Pointless Lists: Top 10 Movie Police Chiefs

It's Friday. And I wanna make a list. I'm also feeling a bit goofy, yet somehow still respectful of authority. That brings me to today's topic: movie police chiefs. They're never the hero. Instead, they are thanklessly tasked with trying to keep the hero in check. Someone has to make sure the rules are followed. This usually involves lots of yelling, swearing, talk of ulcers, confiscating of guns and badges, and eating of crow when the loose cannon cop saves the day. Every once in a while, the chief will even turn out to be the villain. Oddly, this usually entails much less yelling, swearing, etc. In either case, these are my...

Top 10 Movie Police Chiefs

#10

Captain Ben Harp

(John C. McGinley, Point Break)

Hero he has to check: Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves)

This guy's job is doubly tough. The young, hotshot punk he has to deal with is used to being a big deal on the football field and now spends most of his working day catching waves and ignoring orders. To make matters worse, you can't even get a single, believable emotion out of the guy. I mean, it is Keanu Reeves. For that reason alone, I think ol' Ben Harp says things like this just to try to get a rise out of the guy...
You're a real blue flame special, aren't you, son? Young, dumb and full of come, I know. What I don't know is how you got assigned here. Guess we must just have ourselves an asshole shortage, huh?

#9

Captain Haden

(Frank McRae, 48 Hrs.)

Heroes he has to check: Jack Cates (Nick Nolte) and Reggie Hammond (Eddie Murphy)

Not only does he have to deal with Cates, a cop who doesn't give a crap about authority, he also has to trust that Cates can handle Reggie Hammond, a convict let out for two days to try and help crack the big case. It's no wonder he spouts off stuff like...
You goddamn Whiskey McCop! You lost a stolen bus! I got 5 deaths related to Ganz, and you blow it for a lousy n***** convict! That's right! I called him a n*****! You bet I did! Now I saw the report on that little piece of shit. If he spends one legal day in his life, it'll be a record! And this is it for you! Suspension, review board! You've had it!

#8

Superintendant Pang

(Philip Chan, Hard Boiled)

Hero he has to check: Inspector "Tequila" Yuen (Yun-Fat Chow)

Pang has to deal with a cop that has more ammo than should be humanly possible and is willing to use every last bullet to get the job done. Direct orders go completely disobeyed. It's to the point that Pang might as well have "Figure Head" on his name plate. He almost has no choice but to say...
Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God.

#7

Police Captain

(R. Lee Ermey, Se7en)

Heroes he has to check: Det. David Mills (Brad Pitt) and Det. William Somerset (Morgan Freeman)

See what I did there? Anyhoo, the unnamed captain is played by a surprisingly calm R. Lee Ermey. He takes a different approach than the rest of the guys on this list. He understands that the soon to be retiring Det. Somerset is the departments only chance to crack the puzzling case at hand. He likes Mills' spunk, but knows this is beyond the kid's level of comprehension. Therefore, he spends lots of time stroking Somerset's ego, whispering sweet nothings to him like...
You do this work you were made for and I don't think you can deny that. Maybe I'm wrong.

#6

Captain Dickson

(Ice Cube, Jump Street franchise)

Heroes he has to check: Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Jenko (Tyler Channing)

Does any chief have to deal with more incompetence than Dickson? Well, yeah, but we'll get to that guy soon enough. Dickson runs a close second in the category, though. Where Dickson is the run away winner is in knowing exactly who he is. He's in on the joke that is his very existence. He lets us all know this when he says...
I know what you're thinkin': angry, black captain. Well guess what? I'm black, and I worked my ASS off to be the captain. And sometimes, I get a little angry, so suck a dick!

#5

Captain Howard

(Joe Pantoliano, Bad Boys franchise)

Heroes he has to check: Det. Mike Lowrey (Will Smith) and Det. Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence)

If there's one guy on this list to feel sorry for, this is him. Like a number of the others, he has two reckless cops who kill far more perps than they arrest. He also has another duo that yearns to be just like the first. Now add in the fact that his job seems to be constantly on the line and it's easy to see why his work seems to be having an adverse effect on his physical well-being. My heart breaks a little when he says...
I can't believe you guys. Do you get up in the morning, call each other up - "Good morning, Marcus." "Good morning, Mike." "How you doin'?" "Ai'ight." "So, how are we going to fuck up the captain's life today?" "Gee, I don't know, I don't know... Ooh, look! Over there. Let's kill three fat people and leave them on the street?"

#4

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris

(G. W. Bailey, Police Academy franchise)

Heroes he has to check: Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg), Thompson (Kim Cattrall), Hightower (Bubba Smith), Tackleberry (David Graf), etc.

Here's the guy that has to deal with the most incompetence. He also harbors the most hatred for his subordinates, by far. Now add in the fact that he probably holds the record for appearing in the most bad sequels and you have a guy fit to be tied. You just know he means it, when he screams...
We've got you because you are the worst people here. You are "D" Squad; "D" for "dirtbags." When I say: "Hey, dirtbags!" that means you. You people are going to hate my guts for the rest of your lives. I am going to make you sorry that you ever came here.

#3

Captain Murphy

(Steve Kahan, Lethal Weapon franchise)

Heroes he has to check: Det. Murtaugh (Danny Glover) and Det. Riggs (Mel Gibson)

If Cpt. Howard of the Bad Boys flicks is on the verge of keeling over from the stress of his job, then Cpt. Murphy is his polar opposite. When it comes to not caring what his loose cannon cops do, he is the undisputed champion. Sure, he has a job to do and he genuinely wants to do it. He's just not going to let it kill him. That's why you have to give him thumbs up when he sighs...
I don't give a fuck, Riggs. That's why I don't have an ulcer, because I know when to say "I don't give a fuck."

#2

Chief Gillespie

(Rod Steiger, In the Heat of the Night)

Hero he has to check: Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Poitier)

Chief Gillespie runs his town with an iron fist. This of course, includes his police force. And he's a product of his time, so being a bigot is pretty much in his blood. At first. Combine that with the thick southern accent and every time he speaks, country bumpkin comes out. However, this belies the fact that he's a brilliant psychologist. Not only does he know people well, he's not afraid to tell them about themselves either. We realize this when he rips off this beauty...
You're gonna stay here if I have to go inside and call your chief of police and have him remind you of what he told you to do. But I don't think I have to do that, you see? No, because you're so damn smart. You're smarter than any white man. You're just gonna stay here and show us all. You've got such a big head that you could never live with yourself unless you could put us all to shame. You wanna know something, Virgil? I don't think that you could let an opportunity like that pass by.

#1

Inspector Todd

(Gilbert R. Hill, Beverly Hills Cop franchise)

Hero he has to check: Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy)

When I decided to do this list, there was no doubt Inspector Todd was going to grace the top spot. The man is just a ball of rage. The mere sight of Axel Foley makes his already ridiculously high blood pressure skyrocket. He is who Captain Dickson of the Jump Street series pays homage to. He is also the man I'd be most afraid to work for. You see, I don't have Axel's knack for comedic improvisation or for taking such authority figures so lightly. Therefore, I would probably stay out of it when he says...
I didn't just walk into this town from the cotton fields! Whoever killed your friend wasn't worried about your little narrow ass. If they were, you'd be lyin' beside him in that meat wagon. Just don't do a damn thing. Stay out of this!


So there's my two cents. Of course, I haven't seen every movie with a police chief in it, so feel free to let me know if I've missed some of your favorites.

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Morgan Freeman Week: Se7en

Morgan Freeman Week Continues...

Directed by David Fincher.

1995. Rated R, 126 minutes.

Cast:

Brad Pitt

Morgan Freeman

Gwyneth Paltrow

Kevin Spacey

R. Lee Ermey

John C. McGinley

Richard Roundtree

Daniel Zacapa

Mark Boone Junior

Hawthorne James

Richard Schiff

Reg E. Cathey

Like The Shawshank Redemption, which kicked off Morgan Freeman Week, Se7en is not only considered a classic, it's a revisit for me, as well. My first encounter with this film was during its initial theater run. I remember being fascinated all the way through, thoroughly enjoying myself. Then the finale came. My jaw hit the floor. I took a few moments to assess what I had just seen and immediately crowned it on of the best movies I've ever seen. I have watched well over a thousand movies since. Still, it remains one of my all-time favorites. I'm just glad that first viewing took place during my adult years. Had the teenage me been watching this, my head may have literally exploded as I tried to reconcile it with my Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jason Vorhees world. Piecing it all together might have proven difficult. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's not nearly as complex as I am making it seem. However, it's still light years away from the movies I usually watched, even as I entered the theater to see Se7en, mostly action and slasher flicks with some comedies mixed in.

Unlike a lot of my other faves, I didn't return to this film very often. In fact, I hardly watched it again at all. I've caught bits and pieces of it on TV a few times over the years, but I don't remember sitting down to watch it in its entirety again. Until now. It was finally time to put this movie to the test. The climactic scene was truly an indelible moment in my movie watching life. With full knowledge of the surprise awaiting me, how would it hold up? Quite well, thank you very much.

As far as plots go, Se7en has a fairly simple one. Detective William Somerset (Freeman) is a genius, but weary cop a week away from retirement. In a bucking of Hollywood law, he doesn't die once we receive this information. He does, however, have to give Det. David Mills the lay of the wasteland where they work. Mills is a young hotshot whose just moved to town with his wife Tracy (Paltrow). He worked homicide in a nicer part of the world. Strangely, he begged to be transferred here, to one of the most hellish parts of Chicago. The first case they come upon is one in which the victim appears to have eaten himself to death, upon initial inspection. A little more looking around reveals the man was forced to do this. As more facts are learned, Somerset believes this murder is only the first of what someone plans to be many more. When a second body is found, it becomes apparent the two are related and that our killer is using The Seven Deadly Sins as inspiration.

Even without the mystery it holds for first time viewers, Se7en is still a movie that draws you in. It does this by keeping not just the police a step or two behind the bad guy, but the audience, too. In a lot of films, even those that conceal its villain like this one, we get to see the crimes in progress. We have more knowledge than the hero and we know where they are going wrong. Here, all we get is the grisly aftermath. We arrive upon it with the cops and don't have any more tools than they to put this puzzle together. For someone who has seen it, this automatically makes us scout the crime scene closer than we did that first time around. We desperately look for clues we and/or the detectives may have missed that would lead to the villain more quickly. We are not just watching this film. We are studying it.

The relationship between our two heroes is also a major factor in our continuing enjoyment. At first, the men try to size each other up. It's plain to see they don't really click. Freeman's Somerset takes the far more cerebral approach to everything. It is no surprise he is divorced and still alone. He seems to have trouble dealing with us mental midgets. If there is one scene that perfectly sums up who he is, it's our first trip with him to the library. Before getting there, he hops into the back of a cab. When the driver asks where he is going, he laments "Far away from here." He is a man who despises his surroundings, but understands that this is the place where he is needed. Once arriving, he spots a group of security guards playing poker. Never mind it seems to be an excessive amount of guards for a library. It is more important that other than those guys, he is alone (it is at night), which appears to be how he likes things. It's also important to show just how different he is from other law-enforcement folk. Who goes to a library to research the possible motives of a serial killer? Regardless of his differentness, though, he is well respected. This is evidenced by the guards seemingly trying to impress him by cranking up the classical music to show off their own "culture." Their display is a reaction to the one line that most explicitly shows us Somerset's outlook on things. To them, he says "I'll never understand. All these books, a world of knowledge at your fingertips. What do you do? You play poker all night."

Pitt's David is much more the cop we're used to seeing, nearer the every man for us to identify with. He shares our frustration with both the case and with the things his partner does that appear almost completely dissimilar to police work as he knows it. He is also not afraid to cut corners. Occasionally, it's to keep up with the old man. We see this in his acquiring of the Cliff Notes version of the texts that Somerset painstakingly researched. Other times, it is a way to cover his tracks after making a rash decision. However, what really endears him to us is that he's hilarious. I'd forgotten how funny he is. He isn't doing slapstick and pratfalls. He just makes us laugh by his delivery of some sharp dialogue and his reactions to the situations in which he finds himself. And given the fact he's married, his wife also plays an important role. In one of Gwyneth Paltrow's best performances, she gives us a woman distraught and conflicted by her choice to support her man's career choices and where it has taken them. The matter seems to be destroying her even as she seeks, in her own way, to protect her husband.

As good as its actors are, the real star of Se7en is director David Fincher. He packs every frame with symbolism and/or mystery. The library scene I described earlier is just one of many examples. Another involving Freeman is when he destroys the metronome by his bed. The case he is working is about rules, yet it's creating chaos all around him. This is a man who thrives on order. What's more orderly than a metronome? As far as mystery goes, Fincher reveals our killer at precisely the right time, but we still feel lost. We don't see his endgame. Us repeat watchers don't see a way we could have seen his endgame. Then, there are those amazingly unsettling visuals. Each corpse is a true depiction of someone dying by the sin of which they've been deemed guilty. It's a remarkable feat by a remarkable film maker.

I could go on praising this movie forever. From the time it starts, I am intrigued by it. I am trying to crack its code. More accurately, I'm trying to see where I should have been able to crack it before, and failing. I am also enjoying the fantastic acting taking place across the board. And I haven't even mentioned the person who is causing all the fuss. Because of that person, Freeman's scholarly approach, Pitt's levity, and top notch story telling, to name a few things, we always have a marvelous movie watching experience. Yes, even if we already know what's in the box.

Click here for at least Se7en more Freeman related posts!

Favorite War Movies

Truth told, war movies are not my favorite genre. That said, there is nothing quite so visceral as a well done battle scene, and not much as gut-wrenching as a film that cuts to the heart of war. The simple fact of the matter is that war is, unfortunately, one of the most innately human things depicted on the screen. That said, I have to say thanks to all of my fellow vets out there. Enjoy Veteran's Day and check out one or more of my...

5 Favorite War Movies

5. Apocalypse Now

(1979)

General: Francis Ford Coppola

Conflict: The Vietnam War

This is Francis Ford Coppola at a time when he could seemingly do no wrong. We follow Benjamin L. Willard, played by an amazing Martin Sheen, go on a manhunt for one of the United States' own, Col. Walter E. Kurtz. Apparently, Kurtz has gone crazy and needs to be eliminated. Marlon Brando delivers the goods as the nutso colonel. The rest of the cast also turns in stellar work. Included are Harrison Ford, Robert Duvall, and a pubescent Laurence Fishburne. They help deliver Coppola's anti-war vision to the screen. This is arguably the best movie ever made about Vietnam.

4. Glory

(1989)

General: Edward Zwick

Conflict: The Civil War

An oft-neglected component of American history, both educational and cinematic, is the contribution of black soldiers to the efforts of the Union Army during the Civil War. More than any other, Glory is the film that drives home the point that African Americans were not merely spectators in the decisive battle over the legality of slavery. Cpt. Shaw (Matthew Broderick) is tasked with heading up an all black company. They are given only menial task which gives us ample time to get to know them. Boy, do we ever, thanks to stellar work from Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman, and Andre Braugher (making his big screen debut), among others.

3. Schindler's List

(1993)

General: Steven Spielberg

Conflict: World War II

Schindler's List is different from most war movies in that the focus is not on the people actively fighting. Here, our protagonist is Oskar Schindler (Liam Neeson). He's a German businessman who is a member of the Nazi party. However, his life becomes saving Jews from persecution and execution while maintaining the appearance of loyalty to the Nazi's. It's an epic in every sense of the word. This includes its villain, Amon Goeth, played by Ralph Fiennes being as unlikable as is humanly possible.

2. Full Metal Jacket

(1987)

General: Stanley Kubrick

Conflict: The Vietnam War

Let's just get this out of the way, now. The opening half of Full Metal Jacket is the best depiction of boot camp ever committed to film, period. What R. Lee Ermey does as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman is nothing short of perfect. The same goes for Vincent D'Onofrio as Private "Pyle". I've seen both men in many things since but whenever I do, this movie immediately comes to mind. The second half, which includes neither, has been so overshadowed, people seem to forget it even exists. I'm not here to tell you it's just as good as the first half, but I will say that is excellent in its own right.

1. Saving Private Ryan

(1998)

General: Steven Spielberg

Conflict: World War II

What Saving Private Ryan does better than perhaps any movie not made during the silent film era is tell its story through action. Sure there's plenty of exposition in the name of character development, but it's the battle scenes that not only thrill us, they tell us what's going on. Of course, what's going on is the seemingly impossible extraction of one soldier, Private Ryan (Matt Damon) from the front lines of World War II after it is learned that his three brothers have all been killed. Damon is good, but as his commanding officer, Tom Hanks is great. It's some of his best work, in my opinion. The rest of the cast is also great and too numerous to name. And yes, the Omaha Beach scene that opens the movie is the most tense battle scene of them all.


Some other great war movies (chronologically)...

Paths of Glory (1957)
The Battle of Algiers (1966)
Patton (1970)
Das Boot (1981)
A Soldier's Story (1984)
Platoon (1986)
Flags of Our Fathers/Letters from Iwo Jima (2006)
The Hurt Locker (2008)
Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

The Watch

Directed by Akiva Schaffer.

2012. Rated R, 102 minutes.

Cast:

Ben Stiller

Vince Vaughn

Jonah Hill

Richard Ayoade

Rosemarie DeWitt

Will Forte

Mel Rodriguez

Doug Jones

Erin Moriarty

Nicholas Braun

R. Lee Ermey

Joe Nunez

Evan (Stiller) is the manager of the local Costco and the organizer guy in the town of Glenview, Ohio. He creates clubs and committees for everything. Naturally, after his buddy Antonio Guzman (Nunez), the after-hours security guard at said Costco, is murdered in the store, Evan organizes a neighborhood watch to find the killer. Only three people answer his call to duty: Bob (Vaughn), Franklin (Hill) and Jamarcus (Ayoade). They aren’t the most dedicated soldiers. However, as long as there are plenty of cold Budweisers around they’re happy. In any event, they get more than they bargained for when it becomes evident that hostile aliens are responsible for the killing. You’ll notice I've already mentioned two brand names. You will become well acquainted with them as well as Ray-O-Vac batteries and Magnum condoms. In other words, product placement and penis jokes ensue.

Strangely, between all the commercials flying at us exists a fun movie with a wacky premise. Ben Stiller plays himself, as always, so you already know if you think he’ll make you laugh. Vince Vaughn also does his normal schtick. However, he seems much more into it than he has in quite some time and is really pretty amusing. Less known Richard Ayoade also provides us with a few chuckles and the cameo by the great R. Lee Ermey is downright hilarious. Still, our heartiest laughs go to Jonah Hill. His character is not quite off type, but he approaches it from a different angle than normal. It works wonders. The four share a nice chemistry making the banter between them enjoyable.

Most surprising is there are a pair of well-executed human stories mixed in to all the advertisements and raunchy jokes. One involves the state of the relationship between Evan and his wife Abby played by Rosemarie DeWitt, here looking very Tina Fey-ish. The other is about Bob and his daughter, the rebellious Chelsea (Moriarty). Both work better than expected as if organic to the tale and not shoe-horned in just because. In fact, I enjoy these parts of movie more than the main plot.

That main plot, of course, heavily involves aliens. It’s rather lazy in almost all regards and seems ill-fitting of the movie they’re in. Though set up to play as a spoof of alien invasion flicks, the effort is only half-hearted. This includes creature design awfully similar to some rather famous cinematic extra-terrestrials. By the end, we realize their entire story line is just one long dick joke. No pun intended. Sorta. Okay, I’m lying. Either way, the punchline to this particular dick joke is rendered ineffective by all the ones that came before it. Sorry. Sorta.

Despite the rampant commercialism, lazy sci-fi and endless succession of genital humor I found The Watch fun to sit through. I realize these aspects are a complete turn-off for many, hence the abysmal reviews this has generally garnered. They are for me, normally. They even keep me from grading this as a great movie. However, maybe I was just in the right frame of mind. Maybe I’m more susceptible to such humor than I’d like to believe. In any event, the guys kept my interest and made me laugh. At the end of the day that’s all I ask out of my comedies.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Willard

Directed by Glen Morgan.
2003. Rated PG-13, 100 minutes.
Cast:
Crispin Glover
R. Lee Ermey
Laura Harring
Jackie Burroughs
Laura Harring

Loner and incompetent worker Willared (Glover) befriends the pack of rats that have congregated in his basement and trains them to do his dirty deeds. Remake of the 1971 film starring Ernest Borgnine which I haven't seen, yet. Crispin Glover is absolutely perfect in the title role. In fact, he might be too perfect as his career hasn't exactly taken off since this came out. It's a delightfully odd movie that has many of the elements of a horror movie but really isn't one. That is, unless you're one of those people who completely freak out at the sight of rats. It's more of a bazaar revenge flick. The way the rodents, in particular Ben and Socrates, are portrayed is outstanding. The audience is never really sure either of them are capable of the things Willard thinks they are but we can't rule out the possibility. As a result, we can simultaneously pity Willard for losing his mind and disdain him for the heinous things he has the rats do. It's one of the stranger movies I've seen, but it's deftly directed and maintains enough camp to keep things just off-kilter.

MY SCORE: 7.5/10