Thursday Movie Picks: Storms/Adverse Weather

A Walk Among the Tombstones

The Quick and Dirties: 3 Days to Kill, Non-Stop, Brick Mansions

The Lego Movie

Pointless Lists: Greatest Talking Animals

Yesterday, I gushed over Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. This got me to thinking about Caesar's place in another world, the one of talking animals in movies. There have been plenty. I'll be the first to admit that once you're passed the age of twelve most of us, myself included, hate most of them. However, there are a few that sneak through our defenses and find a warm spot in our heart.

For this list, I gave myself a set of simple rules to follow. First, the character in question has to be a real animal that can be found here on Earth (even if they aren't on Earth in their movie). Therefore, Falcor the luck dragon from A Neverending Story, nor any other type of dragon, will not be making an appearance. Second, the character can't be represented as a replica of the real thing. This means no Ted or Lots-O'-Huggin' as they are stuffed animals, not actual animals. Lastly, the animal has to appear completely as such. I mean, being played by a guy (or girl) in a suit is okay, but human features cannot be visible. Bye bye, Cowardly Lion.

Now that the criteria is set, let's get to the actual list. In my opinion, and certainly not a definitive list by any stretch, these are the ten greatest talking animals in movies.

10. Sid

(voiced by John Leguizamo)

Natural Habitat: The Ice Age movies

What is he? A three-toed sloth

What do smart people call them? Bradypodidae

Fun Fact: Sloths only come down out of the tree they live in to urinate or defecate, once a week

He speaks with a lisp, isn't the sharpest prehistoric bone, and generally gets on the nerves of everyone around him. You know what? I love him for it. Through four movies, with a fifth on the way, Sid gives us probably 90% of all the funny moments not given to us by the non-talking squirrel.

9. Aslan

(voiced by Liam Neeson)

Natural Habitat: The Chronicles of Narnia franchise

What is he? A lion.

What do smart people call them? Panthera Leo

Fun Fact: Male lions sleep up to 21 hours a day

This lion is not just the king of the jungle, but of everything. I mean that literally, as in that biblical "King of Kings" sort of way. Given that, it's no surprise that he's wise, brave, and well, god-like.

8. Puss in Boots

(voiced by Antonio Banderas)

Natural Habitat: Shrek sequels and prequels

What is he? A domestic shorthair tabby, or a cute li'l kitty cat - your choice

What do smart people call them? Felis silvestris catus

Fun Fact: The technical term for a cat's hairball is "bezoar"

You gotta love a sword fighting cat that's also a ladies' man, right? If you don't, he'll melt your cold, icy heart with the most pitiful set of sad eyes you've ever seen. I mean, can we get Puss in Boots 2 already?

7. Po

(voiced by Jack Black)

Natural Habitat: Kung Fu Panda movies

What is he? A panda

What do smart people call them? Ailuropoda melanoleuca

Fun Fact: Pandas spend roughly 16 hours a day eating

Simply put, I love the Kung Fu Panda franchise. Both function as wonderful kiddie-flicks and excellent martial arts movies. Po is at the center of it all, giving us a terrific hero and probably the best character Jack Black has ever played.

6. Roger Rabbit

(voiced by Charles Fleischer)

Natural Habitat: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

What is he? A rabbit

What do smart people call them? Oryctolagus cuniculus

Fun Fact: In the wild some female rabbits can produce about eight litters of bunnies per year.

Okay, I'll be honest. Roger is here mostly because I've never seen a good Bugs Bunny movie. However, that doesn't make him any less fun a character. Besides that, he has arguably the hottest wife of all time. I mean, after mine, of course.

5. Jiminy Cricket

(voiced by Cliff Edwards)

Natural Habitat: Pinocchio and all things Disney

What is he? A cricket

What do smart people call them? Gryllus assimilis

Fun Fact: Crickets' ears are located on the knees of their front legs

More than just a cute little fellow in an adorable suit, Jiminy actually provides our hero with a conscience. He is the angel sitting on the wooden boy's shoulder.

4. Scar

(voiced by Jeremy Irons)

Natural Habitat: The Lion King

What is he? A lion.

What do smart people call them? Panthera Leo

Fun Fact: The roar of a lion can be heard five miles away

I know that Mufasa's iconic voice is provided by the legendary James Earl Jones. I know that Simba is the hero. However, watch The Lion King again and tell me it's not Scar who makes the movie tick.

3. Dory

(voiced by Ellen DeGeneres)

Natural Habitat: Finding Nemo

What is she? A regal blue tang

What do smart people call them? Paracanthurus hepatus

Fun Fact: Blue tangs are capable of adjusting the intensity of their hue - from light blue to deep purple

Finally, we have a female on the list. Sadly, she's the only one. However, this doesn't make her any less deserving as she is by far my favorite character in a great movie. I can't wait for Finding Dory.

2. Napoleon

(voiced by Maurice Denham)

Natural Habitat: Animal Farm

What is he? A domestic pig

What do smart people call them? Sus scrofa domesticus

Fun Fact: Pigs are widely accepted to be smarter than human children up to 3 years of age

Another villain finds his way onto the list. Napoleon is used to represent many of society's ills of the 1950s and he is a masterful one. Animal Farm is a great movie based on a great book. Fun facts about the movie: it was the first British animated film to get a theatrical release and Maurice Denham voiced all of the animals.

1. Caesar

(voiced by Andy Serkis)

Natural Habitat: Rebooted Planet of the Apes franchise

What is he? A common chimpanzee

What do smart people call them? Pan troglodytes

Fun Fact: Chimpanzees make and use tools for more purposes than any other creatures except human beings

Perhaps I'm just basking in the afterglow of my viewing of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Or, maybe Caesar is a piece of truly genius filmmaking, both technically and emotionally complex. Either way you want to paint the picture, he gets my top spot.

I know. I missed your favorite, or at least a character you feel is worth mentioning. Let me know what you think.

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Favorite War Movies

Truth told, war movies are not my favorite genre. That said, there is nothing quite so visceral as a well done battle scene, and not much as gut-wrenching as a film that cuts to the heart of war. The simple fact of the matter is that war is, unfortunately, one of the most innately human things depicted on the screen. That said, I have to say thanks to all of my fellow vets out there. Enjoy Veteran's Day and check out one or more of my...

5 Favorite War Movies

5. Apocalypse Now

(1979)

General: Francis Ford Coppola

Conflict: The Vietnam War

This is Francis Ford Coppola at a time when he could seemingly do no wrong. We follow Benjamin L. Willard, played by an amazing Martin Sheen, go on a manhunt for one of the United States' own, Col. Walter E. Kurtz. Apparently, Kurtz has gone crazy and needs to be eliminated. Marlon Brando delivers the goods as the nutso colonel. The rest of the cast also turns in stellar work. Included are Harrison Ford, Robert Duvall, and a pubescent Laurence Fishburne. They help deliver Coppola's anti-war vision to the screen. This is arguably the best movie ever made about Vietnam.

4. Glory

(1989)

General: Edward Zwick

Conflict: The Civil War

An oft-neglected component of American history, both educational and cinematic, is the contribution of black soldiers to the efforts of the Union Army during the Civil War. More than any other, Glory is the film that drives home the point that African Americans were not merely spectators in the decisive battle over the legality of slavery. Cpt. Shaw (Matthew Broderick) is tasked with heading up an all black company. They are given only menial task which gives us ample time to get to know them. Boy, do we ever, thanks to stellar work from Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman, and Andre Braugher (making his big screen debut), among others.

3. Schindler's List

(1993)

General: Steven Spielberg

Conflict: World War II

Schindler's List is different from most war movies in that the focus is not on the people actively fighting. Here, our protagonist is Oskar Schindler (Liam Neeson). He's a German businessman who is a member of the Nazi party. However, his life becomes saving Jews from persecution and execution while maintaining the appearance of loyalty to the Nazi's. It's an epic in every sense of the word. This includes its villain, Amon Goeth, played by Ralph Fiennes being as unlikable as is humanly possible.

2. Full Metal Jacket

(1987)

General: Stanley Kubrick

Conflict: The Vietnam War

Let's just get this out of the way, now. The opening half of Full Metal Jacket is the best depiction of boot camp ever committed to film, period. What R. Lee Ermey does as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman is nothing short of perfect. The same goes for Vincent D'Onofrio as Private "Pyle". I've seen both men in many things since but whenever I do, this movie immediately comes to mind. The second half, which includes neither, has been so overshadowed, people seem to forget it even exists. I'm not here to tell you it's just as good as the first half, but I will say that is excellent in its own right.

1. Saving Private Ryan

(1998)

General: Steven Spielberg

Conflict: World War II

What Saving Private Ryan does better than perhaps any movie not made during the silent film era is tell its story through action. Sure there's plenty of exposition in the name of character development, but it's the battle scenes that not only thrill us, they tell us what's going on. Of course, what's going on is the seemingly impossible extraction of one soldier, Private Ryan (Matt Damon) from the front lines of World War II after it is learned that his three brothers have all been killed. Damon is good, but as his commanding officer, Tom Hanks is great. It's some of his best work, in my opinion. The rest of the cast is also great and too numerous to name. And yes, the Omaha Beach scene that opens the movie is the most tense battle scene of them all.


Some other great war movies (chronologically)...

Paths of Glory (1957)
The Battle of Algiers (1966)
Patton (1970)
Das Boot (1981)
A Soldier's Story (1984)
Platoon (1986)
Flags of Our Fathers/Letters from Iwo Jima (2006)
The Hurt Locker (2008)
Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

Taken 2

Directed by Olivier Megaton.

2012. Rated PG-13, 92 minutes.

Cast:

Liam Neeson

Famke Janssen

Maggie Grace

Rade Sherbedgia

Leland Orser

Jon Gries

D.B. Sweeney

Luke Grimes

Kevork Malikyan

In case you've forgotten, Bryan Mills (Neeson) is a man with a very particular set of skills. He showcased them in the first Taken by killing a bunch of bad guys involved in the kidnapping of his daughter. It raked in all sorts of dough at the box office proving the world hasn't lost its penchant for Steven Seagal movies, so long as they don’t actually star Steven Seagal. This time around, the families of the deceased criminals want revenge against our hero. They descend upon Istanbul, where he is working – mostly at reconciling with his baby-mama Lenore (Janssen), herself going through a terrible break-up with her new hubby. Meanwhile, their still traumatized daughter Kim (Grace) hangs out by the hotel pool. She’s the last one to find out that mommy and daddy do indeed get taken. Of course, our hero manages to escape. Now he must work his way back to save his damsel in distress while also keeping his little girl safe.

In a continuation of the right-wing fantasies of its predecessor, itself a throwback to the 80s, Taken 2 does what it sets out to: show us Liam Neeson kicking Middle Eastern ass. Still, this aspect of the film is fun to watch regardless of your socio-political leanings because it is well executed action. Some of it is shot a little too tight for my taste, presumably to mask the star’s lack of athleticism, but it still looks good. Besides, the first thing most viewers will pick up on is that this is a guy trying to save his loved ones. Surprisingly, we take a little longer to get to the meat of the picture this time, but there’s still plenty of it.

Everything surrounding the action is generic, at best. It’s so much so, it feels like a copy and paste job from one of any number of movies. Most egregiously, it drops the ball on the easiest opportunity to build upon its predecessor and include some character development. We already understand Kim is still psychologically suffering from what happened not that long ago. However, being a teenager, she’s still upset when she finds out her old man used GPS to track her down at her boyfriend’s house, a guy he’s never met. Okay, fine. When she presses him on why he would do such a thing he sheepishly offers that he hears a lot of horror stories about things happening to young folks these days. Hears stories? Excuse me? What about the fact that I just recently had to go through hell and high water to rescue your taken ass? No mention of this? Sorry, but I would've had to lay into that ungrateful little…sigh. Let me take a deep breath.

Okay, enough about me. Suffice it to say the fact Bryan doesn't even mention the abduction both he and his daughter are still smarting from proves the people who wrote the movie have no passion for its story and view it as filler until the action starts. Why should we even pay attention when they can’t even be bother to make the hero seem like a real person. He wasn't a very deep guy the first time around, but there was something there. We felt for the guy. This time, he’s even more of a booming-voiced and unstoppable machine. Therefore, we have no reason to do anything other than doze off until we hear a loud noise.

MY SCORE: 5/10

Wrath of the Titans

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman.

2012. Rated PG-13, 99 minutes.

Cast:

Sam Worthington

Liam Neeson

Rosamund Pike

Ralph Fiennes

Bill Nighy

Toby Kebbell

Édgar Ramirez

Danny Huston

Lily James

John Bell

Kathryn Carpenter

Even though he’s half-god, Perseus (Worthington) has made it clear to his father Zeus (Neeson) he wants nothing to do with those snobs on Mount Olympus. Still, the old man comes sniveling back, begging Perseus to save their hides. Zeus’ dad Kronos is a little ornery over being defeated by his boys eons earlier and wants a return match. After Kronos starts killing off gods and threatens both the gods and man alike, you know who reluctantly joins the fray. He enlists the help of Queen Andromeda (Pike), her army and his cousin, fellow half-god Agenor (Kebbell). In case you’re somehow not sure, this is the sequel to the 2010 remake of Clash of the Titans.

That last sentence sums up a lot of what people think is wrong with Hollywood. It’s what they point to as evidence of the movie industry’s lack of original though. This is particularly true of the blockbusters flooding the multiplexes every summer; an endless procession of sequels, prequels, remakes, reboots and re-imaginings heavy on techno wizardry and light on substance. These generalizations might seem unfair in a review on any one film in particular. However, Wrath of the Titans must wear the shoe it fits.

Sam Worthington adds another to his repertoire of bland protagonists. Liam Neeson does what Liam Neeson does: use his booming voice to give his character an air of authority. However, he spends most of the movie on the sidelines. Pike just looks pretty as Queen Andromeda. Most bizarrely, Kebbell as Agenor seems to be impersonating Russell Brand. As simple as the plot seems, its execution is jumbled. It doesn't always make sense and a general mess is made of Greek mythology. In short, stuff just keeps happening whether it’s logical or not.

On the plus side, that stuff keeps the movie somewhat interesting. There is tons of action as our heroes try to save both the Earth and the heavens. Creature designs are generally fantastic and they tear up things pretty well. The one exception being our main baddy. He’s a little too out of whack with everything else and getting anywhere near him should cause death. Sadly, it doesn't because then our hero wouldn't be able to be heroic. There is some heavy-handedness about father-son and sibling relationships. Honestly, this doesn't bother me since it at least makes sense. More troublesome is the weirdly atheist undertones. As I've said in reviews of other films there are good, even excellent movies from that point of view. The problem here is it feels needlessly subversive to its own subject matter. Combined with all the poetic license taken with the characters we get the feeling the people who made Wrath of the Titans don’t exactly appreciate Greek mythology.

Much like its predecessor, Wrath isn't the worst movie in the world. It’s just not a good one, either. The visuals work very well. Full disclosure: I did not watch either of the franchise’s movies in 3D which I’ve heard complaints about, especially in regards to the first film. The action keeps things moving along nicely and it’s thankfully short at ninety-nine minutes. Unfortunately, the characters are dull and/or given nothing to do and what’s happening around them doesn't always add up.

MY SCORE: 5/10 

The Grey

Directed by Joe Carnahan.

2011. Rated R, 117 minutes.

Cast:

Liam Neeson

Dermot Mulroney

Frank Grillo

Dallas Roberts

Joe Anderson

James Badge Dale

Bren Bray

Anne Openshaw

Liam Neeson, I mean, Ottway and a bunch of other tough guys who work at an Alaskan outpost all board a plane heading south to Anchorage. Since it looks like it’s more fit for dusting crops in Alabama than carrying commuters through severe arctic weather, the plane shakes, rattles, rolls, and eventually crashes in the middle of an extremely cold nowhere. The survivors, Neeson included (screw it), in case you were somehow wondering, try to stay alive long enough to be rescued. Realizing the prospects of that are dim, our ragtag bunch starts walking in hopes of reaching some form of civilization. In addition to the cold, shortage of food and water, there is one other wee little problem: a pack of unbelievably large and hungry wolves is hunting them down and picking them off…dun dun dun…one by one.

I’ve told you everything you need to know. This is both the best and worst part of The Grey. It’s the best because you will get what you came for if you saw that the trailer and thought “cool!” On the other hand, despite all the dime store philosophizing done by the characters, this is a highly repetitive experience. The guys bicker about what course of action to take before settling on whatever Liam Neeson says. When they get to a stopping point they exchange stories that ineffectively try to get us to care about the various cardboard cutouts with which we are spending time. This is interspersed with Neeson’s atmospheric flashbacks and him telling us how smart the wolves are. Indeed, they seem to have studied “The Art of War”. Shortly thereafter, someone gets eaten. Rinse, repeat.

Predictability aside, The Grey can be fun to watch in a morbid way. The excitement lies purely in guessing who’s next to die and seeing how they perish. Even this wears thin after a while. Tone may be to blame, here. It strikes a pretty joyless one, having no sense of humor whatsoever. It behaves as if it’s not only made us care about a roster full of bland archetypes but made some great revelation about the spirit of man when it has done neither. Instead of being the dissertation on man’s resourcefulness in the face of extreme adversity it wants to be, it’s an overly serious slasher flick with gigantic Twilight-esque wolves collectively playing the Jason role and Neeson that of the final girl.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

Ranking the Batman Movies: #3

3. Batman Begins

(2005)

Directed by Christopher Nolan

Batman…Christian Bale

James Gordon…Gary Oldman

Alfred…Michael Caine

Lucius Fox…Morgan Freeman

Rachel Dawes…Katie Holmes

Henri Ducard…Liam Neeson

The Scarecrow…Cillian Murphy

Carmine Falcone…Tom Wilkinson

If the old Adam West TV show and movie ruined Batman’s rep, the epic failure that was Joel Schumacher’s Batman & Robin murdered it. Batfans were rabid for a more serious treatment of the character and his universe. Eight years after that debacle, director Christopher Nolan delivered the goods with this sparkling gem. While Tim Burton’s 1989 movie gave us the basics of how a man decides to dress up as a bat and fight crime, Nolan’s flick really digs deep into the matter. It has long been accepted that Bruce Wayne goes off to foreign lands for a number of years to train and then comes back to Gotham and becomes Batman. For the first time, we get to see what he experienced during his time abroad. As such, Batman Begins becomes much more a story about Bruce Wayne than Batman. Two other characters are also explored more fully than in any Batman movie before it: James Gordon and the city of Gotham herself. Gordon is elevated from a flat sideline player to a fully formed man and secretive partner of Batman. Gotham is a more fully realized, more unique place. We can feel the love that our characters have for her. What makes all of this work is that it’s plain ol’ good storytelling.

Battleship

Directed by Peter Berg.

2012. Rated PG-13, 131 minutes.
Cast:
Taylor Kitsch
Brooklyn Decker
Rihanna
Alexander Skarsgard

Tadanobu Asano
Hamish Linklater
John Tui
Liam Neeson
Jesse Plemons
Gregory D. Gadson

I played a lot of board games as a kid. Monopoly and Life were my favorites. I was never big into Battleship, but I had friends that were. I remember the commercials far better than the game itself. They always end when one kid incredulously exclaims “You sank my battleship!” Some version of that iconic scene playing out at the climactic moment is pretty much all I expected the film version. Even those modest hopes proved too lofty.

Toy company Hasbro owns the rights to the game and apparently aren’t too particular about any sort of faithfulness to its properties. As long as whatever is thrown up on the screen brings in goo-gobs of money, all is good. Who could blame them? After all, they also own the rights to Transformers. Whether you love or hate those movies, there is no denying they’re ridiculously successful at the box office.

This brings us back to Battleship, the movie. The game is one of naval strategy, your fleet against your buddy’s. The movie is about an intergalactic alien invasion just off the coast of Hawaii. Wait…what? Okay fine, I’ll roll with it. After finally finding a planet similar enough to Earth to sustain life we send out a signal in an effort to make contact. Never you mind that it’s travelling billions of miles yet appears to get there quicker than most cell phone calls. Just know that whoever is on the other end sends back a military scout team to set up their own communication with their boys back home and commence the takeover.

Before any of this, we meet Alex Hopper (Kitsch), a long-haired hothead with a penchant for trouble. He’s infatuated with Samantha (Decker), the blonde at the bar who very strongly resembles a swimsuit model. By the way, her dad happens to run the local Naval fleet. Fast forward a year or so and now Alex is a short-haired hothead Naval lieutenant who is in love with and dating the swimsuit model from the bar. Her dad still runs the fleet. Oh yeah, Alex might be a captain. Stupid movie has people calling him both. I’m sure this is a joke that I don’t get but that’s kind of a problem, no?

Anyhoo, you write the rest of the script. Make sure the aliens aren’t particularly bright and let an awful lot of obviously military people live after having shown the capacity to kill by the hundreds. Do this to spare our heroes for the sole purpose of making sure this thing stretches to over two hours. Keep your love story mostly centered around Alex being intimidated by his girlfriend’s father. Even though this guy is played by Liam Neeson, don’t use him for anything else. Shoehorn in a few references to the game, including a giant grid, of course. Add in a ton of jokes and one-liners. Pray at least a few of them are funny. In other words, make it exactly like Michael Bay’s Transformers movies, or any of his other movies, for that matter.

Imitating Bay is precisely what director Peter Berg does. However, Joe Q Public isn’t as much a cushion for Battleship to fall back on. Despite the game having been around since World War I, in some form or another, it has nowhere near the nostalgia factor going for it that Transformers does. Dots on a paper or blips on a grid are nowhere near as exciting as giant fighting robots. Besides that, I’m not sure anyone who has played the game could come up with enough of a storyline to justify a movie being made for it. Sadly, neither could the people actually involved in making it. Second, this doesn’t offer the spectacle of said robots transforming. The fact that none of aliens has as much as a personality renders this even more run of the mill. Think about it. We’ve seen scores of alien invasion flicks, but only three Transformers flicks. So far, that is. I hate to sound like I’m defending that franchise because I hate the last two movies it gave us. At least they give us something we’re not really getting anywhere else. Don’t get me wrong. If you’re looking for lots of stuff going boom, there is some enjoyment to be had here. It’s paced quickly enough and the aliens unleash some nasty weaponry. If you want anything deeper than that, move along. Nothing to see here.

MY SCORE: 4/10

The Dark Knight Rises

Directed by Christopher Nolan.

2012. Rated PG-13, 165 minutes.
Cast:
Christian Bale
Tom Hardy
Anne Hathaway
Michael Caine
Morgan Freeman
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Marion Cotillard
Matthew Modine
Liam Neeson
Cillian Murphy

Billionaire Bruce Wayne (Bale) has retired from life just as his alter-ego, Batman, has bowed out of the crime-fighting arena. For the last eight years he’s been a recluse, relegating himself to the east wing of Wayne Manor with no human contact other than his trusty butler Alfred (Caine). It’s just as well since Batman is wanted for the murder of Harvey Dent. If this is a surprise to you, please watch both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight before reading any further. Anyhoo, the Caped Crusader is forced back into action when the mercenary known as Bane (Hardy) threatens to destroy Gotham City.

One of the things that happens to movie franchises is that by the third movie, the spectacle overwhelms the story. The scope expands beyond its breaking point. Throngs of new characters are introduced, convoluting an already weak tale. Special fx substitutes for substance. Often, all of this coincides with a shift in tone to make things overly cartoonish. In short, the focus becomes being bigger than the previous movies, not continuing its saga. The Dark Knight Rises falls victim to some of these things and manages to avoid others.

To help TDKR stay above the fray littered with failed third installments is another splendid villain. A seemingly indomitable foe for our hero creates tension, keeps us on the edge of our seats. Bane gives us this, perhaps even more than The Joker did in the last movie because, unlike the Clown Prince, we fear he is physically superior to Batman. This is in addition to possessing the same maniacal passion to blow Gotham to smithereens. Tom Hardy gives us a menacing performance in the role, both aided and hindered by the mask that covers most of his face. With that and his bulky physique he’s simply intimidating to gaze upon. In action, he just as much, seeming to dwarf our hero in both height and width and the ability to put both to good use. The problem is the mask is equipped with a Vader-esque voice-box that lacks the clarity of having James Earl Jones voice the dialogue, occasionally making it difficult to understand what he’s saying.

As for Batman himself, he’s ever the tortured soul. Life without his beloved Rachel (again, watch the first two movies) and also without the cape and cowl has proven to be a struggle. It’s the most interesting the character has been and Bale gives his best performance in the series. However, donning the costume again may not be the best thing for Bruce. It also strains his relationship with his oldest and best friend Alfred. Alfred wants nothing more for Bruce than a happy ending. He realizes this might be an unattainable goal. Michael Caine plays the role superbly. The most touching scenes in the film are of him pleading with Bruce to find a better way than constantly putting himself in harm’s way.

Alas, there is plenty of spectacle and a number of newcomers. Aside from Bane, the main newbies Selina Kyle AKA, but never actually called Catwoman (Hathaway), Miranda Tate (Cotillard) who may be able to save Wayne Enterprises from financial ruin and young police officer John Blake (Gordon-Levitt). The handling of Selina Kyle is perhaps most interesting. She’s much less a villain than she is simply selfish and connected to all the wrong people. Unfortunately, the sparks needed to make some things towards the end work just aren’t there. Their relationship is much more reminiscent of a father and his adult daughter than two people sexually attracted to one another. Regardless of what she does dad, or Batman in this case, is there to show how much he believes in her. By itself that would be fine, but it renders the shift that takes place between them unbelievable and forced, even if predictable. When you add in all that’s going on with Wayne Enterprises’ board of directors, a romance with Miranda Tate, following around John Blake for long stretches and the movie can begin to feel a bit cluttered.

The spectacle is handled in magical fashion. The easiest thing to point out is Batman’s newest toy, an aircraft creator Lucius Fox (Freeman) simply dubs The Bat. It’s an oddly shaped flying machine, but still more plausible than the giant flying aircraft carrier in The Avengers. Whenever it appears it takes center stage. However, the eye-popper is Gotham herself. One of the greatest strengths of Nolan’s trilogy is making the city a living, breathing character. She is Bruce Wayne’s true love. She is our damsel in distress. The cinematography exploring, exploiting and damaging her is amazing.

Though very exciting and containing most of the action, the last third of TDKR is a point of contention with me. Timelines become incoherent, plotholes pop up in droves and the last minute or two feels like a bit of a copout. This is completely understandable since TDKR is intended to be the last Batman movie Nolan will helm. I don’t think he wanted to upset too many folks on his way out the door. However, the previous movie in the franchise, along with his other movies like Memento and Inception, proves that he’s willing to end on a surprising and disconcerting note. For the first time in the trilogy, the director flinches. He shies away from challenging us and is content with merely entertaining us. This is all fine and dandy, but the finale doesn’t leave the lasting impression of its predecessor.

Unknown

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra.

2011. Rated PG-13, 113 minutes.
Cast:
Liam Neeson
Diane Kruger
January Jones
Aidan Quinn
Bruno Ganz
Frank Langella
Clint Dyer
Sebastian Koch
Olivier Schneider
Stipe Erceg

Dr. Martin Harris (Neeson) and his wife Elizabeth (Jones) arrive in Berlin for a swanky bio-technology conference where there is going to be a major announcement. When they get to the hotel, he realizes he’s left his briefcase at the airport. While his wife checks in, he catches a taxi to go retrieve the case, without telling her. On the way, the cab he’s riding in has a horrible but spectacular accident. He survives, but goes into a coma. When he comes to, no one knows who he is, including Elizabeth. She’s even with a guy who claims to be her husband, the real Dr. Martin Harris (Quinn). With no ID and no one to corroborate his story, he can’t prove otherwise. As if that weren’t enough, a couple of henchmen are following him around trying to kill him. I hate when that happens.

In an effort to reclaim his identity, Martin retraces his steps, looks for clues, etc. He also recruits Gina (Kruger), the cabbie, to help his cause. Of course, they have to survive the occasional run-in with the aforementioned henchmen. They also uncover things that seem to explain what’s going on. Before you know it, we’re watching The Bourne Identity starring Liam Neeson. Unfortunately, this isn’t nearly as innovative as that was when it came out. To be sure, it does some things well and manages a bit of excitement. However, it never escapes Matt Damon’s shadow.

For that matter, it doesn’t escape Neeson’s own shadow. More specifically, the one cast by the movie Taken. Whatever its flaws, Taken is a fun, no-holds barred action flick. In it, Neeson kicks a lot of ass and establishes himself as a genre star. Unknown seems to owe its existence to that movie. Alas, Unknown is not Taken. It drags things out a bit where that movie is concise, insistent on not letting us catch our breath. As I implied earlier, this actually takes more cues from the Bourne series. It executes many of the same moves, just not as good.

None of this is to say, Unknown is a bad movie. It’s not. There is certainly fun to be had. This is especially true if you’re looking for a movie where Liam Neeson barks lines in his megaphonic voice and beats down baddies, this is a solid choice. You’ll get what you came for. To continue the time-honored tradition of talking out of both sides of my mouth, even ardent fans of the actor probably won’t call this a masterpiece. It gives us a few thrills and an interesting finale. We’ll just forget about it not long after it’s over.

MY SCORE: 6/10

Taken

The Next Three Days

Chloe

Directed by Atom Egoyan.
2009. Rated R, 96 minutes.
Cast:
Amanda Seyfried
Julianne Moore
Liam Neeson
Max Thierot
R. H. Thompson
Nina Dobrev
Mishu Vellani
Meghan Heffern

David (Neeson) is a college professor who often travels for speaking engagements. None too pleased about getting older, he purposely skips out on a flight home so he doesn’t have to celebrate his birthday with his wife Catherine (Moore). She, of course, has thrown him a surprise party. Guss who’s surprised. She figures out he went to dinner with some young, pretty co-eds. Combine this with his flirtations nature and the fact he likes to keep up with his students through IMs and texts and the wife realizes she might not be in a monogamous relationship. It doesn’t help that hubby is pretty secretive about the e-conversations he’s carrying on. Then, there is the couple’s son Michael. He’s an ingrate who despises his mom for reasons only known to him. He ignores her rules, including having his girlfriend sleep over. Really, he just ignores her altogether. He only speaks to her when she confronts him. When this happens, it’s all profanity laced attitude coming from his mouth. By the way, mom is a highly successful doctor. Other than that, her existence is pretty miserable.

As luck would have it, Catherine meets Chloe (Seyfried) in a restaurant restroom. It turns out Chloe is a prostitute. She’s also about the same age as all those girls David shares his laughs with. Putting her newfound contact to use, she decides to hire Chloe to present herself to David as a student and see what happens. As for her Catherine’s relationship with her son, she does nothing but whine about it. Her real energy is focused on getting all the juicy details of her husband’s meetings with Chloe. From there, a Skinemax flick breaks out.

For the uninformed, Skinemax refers to the soft-core porn movies that cable network Cinemax became famous for in the 1990s. They mostly aired late at nigh, especially on Fridays and Saturdays. Do they still do this? I haven’t had the channel in years, but obviously I know way too much about this. Still, there is a point. Most of those flicks seems to rip off Fatal Attraction, Basic Instinct, or have a plot that is some sort of hybrid of the two. This one goes the Fatal Attraction route. Chloe does indeed turn out to be our psycho. Who she is fatally attracted to is a twist that’s not all that surprising. Titillating? Sure. Unexpected? Not really.

The problem is once Chloe’s nuttiness becomes evident, we can always guess her next move. We’ve seen this before. Most of the other movies we’ve watched like this, such as Obsessed and Basic Instinct 2 at least have the good sense to go so far over the top they’re teetering on the edge of the cliff. Those movies revel in their ridiculousness. They are really bad, but enjoyably so. Chloe tries to traverse a more “adult”, artsy-fartsy road. Sadly, it never escapes the shadow of its Skinemax roots. Julianne Moore is a fine actress. I’ve always enjoyed her work. However, her role here could’ve been played by one-time B-movie queen Shannon Whirry. Seyfried could’ve been replaced with any number of less talented but similarly attractive wannabes. Liam Neeson? Let’s just say his role doesn’t really require someone with the chops of Liam Neeson.

Like most of, if not all the movies Whirry actually starred in, there is a good deal of nudity. Also like those movies, the nudity is not there to accentuate the plot, but to grab attention away from a weak storyline. Seeing Moore and Seyfried in various stages of undress, often in the presence of one another, becomes the point of the movie instead of a part of it. The result is we have a wonderful cast doing their best to elevate material that can’t be lifted.

MY SCORE: 4/10

The A-Team

Directed by Joe Carnahan.
2010. Rated PG-13, 117 minutes.
Cast:
Liam Neeson
Bradley Cooper
Jessica Biel
Quinton “Rampage” Jackson
Sharlto Copley
Patrick Wilson
Gerald McRaney
Brian Bloom
Henry Czerny
Omari Hardwick

Overkill is underrated. That phrase is used in the trailer for The A-Team and somewhere along the way our fearless leader, Col. Hannibal Smith (Neeson) actually does utter these words. This movie treats that statement like a plague to be cured. Nothing is done that isn’t overdone. Another line of dialogue helps ease us into suspending our belief. Cpt. Sosa (Biel), hot on the trails of our heroes, tells her own team that these guys “specialize in the ridiculous.” This flick knows its just dumb fun, and makes sure you do, too.

If you have any knowledge of and/or recollection of the 1980s then you know this movie is based on the television series of the same name. For you youngsters that only see him in commercials, or know of him through his Chuck Norris styled “facts”, that series, along with Rocky III is the reason Mr. T is famous. From its first episode, it told us these guys were fugitives from the law based on a crime they didn’t commit. While fleeing the government and trying to gather information to clear their names, they were hired by the good citizens of Anytown, USA to take on the local bad guys. The movie is a prequel to this. It examines how our boys found themselves in that predicament. Honestly, going this route is a wise decision. We get the origin story we never really got from the series.

Even if this is all a bit goofy, and wholly unrealistic, it’s a fun, brainless adventure. As brainlessness goes, this is top notch. There’s plenty of narrow escapes, elaborate plans and pure zaniness, a lot like its source material. Much of this formula’s success hinges on the work of Liam Neeson as Hannibal. As was the case with Taken, his booming voice and unshakeable swagger elevates the material he’s given to work with. He’s helped most in this department by Bradley Cooper as Face. Sharlto Copley is adequate as Murdoch. The only suspect performance is turned in by MMA fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson as B. A. Baracus. The problem is his Mr. T impersonation comes and goes. Either do it, or don’t. That said, I was hoping to hear him use Mr. T’s iconic catch-phrase “I pity the fool”, but I don’t remember him using it. However, this version of Baracus forgoes all the gold chains and instead rocks a tat on his left hand that reads “pity” while one on his right reads “fool.” I guess that covers it.

Overall, The A-Team is a popcorn flick with no pretentions of being otherwise. This enables us to enjoy it even as it revels in its own stupidity. Of course, for some it will just be entirely too dumb. Once again, it knows this and doesn’t mind one bit.

Clash of the Titans (2010)

Directed by Louis Leterrier.
2010. Rated PG-13, 106 minutes.
Cast:
Sam Worthington
Liam Neeson
Ralph Fiennes
Gemma Arterton
Jason Flemyng
Alexa Davalos
Mads Mikkelson
Izabella Miko
Luke Evans

In Ancient Greece, mankind and the gods are pissed off at each other. The Gods think we’re a bunch of ingrates that need to be taught a lesson. We’re behaving…well…like a bunch ingrates that need to be taught a lesson. Of course, there is that thing about Zeuz (Neeson) coming down from Olympus and sleeping with some dude’s wife. Why would a god, the most powerful of the gods, stoop so low? Because he can, silly. Anyhoo, Zeus’ little rendezvous begets our hero, Percy Jackson…er…Perseus (Worthington).

Perseus has got his own issues. He’s all moody because Zeus is a deadbeat dad and the first time he meets his old man, pops asks him to move in like nothing ever happened. The nerve. So, feeling more than a little rebellious, Perseus joins us mere mortals and discovers he might be the only one who can stay out past curfew, I mean kill the Kraken. For ancient Greeks, the Kraken is kind of like the boogie man, only it’s about the size of Delaware with countless arms and teeth plus a very nasty disposition.

The special fx make it gorgeous to look at. I’ve heard all sorts of bad things about how the tacked on 3D effects ruined it in the theater. I saw it in plain old 2D on the very nearly obsolete DVD format and it looked great. The one letdown being the cartoon character they tried to pass off as Medusa (Natalia Vodianova).

Story-wise, it’s dull. Even if you’re not familiar with Greek mythology there’s still no mystery. We find out very early all we need to know. And I hate to come back to this, but if you’ve seen Percy Jackson or the 1981 original CotT or bothered looking at the movie poster or DVD cover then you either already know or figure out very quickly how our hero is going to be heroic.

Sadly, that hero doesn’t have the charisma to negate such a problem with the story. Maybe it’s just me, but Sam Worthington seems to have become the go-to-guy for action movies requiring bland leading men (he starred in Avatar and Terminator Salvation). His look is reminiscent of a young Russell Crowe. Unlike Crowe, Worthington never compels you to watch him. He’s simply there, dutifully blending in with all the techno-wizardry on display.

When it’s all said and done, the remake lacks the campiness and silly fun of the original. However, it amps up the special fx and is still an entertaining watch. There’s just a lot lacking between the action. It’s better than the present day set, unofficial remake Percy J, but that’s not saying much.

The Opposite View: Richard Corliss, Time

What the Internet Says: 6.0/10 on imdb.com (8/26/10), 29% on rottentomatoes.com, 39/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5.5/10