Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

The Croods

The Wicker Man (2006)

Directed by Neil LaBute.

2006. Rated PG-13, 102 minutes.

Cast:

Nicolas Cage

Ellen Burstyn

Kate Beahan

Frances Conroy

Molly Parker

Leelee Sobieski

Diane Delano

Police officer Edward Malus (Cage) witnesses a mother and daughter get killed when an out of control eighteen-wheeler smashes into their vehicle during a traffic stop. While on leave following this traumatic event, he receives a letter from his former fiancée Willow (Beahan) letting him know that her daughter is missing somewhere on the Summersisle, where they live. It seems to be a largely self-sufficient and private farming community. Sensing that he may be Willow’s only hope to find her little girl, Edward travels to the island in hopes of saving the day. This is even harder than he imagines because when he gets there no on will admit to having even heard of her. They’re also a really tight-knit cult under the rule of Sister Summersisle (Burstyn). To say Malus is given the run-around is putting it lightly.

The plot’s skeleton is the same as the 1973 original. The flesh surrounding it is something else entirely. In lieu of the wacky approach to story-telling taken by its predecessor, this one favors more conventional methods. It settles into being rather run of the mill with no sense of wonder or fun. Many of the original’s outrageous elements are completely stripped away. The rest is put through a strainer until we’re left with the dried meat of a PG-13 thriller designed to appeal to as wide an audience as possible.

The point of our story is also different. Whereas the original tests our notions of right and wrong, of religion itself, and seems to sling its ending at us from deep left field, the remake narrows its focus and telegraphs its conclusion. By narrowing the focus, I mean things are much more personal for our hero this time around. True, in the older flick his sensibilities are offended by the locals and he searches diligently for answers to his philosophical questions and the whereabouts of the girl. This time, however, he’s connected to the case in such a way that it is simply all about him. This ties into the finale because we can plainly see that all of the goings on are concentrated on his actions and we are occasionally shown women having conversations that spell out their ill will. What happens is that even though the ending plays out similarly in both movies they feel markedly different. As mentioned, the original tackles some rather large and possibly magnanimous themes. This one seems born of a misogyny fueled paranoia about man’s lessening stature in the world, the increasing power of women and the feeling of emasculation it gives to those suffering from its grips.

I’m not one to automatically disparage remakes, but this one really does pale in comparison to the original. That, however, is not its biggest problem. The most pressing issue is that as a standalone film it’s a rather hum-drum experience. It can be easily filed away as yet another picture in which Nicolas Cage is kind of quirky and a bit of a smart-alec. Nothing it does separates it from his rather large pack of terrible movies. You know what? I’m not even blaming him, nor anyone else involved in making this. I’m beyond that, for now. I’m blaming you John or Jane American. That’s right. You. Why? It’s simple. All of the unique qualities of the original were ripped from its predecessor because the powers that be think you can’t handle it and won’t fork over your hard earned bucks to see something that takes the less beaten path. Therefore, instead of something that embraces the oddity that is the first movie, we get this.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor.

2012. Rate PG-13, 95 minutes.

Cast:

Nicolas Cage

Violante Placido

Idris Elba

Ciarán Hinds

Johnny Whitworth

Fergus Riordan

Christopher Lambert

Anthony Head

Like a lot of single moms, Nadya (Placido) is having major trouble with her baby daddy. Unlike those other women, despite whatever they say, her baby daddy really is the Devil, or Roarke (Hinds), as he likes to be called. He suddenly wants custody of their son Danny (Riordan), but doesn’t trust the courts will support him (my speculation). He sends the mercenary Carrigan (Whitworth) and his goons after her. French wino priest Moreau (Elba) heard how it’s going down and wants to help out. Unsure whether the grubby looking clergyman is really a good guy, she shoots at him and the actual bad guys alike. This leads to the coolest looking scene in the movie about two minutes in. Figuring he’s in over his head, Moreau then enlists the help of Johnny Blaze AKA the Ghost Rider (Cage) to bring mom and the boy safely back to the local monastery. Blaze only agrees because the priest promises that once the task is done, he’ll rid him of the curse of the Rider.

The first Ghost Rider movie is definitely an “also ran” in the comic book flick genre. It was panned by critics and audiences were lukewarm to it. Even its biggest supporters were merely saying “It’s not that bad.” Still, it made enough money that someone felt a sequel was warranted. So here we are watching Nicolas Cage go Nicolas Cage, while wearing a bunch of leather, in yet another bad movie. How many awful films has he starred in? I suppose I can’t really blame him since the checks keep clearing. I’m so jealous. Oh well. At least the title character looks really cool with a skull and motorcycle engulfed in flames, so there’s that.

“That” is pretty much all there is. The Rider and just about everything he does looks great. He’s got fire and chains whirling about. He’s absorbing gunshots and spitting back flaming bullets. There’s all sorts of stunts with the bike and other machinery. The same could be said of Carrigan once he gets "the power of decay." Watching things fall apart in his hands is just awesome. By the way, one thing that doesn’t fall apart provides us with the only moment in the film that’s actually funny on purpose.

Unfortunately, everything else is horribly botched. Cage’s performance is bizarre. The super shaky cam, sped up film and quick cutting employed during his most over the top moments provide a number of unintentionally hilarious happenings. Whitworth, as Carrigan, chews scenery in a similar fashion. Mom is bland, the kid is annoying and Ciarán Hinds looks like a bored devil. Only Idris Elba shines, but he might have been downing real wine to make himself forget he actually signed up for this.

Spirit of Vengeance delivers precisely what the first one did: a fancy looking mess. The action scenes are silly, but fun. The rest of it is silly in a bad way, a very bad way. It is paced pretty briskly so it passes quickly. Thank goodness. The kids will like it so it’s got some use as a popcorn flick. However, this isn’t that fresh, piping hot and buttery popcorn we go crazy for. This is that slightly burned, a second from being stale poporn we eat because it happens to be sitting on the table in front of us.

MY SCORE: 4.5/10

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Directed by Amy Heckerling.

1982. Rated R, 90 minutes.
Cast:
Jennifer Jason Leigh
Sean Penn
Phoebe Cates
Judge Reinhold
Brian Backer
Robert Romanus
Forest Whitaker
Amanda Wyss
Ray Walston
Anthony Edwards
Nicolas Cage

We get to hang out with some of Ridgemont High’s misguided youth. Like with most high school kids, getting laid is a major objective. A few are into sports, some into drugs, some work, etc. In fact, we spend much of our time at their after-school jobs. Hormones raging ensues.

Since the movie first opened so many years ago, surfer/stoner Spicoli (Penn) has been the character most identified with Fast Times. His face was on all the posters, prominently featured in all commercials and even now adorns the DVD cover. That Spicoli has reached iconic status is a testament to the character and Penn’s performance. Truth is he’s a secondary character with a subplot.

Something similar can be said of the movie’s most enduring moment. Phoebe Cates, as Linda, emerging from the swimming pool is arguably the greatest topless scene of all time. However, its impact on the film is minimal, far less than even Spicoli. Both have become ingrained in American society. Both have proven to be wonderful marketing tools. After not having watched it in well over a decade, those were the first things I thought of.

Honestly, if Spicoli being stoned and Linda removing her bikini top were major factors Fast Times would be a failure. Instead, it succeeds because of its maturity relative to other teen sex comedies. With that in mind, I don’t think it can be overstated that the main character and the director are both female. In most such movies, we focus on a guy from a guy’s perspective. In movies from Porky’s to Superbad sex is the desired end to all their means. Here, it becomes clear early on that for our heroine, Stacy (Leigh), sex is the means she uses to reach a desired end. In fact, we know this before she does. This not-so-subtle flipping of the script gives Fast Times a depth most such movies lack. Gone are the gross-out jokes we expect from these kinds of flicks. They’re replaced by humor derived from every day American teen experiences. Deservedly, it’s become the standard by which other teen sex comedies are judged.

For all of you uninitiated youngsters who haven’t seen Fast Times, yet: don’t let the above paragraph scare you. It’s plenty raunchy and funny. It just does a little more than most of the others of its ilk. Fast Times is also remarkable for its cast. A number of them went on to lengthy careers. Aside from Penn and star Jennifer Jason Leigh, there’s Forest Whitaker, Judge Reinhold and a don’t-blink-or-you’ll-miss-him appearance by Nicolas Cage. Cage, Penn and Whitaker gives the movie three future Oscar winners. Leigh was never nominated for Oscar, but is popularly believed to have been snubbed several times.

There’s more goodness beyond the cast. Fast Times was the first feature for director Amy Heckerling. She would go on to direct a number of hit movies, including National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Look Who’s Talking, Look Who’s Talking Too, and Clueless. It’s based on a book by Cameron Crowe, who also wrote the screenplay. He would go on to write and/or direct such movies as Say Anything, Almost Famous and Jerry Maguire. Simply put, Fast Times at Ridgemont High has much more under the hood than most teen sex comedies. Thirty years later, it still shows.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Directed by Jon Turteltaub.
2010. Rated PG, 109 minutes.
Cast:
Nicolas Cage
Jay Baruchel
Alfred Molina
Teresa Palmer
Toby Kebbell
Monica Bellucci
Omar Benson Miller
Alice Krige
James A. Stephens

Way back when, like before David Blaine, there lived a magician…er…sorcerer named Merlin (Stephens). He fought for all things good and had three apprentices. They were Balthazar (Cage), Horvath (Molina) and Veronica (Bellucci). Merlin’s arch enemy was the e-e-evil Morgana (Krige). Somehow, she got Horvath to betray his master and help her do bad things. Of course, the good guy wins, anyway. Morgana gets trapped in a tiny contraption that looks like a miniature weeble-wobble (‘member those?) and Horvath gets trapped in some other thing. Unfortunately, Veronica gets stuck inside the same device with Morgana. Finally, weakened from the battle, Merlin dies. The end.

Sadly, that’s not really the end. Before croaking, Merlin gives Balthazar a ring that looks like a dragon and tells him it will lead him to the Prime Merlinian. The Prime Merlinian is the only person who can actually kill Morgana should she ever escape the weeble-wobble. Fast forward twelve hundred plus years to the year 2000. In true Disney fashion, we quickly surmise that goofy, loner fourth grader Dave (Baruchel) is our hero. A few minutes later, Balthazar finds this out also, pretty much by accident. You see, numbskull Dave wanders off from his class while on a school trip and finds himself caught in the middle of a battle between two wizards after he accidentally lets Horvath out. I hate when that happens. Bada-boom bada-bing, Balthazar gets Horvath back in his cage, but gets trapped there himself. Meanwhile, Dave runs off with the weeble-wobble, throws it in the street and looks like he literally pissed his pants. He’s thoroughly embarrassed in front of the one girl that’s ever smiled at him. The end.

Again, I’m wishfully thinking. Instead, we have to fast forward another ten years to get to the meat of the story. Sadly, it’s the same old meatloaf. You know the routine. That goofy, loner kid is now a goofy, loner college kid. Evidentally, he’s never even been close to getting laid because he’s still pining for the girl from fourth grade who once told him he did something cool. Hey, how did you know it was the same girl that smiled at him? Did you watch this by accident, or something? Oh yeah, I just re-remembered this is a Disney movie. Therefore, no one has ever gotten laid. EVAR! What was I thinking? Anyhoo, Horvath gets out and busies himself trying to find the weeble-wobble so he can bust out Morgana and she can do some really bad things. She’s such a naughty girl. As you might expect, this often involves trying to kill Dave. Thankfully, Balthazar has also gotten out and saves our would-be hero more than once. See, Dave doesn’t know magic. Balthazar has to tutor him as we go along, thus making him…wait for it…wait for it…THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE! Ta-dah!

Okay, fill in the blanks from here. I promise you, the rest of it plays out exactly as you expect. Oh alright, I’ll give you one more morsel just in case you’re slow, or something. Becky, the girl that smiled at Dave and told him he did something cool all the way back in fourth grade suddenly pops back into his life. She happens to attend the college he’s transferred to. That’s enough. Get a pen and a napkin. Go! Yup, it’s just like that.

Don’t get me wrong. As a laser and light show, it functions pretty well. Bolts of electricity, bodies and all manner of cgi manufactured goodness whiz across the screen at a frenetic pace. This may cause seizures but it keeps our eyes busy. Fittingly, Nic Cage gets in on the act. His long locks flow and his trench coat swooshes to remind us how cool it would be if we were sorcerers. Maybe not, but he’s Nic Cage and you just wish you were.

Wait, what did I just say? Nevermind.

Speaking of Mr. Cage, he’s thankfully not as over the top as he normally is. The rest of the movie handles things in that department. Still, his more restrained than usual performance is hardly enough to save the movie. That said, it is what it is. Young viewers will likely enjoy it. Veteran viewers will often roll their eyes, never be surprised, proclaim it stupid and still might be mildly entertained by all the stuff that’s going on. They just won’t think it’s good.

MY SCORE: 4.5/10

Kick-Ass

Directed by Jane Goldman and Matthew Vaughn.
2010. Rated R, 117 minutes.
Aaron Johnson
Christopher Mintz-Plasse
Mark Strong
Chloë Grace Moretz
Nicolas Cage
Omari Hardwick
Michael Rispoli
Clark Duke
Garrett M. Brown
Dexter Fletcher

Like a lot of boys, Dave (Johnson) wonders what it would be like to be a superhero. He even carries the fantasy one step further and tries to act it out in real life. He gets his hands on a green wetsuit, names himself Kick-Ass and takes to the streets looking like a jade ninja. From there ensues a wild ride full of perfectly just over the top violence and fueled by an absolutely wicked sense of humor. It’s based on the graphic novel of the same name.

This isn’t Batman Begins so there’s no real training for superhero. Things don’t go smoothly. They go about as good as if you yourself decided to don tights and become a crimefighter. Actually, they go better because he doesn’t wind up dead within the first few minutes. Despite becoming a media sensation, he’s not a very good superhero.

Closer to the real deal, but more homicidal than most, we learn, is Hit-Girl (Moretz), a pint-sized killing machine and her father Big Daddy (Cage). Like everyone else who’s watched this movie I have high praise for Hit-Girl. She totally steals the show. We need more Hit-Girl. However, I’ve not seen anyone give Nicolas Cage his just due. I get that there’s a lot of Cage hatred out there. He’s done a lot of dreadful movies. I also understand that most of KA’s audience is too young to remember what Cage is making fun of. His parody of Adam West’s version of Batman is just dead-on and completely hilarious. Well, it’s hilarious if you have the old TV series as a reference point. If so, you’ll recognize everything he does and might laugh yourself to tears.

This brings me to my next point. KA isn’t just an action-comedy. It’s a brilliant spoof of all things superhero. It’s simultaneously reverential and irreverent. It lovingly skewers the genres of literature, television and cinema that birthed it, holding their feet to the fire even as it gives them a hug. Comic book fans will notice the subtleties that make KA special. For instance, notice the unspoken joke of our hero wearing glasses in his regular life but not when dressed as his alter-ego. What makes it great is that even if you miss those little touches you can still have a great time watching it. This is because the best spoofs use the genre they’re spoofing for inspiration, making fun of that genre’s absurdities while also working within its confines and stand alone as narratives.

In those dreadful “____ Movie” (Scary, Date, Dance, etc) flicks there appears to be no love for whatever they’re trying to parody. It’s all mean-spirited and void of creativity. They merely reenact a scene from some other movie and add something gross to it. When they’re over, you can’t really remember the story it’s trying to tell. Here, you needn’t have seen any specific movie to get most of the jokes. You only have to be familiar with a certain type of movie. This is why Young Frankenstein works for people who’ve never actually seen the original Frankenstein or Scream for people who aren’t necessarily fans of slasher movies. Kick-Ass is one of the best spoofs.

The Opposite View: Stephen Himes, Film Snobs

What the Internet Says: 8.1/10 on imdb.com (#183 all time as of 8/20/10), 76% on rottentomatoes.com, 66/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 10/10

Knowing

Directed by Alex Proyas.
2009. Rated PG-13, 121 minutes.
Cast:
Nicolas Cage
Chandler Canterbury
Rose Byrne
Lara Robinson
Nadia Townsend
Alan Hopgood
Alethea McGrath
Ben Mendelsohn

Way back in 1959, a grade school class does one of those time capsule things. You know, they all put some crap in a tube and bury it and some class in the future will dig it up. One student, a particularly odd little girl, leaves a page full of seemingly random numbers. Fifty years later, the capsule is indeed unearthed and said page winds up in the hands of college professor/single dad John Koestler (Cage). He soon discovers that the numbers actually lay out the exact dates and death tolls of “every major disaster in history.” Somehow, this is all on what appears to be a standard 8 ½ x 11 sheet of paper, maybe an 11 x 14 but, whatever. And the fact that he seems to be a functioning alcoholic who made this amazing discovery during a night of drowning his sorrows in a bottle of wine is never addressed either, but I digress.

The real dilemma is that there a three dates that haven’t happened, yet. According to the new holy scroll, they’re approaching fast. Koestler tries to investigate the origin of the paper and what could happen next. There’s also some jazz about his relationship with his son that we’ll talk a little more about in a moment and his relationship with his own father. That second relationship could’ve easily been cut from the movie and it wouldn’t have skipped a beat.

The relationship between Koestler and his son is all a setup for a meant-to-be tear-jerker ending. It doesn’t do its job. If it jerks your tears then your tears must be very easily jerked. It also works toward two big special fx sequences. They’re both nice, the one involving the train is better, but nothing we haven’t seen before.

It’s equally intriguing and cheesy. Unfortunately, these things seem to counteract one another instead of working in tandem. So just as it seems to be getting interesting, something silly happens, not in a good way. This occurs repeatedly. Fortunately, star Nicolas Cage has all sorts of experience in similar movies and carries us through with his usual flair for going just enough over the top to be fun.

As far as disaster movies go, it puts itself in a bad spot. It never commits to the absolute nihilism of [i]2012[/i] and its premise is too flimsy to really inspire the type of deep thought it wants to.

The Opposite View: Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

What the Internet Says: 6.4/10 on imdb.com (7/27/10), 33% on rottentomatoes.com, 41/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5/10

Astro Boy

Directed by David Bowers.
2009. Rated PG, 94 minutes.
Cast:
Freddie Highmore
Nicolas Cage
Kristen Bell
Donald Sutherland
Bill Nighy
Samuel L. Jackson
Eugene Levy
Charlize Theron

Plot: After his son is killed during a demonstration gone awry, Dr. Tenma (Cage) builds a robotic version of his tyke outfitted with the latest weaponry and boosters in his boots.

The Good: It manages to be fun without being overly stupid. It doesn’t talk down to its target audience. It also resists the urge to cater to parents and doesn’t purposely put in a bunch of jokes that they know will go over the heads of the kids watching. When we get action, it’s a blast watching Astro Boy zip back and forth across the screen.

The Bad: The go-green subtext is a bit heavy-handed. However, the kids may not pick up on that. What they might notice is that both of our villains are a bit underdeveloped. They’re not as menacing as they could’ve been.

The Ugly: Did they really have to give him "butt guns"?

Recommendation: This is a fun, quick hour and a half. As far as kiddie flicks go, its not in the class of the best animated movies of the last couple years, but it’s successful in its own right. The kids will be thoroughly entertained and adults will probably not be squirming to get out of the room.

The Opposite View: Amy Biancolli, San Francisco Chronicle

What the Internet Says: 6.4/10 on imdb.com (6/23/10), 48% on rottentomatoes.com, 53/100 on metacritic.com


MY SCORE: 6/10