I love doing 31 Days of Horror every year. I'm also glad when it's over. Toward the end of October, I start to feel a little boxed in. Thankfully, Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves, our host for the epic Thursday Movie Picks, has given us a perfect topic to help me stretch out. The topic this week is "Secret Agents and Spies."
And boys and girls, when I say I'm stretching out I mean it in more ways than one. First, you've already seen or are about to see Spectre and may have just recently watched every James Bond flick ever made, so we're staying away from those. Recent fare like Kingsman: The Secret Service and Spy were huge hits, so we're not going there, either. Second, the rules call for us to suggest a trio of movies on the topic at hand. Damn the rules, we're just going for broke. Enough of this intro crap, let's get to it.
Enter the Dragon
(1973)Oh, you didn't know that the greatest martial arts flick ever made was a spy flick. All the elements of a great Bond flick are here except ridiculous gadgets. Bruce Lee's character is a renowned Shaolin martial artist who gets recruited by British Intelligence to infiltrate Han's Island where they suspect Han of running drugs, hookers, and anything else dirty he can dip his hand
(1994)Arnold Schwarzenegger plays an agent for a Top Secret U.S. anti-terrorism unit while leading his wife to believe he is just a computer salesman. It's action-packed, and humorous, if totally right-winged, and includes a scene that is arguably both the sexiest and the funniest thing Jamie Lee Curtis has ever done on film. Until something changes, this is the last great Arnie movie.
(2010)Angelina Jolie plays Evelyn Salt, a US spy who is one of the best in the business. One day a Russian defector shows up and tells the powers that be that Salt is actually a Russian spy. Naturally, she goes on the run trying to figure a way to clear her name...or learn the truth about herself. An amazingly tense cat-and-mouse ensues. I went to see it during its opening weekend back in 2010. When I got home that night, I set aside money for tickets to Salt 2. Therefore, this next sentence is only for Angelina Jolie, should she happen to stumble upon my little site. Please Ms. Jolie, make Salt 2.
(1981)Our hero is actually a comic book writer who happens to have a friend who is a clerk for the CIA. This association gets him unwittingly in the middle of the international espionage game where he makes up an identity and gets the CIA to provide with gadgets of his own design. Yup, dude is both James Bond and Q. And he stays true to his comic book roots by coming up with a costume. This movie is part spy flick, part superhero flick, and all goofy-cheesy-early 80s craptacularity.
(2004)Four young ladies are about to graduate from a secret training school for spies known as D.E.B.S. which stands for Discipline, Energy, Beauty, and Strength. Nope, I'm not kidding. They are played by Meagan Good, Devon Aoki, Jill Ritchie, and Sara Foster. Anyhoo, they have to spring into action for real to try and stop the super villain known as Lucy Diamond (Jordana Brewster of the Fast and Furious franchise). Imagine a younger version of Charlie's Angels, the McG movies not the 70s TV show, where all the characters are lesbians. Make it even sillier, and keep it PG-13. That's D.E.B.S.
An Andy Sidaris Triple Feature
Malibu Express, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Picasso Trigger
(1985, 1987, 1988)Okay, Condorman is PG, and D.E.B.S. is PG-13. You had fun with those, but now you're ready for some cheesy 80s