Monday, October 21, 2013

Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned

Directed by Brian Thomson.
2008. Not Rated, 77 minutes.
Gregg Aaron Greenberg
Joseph Riker
Zoe Hunter
Trina Analee
Monique Dupree
Kaitlyn Gutkes
Joe Testa
Sean Parker
Lloyd Kaufman

Chuck (Riker) is about to get married to Michelle (Analee), his high school sweetheart. Fittingly, his bestest buddy Sammy (Greenberg) decides to throw him a weekend long bachelor party. With the help of their creepy friend Gordon (Testa), they have the use of a house in The Hamptons for all the debauchery they can handle. When the strippers/hookers show up, all hell breaks loose. I mean that quite literally because it turns out these are ladies of the evening in more ways than one. Yup, they’re vampires.

Low budget gore fests can be fun. This one, not so much. Too many things are botched that money doesn't account for. Mainly, I’m referring to the horrible writing on display. This might seem a strange complaint from someone willingly sitting through what I've already called a low budget gore fest, but hear me out. Forgiving the clich├ęd plot, the movie fails to give us either a likable protagonist or a detestable antagonist. The one guy we might sort of like, Chuck, is such a wuss we want to smack him and tell him to grow a pair. The person we’re set up to root for, Sammy, is a jerk. I guess he’s supposed to be cool because he’s an arrogant jock type, but it isn't working. The whole crew, four guys in all, seems to be angling for Hangover vibe, but falls woefully short. Instead, they feel like aggressively homophobic frat boys spouting off a never ending string of bad jokes. I won’t go into who their adversary is even though it will be obvious within seconds of that person’s first appearance. This person isn't exactly instilling fear in those watching. This is made even worse by all the ridiculously bad acting on display. Strike that. It is far worse than that. To call it so is offensive to ridiculously bad actors. The result of neither the good guys nor the bad guys being the least bit compelling is an apathetic viewer.

I know what you’re thinking. No one goes into a movie called Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned looking for an eloquently written script and Oscar worthy performances. What about the girls and the gore? Fair enough. Now, I am of the mindset that there is something beautiful about most women. Such is the case, here. However, I will say these aren't the type of ladies most horn dogs who would pop such a movie into their DVD player will be looking for. That’s aside from the fact there isn't really any stripping going on. Nudity? Yes. Stripping? No. That said, kudos goes to Zoe Hunter who plays the redheaded vampire. Regardless of whether or not you think she’s being exploited, she gives the movie’s best performance by just going for broke. As for the gore, there really isn't that much of it and what’s there is a mixed bag, at best. It’s largely shots of the aftermath of whatever has just happened. If you've seen a few horror movies, this isn't likely to rate very high with you.

The movie obviously wants to be so bad it’s awesome, but its elements of terribleness don’t come together in a manner allowing it to cross that threshold. It’s most unforgivable sin is that it’s far too boring, especially early, for a movie with such a promising title. It never engages us so we’re not likely to remember any of these people ten minutes after it is over. The whole thing feels slapped together without any sort of imagination. Scratch that. There is one bit of imagination: the unexplained ability of the black vampire’s (Dupree) impressively sized and possibly surgically enhanced boobs. Well, it is sort of explained if you check the credits. Her character is listed as “Emerald – the demon boobie vampire.” At least there’s that. Sigh.

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