Saturday, October 15, 2016

Things I Learned From Haunted House Movies

Great minds, as they say, think alike. By that, I mean I was already planning on doing this particular post as a follow-up to a post I did during last October: Things I've Learned From Friday the 13th Movies. It was just going to be its own thing, probably never leaving this little corner of the internet. Lo and behold, I happened to come across an event hosted by the dynamic duo of blogathons, Kristina at Speakeasy and Ruth at Silver Screenings. It's called...wait for it...wait for it...the Things I Learned From the Movies Blogathon. So yeah, this post is part of that.

So, let's say you actually went to Camp Crystal Lake and made it out alive. You're back at home, away from the hustle and bustle and escaping Jason Voorhees. You've made it through a few nightmares while resting in your home on Elm Street, had a nice warm bath, chowed down on some fava beans, chased it with a nice chianti, but decided to skip the liver of the census taker that bored you. You finally get to take a deep cleansing breath and put all that behind you. Unfortunately, and rather inexplicably, things start going bump in the night. Here are some things I learned that may help you.

Find out immediately if there has ever been a murder committed in the house. If so, seriously consider moving. You should move immediately if the murder involved either the matriarch or patriarch against the other members of their own household. Don't even bother packing a bag if that person also committed suicide. If you purchased your home for a substantial amount of money below market value, take it as a hint to start doing the research. If no murder has taken place...

Find out if the house has been built on top of sacred grounds, particularly if those grounds were used for a cemetery. The operative word here is sacred. And I don't mean sacred to you. I mean sacred to 'somebody.' Trust me, their ghosts are pissed, and they don't discriminate. Should the house pass both of those tests...

Make sure none of the house's residents are dealing with a family curse. It's almost 2017, people. This is the sort of thing you can probably find out online. Google is your friend. Use it. No sense in you suffering because your significant other had a screwed up childhood, or worse, screwed up ancestors.
However, you might be skeptical of such things. You need proof. To get it...

Record everything. If you're like a majority of the population, you've already got a desktop, laptop, tablet, and multiple cell phones in your home. Every damn one of them has a camera on it. Use them! Set those bad boys and keep them running twenty-four hours day. The instant you get the proof you need, go. The camera doesn't lie. Occasionally, it mysteriously stops working. Yup, that's another sign to move. If you're stubborn, and don't move, you'll probably call in some sort of expert on the paranormal. If so...

Take heed to any warnings the paranormal expert and/or clergy gives you. Be careful, here. Don't go getting your hopes up should your personal ghostbuster or spiritual adviser choose to help you. Pay attention to the cues they give you. If they seem spooked immediately after setting foot in your home, not only will they refuse to help you, they'll be leaving rather quickly. You'd be wise to follow them out the door. If they decide to help, but say things like "I've never felt such a presence," "These readings are off the charts," or something to that effect, do not stick around. If they want to stay and play with the hostile ghost(s), let them have at it. Lastly...

If the ghost tells you to get out, then by all means...


GET OUT!

20 comments:

  1. Great post! and A+ for using a photo of Ryan Reynolds in a wet shirt. lol

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  2. Thanks. You know me, anything to increase female readership.

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  3. +1 on Ryan and great post, thanks for joining in, perfect timing and always glad to have you at the party!

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    1. Thanks for hosting! I'm happy to be at this party.

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  4. This is awesome!! I love your lessons learned from horror movies. I can tell that no paranormal creature is going to trip you up! And, thanks to your post, they're not gonna get me, either. :)

    Thanks so much for joining the blogathon with this terrific essay.

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    1. Thanks! I keep my eyes and ears open for strange things around my house. Love this blogathon.

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  5. A lot of things to know when a haunted house movie is here. This is why I love horror films.

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  6. Bag packed and hat on the doorknob. The cats can fend for themselves.

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  7. This is reminiscent of what Eddie Murphy used to say about horror movies:

    https://youtu.be/y3GmrqJxKCU

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    1. I've only seen that a billion times, so I definitely took inspiration from it.

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  8. I don't believe in haunted houses. I do believe in eerie theme music, and if I'm ever in a place alone and I hear eerie theme music, it's going to be "feets don't fail me now"...

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    1. That is a very smart policy, lol. Thanks for stopping by!

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  9. Also here for wet Ryan Reynolds, sorrynotsorry. I promise I read the rest of your post!
    I'd love to see a movie start with a family looking to move house, actually rsearch the history of it all and think 'Hm, perhaps not!'
    This is why I'm a blogger, not a screenwriter...
    - Allie

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    1. As long as you're here, lol. That might work. You never know until someone tries it.

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  10. A very useful survival guide just in time for Halloween! I'll investigate family curses before entering any house now!
    Don't forget to read my contribution to the blogathon! :)
    Cheers!
    Le
    http://www.criticaretro.blogspot.com

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    1. Glad to help. Thanks for stopping by. I will most certainly check out your entry.

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  11. What a fun way to view some very scary move themes...always learn from past mistakes. I am for getting out if the ghost tells me to....no agreement here...đŸ˜±

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    1. Thanks! Always learn from past mistakes is perfect!

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