Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame

Directed by Hark Tsui.

2010. Rated PG-13, 119 minutes.

Cast:

Andy Lau

Carina Lau

Bingbing Li

Chao Deng

Tony Leung Ka Fai

We kick things off in the year 689 A.D. Empress Wu (Carina Lau) is about to crowned as the first female ruler of China. As you might imagine, this ruffles the feathers of many men. It probably doesn't help that she’s having a giant monument to herself built a mere sixty-six yards from where her coronation is to take place. During the final days of its construction, a high-ranking government official who is giving a tour to a visiting dignitary, spontaneously bursts into flames and falls to his death. Not much is left of him, save for his shoes. A short while later, another official suffers the same fate, suddenly catching fire and dying right in full view of the empress. A couple of clues lead everyone to think this has something to do with what happened in the province of Dee eight years ago. Therefore, they must hire the only man who can possibly solve this case, Detective Dee (Andy Lau). Of course, Detective Dee has been in prison over that span for treason. You see, he was one of those men and publicly opposed Wu’s ascension to the throne. Now that she needs his help, she’s willing to let bygones be bygones and sends Jing’er (Li), her most trusted bodyguard to retrieve the detective and get this case cracked so her coronation can go off without a hitch.

Since this is a martial arts picture, we must first judge this movie on just that, martial arts. The legendary Sammo Hung handles the choreography here and, truthfully, I’m disappointed with his effort. There’s lots of wire work, fitting for a story that incorporates a lot of magic. Therefore, characters fly around effortlessly and perform unbelievably acrobatic feats. This is fine, but the fighting itself is less than thrilling, save for one or two sequences nearer to the start of the movie than the end. It seems there is often a lot more chasing than kung-fuing.

Now, about that story. It’s cluttered, to say the least. It moves forward as a police procedural with the very Sherlock Holmes-esque Dee trying to solve the crime (murder, if I hadn't made that clear). He simply intuits an awful lot (everyone does, actually) and, naturally, he’s always right. This creates so many strands it gets to be a very crowded picture. There is another high-ranking official trying to keep Wu from the throne and/or get Dee to join his cause, he and Jing’er’s infatuation with each other, a couple different trips to magical locales, the possibly evil and supernatural chaplain, the back-story of Dee’s weapon (“the dragon taming mace”), fun with transfiguration, and talking deer. Um, yeah, talking deer. One shows up periodically to, more or less, explain character motivations. The beast itself is eventually explained, but it’s all very goofy. It only gets goofier when a bunch of bad CGI deer are used during a fight scene. It’s a bad idea and worse execution.

Even worse than the execution of everything involving deer is that scene where the bad guy spills the beans. You know the scene, the one where the villain appears to have the hero beat so he proceeds to explain his entire plan that he says is too late to foil while cackling maniacally. Yeah, that scene. In general, I’m okay with this because I know it’s coming and, just like the bad guy always says, there’s nothing I can do to stop it. The problem here is that once everything has been explained, we come to the realization that, in this case, if the bad guy had done absolutely nothing, committed no prior crimes whatsoever, he would've realized his ultimate goal without so much as a hiccup. In other words, I could have been spared this entire movie. Sigh. Consider my loss your gain and avoid this flick even if you are a hardcore martial arts junkie.

Dragon (Wu Xia)

Directed by Peter Chan.

2011. Rated R, 115 minutes.

Cast:

Donnie Yen

Takeshi Kaneshiro

Wei Tang

Yu Wang

Kara Hui

Wu Jiang

Yu Kang

Li Jia-Min

Zheng Wei

Xiao Ran Li

As per the overwhelming norm, our story takes place in a small quite village in China. Our hero, Liu Jin-Xi (Yen), lives a nice life with his wife Ah Yu (Tang), and their two boys. He’s a prized employee at the local paper factory and couldn't be happier. One day, a couple of thugs show up to rob his place of employment. After a spectacular struggle, the bad guys end up dead. The police and the mayor show up. Detective Xu Bai-Jiu (Kaneshiro) suspects our hero is hiding something. He’s right. The rest of the next two acts play out as a police procedural, with the detective figuring out what Liu’s past discretions may have been and working on a way to bring him to justice for them. So far, so good.

To be honest, it is really good to this point. There’s very little in the way of martial arts, but the dynamic between the two men is intriguing. The inspector has some problems of his own, is exceedingly cynical and has an existentialist thing going on where he routinely has out-of-body experiences. It works much better than it sounds. Meanwhile, Liu is growing more suspicious of the cop but bravely keeps up a happy veneer despite some of the highly questionable tactics used by the detective. It’s a well-played cat-and-mouse intertwined with a cute family story. And yes, it’s working toward all the fighting. So far, so good.

Unsurprisingly, it turns out some very bad people are after our hero. With all the fuss the inspector has raised, Liu’s location has come to their attention. Of course, the leader of this group, the 72 Demons, dispatches two of their own to bring Liu to him. They show up in town, he refuses to go with them and an amazing battle sequence takes place that involves leaping across rooftops, cows and a waterfall into a raging river. After he defeats these two we’re next told what we already know: The 72 demons won’t stop until they've either gotten Liu or killed him. Whew! Now the scene is set for way more kung-fu. So far, so good.

Okay, there’s been some questionable science going on this whole time. Chiefly, it involves being able to kill someone with one blow to the vagus nerve. Since this is pretty standard martial arts stuff, no big deal. However, it sets us up for what eventually derails the movie. I won’t go into detail on what that is. I’ll just say  that our hero twice, purposely hampers his ability to fight before the battle even starts. It’s so far beyond dumb, I was taken completely out of the movie because everything before this is fairly smart.

You know how sometimes when things are going great, something ridiculous happens that ruins your whole day. Dragon is a microcosm of that experience. I sat down to watch a martial arts flick. I’m not so naive, or stuffy, to think I’d be witnessing a deeply human experience. After all, I grew up on this stuff. I wanted to see Donnie Yen kick some ass, whether or not lots of wire work is involved. He does and it is, but I was still sorely disappointed. The action that closes the movie isn't bad, but by then I didn't care anymore. And the night was going so well.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

The Way of the Dragon

AKA Return of the Dragon

AKA Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris

Directed by Bruce Lee.

1972. Rated R, 90 minutes.

Cast:

Bruce Lee

Chuck Norris

Nora Miao

Chung-Hsin Huang

John T. Benn

Ping Ou Wei

Robert Wall

Ing-Sik Whang

Di Chin

Tony Liu

Malisa Longo

You’re a family of Chinese immigrants in Rome trying to make a living by running a restaurant. There is a major problem, though. The local mob wants your land. Every day, they send goons over to run customers off and rough you up until you decide to sell. What are you going to do? Without any friends in town, you send word back to your uncle in Hong Kong asking for his help. He goes above and beyond the call of duty by sending you a cousin you don’t even know. He sends you Bruce Lee. Pure epicness ensues.

It goes without saying that Bruce kicks mobster tail. With two of the most awesome lines of dialogue you’ll ever hear, Mr. Lee explains both his fighting and the movie in full: “Dragon seeks its path. Dragon whips its tail.” Of course, this is all done by his feet and fists. Why don’t the bad guys just shoot him? Rest assured, dear reader, they try. Our hero’s handy little homemade darts, thrown with the kind of accuracy that would make a sniper jealous, takes care of that minor inconvenience. What happens when they send a whole crew of guys at him at once? Are you serious? You know we’re talking about the legendary Bruce Lee, right?

To the bad guys’ credit, they do the only thing they can do and try to fight roundhouse kicks with roundhouse kicks. They call in none other than Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris. Chuck MFing Norris. Yes. Seeing this movie guarantees you’ll witness the most awesome showdown in the history of mankind. The only thing that could possibly make it any better is if they fought in the one place where the very soil beneath their feet is saturated with the blood of gladiators; blood of both those that have fallen and the winners that limped away. I'm talking about Rome’s famed Colosseum. Oh, that’s right. They do. The true miracle of this film, besides it being a landmark moment in the evolution of fight choreography, is that the entire world didn't spontaneously combust the very instant these two titans clashed.

This is exhausting. Finding superlatives for that which none sufficient exist is difficult work. I must resort to using the one word that works best: perfect. Perfect, as in Bruce Lee movies are perfect. Well, at least the ones he completed while alive. Even the one teeny tiny scene that may cause us to question its flawlessness is perfect even though it is less testosterone filled than the rest of the film. Bruce might seem a little too gentlemanly, or just put off by an overly forward woman, when he turns down a particularly gorgeous and easy piece of Italian hotness (Longo). Then we realize that the life of a truly dedicated martial artist is a disciplined one. Anyhoo, what does all this mean? It means what I've already said, damn whatever credibility you've ascribed to me, Bruce Lee movies are perfect.

MY SCORE: ∞/10

Strike of the Tortured Angels

Directed by Roy Rosenburg.

1982. Not Rated, 80 minutes.
Cast:
Susan Lee
Stella Jone
Laura Sode-Matteson
George Bill
Larry Moore
Jim Man

From time to time I go trolling for movies that I think might be so bad, they’re awesome. As you might imagine, I’m also up late a couple times a week watching movies. Sometimes this leads me to scour my own DVD collection for titles that I either haven’t seen in a long time, or never at all and looking for the shortest runtime. These are the reasons I found myself on the couch watching Strike of the Tortured Angels. I happened to pick up one of those DVD sets of grindhouse type movies (20 of them!) and there it was, listed at 80 minutes. With no idea what I was getting into, I popped it in and pressed play. Oops.

Of course, it’s true I could’ve turned it off and went to bed at any time. However, once I’ve decided on a movie I’m watching it all the way through. Occasionally, this means I’ll discover that I really like a movie that didn’t start so hot. Often enough, I’ll find it to be at least a decent watch. Every now and again, this will happen.

Things start off promisingly enough. By promising, I mean SotTA seems well on its way to so bad its awesome status. Everything about the first five minutes screams unintentional humor. We open with a bunch of girls on a prison bus. Yes! We’re going to a get a Women in Prison (WIP) flick! In the world of god-awful films that people love, these are a gold mine. The next sign this should be wonderfully terrible is we’re hearing English despite the fact we’re witnessing a scene obviously not in America and featuring only Asians. I know that’s not impossible but definitely unexpected. Sure enough, the movements of their mouths don’t quite match the words I hear. And sure enough, this was made in Hong Kong. The most surreal part of this whole experience is that the whole time there are Swedish, or perhaps German, subtitles going that you can’t turn off. The fun here is seeing how close some of the words are to English.

Let’s get back to the prison bus. Susan (Lee, I think – credits don’t tell who is who), one of our soon-to-be heroines tries a daring escape while the guards tend to a flat tire. Cutting to the chase, her and one of the guards wind up wrestling in the mud lake right off to the side of the road. They actually do more sloshing around than wrestling. Hey, I told you we get off to a good start.

Things get even better when the absolute bizarre is thrown into the mix. It turns out our other heroine, Julie, is black. What’s so strange about that, you ask? I’ll tell you. Our black heroine is played by an Asian woman in blackface and wearing a nappy Afro wig. OMG, as my kids would say. Yes, I literally said this as soon as I saw her. Who thought this was a good idea? Is there any reason we have to have a black character in a movie set on the outskirts of Hong Kong? Why of course, there is. A few minutes after the girls arrive at the prison, actually a reform school we find out, she gets into it with one of the veteran inmates that picks a fight with her. After beating the girl senseless, she spouts off this little gem: “My skin may be black, but I’m a human being!” Who says China has human rights issues? By the way, it should be noted that we soon discover she’s dying of tuberculosis and has special “medicine” for it. Okay, whatever.

Despite such an auspicious start, things fall apart quickly. The first sign we’re circling the drain comes right after the ladies get to prison. At this point in most WIP flicks we get the gratuitous mass disrobing and/or showering scene as the inmates are introduced into the prison population. That happens here, as well. The major difference between this and most others of its ilk is in SotTA we only get a succession of bare shoulders or naked calves. See, there was a reason I chose that pic at the top. Before you blast me for lamenting the lack of nudity, hear me out. WIP flicks in general are lazily written b-moves about rebellion and/or revenge. By the way, this chooses the latter. Let me pause here for a sec to give you a little more plot info. Susan vows revenge on the doctor responsible for her sister’s suicide after getting the girl pregnant and telling her to have an abortion. Now, he’s banging her mom because she’s one of the head honchos at the hospital where he works and can help advance his career. What a guy! Oh, wait…what a mom!

Anyhoo, WIP flicks aren’t going to be big special fx extravaganzas to draw in big crowds, either. Their only value is in the entertainment they provide for their target audience by being exploitive and tasteless. The botched shower scene lets me know this will offer up very tame versions of both, not nearly enough of either to justify the fifty bucks or so it probably cost to make. Indeed, nearly everything that follows is a meeker version of other WIP movies. There are a few unintentional laughs to be had, but it’s mostly a dull 80 minutes.

Ip Man 2

Directed by Wilson Yip.
2010. Rated R, 108 minutes.
Cast:
Donnie Yen
Sammo Hung
Lynn Hung
Simon Yam
Siu-Wong Fan
Kent Cheng
Darren Shahlavi
Xiaoming Huang

At the end of the first movie, we’re told Ip Man relocates to Hong Kong and begins teaching martial arts. Roughly ten years later, he finds his prize pupil in none other than the legendary Bruce Lee. Ip Man 2 covers the time in his life between those two events. When we catch up with our hero he hasn’t been in Hong Kong, nor had his school open, for very long. In fact, he doesn’t even have any students yet. Eventually, one young man finds his way to Ip’s school hoping to learn Wing Chun. Of course, before he decides if he wants Ip as a master he has to try to defeat him first. After all, no sense learning how to fight from a guy you can beat up. If you saw the first movie then you know how such things turn out. Not only does the young man become Ip’s student, he brings back a bunch of friends before fully agreeing. Yes, they all try to beat him at once before they figure he’d be a good teacher to have.

If you know anything about movies then you know things aren’t all hunky dory after this. After word spreads about Ip’s school he fins he’s run afoul of the local crime-boss who also leads sort of a syndicate of martial arts masters. It seems you can’t teach martial arts in Hong Kong without their permission. How do you get their permission? Yup, gotta do some more fighting. This time it’s on a tabletop. You gotta see it to believe. In addition to all this, the British Army has a large presence in the city. One of their high-ranking officers has recruited their country’s heavyweight boxing champ to show these “Chinamen” a thing or two. He’s big, brash and has his WWE swag going full tilt.

Both films in th set are formulaic. The first is expertly crafted, helping us to gloss over its flaws. This one is well done also, just not quite as well. With such a easy reference point as its predecessor the formula, and the cracks in it, are more apparent. There is also an additional problem. Ip’s family recedes even farther into the background despite the fact they are about to add another mouth to feed. This lessens the overall experience. They help the first movie become greater than just a kung fu flick. That movie is about growing as a man, accepting responsibility, revenge and national pride. This one keeps the last two elements, but is much more about fighting than the original.

Don’t get me wrong. IM2 is still a very entertaining watch. The formula still holds together. It’s not quite as moving as it was t he first time, but it does the job. Then, there are those fight scenes. Once agina, we get a number of adrenaline pumping battles for us to feast our eyes on. To thank for that, we have the one and only Sammo Hung. He’s been in tons of kung fu flicks since the 1960s. To most Americans, he most remembered for starring in the TV series “Martial Law.” Here, he plays Master Hong, the crime-boss/martial arts master. However, he has a dual role. He also choreographed the fighting, as he did for the original film. Kudos to him. Martial arts fans and fans of the first movie should definitely check out this installment.

MY SCORE: 7/10

Ip Man

Directed by Wilson Yip.
2008. Rated R, 106 minutes.
Cast:
Donnie Yen
Simon Yam
Siu-Wong Fan
Ka Tung Lam
Yu Xing
You-Nam Wong
Chen Zhi Hui

The Chinese city of Fo-Shan is famous for its martial arts. No one in town is more famous than Master Ip (Yen) AKA Ip Man. Though he doesn’t teach formally, young hopefuls are constantly seeking his counsel. When other masters want to test their mettle, they challenge him to a duel. It’s only natural that when some tough guys from out of town want to prove themselves worthy of opening up their own school in Fo-Shan they wind up on the doorstep of Ip’s palatial estate. All of this is in the days just before the Japanese invading China and pretty much taking over Fo-Shan. They even set up shop in Ip’s house, leaving the master, his wife and young son to find shelter in parts of town destroyed by bombings. Ip is forced to take hard labor jobs to get just barely enough food for his family avoid starving to death. What good is all his knowledge and skill in the art of hand-to-hand combat in a world where he and his fellow countrymen have been relegated to second class citizenship in their own land?

Ip Man is loosely based on the life of Bruce Lee’s mentor. It combines the larger themes of survival, cultural preservation and national pride and combines them with the more traditional kung-fu motifs of revenge and honor to create a rather concise epic that neither overstays its welcome nor rushes us along from fight to fight. It works both narratively and viscerally. It’s story-telling isn’t groundbreaking, but it is effective. The fighting is wonderfully brutal. Even as our tale develops and twists, the next action scene is never too far away nor too near. Let’s face it, we watch martial arts movies for the martial arts. This film understands this, gives us plenty of it but doesn’t sacrifice narration.

To make those fight scenes work, we need a star who can pull them off. In the title role, Donnie Yen is a delightful blur of flying fists punctuated by his long gown-like shirt flapping in his self-created wind. Appropriately placed close-ups reveal the landing of many bone-crushing blows. I was moved to say “ouch” on a number of occasions. For fans of martial arts flicks Ip Man is a must-see. It is the best such movie of the last several years by a good margin. Of course, if you’re not into martial arts flicks then skip it. Shame on you.

MY SCORE: 8/10

3 Extremes