Thursday Movie Picks: Romance

31 Days of Horror: Dell's Favorite Horror Comedies, the Top 25

31 Days of Horror: Dell's Favorite Horror Comedies, #52-26

31 Days of Horror: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein

Stake Land

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

Argento's Dracula

Directed by Dario Argento.

2012. Not Rated, 110 minutes.

Cast:

Thomas Kretschmann

Miriam Giovanelli

Rutger Hauer

Asia Argento

Marta Gastini

Unax Ugalde

Giovanni Franzoni

Even when you think you know what you're getting yourself into, it still might be hard to believe when you're actually there. Argento's Dracula is one such place. I mean, the cover of the DVD drips with ooey-gooey cheese. It's animated and shows a guy I presume to be the titular Dracula in the upper left hand corner. Next to him is a larger picture of a female vampire with a lower-than-low cut top. The words beneath her are from some critic proclaiming this to be a throwback to the vampire flicks made by Hammer Films, complete with "heaving bosoms." I paraphrased most of it, but put quotation marks around the phrase "heaving bosoms" because I definitely remember seeing "heaving bosoms." Perhaps it's sad that I couldn't directly quote all of it, but clearly remember "heaving bosoms." In fact, I'm pretty certain I can remember every bosom I've ever seen heave. By this point, I'm just appeasing my own juvenile sense of humor by harping on this. Can you blame me? How often does a guy reviewing allegedly legitimate movies get to talk about heaving bosoms? Too often, apparently, so I'll stop.

And I should. Because the fact of the matter is...sigh. Let's stop for a moment. Occasionally, I have to chastise myself. I started a sentence with 'and,' then followed that by starting the next one with 'because.' Every professor who had a hand in getting me through to an English degree is collectively groaning as you read this. Or, not. They probably have no knowledge of this blog, let alone pay attention to it. Whatever. You're here about a movie, right?

To pick up where I left off, there was something else on the cover letting me know I was in for a cheesetastic experience. In fact, this was the thing that really inspired me to check out Argento's Dracula. This thing is actually a man. He's not just any man, but one who has come to symbolize B-movie madness. Of course, I'm talking about the one and only hobo with a shotgun, Rutger Hauer. Perfect. Play.

The movie is a loose adaptation of Bram Stoker's classic tale. By loose, I mean very loose. It uses the same main characters, presumaby, the same time period, and the same basic idea. Jonathan Harker (Ugalde) is hired by the mysterious Count Dracula (Kretschmann) and travels to stay at the Count's castle. What exactly he's hired for is never made clear, unless I just missed it. That's entirely possible since I was distracted by the rather early appearance of a heaving bosom. To be honest, this bosom doesn't actually heave. It's completely free of any of the constraints that might make heaving possible. Sorry. It's to the point where I can't help myself. Shortly, Tania (Giovanelli), owner of said bosom, is taking the walk of shame through the woods after a tryst with a dude in a barn when a gigantic owl swoops down on her and reveals itself to be Dracula. Yup, an owl. Chomp, chomp, suck, suck, lady vampire. Her job for the rest of the movie is to try to seduce Harker every time she sees him only to be thwarted by the Count himself who has other plans for the dude he hired for reasons undisclosed. Other folks run around trying to figure out what to do about the Count and after about an hour, Rutger Hauer shows up as Van Helsing and takes matters into his own hands.

Most of what's going on here can't possibly pass for good film making. However, the only part of this that's problematic is the clunky pacing, particularly during the first half of the movie. There are a few stretches where you might find yourself bored. Everything else that's happening is terrible on a hilarious level. This even includes the one "good" thing going for it, aside from heaving bosoms, that is. I'm talking about the acting. These performers are all in, going for broke. Most of them are over the top in a manner reminiscent of classically trained Shakespearean thespians doing MacBeth in the park like their next meal depends on it. This gives the whole production a little extra pop, adds to the zaniness of it all. And yeah, dammit - did that again, Rutger Hauer goes Rutger Hauer and Dracula has all the classic vampire strengths and weaknesses plus a few more. Owl and stuff. By stuff, I mean giant praying mantis. Boys and girls, we're dealing with a movie so bad it's bosom heavingly awesome.

MY SCORE: -10/10

More horror that's so bad it's awesome...

Animals

The Car

Cat People (1982)

Die Hard Dracula

Fist of the Vampire

Happy Birthday to Me

It's Alive (2008)

Kingdom of the Spiders

Piranha (2010)

Repo! The Genetic Opera

Texas Chainsaw 3D

Trip with the Teacher

Thursday Movie Picks: Vampire Movies

The theme for this week's Thursday Movie Picks, hosted by the amazing Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves, is one that is near and dear to my heart: vampire movies. Vampires are my favorite of all movie monsters. Well, they were, until the Stephanie Meyer led wussification of them. So yeah, I still fully believe that Edward Cullen must die.

Thankfully, there are some vampire movies of recent vintage that I'm proud to call blood sucker flicks. However, they aren't as widely known as the tripe that rakes in all the box office dough so I'm definitely calling these hidden gems. In fact, all three of my picks made my list of the best vampire movies since 2000. Chronologically, they are...

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust

(2000)

A wealthy man whose daughter has been abducted by vampires hires D, the best hunter in the business to bring her back safely. What transpires is a wild, violent, and strange ride into a world overrun by vampires. D himself is half-vampire. To oversimplify, think of this as an anime version of Blade. Since that's selling it way short, just see the damn movie. Without the kids.

30 Days of Night

(2007)

In a small Alaskan industrial town, the sun is about to set and won't come back up for 30 days. When that happens, a group of vampires shows up with sharp teeth and large appetites. And that's pretty much it. This is one of the most savage and visceral portrayals of vampires ever committed to film. There are no romantic notions, no thoughtful metaphors, just hunting for food. These vampires...and the food they eat...are about as raw as it gets.

Thirst

(2009)

Oldboy director Park Chan-wook delivers this ridiculously under-seen vampire flick. It centers on a priest who, through a blood transfusion needed to save him from a deadly disease, becomes a vampire. If wrestling with that weren't enough for the man's conscience, he finds himself falling in love with a married woman. He turns her. Then the real fun begins. (full review)

Only Lovers Left Alive

Directed by Jim Jarmusch.

2013. Rated R, 123 minutes.

Cast:

Tom Hiddleston

Tilda Swinton

Mia Wasikowska

John Hurt

Anton Yelchin

Jeffrey Wright

Adam (Hiddleston) and Eve (Swinton) are a married couple who, for some unexplained reason, are named Adam and Eve and live on opposite ends of the Earth. She tools about Tangier while he's holed himself up in his cluttered Detroit apartment. Dude is definitely a hoarder. Eve's thing is apparently listening to men speak. Like, I'm not even joking about that. After speaking to him on the phone, Eve decides she misses her hubby and hops a flight to Motown. Oh, I forgot to mention that they happen to be vampires. However, they no longer go around biting people. Instead, they get their food from blood banks and black market dealers. Mostly, they lounge around and talk art and science. Things change when Eve's sister Ava (Wasikowska) comes around. She's more of a free spirit. Understandably, she turns their world upside down. Something artsy ensues.

Every now and then, a movie comes along that just makes me admit defeat. It makes me confess that there are people in the world smarter than myself. There has to be because they're all seeing something that, for the life of me, I can't. Only Lovers Left Alive is one such film. However, before completely giving up, I try my damndest to find it. And since I don't know any better, I'll start looking in the places where I always look.

This means that the plot is the first place I check. There really isn't one to speak of. We find out some vaguely interesting things about the people involved, though. Adam is apparently responsible for much of the great music of centuries' past, I think. However, other than showing that he's a total recluse who occasionally releases his new material through 'a guy' named Ian (Yelchin). We also see he's a technological genius of some sort. He must be. He rigged a cell phone to connect to a TV from I don't know how many decades ago and uses it like Skype. Let's be honest, if you or I were alive for a couple hundred years we still couldn't figure out how to do that. Despite all this, dude is definitely depressed. He's been contemplating suicide hard...HARD. About Eve, well, she...um...she really loves Adam and...uh...she loves hearing men speak. Didn't I say that, already? Sorry, folks. That's all I got on her. Oh, wait. There is one other thing about her. She can tell exactly how old something is just by putting her hands on it. It's a cute trick, but fairly useless in everyday life. As for Ava, she likes to party and well, occasionally she drinks too much. Yup, she's a vampire so it's possible I've just spoiled the only thing that actually happens in the entire damn movie. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's just say that I looked at the plot and found nothing.

My next logical step is to examine the characters. Of course, if you've been paying any attention at all then you know that I've already done that because the plot was missing from its normal spot. If we're keeping count then you know we have a grand total of one mildly interesting character. That's it. Hell, the only other character who matters at all in the whole movie is Marlowe (Hurt), an old dude that, yes, Eve loves listening to. His claim to fame is that he is evidently the one and only Christopher Marlowe that some people allege to have faked his own death and assumed the name William Shakespeare and penned all of those classics. And, of course, he's been around ever since and knew every dead writer you ever read in high school personally. The most interesting thing about him is something that perpetuates the Marlowe/Shakespeare myth. It is implied that, like the real Christopher Marlowe, his human life ended at age 29. However, this Marlowe is an old man and vampires don't age once they've been turned. Hmmm...very clever. Still, that's not quite enough to really give a crap about him. So, yeah, we're still at one mildly interesting character.

Well, what about what these people have to say? You know, dialogue. I'll start by saying this, I generally do not read reviews of movies I haven't seen, if I plan on seeing them in the near future. So even as a lot of my blogging buddies were posting their reviews, possibly including yours, I either clicked off that page or just looked at whatever score you gave and then clicked off. Now that I've watched it, I've gone back and read a number of reviews on it. The dialogue of this movie is getting lots of praise. I'll say this for it, it takes someone with a brain to keep up. That much is for sure. For comparison's sake, I'd say imagine a Quentin Tarantino script that instead of referencing all sorts of pop culture, references historical figures in music and literature. By historical, I mean people who died before the twentieth century. Now strip away all of QT's snark and most of his humor of any sort, and voila, you have Only Lovers Left Alive. Well, that's actually dialogue from Adam and Marlowe. The only other thing Adam really says is "Get off my lawn!" He doesn't use those words, but the sentiment is definitely there. He peeks out of his window and sees a couple of youngsters hanging around and then calls Ian, or wait until he sees him, and orders him to keep those "rock and roll kids" away from his house. Eve mostly just says, "Tell me about ___, darling." Seriously. She does go ape shit when she finds out about teeny tiny thing Adam was hiding from her, but that lasts all of a minute and then its' back to sitting around with her listening ears on until very late in the movie when she finally has to do something. Ian just basically says "Dude, you should get out more." Later, Ava shows up and says "Wooohhh, let's go out!" And, when they get out, she switches over to "Wooohhh, Paaarrrr-tay!" Again, not in those words. Sentiment, people. To sum up the dialogue, we'll say Adam's and Marlowe's is creative, but not riveting and everyone else's is repetitive.

After dialogue, it only makes sense to talk about the acting. Finally, we've reached a strong point. Scroll back to the top and look at that cast again. I don't think anyone of them could be accused of phoning it in. In fact, they are selling it for all they're worth. Tilda Swinton is a phenomenal actress. I've no choice but to give her credit for never seeming bored with her role. She seems genuinely interested in what her mate has to say, even though she's probably heard it all literally a million times before. After all, some of her lines begin with "Tell me again about..." Sigh. Tom Hiddleston gives us his emo-hipster best. We really feel like this is a guy that is more than ready to check out. John Hurt's role is small, but he makes it work. Wasikowska adds what little energy this film has.

The next thing I have to ask myself is what does the movie say? Is there any sort of social commentary or insight into the human condition? Maybe. As far as commentary, we get a drive around a barren Detroit landscape and some lamenting the plight of a once great city. There's also some mumbo-jumbo about it coming back because it's near water. The human condition? There is a nod to the dangers of us constantly consuming junk, the way that we do, and what it's doing to our bodies. I guess you can also say it's a testament to the enduring power of love. Or, whatever the hell else you want. I am so tired of playing this game.

Before I quit, I at least should take a look at more superficial things. I mean, this is a movie about vampires, right? Well, alrighty then. Is it scary? No. Gory? No. Romantic? I guess we can give it that one, begrudgingly on my part, though. Are the action scenes fun? They might be, if there were any. In short, I was bored as shit and struggled mightily to make it through this thing. Going back to our lovebirds, they really started to annoy me, quickly. To make matters worse, I put my finger on the pulse of my dislike for these people. With Adam's rather Cullen...er...sullen attitude and Eve's (I think) misplaced giddiness over just being in his presence really made me feel like I was watching another Twilight sequel, this one set years after the last. Since she's long over Jacob, Charlie has probably collapsed and died beneath the weight of his own mustache, and the Volturi are no longer chasing them, nothing happens. Nothing at all.

Kiss of the Damned

Directed by Xan Cassavetes.

2012, Rated R, 97 minutes. 

Cast: 

Josephine de La Baume 

Milo Ventimiglia 

Roxane Mesquida 

Anna Mouglalis 

Michael Rapaport 

Riley Keough 

Juan Luis Acevedo

Boy Paolo (Ventimiglia) meets girl Djuna (de La Baume) one night in a video store. 'Member those? Right then they go on an impromptu date. It goes so well she invites him back to her place. Just before they get down to the nitty gritty, she switches gears and kicks him out. Damn. Hate when that happens. Still, he's so smitten he returns to her house the next night. She won't let him in because of her "condition." Since he's a persistent bastard, she agrees to give him a big sloppy kiss and winds up biting his lip so hard that it bleeds and sends him packing again. Ouch. Unable to take a hint, he approaches her later when he spots her out and about. What the hell, dude? No means no. Well, sorta, in this case. He again sweet talks his way into her place. Realizing this guy will stop at nothing to get in her pants, she finally lets him know what her condition is. Djuna...yes, Tarantino fans, the D is silent...is a vampire. She's usually able to control herself, but she has a very dangerous "O face." Of course, Paolo doesn't believe any of this, blinded by his raging hard-on and all. To prove it, she has him literally chain her to her bed, which seems to be right up his alley, and lets him get to work. Sure enough, before he even gets little Paolo out, Djuna grows fangs.

Dear reader, I must pause right here in the middle of the recap section of the review to inject myself into the movie. After the lip biting incident I'd be done with her. Let's suppose I wasn't, though. When she brings out the chains, that's my nex cue to get away. Bondage ain't my thing. Okay, maybe she is so fine and I'm just horny enough to stay. In that case, we'd have to figure a way to restrain her head (something they didn't do whatsoever) on the off chance she really is a vampire because I'm planning on being in close proximity. Know what I'm sayin'? If while I'm getting my semi-necrophilia on, she sprouts fangs, whatever courage I had would suddenly go soft as I bolted out of door ASAP. No way in hell would I do what Paolo does. Now back to our regularly scheduled review.

Paolo acts all taken aback, poorly acts I should say, and Djuna bursts into tears. then, yes, he removes her from her shackles. Before you know it, he puts the biscuit in the basket and she gives him one hell of a hickie. The next day, he wakes up to the obvious: he's been Dracularized. They live together in undead bliss until Djuna's crazy sister Mimi (Mesquida) shows up and moves herself in. She is also a vampire. Everyone in the vampire world trying  to deal with this chick's insanity ensues.

Kiss of the Damned presents some nice ideas and takes vampire lore in an interesting direction. Vampirism is often used as a metaphor for something in the real world. In this case, it's drug addiction. In the film's universe most civilized vampires are like recovering addicts. They only drink synthetic blood when they can get it and hunt down an animal when they can't. Those that dine regularly on humans are the ones who still get high and they'll do anything to get their fix. This describes Mimi to a tee. There is much talk of sending her to rehab. However, this is a vampire flick so we're not working up to some tearful intervention. Mimi is clearly the villain. She's a fun one and gets better as things move along.

The whole movie gets better as it goes. Early on, we are distracted by some atrocious acting with only slightly better dialogue. Then, we're nearly bored by the prospect of sitting through yet another cheesy love stoy, no matter how much sex they have. And they have plenty. Then a funny thing happens. Mimi kicks her antics into high gear and the story gets fascinating. We are roped in to her sinister plotting and begin thinking about how Djuna and/or Paolo are going to stop her. Unfortunately, the movie then pricks our balloon with a sharp needle when it simply aborts itself.

Wait, what?

I'll explain.

Kiss of the Damned ends on a completely random and unsatisfying note. It could be construed as a commentary on the dangers of addiction. If so, it's too clever by half. The problem is it has nothing to do with anyone doing anything to resolve our conflict. On top of this, a human character is involved which only serves to highlight the fact we should have gotten to know her way better than we did. She briefly appears a couple times before the climactic scene. The best way for me to describe what happens without spoiling it is to say "oops." It's the type of finale a movie can get away with if it passes itself off as a slice of life story, or maybe if it's a Coen Brothers flick. Here, it just makes me want to grab a wooden stake and hunt down the director.

Vampire Academy

Directed by Mark Waters.

2014. Rated PG-13, 104 minutes.

Cast:

Zoey Deutch

Lucy Fry

Danila Kozlovsky

Gabriel Byrne

Sarah Hyland

Olga Kurylenko

Dominic Sherwood

Cameron Monaghan

Sami Gayle

Ashley Charles

Claire Foy

Vampires were once cool. They were bloodthirsty, yet refined and highly seductive creatures barely able to hide their deadly intentions beneath the mischievous twinkle in their eye. Ones that couldn't hold it together were downright savages, literally going for the jugular of whomever was in their path, finishing meals with fresh blood staining their faces. Whatever the case, vampires were not to be trifled with. Then, they were suddenly named Sullen Cullen, moped around looking constipated, sparkled in daylight, had emo girlfriends, and got jealous of her platonic werewolf friend like a little beyotch. Now, there's a whole high school full of emotionally fragile blood suckers. Sigh.

Before we even get to the school we find out there are three types of vampires. The Moroi make up the ruling class. They're described as peaceful, and mortal. Mortal. Yeah. How mortal, like what's their life expectancy? Never comes up, but I will say they seem like a bunch of wusses. It doesn't help that instead of declaring a major, all these Harry Potter wannabes have to declare which magic they'll practice. You know the magics - fire, water, etc. - like this was The Last F'in Airbender. We're told sunlight bothers them, but other than characters randomly saying it hurts a little there's no real evidence of this. The one true vampire thing about them is that they can only digest human blood. However, they get that from Twilight fans who volunteer it willingly so even that part sucks. Okay, bad pun. And the volunteers aren't Twilight groupies. Explicitly.

Let's move on.

The Dhampir are half-human/half-vampire. They exist solely to protect the Morons Moroi. To be honest, I've no clue what makes them even remotely vampiric since the sun has no effect on them, they can eat toaster strudels, and I'm fairly certain they've never heard of Bram Stoker, nor are they aware of the fact that they're pissing on his grave. Hell, I think some of it is trickling over into Bela Lugosi's casket and staining his red satin lined cape.

Phew. Deep cleansing breaths. Sorry. Tangent.

Finally, we have the Strigoi. They are the downright savages I mentioned earlier. Strangely, they're never referred to as immortal even though it's stressed that the Morons Moroi are not. By the way, a Moron Moroi can turn into a Strigoi. I guess it works like your favorite good guy wrestler turning heel. Whatever. At least they can't come out during the day. Better yet, they can be killed by silver. Oh wait. That's supposed to be for...you know what? Screw it. I'll give them credit for being badasses. Unfortunately, they disappear for large chunks of the.movie. Boo.

Alright, I've been at this review way too long and haven't gotten anywhere. The point of this whole movie is that Dhampir Rose (Deutch) is assigned to protect Moroi Lissa (Fry), heiress to the throne, from the Strigoi. Well, that's what it's supposed to be about. What we really get is Lissa maneuvering her way around the school's cliques and rumor mill while Rose crushes on her dark haired Fabio of a combat instructor. I swear Rose is written and performed like a rip off of Ellen Page from Juno. We meet a made up to be really old and decrepit Gabriel Byrne try to pass time until he could cash his check his one big scene, and watch Olga Kurylenko impersonate Elizabeth Banks from The Hunger Games. Later, we say "Look, there's that girl from Modern Family who looks like she could be Mila Kunis' little sister." Well, she looks like that to me. Anyhoo, none of this is very interesting. Exception made for the thinly veiled anti-lesbian sentiment. Well, I read it that way. Toward the end, we get a couple of unsurprising twists to cap off this particular teen soap. The credits roll and we realize yet another novel for young adults (that I'll never read) has been made into a crappy movie.

Fist of the Vampire

Directed by Len Kabasinski.

2007, Not Rated, 96 minutes.

Cast:

Brian Heffron

Darian Caine

Brian Anthony

Cheyenne King

Len Kabasinski

Deanna Visalle

Victor Kuehn

James C. Nickels

Dave Campbell

Melissa Scott

It is finally Halloween. It’s also the bittersweet end to 31 consecutive days spent in horror flick captivity. To commemorate the occasion, I figured I’d go out with something totally nutty. Since I have plenty of odd cinematic excursions in my own collection I started by searching there.

Searching.

Searching.

Keep searching.

Voila!

Fist of the Vampire.

Okay…before I get into this, let me get my mind right.

Deep breath in…big exhale. Again. Okay, now I’m good.

Let’s start with our hero, Lee (Anthony). He’s a detective whose request for transfer has just come through. When he get to his new duty station he is promptly assigned an undercover gig to infiltrate an underground fight club. In addition to people beating the crap out of each other there is suspected to be, of course, lots of gambling, illicit drugs and possibly some prostitution. Instead of posing as a prospective gambler as suggested by his boss, our knight in shining armor decides to go in as a potential fighter. Okay, fine. Do things your way, Mr. Hero. Anyhoo, he finds out what we already know: Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are really…oh, wait. Wrong movie. What Lee really discovers is that this particular fight club is ran by a trio of vampires who, in addition to being crooks, occasionally dine on the talent. Bad. Movie. Heaven.

Everything about this movie is horrendous, amazing, or both at the same time. The fight scenes epitomize this. Whenever one starts up, which is quite often, some heart pounding music kicks in. Good stuff. Our combatants are full of vigor. Good stuff. The fight choreography is nothing special, but passable. Good stuff considering I didn’t expect Sammo Hung quality. Unfortunately, the execution of that choreography is hilariously bad. I mean, you see the same moves you’ve seen in hundreds of other movies, but with pauses between them. Often, instead of a punch being blocked as it is being thrown, a fighter throw the punch then leave his/her arm extended for a second or so until their opponent reaches up to block the punch. I really can’t tell you how much laughter this gave me.

Visual effects are another example of how good and terrible this movie is. The movie opens in 1977, by the way, before transitioning to “present day.” During these opening scenes, the filmmakers made a concerted effort to make it look like a 70s flick. The color is a little more washed out and they superimposed some grain onto the screen to make it look like old school film stock. I was genuinely impressed. Vampire related gore is also a plus. Throats are ripped open pretty good. Granted, it looks as if they got everything they needed for these scenes from the Halloween section at Party City, but they did a pretty solid job with it. Then there are gun related effects. Oh man, is this bad. Superimposing grain for the 1977 scenes works. Doing the same with cartoon splatters and flashes of light does not. It doesn't help that the actors often poke out their guns in an exaggerated manner as they shoot. No one in real life who has any experience with firearms does this. Yes, this incites more laughter.

I could go on listing things that sorta work until they fail in spectacularly funny fashion, but I think I’ve said enough. Well, I will mention one more thing. I have to mention the acting. I guess you can call it that. It’s never actually good. Instead it ranges from sounding as if the lines are being read for the first time to sounding the way someone would say them if they were talking in their sleep. Anticipating how much more unnaturally the next line will be delivered just adds to the fun. And I haven’t even mentioned that our hero gets woken up by a phone call from his boss every single morning and we’re shown this with the shot framed the exact same way every stinking time. Mix in a barely coherent script, gratuitous nudity, and the oddity of gangsta vampires and you've got yourself a flick that’s so bad it’s awesome!

The Best Vampire Movies Since 2000

If there is a positive fallout from the advent of Twilight, it's that vampires have been in vogue since the first book of the series hit the best-seller list. Bloodsuckers have invaded screens big and small, dragging werewolves and other classic monsters with them. Having been a fan of vampire flicks since I was a little boy, I can't help but to be a tiny bit thankful.

However, if you've been here all month you might have noticed that I haven't reviewed many vampire flicks this October. Starving for blood, so to speak, I've re-watched a number of them and even sat through the steaming pile I reviewed a few days ago: Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned. Ugh. After all this I asked myself "why not make a vampire list?" Hmmm...the greatest vampire movies of all-time? Maybe next time. Let's narrow our focus a bit. Since the hated Twilight franchise, at least indirectly, helped bring about this exercise, let's keep it close to its own era as possible. While we're at it, let's title it like some sort of definitive list even though it's not. Besides, I'm sure you'll let me know what I've missed. Anyhoo, in my very humble opinion, these are...

The Best Vampire Movies Since 2000

10. Hotel Transylvania (2012)

Okay, I know this is not what you were expecting, but the simple fact is I like this movie more than the dozens of other vampire flicks I left out. That's more of a sad commentary on the genre than anything else. Still, it's fun and well-done. It is all about a dad going overboard to protect his daughter. Dad just happens to be Count Dracula.

9. 30 Days of Night (2007)

The beauty of this movie is its simplicity. In an Alaskan industrial town, it is about to be dark for an extended period of time. As the sun sets, a group of vampires comes into town looking for a feast. That's it. No romantic notions here about a creature who's diet consists solely of human blood. These are simply aggressive and nasty predators. It's perhaps the most willing to be just a horror flick of any movie on this list.

8. Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000)

In the future, vampire hunting has become a very lucrative occupation. The best hunter out there is D. His big advantage is that he's half-vampire. When a young woman is abducted by a vampire, her father hires D to bring her home safely, or kill her humanely if she's already become one herself. The catch is he's also hired a crew of hunters, so our hero has some competition out there. It's an interesting movie that takes the vampire in some new, and often, strange directions. Don't let the fact that it's animated fool you. It's a dark tale and not made for the little ones. If you don't like anime, steer clear.

7. Daybreakers (2010)

This one is more of a thinking man's entry into the canon of vampire movies. Most of the world's population has already turned into bloodsuckers. Unsurprisingly, they are running out of human blood which is a big problem. The remaining humans form a resistance and might possibly have a cure. There are also the disgusting little creatures vampires devolve into if/when they start feeding on vampire blood. The movie was not especially well-received, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. The plot plays out nicely and despite what I said about this being a thinking man's flick, things get pretty nasty.

6. I Am Legend (2007)

We've already established that Richard Matheson's most famous tale is only loosely followed in this adaptation (click here). What we also established is that most of the liberties taken with the story are for the better. Will Smith gives a surprisingly vulnerable performance and ably conveys a man who knows great loss, but thinks he can fix things. By things, I mean the plague that has turned seemingly everyone else in the world into vampires. These vamps are closer to zombies and have been almost universally panned for being rendered by shoddy cgi. Honestly, I've seen worse. Besides, the movie around them functions pretty well.

5. Underworld (2003)

Vampires and werewolves, here referred to as Lycans, have been waging war for centuries and things are coming to a head. We get in on the story as the one special human is found who can survive being bitten by both monstrous species and could be a formidable weapon. This one plays out as if both creatures were thrown into The Matrix. It is pretty easily the most stylish and least horror movie on the list. Some might say all that style merely masks the lack of substance. I'm cool with that. It works for me. Granted, the franchise spawned from this flick is largely rubbish, but I'm rather fond of this one.

4. Blade II (2002)

Marvel Comics' half-human, half-vampire hero Blade has dedicated his life to destroying vampires. They are out to get him, too. However, at least for one night, both parties have to put aside their differences and work together because there is something out there worse than either of them: The Reapers. Director Guillermo del Toro crafts a movie that functions as part horror flick and part superhero adventure and bittersweet love story. This is by far my favorite movie in the franchise and one of my favorite comic book flicks of all-time.

3. Let Me In (2010)

Here we have the American remake of a Swedish vampire flick. Like its predecessor, it's a wonderful tale of a troubled young boy in love with a girl who happens to be a vampire. We deal extensively with bullying, absentee parenting, puppy love, even pedophilia. Having it set in the 80s also gives some of us old farts a good deal of nostalgia. Yes, I sing along when Culture Club's "Do You Really Wanna Hurt Me" plays. What of it? Anyhoo, all of these things are handled well. Also well done are the performances of our youthful leads and the sheer exhaustion expressed by Richard Jenkins. And of course, in true American fashion, it is more visually gruesome than the original.

2. Let the Right One In (2008)

Okay, maybe it's a cop-out to have both the original and the remake on the same list. But this movie is soooooooo good. True, the remake offers more in the way of blood and guts. On the other hand this one is more subtle. It doesn't show us as much to our eyes, but the more implicit narrative makes this one a bit creepier. Along with all the themes of the American flick, this one includes homosexuality and emasculation in both the literal and figurative sense. Therefore, it's even braver than the remake, too.

1. Thirst (2009)

Vampire movies that mix horror and romance are nothing new. See most of the movies on this list. Still, there's never been one quite like this. While volunteering for a medical experiment in hopes of helping find a cure for the Emanuel virus, a priest contracts the fatal disease himself. Luckily for him, a blood transfusion saves his life. The drawback is that it transforms him into a vampire. Oops. To make things even more complicated, he falls in love with a married woman. As the undead must do to the ones they love, he turns her. She then becomes what might be the scariest vampire in any movie on this list. Korean director Chan-wook Park gives us a beautiful looking movie, despite the gore (or because of it) with a terrifically bittersweet ending.

Hotel Transylvania

Directed by Genndy Tartakovsky.

2012. Rated PG, 91 minutes.

Cast:

Adam Sandler

Selena Gomez

Kevin James

Steve Buscemi

Fran Drescher

Molly Shannon

David Spade

Cee Lo Green

Andy Samberg

After the passing of his wife, Count Dracula (Sandler) is left all alone with his little girl Mavis (Gomez). To provide a safe haven for them and other monsters, he decides to build a hotel where only they can come while he and Mavis will never have to leave. Every year, all of their monster friends gather to celebrate Mavis’ birthday. This one is special because it is her 118^th. Like normal 118 year olds, she wants to leave the castle and explore the world. She gets her wish, but thanks to a nifty setup by her dad, she finds out humans are every bit as rotten as he makes them out to be. When Dracula discovers a not-so-threatening human Jonathan (Samberg) on hotel grounds, he goes to great lengths to get rid of the unwanted visitor before Mavis and his guests find out.

Despite its use of just about every type of movie monster imaginable, Hotel Transylvania is really just a tale about an overprotective father and his daughter becoming an adult. It uses similar humor to what we’ve seen in other such movies, animated or not. It works, at times. It has more success with all the double-entendres it slips in. Most of these work fine as surface jokes for the kids, but also as slyly naughty bits for the parents in the audience.

The movie also works well when it is showcasing all of those monsters and making them as normal as possible. For instance, the werewolf (Buscemi) is a weary dad and husband with a boat-load of unruly kids; Frankenstein (James) is a big and strong but very insecure guy. His fragility epitomized by his literal coming apart at the seams. Our wicked witches provide hotel house cleaning. And on it goes. It puts characters we’ve known for a long time in a different light and has fun with it. Helping further, it effectively spoofs a number of traditional elements of monster lore. We get riffs on the seemingly endless number of secret corridors in movie castles and other such things.

Where parents and kids are likely to be most divergent in their opinions of this movie is when it shifts into manic musical mode. I’m sure the little ones will have a blast when Jonathan rocks out on the guitar, or raps, or when Dracula himself raps. For me, it came across as a reach for cool points with the youngsters that it didn’t need to make, not something organic to the story. It doesn’t help that during these scenes the characters are animated with the goofiest possible looks on their faces.

Musical numbers aside, for me at least, Hotel Transylvania is a fun flick. Even though it includes all the monsters, it never strives for kiddie horror. Still, it’s pretty slick with its inclusion of horror movie tropes. It even includes a moment or two that could almost be described as grisly (a pitchfork through a zombie’s head, for example). Our cast is also game. Adam Sandler does his best Bela Lugosi and even gets mocked for it. Steve Buscemi is perfect in his role, as are a number of others. If you’re looking for a Halloween appropriate movie for the children, this is a solid choice.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned

Directed by Brian Thomson.

2008. Not Rated, 77 minutes.

Cast:

Gregg Aaron Greenberg

Joseph Riker

Zoe Hunter

Trina Analee

Monique Dupree

Kaitlyn Gutkes

Joe Testa

Sean Parker

Lloyd Kaufman

Chuck (Riker) is about to get married to Michelle (Analee), his high school sweetheart. Fittingly, his bestest buddy Sammy (Greenberg) decides to throw him a weekend long bachelor party. With the help of their creepy friend Gordon (Testa), they have the use of a house in The Hamptons for all the debauchery they can handle. When the strippers/hookers show up, all hell breaks loose. I mean that quite literally because it turns out these are ladies of the evening in more ways than one. Yup, they’re vampires.

Low budget gore fests can be fun. This one, not so much. Too many things are botched that money doesn't account for. Mainly, I’m referring to the horrible writing on display. This might seem a strange complaint from someone willingly sitting through what I've already called a low budget gore fest, but hear me out. Forgiving the clichéd plot, the movie fails to give us either a likable protagonist or a detestable antagonist. The one guy we might sort of like, Chuck, is such a wuss we want to smack him and tell him to grow a pair. The person we’re set up to root for, Sammy, is a jerk. I guess he’s supposed to be cool because he’s an arrogant jock type, but it isn't working. The whole crew, four guys in all, seems to be angling for Hangover vibe, but falls woefully short. Instead, they feel like aggressively homophobic frat boys spouting off a never ending string of bad jokes. I won’t go into who their adversary is even though it will be obvious within seconds of that person’s first appearance. This person isn't exactly instilling fear in those watching. This is made even worse by all the ridiculously bad acting on display. Strike that. It is far worse than that. To call it so is offensive to ridiculously bad actors. The result of neither the good guys nor the bad guys being the least bit compelling is an apathetic viewer.

I know what you’re thinking. No one goes into a movie called Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned looking for an eloquently written script and Oscar worthy performances. What about the girls and the gore? Fair enough. Now, I am of the mindset that there is something beautiful about most women. Such is the case, here. However, I will say these aren't the type of ladies most horn dogs who would pop such a movie into their DVD player will be looking for. That’s aside from the fact there isn't really any stripping going on. Nudity? Yes. Stripping? No. That said, kudos goes to Zoe Hunter who plays the redheaded vampire. Regardless of whether or not you think she’s being exploited, she gives the movie’s best performance by just going for broke. As for the gore, there really isn't that much of it and what’s there is a mixed bag, at best. It’s largely shots of the aftermath of whatever has just happened. If you've seen a few horror movies, this isn't likely to rate very high with you.

The movie obviously wants to be so bad it’s awesome, but its elements of terribleness don’t come together in a manner allowing it to cross that threshold. It’s most unforgivable sin is that it’s far too boring, especially early, for a movie with such a promising title. It never engages us so we’re not likely to remember any of these people ten minutes after it is over. The whole thing feels slapped together without any sort of imagination. Scratch that. There is one bit of imagination: the unexplained ability of the black vampire’s (Dupree) impressively sized and possibly surgically enhanced boobs. Well, it is sort of explained if you check the credits. Her character is listed as “Emerald – the demon boobie vampire.” At least there’s that. Sigh.

3 Movies, 1 Book: I Am Legend

In the annals of horror, Richard Matheson's novel I Am Legend has become precisely what its title proclaims. Authors who are the genre's giants such as Stephen King and Dean Koontz mark it as one of the books that inspired them to pick up a pen. The cinematic world has been an advocate as well. It has been officially adapted three times for the big screen, a few times unofficially, and ripped off numerous other times. It practically gave birth to the idea of a zombie apocalypse without calling it such.

For today's exercise, we're focusing on the three official film adaptations of the iconic book. The first was 1964's The Last Man on Earth, starring horror legend Vincent Price in the lead role. That was followed by 1971's The Omega Man with Charlton Heston taking over last man duties. The last was 2007's I Am Legend with Will Smith as our hero. If nothing else, it's a part played by three highly accomplished actors.

Our purpose is two-fold. First, we want to find out which of the three movies is the most faithful to its source material. Despite the fact they are all adapted from the same novel, they are hardly the same. Neither of the latter two movies could be called a remake of the one(s) before it. Second, which one is the best movie? After all, a film is not necessarily better or worse because it is more or less faithful to its source.

With this in mind, we will use a grading system different from my usual. We're going to break this thing down into seven different categories and give them two grades for each on a scale of four undead. One grade will be called "Faithfulness." I think that one is self-explanatory. The other is for "Effectiveness." Is whatever the movie does in a given category effective for the movie that it's in? Does it work? At the end, I'll bring back my normal scale to give you an idea of my thoughts on how good the movies are.

SPOILER ALERT!

NORMALLY, I try not to spoil the movies I review. Since this is a comparative breakdown, there are spoilers aplenty. So if you haven't seen any of these movies, or read the book and you plan to do just that, continue at your own risk. Most importantly, don't come whining to me that I ruined them for you.

Now, let's get to the bottom of this...

Our Hero

The Novel: A vicious plague has swept the Earth, transforming people into vampires. As best he can tell, Robert Neville has been the last uninfected man on the planet for almost a year. He's still figuring out the ins and outs of survival. Most days are spent travelling around driving stakes into the hearts of as many vampires as he can find. He drops them into a smoldering pit left by the military as the best way to dispose of infected bodies. Most nights are spent drinking himself into a stupor and blaring classical music while the vampires hang around his house trying to get in. Being alone for so long, he also has to fight off his own sexual urges as the females among those vampires expose themselves and do other things in hopes of drawing him out. Though he was just a regular guy before all this, he eventually starts trying to figure out what makes the vampires the way they are.

The Last Man on Earth (LM): Inexplicably named Robert Morgan (Price), we meet our hero three years after he's "inherited the earth." He's a weary vet with his system of survival down pat, the way he is very late in the novel. When he's not killing vampires, he's taking the dead ones that lay at his doorstep each morning to "the pit." Before the plague decimated the population, he was a scientist working on figuring it out and finding a cure. Vincent Price is perfectly worn out which serves the movie well.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

The Omega Man (OM): Robert Neville (Heston) lives in a swanky second floor apartment stocked with food and tools around town in a sweet convertible. Though he does spend his days killing the creatures of the night, his weapon of choice is an assault rifle. He's also been alone for several years, and occasionally loses track of time watching a movie at the local theater or browsing the racks at a clothing store. Before things went completely south, he was a military doctor who became immune by injecting himself with an experimental vaccine. Now, after long days of gunning down the infected, he relaxes at night with a drink and some classical music. In this role, Charlton Heston is all 70s swagger, baby.

Faithfulness:  
Effectiveness: 

I Am Legend (IL): It's been three years since the plague has wiped out or transformed the rest of the population. Robert Neville pays close attention to the time while out and about with his dog and his rifle. He avoids the infected as much as possible, preferring to spend his time trying to solve the riddle of the plague and now continues to work hard on a cure. By night, he retreats to the bathroom of his heavily barricaded apartment and curls up in the bathtub with his pet and his weapon. Forgoing his trademark boisterousness, Will Smith plays our hero as a very cautious and justifiably terrified man.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

Side Note: The one thing none of the three movies does is develop our hero as a character. He simply is what he is when we first meet him and merely has to make a few decisions along the way. In the book, we see him grow, both in how he reacts to his circumstances and in trying to understand the disease that has taken over the world. This makes him a much more intriguing protagonist than any of the films make him.

Our Hero's Family

Novel: Through the use of flashbacks, we find out that Neville once had a wife and daughter, Virginia and Kathy, respectively. His daughter is infected early on. When this becomes known, the government literally snatches her out of Neville's arm and takes her to the pit where all of the sick are burned. Virginia is also infected and seems to die in their home. Not wanting her to suffer the same indignity as Kathy, Robert drives here body out to the boonies and buries it. A few days later she shows up back at home. Robert has no choice but to stake her like any other vampire.

LM: Much of what takes place in this part of the story is lifted directly from the book. In Virginia's (Emma Danieli) case, this is fine except it's never quite clear how he manages to get rid of her the second time around. As far as Kathy (Christi Courtland) is concerned, the only difference is that she is taken from Virginia's arms instead of Robert's and he goes down to the pit in an unsuccessful effort to save her. The problem is in execution. The acting job done by Courtland is all sorts of atrocious. Granted, she's only a little girl at the time but her performance is laughably bad. She's supposed to have gone blind as a result of her sickness, but it is very clear that she isn't. This is a case where being faithful to the book doesn't quite work out the way it is intended.

Faithfulness:  
Effectiveness: 

OM: What family? Seriously, having once been a devoted husband and a doting father is not this guy's style. There was once too much tail out there to be chased.

Faithfulness: ZERO
Effectiveness: 

IL: This time, the flashbacks tell us that Robert's wife Zoe (Salli Richardson) and daughter Marley (the star's real life daughter Willow) were not infected. Thanks to our hero's standing in the world, they were lucky enough to be part of a group that is being evacuated from the city by helicopter. Unfortunately, a mishap on another helicopter causes it to crash into theirs, presumably killing everyone aboard either one.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

The Plague

Novel: The vampire germ is an airborne strain which turns out to be an unintended consequence of atomic warfare. It spreads quickly throughout the world on the winds of the frequent dust storms that have also resulted from the war.

LM: An unidentified European disease has become airborne and blown around the world, transforming everyone into vampires.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

OM: As a result of biological warfare between China and Russia, most of the world's population is killed. The survivors are all mutated and rendered a little loose in the noggin.

Faithfulness:    
Effectiveness: 

IL: The vaccine that cures cancer is hailed as an unmitigated success. Unfortunately, it soon mutates and transforms the host. Eventually, it becomes airborne and yada, yada, yada.

Faithfulness:  
Effectiveness: 

Creatures of the Night

Novel: They are vampires in that they dine on blood, cannot come out during the day and can't be killed by gunfire, but will succumb to a wooden stake through the heart. They also exhibit what we now think of as zombie characteristics. They move slowly, mumble incoherently and groan a lot. They're also obviously mentally inferior to our hero. In fact, they're downright imbecilic. Each night, a number of them mill around Neville's house, calling his name and trying to draw him out. When they get hungry, they feed on the weaker one of their own kind. Any humans they kill rise up to join their ranks.

LM: Our vampires are almost exactly as they are in the novel. The only slight difference is they are also a lot physically weaker than normal human beings. Unfortunately, this doesn't come off so well on the screen. They seem to be very little threat to our hero.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

OM: Are they vampires? No. Zombies? No. For lack of a better description they're demented albinos. Their hair and skin are gray and they're homicidal. Other than that, they don't seem to be any physiologically different than they might have been before. They have certainly maintained their mental capacity and are quite organized. All of the ones we meet belong to a highly organized cult called The Family. It's more goofy than anything else.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

IL: These guys are closer to zombies in appearance, but like vampires they can't come out during the day. As zombies go, they're a modernized sort that move with great speed and strength. As vampires go, they're more primitive. They do show some thought organization, even if it is only in service of their relentless aggression. They're simply out to kill or infect any humans left. Unlike in the novel and both of the other movies, they initially have no idea where Robert lives. Occasionally, the CGI that brings them to life is too easily noticeable. Faithful? Not really. Effective? Yes really.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

Who's That Girl?

Novel: Ruth is a young woman Neville comes across while out and about one day. Since at first she's scared of him, our hero has to chase her down and gives her a place to stay after finding out she's been wandering around for a while. Turns out, she's part of a group of vampires who have discovered something that keeps the disease at bay. It allows them to appear human, move around in the daylight and maintain their faculties. Of course, they have to repeatedly take this drug to stay this way. These vampires vow to start a new society of which Ruth is a ranking officer. Their first order of business is killing Robert Neville.

LM: Ruth's (Franca Bettoia) story plays out nearly identical to the way it does in the book. Some of the conversations between she and Robert are ripped verbatim from its pages. One difference is that this is all very platonic. There is no sex between them in the book, but once he sees a human girl for the first time in forever, he can't help but have some dirty thoughts. There is no hint of that in this movie. The other difference comes at the end. Ruth is merely a pawn in the plans of the leaders of this new society and tries to come to our hero's defense. Unlike it's depiction of the vampires that hang around the house this is not only faithful, it works very well.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

OM: Ruth is now named Lisa (Rosalind Cash). Robert's discovery of her happens in a department store but starts off in the same manner as the book. From there, things change. She actually lives in the hill with a group of people forming a rather passive resistance to The Family. Most, if not all of them, are themselves infected. They just haven't turned gray and crazy, yet. Except for Lisa's teenage brother Richie (Eric Laneuville), that is. He is in the process of changing and grows increasingly ill as the movie progresses. This is the only entry, book included, to show Robert act on his sexual urges. Extra kudos for this action starts with one of the earliest known interracial kisses in American cinema.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

IL: This time Ruth is named Anna (Alice Braga) and is travelling with a little boy named Ethan (Charlie Tahan). They meet our hero by saving his life one night, by the way this is a sizable plot-hole (more on that later). She and Ethan are uninfected and trying to get to the rumored colony of survivors, of which Robert doesn't believe. Anna is completely set up as the movie's beacon of hope, not only because of her insistence on the colony's existence, but also that of God despite Robert's vehement arguments for the contrary. Like TLM, this one eschews any notion of sexual attraction.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

Who's That Dog?

Novel: One morning, Neville happily discovers a small dog in front of his hous that quickly scurries away in fear. Over the course of a few weeks, he and the dog form a bond at which point he finally gets the canine into the house with a major struggle. He soon discovers the dog is infected and dies within a week though its never made explicitly clear how.

(Couldn't actually find a pic of the dog, but this should sum it up)

LM: The relationship between Robert and the dog plays out much like Robert Matheson created it, albeit in a much truncated form. The rather small difference is that when our hero discovers the dog is infected, he stakes it like the rest of the vampires and buries it.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

OM: What dog? Trying to care for some stray might have forced our hero to show his less manly side. Charlton Heston doesn't have a less manly side.

Faithfulness: ZERO                
Effectiveness: 

IL: This time around, Neville gets the dog, named Sam, as a pup from his daughter while the girl and her mom are being evacuated. The youngster tells dad to take care of it. Three years later, the pup is full grown and functions as both the only companion to our hero and the last link to his family. Unfortunately, a nasty battle with a pair of infected dogs causes Sam to contract the virus, herself. Neville tries to save Sam, but ends up having to put him down by snapping the poor mutt's neck.

Faithfulness:              
Effectiveness: 

The Big Finish

Novel: Ruth takes off but leaves a letter behind explaining about the pill she takes that enables her to remain somewhat normal. Robert then figures out a major detail about why people have become infected in the manner they have. We fast-forward a few years and Ruth's people come after our hero, bring him back to their headquarters and kill him. It's clearly set up as a massive turn of the tables. Now that he is the only "man" and spends so much time killing vampires, he has become the monster. As the book says, "normalcy is a majority concept." The vampires are afraid of him and must get rid of him before their new society can thrive. The hero has become the villain.

LM: Robert has an idea that his blood can cure the "disease." He finds out he's right when he cures Ruth. However, since her people are coming for our hero tonight there's no time to stop them and inform them of the good news. Instead, they show up gung-ho, ready to kill. Robert manages to get away from home but is chased to a nearby church where he is killed. The prevailing idea of the transferable quality of normalcy remains with the added religious weight of Robert's pleading with them to let him "save" them while being executed in a house of worship.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

OM: Our hero comes up with a cure utilizing his own blood, cooks up a batch and uses it to rescue Lisa's brother. The boy is so thankful, he takes it upon himself to go tell The Family about the wonderful thing Robert did for him. He's killed for his trouble. Before the kid dies, Robert learns where he went to tries to save him, again. Unfortunately, Robert also gets himself killed. Meanwhile, Lisa's infection finally takes over. She changes and joins up with the bad guys. Before taking his last breath, Robert hands over some of his magic potion to the folks from the hills who take off with Lisa in tow. It's only a little bit, but the clear indication is that they will be able to cure themselves and live happy lives far away from The Family.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

IL: Thanks to Anna being followed the night she saved Robert, they're all over his hous and eventually get in, trapping Robert, Anna, and Ethan in his lab. During the mayhem, Robert discovers that his vaccine is actually working on the sedated vampire/zombie he has strapped to a hospital bed. He puts some in a vial, gives it to Anna and puts her and the boy in a secured vent to hide until morning when they can escape. As the angry mob of vampires finally breaks down the glass wall between them and our hero, he blows up the whole building with himself in it. The next morning, Anna and Ethan drive to the survivor's colony and hands over the cure to the military. The implication here is that they will replicate it and bring an end to the madness. Like the other two movies, it plays up the idea of Robert becoming a martyr, but like OM, misses the main theme of the book.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

Final Movie Grades

Note: The "faithfulness" and "effectiveness" scores reflect each movie's average score for all the previous categories, but is not exact. "On My Usual Scale" is what I grade the movie using my normal method.

LM: Of the three movies, this is clearly the most faithful to the book. Of course, that should be expected since Richard Matheson himself churned out the original screenplay. It was revamped enough that he decided to remove his name, but his fingerprints are still all over it. LM takes a number of passages and applies them to the screen almost exactly as they are on the page. Its conclusion maintains the ideas the book conveys. It is also the only movie to show us Robert's relationship with Ben Cortman, a co-worker before the outbreak who is now the first vampire outside his door every night. Cortman remains simultaneously symbolic of what once was and what currently is. Perhaps due to the era in which it was made, LM almost completely removes sex from the equation while Matheson's novel often reminds us that Neville has gone without for quite a while and feels the urge strongly. Still, this movie's overall commitment to its source largely pays off. The only real drawback is that the vampires come off as rather lame. Unfortunately, this is a sizable detriment to a movie that otherwise works rather nicely as thought-provoking horror. The tone is slightly off from what we expect from the genre and it doesn't have any of what we think of as "scary" moments, but its a solid movie.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

On My Usual Scale: 7.5/10

OM: Here, we have a movie that tries to do too much of its own thing in an effort to update what was then twenty year old material. The irony of this is that the novel is actually set during the mid 1970s. OM is particularly mindful of the fact that it was made during an era when revolution was in the air. After all, the turbulent sixties was barely in America's rear view mirror and The Black Panther Party was still a prominent organization. In fact, they were a heavy influence on how the character Lisa is portrayed. More importantly, they were a big reason the vampires were changed into a revolutionary type sect, instead of mindless wandering creatures. Without question this is the most politically charged (and right wing?) of the three films. By itself, that doesn't make it any less of a movie. More of an issue is how goofy many of the changes come off. They may have worked back when OM first came out, but they haven't aged well. The whole thing is steeped in 70s silliness, not all of it in a good way. It also loses points by omitting some elements completely and coming across more as an action flick than horror.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

On My Usual Scale: 5.5/10

IL: Like OM, IL does plenty of its own thing in the name of updating the material. In the case, the majority of it works. Most important is the tone of the movie and the creatures themselves. It is effectively dreadful and worrisome. Our hero is a legitimately scared guy who has a set schedule for everything to ensure he is back home by dark. What he is hiding from is truly dangerous, something lost in the Vincent Price movie. They're stronger and faster than our hero and made purely of aggression. This time, however, the presence of the woman and the little boy is as much a negative as it is a positive. She's more transparently a plot point while the boy is pretty much a prop. They also create at least one plot hole: if the creatures are able to follow her home as she sped away in Neville's vehicle, how is this not so big lady able to drag this six foot plus, two hundred something pound man up a flight of outdoor steps, unlock and push open the heavy door and get her, him and the child to safety? Of course, once inside she apparently carries him up a much longer flight of stairs and puts him to bed. And how did she know how to get there anyway? Presumably, she's not familiar with the area since she's from Brazil, and somehow made her way to New York via Philadelphia. Honestly, this doesn't ruin the movie for me, but definitely earns it a demerit. Lastly, our big finish also chooses to go the OM route and showcase our hero's benevolence by having him sacrifice himself. However, it's sacrifice born more Robert's sense of civic duty than of any romantic inclinations since, like LM it removes sex from the proceedings all together. In the end, we have a movie that's more faithful to the spirit of the main character than to the novel itself, but is the best functioning as a horror pic and most exciting of the three.

Faithfulness: 
Effectiveness: 

On My Usual Scale: 7.5/10