On My Mind: What Do You Say When You Know They're Listening?

I've watched and given my opinion on thousands of movies in my life. I've put those opinions on hundreds of them into writing over the last half dozen years right here on this site. For about four of those years, this was a solitary endeavor. Very few people stopped by the site and no one commented. This was fine by me, since I write for myself more than anything. I just have to write something. It's who I am. However, I eventually decided to venture into the film blogging community and try to make a few friends, or at least gain a few regular readers. Over the last two years, views on this site have been on a fairly steady incline. Where I used to get a dozen or less random hits a day with no repeat traffic, I have been averaging about 400 lately with a number of you who make sure to stop by at least a few times a week. Small fries to many of you big-timers, I know, but a long way from where I started. Still, to the best of my knowledge, my regular audience consists almost entirely of other movie bloggers. Therefore, interactions with people who were involved in making the films I choose to write about are extremely rare. When they happen, I get a kick out of them.

Don't get me wrong. David Fincher isn't stopping by Dell on Movies commenting on my ranking of his filmography. However, some of the people who had a hand in bringing some smaller projects to the screen have let me know they appreciate that I've watched and written about their films. A couple of times, it's been the director of some almost no budget movie or another. Once it was one of the actors. I'm not entirely sure he read my review of his film (Housebound), or even came by the site at all. However, when I put the word out about my review on twitter, he gave me a retweet which is also greatly appreciated. My most recent interaction happened a couple weeks ago. Again, twitter was responsible for making me aware of this. I posted a fairly glowing review of the indie horror flick Starry Eyes. A couple of weeks later, I received a tweet from a man named Travis Stevens quoting my review and also tweeted to the film's twitter account, @starryeyesfilm. 

With a bit of research I found out that Mr. Stevens was one of the film's producers. A look into his filmography revealed two things. The first is that I had reviewed another movie of his, Cheap Thrills, also favorably as I found it quite enjoyable. The second was a title I just recently started coming across on my periodic Netflix scrolls, a movie hilariously called Big Ass Spider! Since that's the sort of thing that's right up my alley, I knew I'd be firing that one up. Having already heard from one of its producers bumped it up quite a few notches in my queue. I replied to his tweet, letting him know that I would soon be watching and reviewing Big Ass Spider! He responded with this tweet:

TravisStevens ‏@TravisStevens  Oct 20

@w_ott3 @starryeyesfilm Thanks for taking the time to watch and write such a thoughtful review. Looking forward to your thoughts on BAS!

Reading those words were a bit different than my other interactions with real-live filmmakers. For starters, it seems clear that this person took the time to read my review in full. After all, the quote of mine he used in his initial quote came near the end of the review. Second, he appreciated a review that, while very positive, did point out some flaws. Armed with that knowledge, it was easy to assume that he would actually read my review. Suddenly, I felt a little pressure. I knew beforehand that I would be critiquing a piece of cinema directly to one of the people responsible for its existence.

My first order of business was to actually watch the movie. I did. And I genuinely enjoyed it. Next, I had to write the review. Doing this felt different than it ever had before due to that one known member of my waiting audience. I mean, I didn't want to pander to this guy, but at the same time, I didn't want to go out of my to be a jerk. This inner-conflict wreaked havoc on my brain. It probably didn't help that this was one of the few reviews I decided to type cold as opposed to writing out longhand with a pen and paper, as per my normal routine. Having a pen in hand is a more immersive way of writing for me. I become lost within the world of whatever it is I am writing with less care about who will eventually read it. Typing it cold tends to generate longer reviews, but I'm so aware of everything in my surroundings that I can't quite get lost in what I'm doing the same way. While pecking away at my keyboard I'm talking to my family members, watching the news or a game, listening to music, or all of the above. This awareness extends to what I'm typing and I had a hard time getting the name Travis Stevens out of my head. 

I continued to keep my potential reader in the back of my mind as I worked on it. It didn't help that I started things off in exceptionally positive fashion. Paragraph after paragraph sang the film's praises. I began to feel as if my review was becoming similar to a paid ad for the film. To combat that feeling, I then began to focus on the negatives of the film. After a few paragraphs of that, I felt I had balanced things out. Then a new question began nagging me. Did I over-review the film? By that, I mean were my praises too eager and my critiques too nit-picky? After all, the positive portion was nearly as long as most of my full-length reviews. So was the negative portion, for that matter. It all felt forced to me. 

My first thought was to scrap it and start over. I was going to delete everything I'd typed, grab my notebook, a real one not a laptop, and get busy with some good ol' fashion scribing. I thought about it for a couple of minutes, but ultimately decided against it. I didn't want to put myself through that again. Even an attempt to pour myself into squeezing my thoughts into rows sectioned off by the cool blue lines on the paper would not be enough to distance myself from the war I'd created in my own head. Rather than continuing to torture myself, I prettied up what I had already typed with some pictures and the prerequisite info on the film I always give, and clicked the 'Publish' button. Hopefully, this experience means that the next time I find myself in a similar situation, I'll take it all in stride. I like myself too much to do anything else.