Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

Directed by Brad Bird.

2011. Rated PG-13, 133 minutes.
Cast:
Tom Cruise

Jeremy Renner

Simon Pegg
Paula Patton
Michael Nyqvist
Vladimir Mashkov
Léa Seydoux
Miraj Grbic
Tom Wilkinson
Ving Rhames
Michelle Monaghan

We start on what by now seems to be a normal day in the life of extra super duper secret agent Ethan Hunt (Cruise). He busts out of a Serbian prison while dragging along a fellow inmate who may have some valuable information. He finds out that one of his buddies was killed in the line of duty. More importantly, Hunt learns that he has to retrieve a file that’s locked away in the Kremlin. Yes, an actual physical file and not an electronic one. While there, someone else blows the place up. Unfortunately for our hero and his crew, they’re being blamed so the good ol’ USA has to disavow any knowledge of Ethan and company. We learn this is called ghost protocol, hence the title. Anyhoo, not only do the good guys have to clear their own names, but that of the United States, as well. They must do this without the help of their native land, either. Of course, accomplishing this means they also must stop some Russian nut from starting a nuclear war. And you thought you had a tough day at work.

Thankfully for us, watching this particular mission is a better viewing experience that the last couple. The first movie in the series was pointlessly and aggressively convoluted making it a chore to watch. As a knee-jerk reaction to the sheer confusion of much of its audience, parts II and III turned Hunt into a superhero and dumbed everything down to seemingly random stunts and explosions. So far, the franchise hasn’t been able to strike the proper balance between sophisticated espionage and stupid action.

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol takes a step in the right direction. Make that a few steps. The action is dialed back a bit. Don’t worry junkies, there’s still plenty for you to tweak on. The difference is that everything going boom isn’t the focus. The story between the stunts actually intrigues us. Occasionally, it slips into needlessly cryptic exposition but for the most part, it works. So does the comic relief, courtesy of Benji (Pegg). For that matter, the camaraderie and sometimes contentiousness of this new squad is pretty entertaining. This includes an interesting turn by Jeremy Renner as Agent Brandt. Though I must admit that I did miss Ving Rhames who only has a cameo in this installment.

If there is a problem with MIGP it’s with Ethan Hunt, himself. Mind you, I’m not talking about Tom Cruise. Haters be damned, he’s solid just doing what he normally does: giving us the Tom Cruise persona. I’m talking about the actual character. It’s the same problem that’s plagued the franchise and one I alluded to earlier: Ethan Hunt is invincible. His decision making is also infallible no matter how quick he has to make them or how stressful the situation in which he finds himself. It’s kind of hard to generate any real suspense when we know that regardless of what our hero does it will work out without any real consequences. Brandt even asks about Hunt’s extraordinarily quick wit. Hunt responds that he was playing a hunch. His hunches are always right.

Complaints aside, I have to reiterate that MIGP takes the franchise in a positive direction. In fact, it may well be the best of the four movies. In my opinion, only the first is any competition. That’s the only one that even tries to engage our brains. The other two are assaults on our senses, and not in a good way. Here, there is a well stirred mixture of the two approaches. Sure, we might still roll our eyes at some of the stuff Super Ethan pulls off, but when woven into the fabric of an interesting narrative it’s more palatable. For me, at least. If you’re already a fan of the series you won’t be disappointed. If you’re not, you might actually be pleasantly surprised.

MY SCORE: 7/10

Piranha (2010)

Directed by Alexandre Aja.

2010.
Rated R, 88 minutes.
Cast:
Elisabeth Shue
Steven R. McQueen
Jerry O’Connell
Jessica Szohr
Kelly Brook
Brooklynn Proulx
Paul Scheer
Ving Rhames
Christopher Lloyd
Richard Dreyfuss
Eli Roth
Gianna Michaels

Boobie and butts, blood and guts. I could probably stop there and you’d have all t he information you need about the 2010 version of Piranha. Just in case you somehow need more, I’ll tell you just a bit. Its set during spring break at a very popular lake. Let that marinate for a minute and you’ll probably get the idea. Is there a plot? Sure. Who cares, though? It’s only a dumb horror flick, right? Yup. What? You thought I was gonna get all deep and philosophical? Nope. What it all boils down to is this: there are coeds all over the lake as far as the eye can see, seemingly thousands…with a porn star or two mixed in for good measure…all in bikinis or less (long shorts, no shirt for the guys) and a rather large percentage of them get eaten by a school of piranha in graphic fashion. Basically, if you watch Piranha, you get exactly what you ask for. Don’t get the wrong idea, this is a good thing. A very good thing.

We move along rather swiftly, never going too long without an attack or a bare breast. The latter keeps the young male target audience engaged between episodes of the former. The former is comprised of screaming, flailing around in the water, more naked boobs and some truly spectacular gore. People are eaten down to and sometimes including their skeleton. Spring breakers often emerge from the lake having left parts of themselves behind. This is all rendered in wonderfully gruesome fashion. It’s a visual buffet of human carnage.

The relentless insanity of it all gives this remake and advantage over the thirty-plus year old original. That movie has its fair share of blood in the water. It even went so far as to make a number of its victims small children. However, it was far more concerned with being a parody of Jaws and other killer fish movies. Unfortunately, it isn’t particularly funny or clever. This new version pursues much simpler pleasures. It is only concerned with the exposing and mutilating of the human body. Judged on those terms it is an unmitigated success. The only bit of cleverness attempted is in some stunt casting. To that end, be on the lookout for Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd and Eli Roth in bit parts.

Piranha is not a movie that’s going to transcend its genre. It’s dumb. It’s perverse. It’s gross. It’s simply one of “those” movies. There is nothing here for people who aren’t fans of gory horror flicks. For those that are, it’s a gold mine. It is what it is: so bad it’s awesome!

MY SCORE: -10/10

Surrogates

The Tournament

Directed by Scott Mann.
2009. Rated R, 95 minutes.
Cast:
Ving Rhames
Kelly Hu
Robert Carlyle
Ian Somerhalder
Liam Cunningham
Sebastien Foucan
Andy Nyman
Iddo Goldberg

Joshua Harlow (Rhames) is the defending champion of The Tournament and he’s back to defend his crown. He’s a very tough guy. In fact, he’s so tough having his trigger finger chopped off hardly seems to affect his ability to shoot. The Tournament is an event held every seven years where 30 of the world’s top assassins vye for an exorbitant cash prize by being the last one alive. It’s held in a new host city each time, like the Olympics. Unlike the big games, the host city is “an unsuspecting town”. This time we’re in some small British town.

Truthfully, that’s all you need to know about this particular movie. Well, you might also like to know that these guys don’t just kill people, they kill ‘em good. Innocent bystanders are used for target practice. This includes strippers. A bunch of them get offed, mostly for being in the way. It’s been some years since I’ve been to a “gentleman’s club”. Because of this movie and the recent Crank: High Voltage I probably won’t be going back. They seem to be exponentially more dangerous than I remember.

Yes, there is some some other story thrown together. Tough guy Joshua is only in it to get revenge for something that happened just a few months ago. There’s also Lai Lai Zhen (Hu), who apparently has a conscience and tries to help Father Macavoy (Carlyle). He’s your stereotypical Irish-Catholic drunkard priest who unknowingly becomes involved in the game. Then there’s Anton Bogart, the Frenchman. He hardly says anything and seems to be the smartest of our hitmen. He’s played by Sebastien Foucan. You probably don’t know his name, but you might remember him as the African that James Bond is chasing at the beginning of Casino Royale. We are treated to more of his urban acrobatics, here. Other characters are deliciously over the top and help keep the ridiculousness coming at a high rate.

The Tournament is also exceedingly gory and funny in dumb way. Of course, you should interpret all this as ‘I love every second of it’. The cheese is piled high with corny dialogue and exploding body parts. Some people will tell you it’s a good ‘turn your brain off’ movie. If that’s possible, go for it. I recommend you get a bag of popcorn and settle in for something so bad, it’s awesome!

The Opposite View: Not for this baby!

What the Internet Says: 6.1/10 on imdb.com (7/2/10), 50% on rottentomatoes.com, N/A on metacritic.com


MY SCORE: -10/10