31 Days of Horror: Suspiria (2018)

Trainwreck

Only Lovers Left Alive

Directed by Jim Jarmusch.

2013. Rated R, 123 minutes.

Cast:

Tom Hiddleston

Tilda Swinton

Mia Wasikowska

John Hurt

Anton Yelchin

Jeffrey Wright

Adam (Hiddleston) and Eve (Swinton) are a married couple who, for some unexplained reason, are named Adam and Eve and live on opposite ends of the Earth. She tools about Tangier while he's holed himself up in his cluttered Detroit apartment. Dude is definitely a hoarder. Eve's thing is apparently listening to men speak. Like, I'm not even joking about that. After speaking to him on the phone, Eve decides she misses her hubby and hops a flight to Motown. Oh, I forgot to mention that they happen to be vampires. However, they no longer go around biting people. Instead, they get their food from blood banks and black market dealers. Mostly, they lounge around and talk art and science. Things change when Eve's sister Ava (Wasikowska) comes around. She's more of a free spirit. Understandably, she turns their world upside down. Something artsy ensues.

Every now and then, a movie comes along that just makes me admit defeat. It makes me confess that there are people in the world smarter than myself. There has to be because they're all seeing something that, for the life of me, I can't. Only Lovers Left Alive is one such film. However, before completely giving up, I try my damndest to find it. And since I don't know any better, I'll start looking in the places where I always look.

This means that the plot is the first place I check. There really isn't one to speak of. We find out some vaguely interesting things about the people involved, though. Adam is apparently responsible for much of the great music of centuries' past, I think. However, other than showing that he's a total recluse who occasionally releases his new material through 'a guy' named Ian (Yelchin). We also see he's a technological genius of some sort. He must be. He rigged a cell phone to connect to a TV from I don't know how many decades ago and uses it like Skype. Let's be honest, if you or I were alive for a couple hundred years we still couldn't figure out how to do that. Despite all this, dude is definitely depressed. He's been contemplating suicide hard...HARD. About Eve, well, she...um...she really loves Adam and...uh...she loves hearing men speak. Didn't I say that, already? Sorry, folks. That's all I got on her. Oh, wait. There is one other thing about her. She can tell exactly how old something is just by putting her hands on it. It's a cute trick, but fairly useless in everyday life. As for Ava, she likes to party and well, occasionally she drinks too much. Yup, she's a vampire so it's possible I've just spoiled the only thing that actually happens in the entire damn movie. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's just say that I looked at the plot and found nothing.

My next logical step is to examine the characters. Of course, if you've been paying any attention at all then you know that I've already done that because the plot was missing from its normal spot. If we're keeping count then you know we have a grand total of one mildly interesting character. That's it. Hell, the only other character who matters at all in the whole movie is Marlowe (Hurt), an old dude that, yes, Eve loves listening to. His claim to fame is that he is evidently the one and only Christopher Marlowe that some people allege to have faked his own death and assumed the name William Shakespeare and penned all of those classics. And, of course, he's been around ever since and knew every dead writer you ever read in high school personally. The most interesting thing about him is something that perpetuates the Marlowe/Shakespeare myth. It is implied that, like the real Christopher Marlowe, his human life ended at age 29. However, this Marlowe is an old man and vampires don't age once they've been turned. Hmmm...very clever. Still, that's not quite enough to really give a crap about him. So, yeah, we're still at one mildly interesting character.

Well, what about what these people have to say? You know, dialogue. I'll start by saying this, I generally do not read reviews of movies I haven't seen, if I plan on seeing them in the near future. So even as a lot of my blogging buddies were posting their reviews, possibly including yours, I either clicked off that page or just looked at whatever score you gave and then clicked off. Now that I've watched it, I've gone back and read a number of reviews on it. The dialogue of this movie is getting lots of praise. I'll say this for it, it takes someone with a brain to keep up. That much is for sure. For comparison's sake, I'd say imagine a Quentin Tarantino script that instead of referencing all sorts of pop culture, references historical figures in music and literature. By historical, I mean people who died before the twentieth century. Now strip away all of QT's snark and most of his humor of any sort, and voila, you have Only Lovers Left Alive. Well, that's actually dialogue from Adam and Marlowe. The only other thing Adam really says is "Get off my lawn!" He doesn't use those words, but the sentiment is definitely there. He peeks out of his window and sees a couple of youngsters hanging around and then calls Ian, or wait until he sees him, and orders him to keep those "rock and roll kids" away from his house. Eve mostly just says, "Tell me about ___, darling." Seriously. She does go ape shit when she finds out about teeny tiny thing Adam was hiding from her, but that lasts all of a minute and then its' back to sitting around with her listening ears on until very late in the movie when she finally has to do something. Ian just basically says "Dude, you should get out more." Later, Ava shows up and says "Wooohhh, let's go out!" And, when they get out, she switches over to "Wooohhh, Paaarrrr-tay!" Again, not in those words. Sentiment, people. To sum up the dialogue, we'll say Adam's and Marlowe's is creative, but not riveting and everyone else's is repetitive.

After dialogue, it only makes sense to talk about the acting. Finally, we've reached a strong point. Scroll back to the top and look at that cast again. I don't think anyone of them could be accused of phoning it in. In fact, they are selling it for all they're worth. Tilda Swinton is a phenomenal actress. I've no choice but to give her credit for never seeming bored with her role. She seems genuinely interested in what her mate has to say, even though she's probably heard it all literally a million times before. After all, some of her lines begin with "Tell me again about..." Sigh. Tom Hiddleston gives us his emo-hipster best. We really feel like this is a guy that is more than ready to check out. John Hurt's role is small, but he makes it work. Wasikowska adds what little energy this film has.

The next thing I have to ask myself is what does the movie say? Is there any sort of social commentary or insight into the human condition? Maybe. As far as commentary, we get a drive around a barren Detroit landscape and some lamenting the plight of a once great city. There's also some mumbo-jumbo about it coming back because it's near water. The human condition? There is a nod to the dangers of us constantly consuming junk, the way that we do, and what it's doing to our bodies. I guess you can also say it's a testament to the enduring power of love. Or, whatever the hell else you want. I am so tired of playing this game.

Before I quit, I at least should take a look at more superficial things. I mean, this is a movie about vampires, right? Well, alrighty then. Is it scary? No. Gory? No. Romantic? I guess we can give it that one, begrudgingly on my part, though. Are the action scenes fun? They might be, if there were any. In short, I was bored as shit and struggled mightily to make it through this thing. Going back to our lovebirds, they really started to annoy me, quickly. To make matters worse, I put my finger on the pulse of my dislike for these people. With Adam's rather Cullen...er...sullen attitude and Eve's (I think) misplaced giddiness over just being in his presence really made me feel like I was watching another Twilight sequel, this one set years after the last. Since she's long over Jacob, Charlie has probably collapsed and died beneath the weight of his own mustache, and the Volturi are no longer chasing them, nothing happens. Nothing at all.

Moonrise Kingdom

Directed by Wes Anderson.

2012. Rated PG-13, 94 minutes.
Cast:
Jared Gilman
Kara Hayward
Bruce Willis
Edward Norton
Bill Murray
Frances McDormand
Tilda Swinton
Jason Schwartzman
Harvey Keitel
Bob Balaban

One morning, Scout Master Ward (Norton) awakes to find one of his troops missing. Sam (Gilman) has run away from the campsite. Ward promptly alerts the local authorities and the boy’s parents. It turns out Sam is an orphan and now that he’s had another incident, his foster father no longer wants him. Still, Ward and top cop Cpt. Sharp (Willis) begin a search of the island they’re on with the help of Troop 55, the unit under Ward’s command. A short while later, Suzy (Hayward) runs away from home, much to the chagrin of her parents Laura (McDormand) and Walt Bishop (Murray). By the way, the Bishops have an interesting dynamic going with Cpt. Sharp. What we know before any of the adults in the movie is that Sam and Suzy met up and are trying to disappear together. The search for them both ensues.

In typical Wes Anderson fashion, Moonrise Kingdom is a quirky film that looks different from other movies the first instant you lay eyes on it. He does something that’s almost unheard of in today’s cinematic environment, especially the American market. His movies feel like a collection of still shots with short stretches of people performing minimal movements linking them together. This is no exception. Due to the location and the lush scenery it provides, this technique works brilliantly. The dialogue is similarly sparse. There are no big, showy speeches or shouting matches even when emotions are obviously high. The trick is every feeling needed to hook us into the picture is more than ably conveyed. The actors do a wonderful job with body language and facial expression without over acting or mugging for the camera. Of course, even that comes back to Anderson and the type of performances he coaxes out of his cast. In his hands, a blank stare speaks volumes. It’s subtle storytelling at its finest.

Still, MK would be lost if the story it were telling weren’t interesting. Fortunately, it is. The nucleus is a tender story of young love. Floating in the plasma around it are other interesting things. We get a look at how twelve year old boys interact, complete with overblown machismo. There is also how adults view and deal with kids in general, those they see as troubled youth in particular. Finally, there is a marriage at the crossroads. All of these are handled without excessive exposition or manipulation. It all adds up to a fun, if a bit oddly executed film.

We Need to Talk About Kevin

Directed by Lynne Ramsay.

2011. Rated R, 112 minutes.

Cast:

Tilda Swinton

Ezra Miller

John C. Reilly

Jasper Newell

Ashley Gerasimovich

Siobhan Fallon

Alex Manette

James Chen

The last sixteen years have been a living hell for Eva (Swinton). Things don’t appear to be getting better. She spends most of her days agonizing over what has happened during that time which culminates with her teenage son Kevin (Miller) in jail. She lives alone in a shabby little house that’s a wreck, both inside and out and goes to visit her boy quite often. The two mostly sit across a table and stare at each other. They don’t seem to be mother and son so much as they do a pair of adversaries inextricably stuck with one another and forced to behave. Through flashbacks we see pretty much Kevin’s entire life. It does indeed seem as if he’s hated her literally from day one of his existence. Soon, the feeling becomes mutual. However, realizing that a mom shouldn’t feel that way about her boy she continues to give her relationship with him the old college try. Unfortunately, the boy just seems evil.

It’s clear right from the beginning that Kevin has not just committed a crime, but done something especially heinous. It’s so bad that Eva is shunned by everyone in town. One lady even has enough gumption to punch her in the face and call her names as they pass each other on the street. For what it’s worth, Kevin doesn’t seem the least remorseful about anything. Didn’t I say he’s evil.

When I say evil, I don’t mean it in the way we normally think of when talking about horror flicks. Kevin isn’t possessed by some revenge-seeking demon or a host for the devil. He just seems to be a bad kid from the start. This dredges up the old nature vs. nurture argument. Was he born rotten or did life spoil him?

Truth told, We Need to Talk About Kevin isn’t actually categorized under horror. I’ve seen it called a psychological thriller, a drama and/or a suspense. Though it has elements of all of those, I wouldn’t say any of those descriptions is truly fitting. I would say it has as much, if not more, in common with fright flicks as anything else. It’s a horror made all the more unsettling because we’re too familiar with both the familial situation and the situation Kevin creates. It could be happening next door. The potential for this story to spring to life right before us, as it too often has, is far scarier than the prospects of some boogeyman in a dingy, tattered get-up disemboweling all of our friends while cracking witty one-liners. The terror comes from the context. That said, it’s not a movie you’d be pressed to watch alone in the dark. The sinking feeling it gives us has nothing to do with what might be lurking about just beyond our field of vision. It comes more from what we can plainly see but may not be willing to believe.

No matter which box we try to put it in, WNtTAK is unconventional. It, along with Eva seems to exist in a near constant dream like state like they’re both incredulous as to how things have turned out. There really is no plot, just the endless pain of her existence as flashbacks and current events alternate screen time. The other is never far from thought.

While the thematic occurrences are intriguing, they would be a hard sell if not for the amazing work turned in by Tilda Swinton. She’s perfectly perplexed at the mess her life has become. Not to be outdone are the three gentlemen handling the role of Kevin. While Miller handles the role in its final incarnation amazingly, he receives a great setup from the tykes who handle the younger versions. In particular, Jasper Newell, who plays Kevin between ages six and eight is remarkable. The two boys complement each other extremely well making for a seamless combined portrayal.

The pacing is a bit slow and the score, while moody, isn’t terribly exciting. This makes it a difficult watch for some. Regardless of which genre you think this belongs, you’re in the wrong place if you’re looking for a mile-a-minute popcorn flick. There is nothing wrong with those kinds of movies, I love plenty of them. However, they’re fleeting and light snacks. We Need to Talk About Kevin is heavy, stick to your ribs food.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Directed by Michael Apted.
2010. Rated PG, 113 minutes.
Cast:
Georgie Henley
Skandar Keynes
Ben Barnes
Will Poulter
Tilda Swinton
Gary Sweet
Terry Norris
Bruce Spence
Bille Brown
Laura Brent
Simon Pegg

Edmund (Keynes) and Lucy (Henley) are back for a third adventure in Narnia. Even though I stopped caring about halfway through their second, so am I. What’d you say? There are two other kids that were involved in those first two tales? Apparently, they’re getting too old for talking lions and saving mythical worlds. As penance, they’ve been shipped off to where all of us unimaginative slobs go: America. If you miss them that much, we do get to see them from time to time, briefly. The older sister is even of minor consequence. Well, not her exactly but how she looks. Am I rambling? This movie does the same, giving it a very At World’s End kind of feel. That movie being from another franchise burdened with intolerably long titles: The Pirates of the Caribbean. Reminding one of that installment of the franchise isn’t a good thing. With that in mind, I’ll give it my best shot.

We find our two young heroes now living with an uncle who’s face we never see. That’s because the only shots of him are of him hiding behind the newspaper he’s reading. This is fitting because like all regular world adults in this series, he’s completely irrelevant. The important thing is that they can’t stand their cousin Eustace (Poulter) and the feeling is mutual. Lo and behold, during a gripe session between the three, the water in the painting on the wall starts moving, pours from the canvas, fills up an entire bedroom and miraculously drops the trio into the middle of an ocean on Narnia. Wouldn’t you know it? They’re right in the path of a giant ship helmed by none other than Prince Caspian (Barnes). Technically, he doesn’t helm the ship, there is a captain. However, that guy pretty much gets told to ‘shut up and know your role’ whenever he dares attempting to impart some of his wisdom. Well, not in those words. That’s just what it sounded like to me. Anyhoo, Caspian tells our heroes that world peace has been achieved on Narnia. Since they’re accustomed to being called upon only when there is trouble afoot, the kids have no idea why they’re here. Eventually, the find out that some neon green mist that must have escaped from an eighties hair band concert periodically shows up and snatches up small boats full of people. Somehow, it’s decided that the only way to stop this is to gather up the seven mostest specialest swords in all the land and arrange them all together in cute little design. Before we actually get to that point, lots of stuff happens.By stuff, I mean a barely coherent string of events that hope they’re exciting because so much is going on.

Lots of things come up and go unresolved in favor of an action scene and moving on to the next “thrilling” event. Like the aforementioned At World’s End, it keeps flinging things at the screen until it becomes convoluted. It also doesn’t always follow its own rules. For instance, a particular bracelet seems to have killed the person its found on, but does something far different to Eustace. Other things just keep happening. Even a light saber fight suddenly breaks out. It all gets to be a bit of a mess.

For all its lack of focus, this is never a boring movie. Nonsensical? Sure. Boring? No. It consistently gives us interesting visuals. Of course, there’s all that swashbuckling going on. And most of the characters are just dumb enough to keep things interesting. So, in the end you find time has gone by quickly. Thankfully. As for what exactly happened during that period, you might not be entirely sure.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10