Earlier this week, I finally got around to handing out the 2015 Dellies. If you saw them, you know there was no Best Picture category. I've reserved that for my "Best Movies" list. However, if you know how things work around here then you know I've got some things to get off my chest first. That's right, I'm talking about...
The 20 Worst Movies of 2015
Stuff I'm told is bad, but I decided to skip (so far): The Cobbler, The Green Inferno, Hitman: Agent 47, Hot Pursuit, The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence), Jem and the Holograms, The Lazarus Effect, Mortdecai, Rock the Kasbah, Unfinished Business, Victor Frankenstein.
20. TrainwreckThe message becomes the same as the one people have been raging against for a really long time: it is okay to compromise your beliefs if it will help you get that “special” guy. Forgive me if I’m not feeling the girl-power, nor the movie. (Full review)
19. Point BreakThere’s no fun to be found anywhere, in fact. This movie takes itself so SERIOUSLY it’s like a doctor coming to let you know you’re in the final stages of cancer, and so is your dog, while holding a stack of business cards from local funeral homes. (Full review/comparison with original)
18. The Wedding RingerIt follows bromance protocol as if it's gospel. Whatever is coming is painfully obvious. Every emotional moment is telegraphed well in advance. Every twist of the plot is really just a lazy turn we've already braced ourselves for. (Full review)
17. Ted 2This time around the various moving parts fail to work in unison. We’re left with a movie that’s all over the place tonally with jarring shifts in style. (Quick & Dirty Review)
16. SistersTina Fey and Amy Poehler try to avoid stereotyping themselves by each playing the role the other should have played. Switching may have helped. As it stands, joke after joke falls stunningly flat and renders the whole thing a bore.
15. PanA very pretty, overly complicated disaster of a film. It never gels, or even comes close to doing so, Someone should have been made to walk the plank for this one. (Quick & Dirty review)
14. The Divergent Series: InsurgentNah, this doesn't sound familiar at all. Sigh. Another pointless entry in
13. Taken 3Strangely, no one gets taken this time around. Instead, our hero finds himself accused of the murder of his ex-wife and goes on the run while trying to clear his name. He does, no surprise so no spoiler alert, in a movie that makes Taken 2 look like the original Taken, if that makes sense.
12. Terminator GenisysThe first half of Genisys works extremely hard to undo everything in the franchise’s original film. The second half of Genisys blindfolds you, spins you around three times while repeatedly whacking you in the head with a mallet, then turns you loose in a dark room you’ve never been in before with no light switch. (Quick & Dirty review)
11. Jupiter AscendingSomething about a lowly Earth girl named Jupiter (Mila Kunis) who is really an alien queen, unbeknownst to everyone including herself. Throw in some stuff about other aliens coming to kill her and Channing Tatum swooping in like a 21st century Kyle Reese to protect her. Sounds fun, but it's goofy in all the wrong ways.
10. The GallowsIt never rises above, nor sinks below the trappings of its genre. Everything is done by the numbers. In lieu of creating a real sense of dread, it gives us one of boring inevitability. (Full review)
9. Fifty Shades of GreyWhen we get to the contrived cliff-hanger ending we first laugh at the stupidity of it all, then cringe at the threat of a sequel being unleashed on humanity. (Full review)
8. Hot Tub Time Machine 2This is a hit and mostly miss endeavor. There are a few hilarious moments mixed into long stretches of flat jokes and plot holes. John Cusack, who was roped into the first one, decided to skip this one. If you do the same, you won't be missing anything. (Quick & Dirty review)
7. The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of WaterI was looking forward to this since I love SpongeBob Squarepants, the TV show. I also really liked the first movie. This one is just a complete misfire right from the start. When it transports our hero into the "real" world, it gets even worse.
6. UnfriendedClick…read…type…click…read…type…click…read…type…click…AAAAARRRYYYAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!! WTF!!!...click…read…type… (Full review)
5. War RoomHeavy-handed Christian drama that takes itself extremely serious while doing things like inadvertently likening prayer to voodoo. It offers overly simple solutions to the problems of the people on the screen and is wholly predictable.
4. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2This one transports the action to Vegas and loses whatever charm the original had amongst the neon lights. Kevin James tries hard to give it some life, but he's only Kevin James. That just means he doubles up on the pratfalls. Since they weren't really that funny the first time around, do we really need more of them?
3. WhitneyThis was such a one-sided look at things I felt bad for Whitney Houston. Any story of her life with any semblance of truth is not going to be a pretty one, but it should be fair. This is not. (Quick & Dirty review)
2. Fantastic FourAs the credits roll, we're left in an odd place. The film we just saw is short, barely an hour and a half, but feels much longer since so little works or even happens, at all. Still, we know that it should be longer. It feels like huge chunks of it are missing. It's well over an hour of set up for something that amounts to nothing. (Full review)
1. Black or WhiteIt is offensive, no matter how well-meaning anyone claims it to be. Truthfully, it’s the type of film that I’d expect to be shot down before getting to the filming stage because it’s so badly dated and insensitive. Evidently, it’s not. (Full review)
By the way, you may have been looking for one of these movies, but they're pretty great at being pretty horrible:
Check out The 2015 Dellies to find out which movie came out victorious in the battle between these titans.
Click Below for The Worst Movies of...