Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising

Aftershock

Directed by Nicolás López.

2013. Rated R, 89 minutes.

Cast:

Eli Roth

Ariel Levy

Nicolás Martínez

Andrea Osvárt

Natasha Yarovenko

Lorenza Izzo

Ramón Llao

Matías López

Álvaro López Álvarez

Selena Gomez

Gringo (Roth) is an American in Chile partying it up with Ariel (Levy) and Pollo (Martínez). He is the divorced father of a little girl he talks about often and for whom he drops everything to take her phone call. That includes when dad is in a loud bar trying to get a little nookie. And yes, it is all sorts of creepy watching middle-aged Roth hit on the barely legal Selena Gomez, making a cameo appearance. Thankfully, she turns him down and he turns his attentions to one of the three girls he and his buddies pal around for a few days.

Okay, sorry. I’ve just wasted an entire paragraph because none of this actually matters. The movie wastes your time with this as well as this portion of it goes on forever. The only thing that matters is that while Gringo, his buddies and the girls they are hanging with are at a nightclub an earthquake strikes and does enough damage to kill most of the people there. Plenty of folks outside die, as well. The whole city is a madhouse as everyone is trying to get somewhere safe. This includes our heroes who mostly survive the club. However, Ariel did lose a hand trying to help a bartender. Well, he didn’t actually lose it. They are carrying it around in hopes of getting him to a hospital so it can be reattached. The mass panic worsens when the sound of sirens is heard in the streets, a warning to everyone there might be a tsunami on the way. As if all of this weren’t bad enough, the crew is also running from a murderous gang of rapists they happen to cross paths with. Sounds like fun.

Unfortunately, Aftershock is not nearly as fun as it could ge. For starters, it takes way too long to get to the good stuff. We spend the first act getting to know these people in an obvious and ridiculously drawn out attempt at character development. Ordinarily, I’m all for movies trying to make me care about the people on the screen. Here, it completely backfires. First off, the acting is all sorts of horrible. Second, it probably wouldn’t matter if they were all brilliant performers because almost all of them are unlikeable. Even worse, their sexual misadventures are just plain boring. It feels like an infinitely extended version to the dreadful opening of the otherwise solid Cloverfield.

Finally, the tone never feels quite right. Much of the time it is stone-face serious. However, we get the sense that this material would benefit from a more tongue in cheek approach. On those rare occasions it displays a twisted sense of humor, the movie shines. For instance, the scene of Ariel trying to recover his severed hand as it is being trampled and kicked about the floor by stampeding party-goers is downright brilliant. Had the entire movie been made that way, we might have a cult classic on our hands. Instead, the gore piles up, women are brutalized just because, anyone who gets in the way of this is murdered, and it all ends on a disheartening note. None of this is done with even a hint of the fun had during the hand scene. It’s all just a misogynistic and nihilistic fantasy that makes a dated referendum on people with tattoos.

MY SCORE: 2/10

Spring Breakers

Directed by Harmony Korine.

2013. Rated R, 94 minutes.

Cast:

James Franco

Selena Gomez

Vanessa Hudgens

Ashley Benson

Rachel Korine

Gucci Mane

Heather Morris

Ash Lendzion

Emma Holzer

Four gal-pals are all pumped for spring break. Unfortunately, they realize they don’t have enough money to get down to St. Petersburg. Apparently, that’s where all the action is going down. One of the girls is the heavy-handedly named Faith (Gomez), a goody two-shoes who spends lots of time in church. Unbeknownst to her, the other three come up with a plan to get the rest of the cash they need in a hurry. They don ski masks and burst into the local diner while brandishing a sledgehammer and some water guns. The heist goes well. They take money from the register, rob the patrons and gleefully flee to the dorms. Very shortly, the three of them plus the clueless Faith do indeed get down to St. Pete’s. By the way, the felonious three are Candy (Hudgens), Cotty (Korine), and Brit (Benson).

Anyhoo, our crew does what lots of other college kids do and have a little too much fun in the sun, indulging in drugs and destroying hotel rooms. For this, they find themselves in jail with no way of bailing themselves out. Riding to rescue is Alien (Franco), a local drug dealer and aspiring rapper. He happens to be in the courtroom to spring one of his buddies when he spots our bikini clad foursome being sent away for a few more days unless they can come up with the money to pay the fine they’ve incurred. Alien takes it upon himself to pay it for them, and is waiting for them as they get released. Before you know it, they find themselves immersed in a completely different world than what they bargained for.

For some, the veneer of Spring Breakers will be difficult to penetrate. It’s easy to think you’re watching an R-rated music video. There is seemingly an endless succession of naked and/or gyrating bodies. Large quantities of alcohol are not only drank, but flung about in celebratory fashion, splashing everything in sight except for the various parts of the anatomy that cocaine is snorted off. Finally, the music blares while much of this happens in slow-motion. That there is actually a story is efficiently hidden for a large chunk of the movie. On top of this, the way the plot moves forward is slightly different than what many people are used to. We expect long stretches of dialogue during which information is delineated for us to follow. Here, we get short bursts of conversation intertwined with cutaways to its results. There is also lots of echo assisted voice-over and shots of one or another of the characters alone, either smiling or deep in thought. It gives the whole movie a dreamy, Terrence Malick inspired feel and does nothing to dispel the notion of this being a music video. That is, until we notice how slyly things have progressed. It becomes a warped love story with potentially dire consequences for all involved.

Where the movie flounders is in its depiction of the individual characters. The girls are quite literally handled as Faith and “the other three.” She is the only one clearly distinguishable from the rest. Her personality, beliefs, and innocence make her stand out. The others are interchangeable, for the most part. This includes Vanessa Hudgens whom I was surprised didn’t get a meatier role, if for no other reason, she’s the most famous of the remaing trio. Alien is a bit problematic, as well. Franco does very well here, but his appearance makes us unsure how to take him for quite a while. Is he merely a stereotype, or a walking mockery of hip hop culture, particulary of whites within that culture? In other words, is he a joke, or not? Eventually, we settle on an answer, but it takes longer than it should. An even bigger issue is the film’s de facto villain Archie, played by real life rapper Gucci Mane. Yes, he is definitely a stereotype, but that’s not my biggest beef with him. More germaine to the movie than what type of character he appears to be is that it mishandles him. He tells us point blank what he must do in the scene that drives home the point that he is definitely the bad guy. However, when he gets the chance to do it, he doesn’t, which is of no benefit to him whatsoever. Even worse, he does something at that same juncture that we know will be detrimental to his cause. It’s not that he couldn’t take this course of action, but why he would is not clear. If it’s there, Gucci’s blank facial expressions don’t sell it. Whatever you think of his music, you’ll probably agree his acting is terrible.

Earlier, I mentioned Terrence Malick. I’m not at all a fan. Despite all the critical acclaim it received, I hate Malik’s The Tree of Life. Still, the best parts of it were mostly in the second act where the narrative is propelled by small pockets of interactions by the family involved and lots of quick cuts to flesh things out. As I have already noted, director Harmony Korine, who wrote Kids and Gummo (also directing the latter), employs similar tactics here, with great success. Combined with all the chaotic imagery, they give the movie a wonderfully surreal feel. He and his editor, Douglas Crise, are the real stars of Spring Breakers. They have put together a story that is twisted, manic, and disturbing with a current of very dark humor running through it. Its sights and sounds bombard our senses, but doesn’t dull them. It is part odd and Shakespearean romance, part skin flick, and part sociological satire; all with art-house aspirations.

Hotel Transylvania

Directed by Genndy Tartakovsky.

2012. Rated PG, 91 minutes.

Cast:

Adam Sandler

Selena Gomez

Kevin James

Steve Buscemi

Fran Drescher

Molly Shannon

David Spade

Cee Lo Green

Andy Samberg

After the passing of his wife, Count Dracula (Sandler) is left all alone with his little girl Mavis (Gomez). To provide a safe haven for them and other monsters, he decides to build a hotel where only they can come while he and Mavis will never have to leave. Every year, all of their monster friends gather to celebrate Mavis’ birthday. This one is special because it is her 118^th. Like normal 118 year olds, she wants to leave the castle and explore the world. She gets her wish, but thanks to a nifty setup by her dad, she finds out humans are every bit as rotten as he makes them out to be. When Dracula discovers a not-so-threatening human Jonathan (Samberg) on hotel grounds, he goes to great lengths to get rid of the unwanted visitor before Mavis and his guests find out.

Despite its use of just about every type of movie monster imaginable, Hotel Transylvania is really just a tale about an overprotective father and his daughter becoming an adult. It uses similar humor to what we’ve seen in other such movies, animated or not. It works, at times. It has more success with all the double-entendres it slips in. Most of these work fine as surface jokes for the kids, but also as slyly naughty bits for the parents in the audience.

The movie also works well when it is showcasing all of those monsters and making them as normal as possible. For instance, the werewolf (Buscemi) is a weary dad and husband with a boat-load of unruly kids; Frankenstein (James) is a big and strong but very insecure guy. His fragility epitomized by his literal coming apart at the seams. Our wicked witches provide hotel house cleaning. And on it goes. It puts characters we’ve known for a long time in a different light and has fun with it. Helping further, it effectively spoofs a number of traditional elements of monster lore. We get riffs on the seemingly endless number of secret corridors in movie castles and other such things.

Where parents and kids are likely to be most divergent in their opinions of this movie is when it shifts into manic musical mode. I’m sure the little ones will have a blast when Jonathan rocks out on the guitar, or raps, or when Dracula himself raps. For me, it came across as a reach for cool points with the youngsters that it didn’t need to make, not something organic to the story. It doesn’t help that during these scenes the characters are animated with the goofiest possible looks on their faces.

Musical numbers aside, for me at least, Hotel Transylvania is a fun flick. Even though it includes all the monsters, it never strives for kiddie horror. Still, it’s pretty slick with its inclusion of horror movie tropes. It even includes a moment or two that could almost be described as grisly (a pitchfork through a zombie’s head, for example). Our cast is also game. Adam Sandler does his best Bela Lugosi and even gets mocked for it. Steve Buscemi is perfect in his role, as are a number of others. If you’re looking for a Halloween appropriate movie for the children, this is a solid choice.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Monte Carlo

Directed by Thomas Bezucha.

2011. Rated PG, 108 minutes.
Cast:
Selena Gomez
Leighton Meester
Katie Cassidy
Juliette Dumouchel
Pierre Boulanger
Cory Monteith
Andie MacDowell
Luke Bracey
Catherine Tate

Recently, a waitress bearing a strong resemblance to Oprah Winfrey became a trending topic on the internet. Why? It’s simple. We’re intrigued by the ideat that somewhere out there is a person who looks exactly like us. What would happen if we ever met that person, or were to be so mistaken for them that others actually thrust us into that person’s station in life. These fascinations have been the impetus for countless movies across a number of genres. 2011 gave us two such movies: the kinda, sorta historical The Devil’s Double for action fans and Monte Carlo, a romantic comedy for the Disney crowd.

Speaking of Disney, our protagonist comes straight from the company’s assembly line of young starlets. Her name is Grace and she is played by Selena Gomez, star of the network’s The Wizards of Waverly Place. She just graduated from high school and on her way to Paris, where she’s dreamed of going ever since she can remember. Her best friend Emma (Cassidy) will gladfully accompany her. Not thinking either of them to be too responsible, Grace’s mom and stepdad have forced stepsister Meg (Meester) to go with them, even though the two don’t get along. Once there, the trio manages to get separated from the world’s worst tour guide. Suddenly, it’s discovered that Grace looks exactly like Cordelia Winthrop Scott a spoiled, ungrateful heiress also played by Gomez (duh). One thing leads to another and the girls soon find themselves living it up in Monte Carlo.

Oh, there’s boys. Each girl meets a handsome, charming guy. One of our young ladies already has a beau back home in Texas that she sorta broke up with. Make no mistake, he will suddenly pop up in Paris, and eventually in Monte Carlo, to reclaim his gal. It’s exactly that kind of movie. By that, I mean it wants nothing more that to be cute and grandly romantic despite not always making sense. It shamelessly panders to its target audience which will like it well enough. However, with that in mind there is nothing here to suggest it had to be released to multiplexes around the globe. This would’ve been right at home and likely more widely seen as a Sunday night TV movie on Disney Channel. Disney didn’t actually make this movie but they definitely could’ve. After all, not only is it just another totally bland rom-com, it never once comes close to threatening the boundaries of its PG rating.

MY SCORE: 4.5/10