Really Uncomfortable Movie Summaries, Vol. 1

Every now and again when a Friday rolls around, I get in a silly mood. Yup, this is one of those Fridays. What that means is we're going to boil down the plots of some well-known (and not-so-well-known) movies to their disturbing and/or hilarious core.

I can't say this is a completely original idea. A friend sent me the link to this post years ago on a site called postmodernbarney. It shows a bunch of movies doing exactly what I said we're going to do here. A few examples:

Batman: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
Beauty and the Beast: A peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
Blade: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
Deep Throat: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.
Deliverance: Tourists experience local hospitality.
Demolition Man: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.
King Kong: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
Star Wars: A New Hope: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, kill thousands.
Taxi Driver: Modern dating proves challenging for working class man.

Those are just a few of many. But since I did say I was in a silly mood, I came up with some of my own. Oh, I'm calling it volume one because I think I might do this again. And away we go...

Quick warning first - I can't promise good taste from this point forward. And there might be spoilers.

Now you're ready.

American Hustle: Con-man and his girlfriend rip off the FBI.

Any Given Sunday: Drug addicts play football, expose themselves to female owner.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier: A former U.S. Soldier takes down a government agency.

District 9: Government relocates already quarantined immigrants.

Friday the 13th (original): Campers kill a mentally ill boy and his mentally ill mother.

In Bruges: A child murderer goes on vacation.

Her: Man masturbates while using his computer.

The Hobbit: Terrorist group plots to assassinate a head of state.

The Incredible Hulk: The U.S. Army exploits paranoid schizophrenics, forces them to fight each other.

Law Abiding Citizen: White vigilante targets minorities in positions of authority.

The Matrix: Religious extremists recruit a hacker to destroy the world's computers.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl: A man of ambiguous sexuality tries to get his ship full of sea men back.

Saving Mr. Banks: Big corporation takes advantage of an artist in financial trouble.

Shallow Hal: Man reluctantly comes to the realization he's into plus sized women.

Sky High: Violence erupts at a school for children with special needs.

Spawn: A disgruntled employee battles the company snitch.

Underworld: Couple shunned due to their interracial relationship.

Up: Elderly man abducts a young boy.

The World's End: Alcoholic goes on a binge, becomes violent.

The Wrestler: Adrenaline junkie stalks both his estranged daughter and a stripper.


You are more than welcome to join in by posting some of your own really uncomfortable summaries in the comments section, or to tell me how bad mines suck. Either way, be creative.

Oh, and congratulate me. This is my 1,000th post!!!