing. In fact, I'd say it's the exact opposite because it's going out of its way to sound that way. It's the way comic book characters often speak. Going back to our bad guy, he does this and laces every tirade with profanity. That demonstrates how much of a spoiled brat he is and that he's part of a reality closer to our own than The Avengers. As far as his use of stereotypes, it is jab at the way non-Anglo characters have been portrayed since the inception of comic books. Look back at the history of non-traditional (read: not white) characters in not just comics, but pop culture at large, and you'll see lots of stereotyping. John Leguizamo, as Chris' driver/helper/friend calls him on it. To this he responds with a line calling them archetypes which perfectly echoes the excuses used for how these people are portrayed.

Alongside broader topics such as those, KA2 narrows its focus a bit and targets the superhero team. The Watchmen seems to be the biggest target. This is ironic because that movie, and the graphic novel it's based on, essentially tries to do the same thing as KA2, bring superheroes nearer to our reality. The Watchmen just goes about the task in a somberly and as an intense examination of this world. KA2 flips things around to focus more on the superhero world and does it in a comedic manner.

I know. I know. I've seen the scores on rottentomatoes.com and metacritic.com. The people who get paid to have an opinion on this sort of thing hate this movie. Many of my fellow hobbyists who just blog about movies are in agreement with the pros. I just can't follow the flock on this one. Is it as good as the original? No. Personally, I'm on record grading it as a classic so there is almost no way this could reach that lofty status. However, I still find it to be highly entertaining and way smarter than it has been given credit for being. Like Nicolas Cage in the first movie, Chloe Grace Moretz hits it out of the park with what is already a massively underappreciated performance, in my book. And yes, I would welcome a Kick-Ass 3.

MY SCORE: 7.5/10

Ice Age: Continental Drift

Directed by Steve Martino and Mike Thurmeier.

2012. Rated PG, 88 minutes.

Cast:                     

Ray Romano

Queen Latifah

Denis Leary

Keke Palmer

Peter Dinklage

John Leguizamo

Jennifer Lopez

Wanda Sykes

Nick Frost

Josh Peck

Simon Pegg

Seann William Scott

Rebel Wilson

Our most beloved prehistoric squirrel, Skrat, has finally gone and done it. His magnificent chase of that ever elusive nut has improbably led him to the Earth’s core. This sets off a chain reaction causing the surface above to split into what we now know as the seven continents. This parting of the land separates woolly mammoth Manny (Romano) from his wife Ellie (Latifah) and their now teenage daughter Peaches (Palmer). He finds himself out to sea on a block of ice with his trusty and familiar cohorts, Diego (Leary), the saber-toothed tiger, and Sid (Leguizamo) the sloth. Also along for the ride is Sid’s grandmother, Granny (Sykes). Manny trying to get back to his family as they try to reach safety ensues. And the squirrel chasing that nut.

To ensure getting the family back together is no easy task, there must be a villain. This one is Captain Gutt (Dinklage), an ape/pirate who runs a scurvy crew. The most important of the bunch is his first-mate Shira (Lopez). She’s a saber-toothed tiger and love interest to Diego. J-Lo handles the character capably. Still, Gutt stands out as a fun bad guy. Dinklage voices him excellently with a mean streak just enough to be a little scary to the youngest viewers. Gutt also provides us some of the movie’s best visuals just by swinging around as apes are wont to do. He also has a bit of magnetism about him. Helping in this regard is the fact that he’d be perfectly at home as the villain in the next Pirates of the Caribbean flick.

Speaking of PotC it is but one of the movies CD pays homage to. Most notable of these is Braveheart as the movie has lots of fun with that. It even makes fun of itself from time to time. Thankfully, it does so in a manner allowing it to avoid becoming self-parody. Just a wink and a nod letting us know it understands that much of what’s happened over the course of the series isn't historically or chronologically accurate.

Liberties with history aside, the main point of these films is to have fun. Of course, the not-so-subtle message in all of them is that we can all get along despite our differences. Even the bad guys are a collection of numerous species cooperating on a task. Once again, the lesson comes through loud and clear. The added layer is our concentration on inter-generational relationships withing the family. It’s nothing groundbreaking but still nicely done.

The Ice Age franchise has found a nice niche for itself. They aren't truly great movies like the Toy Story films, but they’re certainly a cut above most of the dreck passing for children’s entertainment. Each installment, Continental Drift included, is a fun adventure that manages to inject new colorful characters into our cast of familiar faces without upsetting the dynamics. This fits nicely into the canon.

The Lincoln Lawyer

Directed by Brad Furman.
2011. Rated R, 118 minutes.
Cast:
Matthew McConaughey
Marisa Tomei
Ryan Phillippe
William H. Macy
Frances Fisher
Josh Lucas
John Leguizamo
Michael Pena
Bob Gunton
Laurence Mason
Trace Adkins
Bryan Cranston

Mick (McConaughey) is a defense attorney with a street hustler’s swag. He uses the backseat of his Lincoln for an office. His big break seems to have come when he’s hand-picked by real estate empire heir Louis Roulet (Phillippe) to defend him against sexual assault charges. The girl he allegedly assaulted is a prostitute. There is video evidence of her approaching him at a bar and offering her services. This should be a walk in the park for a savvy guy like Mick, right? You should already know things are never that easy. Soon, our hero comes to the realization that his client might be guilty and even has ulterior motives beyond getting acquitted.

Though our protagonist is a lawyer, this is no courtroom drama. This is a procedural. We watch Mick prepare for the case. We also watch him agonize over the mess he’s gotten himself into and try to strategize his way out. Even with very little in terms of action, it’s riveting stuff. It’s a sharply written tale that refuses to be a mystery. It’s not at all a whodunit. We know precisely who did. Still, there are several questions. What’s our hero going to do about this? How does he do the right thing without breaking any rules himself? Is that even possible? Most importantly, if it’s possible will it work?

Also in the mix is the on again, off again romance between Mick and prosecutor Maggie (Tomei). She gladly passes this case along once she finds out that Mick is on the other side. However, there is one cas she can’t pass on. They have a daughter together. She has custody while Mick usually gets her on Saturdays. Once in a while they’ll all go for ice cream together. Mom and dad refuse to be a traditional family, though. Apparently, they’ve already tried with disasterous results, save for the birth of their little girl. For them, the occasional night of passion will do. Don’t worry, this will eventually figure into the case.

Matthew McConaughey is unquestionably the star of the show. He lights up the screen with a performance that sizzles. It’s one of his best and a jolting reminder of what he can do when he’s not constantly forcing his pretty smile on us in some lame rom-com or pretending to be an action hero. He takes material that’s already good and makes it even better. There is certainly some excellent talent in the cast. They all turn in solid work. However, they’re really just along for the ride he’s taking us on. It is a very fun ride with just a bit of a twist at the end.