Good morning, class. I hope you all had a good night's rest so that you are at your most attentive for today's lesson. As for me, I've downed two cups of coffee and threw back a 5 Hour Energy shot on the walk from the parking lot. I've also eaten the shiny apple one of you little sweethearts left on my desk. I'm wired and raring to go. Open your textbooks to page 176. That's the beginning of the chapter titled Thursday Movie Picks hosted by Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves. Today, we will be discussing Teachers. Yes, boys and girls, these are teachers you probably haven't met, yet. That's okay because they will take good care of you. Maybe.
Our Teacher: Ms. MarshallI'm not sure there are any legitimately good qualities about this movie, but here it is. Why? It's just bonkers right from the start with an exceptionally high unintentional humor quotient. We start with our teacher, Diane Marshall (Angel Tompkins), sunbathing topless on her boat while a psycho spies on her. When Ralph (Anthony James), said psycho, is interrupted he winds up killing his younger brother and blaming his brother's best friend Sean (Jay North) who goes to the local high school and happens to be a student of Diane's. You know what else? Diane has the hots for Sean and they get it on. With the blessing of Sean's mom. Yup. Oh, almost forgot, Ralph stalks them both. To quote one of the greatest living poets, Gwen Stefani, it's bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. In case you were wondering, that's code for so bad it's awesome! (Click here for my full review)
Trip with the Teacher
Our Teacher: Ms. TennyThis time, our teacher isn't a sexual predator, but she's damn sure having trouble with one. Her and an all female group of students are on some sort of field trip when their bus breaks down. To the rescue rides a trio of psychos on motorcycles. They start off all helpful and stuff. By helpful, I mean they pull out some rope and tow the schoolbus. Ummm...yeah, that happens. By stuff I mean, they take Ms. Tenny (Brenda Fogarty), the girls to a secluded house and proceed to terrorize them. Interesting side note: our main psycho is played by Zalman King who would go on to direct Wild Orchid and help to pen 9 1/2 Weeks. More importantly, he was the driving force behind Showtime's The Red Shoes Diaries. More important than that? He was in this movie and it's so bad it's awesome! (Click here for my full review)
Our Teacher: Mr. GarfieldOkay, let's move on from psycho stalkers trying to rape teachers or teachers sleeping with students. Let's completely flip the script. We're going to talk about a teacher who works in a rough inner-city school and tries to impart some knowledge on the wayward youth. You've probably seen Dangerous Minds or Stand and Deliver or Lean on Me. Well, this ain't any of those. Good ol' Mr. Garfield has been taking crap for students for years and won't stand for it anymore. He soon finds himself at war with the local gang. And he ain't no punk. The side note this time is that this is the first movie where Samuel L. Jackson was given top billing.
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