You know how it goes. Someone tells you they saw a movie and you ask "what is it about?" That person then launches into a long, drawn out explanation. Or, you click on Dell on Movies only to see a wall of text you don't feel like dealing with. This is my attempt at helping you out. I summarize a bunch of movies in one sentence. One freaking sentence. Am I always accurate? Well, judge for yourself.
300: Rise of an Empire - A dominatrix tries to seduce a latent homosexual man.
Birdman - A delusional man struggles to impress others.
The Boy Next Door - A hot high school teacher seduces one of her impressionable students.
Carrie - A girl gets her period and kills everyone at the prom.
Dredd - The first American remake of The Raid: Redemption.
Get Hard - A black man embraces racist stereotypes and threatens a white man with rape.
The Grand Budapest Hotel - A family is destroyed when it's discovered that the just deceased matriarch left a valuable family heirloom to the young stud she was banging.
Jurassic World - Mass employee incompetence endangers unsuspecting customers at a theme park.
Kingsman: The Secret Service - The promise of anal sex drives a man to murder a woman who is a double amputee and a man with a severe speech impediment.
Magic Mike - Male strippers fully expose themselves to each other, but not their exclusively female clientele.
Natural Born Killers - A loving young couple must overcome incredible odds to be together.
Neighbors - College students attempt to overcome the oppressive restrictions set forth by suburban tyrants.
Nightcrawler - Hard working entrepreneur struggles to make his latest business venture work.
Taken 3 - One man murders a bunch of people in an effort to prove he's innocent of murder.
Titanic - A dedicated band performs through adverse conditions at a concert venue.
Van Helsing - A white man hunts down members of various minority groups.
The one about Carrie made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteCool!
DeleteI loved this post already but that Van Helsing one had me cry with laughter! Great post!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Thanks!
DeleteDYING at Kingsman, Magic Mike and Carrie! DYING!!!
ReplyDeleteDYING...like Carrie's classmates.
Delete300 and Kingsman were amazing LOL!
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a laugh.
DeleteChinatown - A private investigator takes a look at a growing city's water-management problems.
ReplyDeleteExactly. Thanks for joining in!
DeleteFunny stuff, my friend. Wouldn't mind your thoughts on what Lord of The Rings might turn out....
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'll keep that in mind for future installments.
DeleteLove all of these, but Taken 3 in particular had me laughing out loud!
ReplyDelete- Allie
It's sad, but true. Thanks!
DeleteKing Kong - Maverick film director's career change to Broadway sideshow promoter ends in disaster because of moody showbiz novice.
ReplyDeleteLol...or...A rare and exotic animal stolen from its natural habitat and shot to death.
DeleteWhatever Happened to Baby Jane? - When a former child star's comeback plans don't work out, she takes her invalid sister to the beach and steals ice cream.
ReplyDeletehahahahahaha!
DeleteI chuckled at Carrie, Get Hard, and Kingsman, but then snorted at Titanic and Van Helsing. LOVE these posts!
ReplyDeleteYay!!! Snorting!
DeleteOMG these are great. Loved Carrie, Kingsman, Jurassic World, and 300.
ReplyDeleteYou make Nightcrawler sound so innocent too.
Thanks!
DeleteHey, Lou was just an honest guy trying to get by. ;)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail - God's plan is thwarted at the last minute by four bobbies and a paddy wagon.
ReplyDeleteIs it silly of me that even though I'm American I read "four bobbies and a paddy wagon" in an English accent? Good stuff.
DeleteBrilliant. Died at Jurassic World.
ReplyDeleteLove these. The ones for Carrie and Natural Born Killers had me rolling.
ReplyDeleteCool! I aim to please.
DeleteNice!
ReplyDeleteLol, the premise of all three taken films are stupid haha.
ReplyDeleteLoving the Magic Mike and Kingsman ones though hahah.
At least the first one was pretty good. Too bad about the sequels. Thanks!
ReplyDelete