A Haunted House

Directed by Michael Tiddes.

2013. Rated R, 86 minutes.

Cast:

Marlon Wayans

Essence Atkins

Nick Swardson

Andrew Daly

Alanna Ubach

Cedric the Entertainer

Marlene Forte

David Koechner

Dave Sheridan

Affion Crockett

J.B. Smoove

Today is a big day. This is when Malcolm's (Wayans) girlfriend Kisha (Atkins) is moving in with him. He has a spacious house with a pool and a jacuzzi and a housekeeper named Rosa (Forte) to help him maintain it all. Of course, the second Kisha gets there, strange things start happening. It soon becomes apparent that there is a ghost in the house. And since this is a found footage movie, every oddity is caught on camera. Just so you don't go thinking this has any chance of being scary I'll let you know that this is a parody of the Paranormal Activity franchise. Therefore, comedy, or something like it, ensues.

The setup is familiar. Things happen, with the most extreme stuff occurring during the wee hours of the night. In the mornings, our loving couple watches the footage to see what went on for themselves. The difference between this and the movies it pokes fun of, plot wise, is that this is really all about sex. Nearly every joke overtly references some form of the act or another. This includes a rather extended scene of a threesome involving Malcolm and a pair of teddy bears. You might laugh yourself silly, become too uncomfortable to laugh, or both. Like much of the movie, it goes out of its way to be crass. A Haunted House also leans toward stereotypes and male homophobia (being completely okay with female homosexuality, naturally). Take it, or leave it.

Now that you know what to expect out of this movie, I can probably stop writing. However, I do want to touch on some of the highlights. For me, the biggest is Marlene Forte as Rosa. She is the one who made me laugh most consistently. She also takes what could be just a sliver of a character and forms a fully realized being. To be perfectly honest, it probably helps that we only get her in small doses. I'm judging by the plethora of supporting players who come to the house at some point. Most are at least a little funny for the first few minutes after they show up, but manage to wear out their welcome. Another positive is that whether you love it or hate it, it's not boring. The run time is thankfully short. On top of that it moves quickly because things are constantly happening that grab our attention.

While I wouldn't call A Haunted House good, I will say it wasn't nearly as painful as it could have been. It's better than another Wayans Brothers horror spoof, the Scary Movie franchise. Unlike those, it doesn't just re-enact random scenes from a bunch of movies appearing schizophrenic and pulling us in way too many directions. A Haunted House uses the template provided by Paranormal Activity, even to the point of imitation, but creates its own self-contained and cohesive narrative. You need not have seen twenty other films to get most of the jokes. Really, you don't even have to have seen Paranormal Activity. It stands up, or falls down depending on your tolerance for humor that might be beyond raunchy, on its own accord.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

30 Minutes or Less

Directed by Ruben Fleischer.

2011. Rated R, 83 minutes.

Cast:

Jesse Eisenberg

Danny McBride

Aziz Ansari

Nick Swardson

Dilshad Vadsaria

Michael Peña

Bianca Kajlich

Fred Ward

Brett Gelman

Dwayne (McBride) isn't nearly as smart as he thinks. To boot, he is a slacker at odds with his wealthy dad (Ward). Really, he’s just waiting for the old man to die so he can inherit everything. When he lets this bit of info slip to Juicy (Kajlich), the stripper giving him a lap-dance, she tells him she knows someone who could expedite the process for a hundred grand. Of course, he doesn’t have that kind of money. With his sidekick Travis (Swardson), who happens to be good at making explosives, he decides to kidnap someone and force them to rob a bank for him. This is where Nick (Eisenberg) comes in. He’s a pizza delivery guy with problems of his own. He just had a fight with his best friend Chet (Ansari) and he’s attracted to Chet’s sister Kate (Vadsaria), but won’t tell her. He is also the unlucky chap who makes a delivery to Dwayne and Travis. He is quickly knocked out when he gets there. When he wakes up he finds he has a bomb strapped to his chest and is told he will rob a bank today, or else he’s going to go boom. In case you aren’t quite sure, this is a comedy.

Most of the movie consists of us, along with Dwayne and Chet, following Nick around as he decides what to do and figures out how to go about doing it, with Chet’s help, naturally. On both sides of this coin, we get lots of bickering between two guys. There is less where Dwayne and Travis is concerned as the former is mostly in charge. If you boil down all the yelling they do it equals one guy coming up with an idea and the other calling him stupid. Eventually, a course of action is agreed upon which doesn’t go as planned and the cycle starts over. This repetition lends itself to the theory of diminishing returns. The jokes yield fewer and fewer laughs as the movie goes on because they really haven’t changed since the beginning. The only real variation being how inventive the guys get with their swear words, of which there are more than enough.

To the movie’s credit, the plot hurtles forward with a kinetic energy. It rarely slows down, knowing it has to jam everything into an hour and a half. Those brief occasions are to set up our romance, but that’s about it. Most exposition is taken care of during those shouting matches I referenced. The rest of the film is made up of some form of action. Though they lack any real tension, they are occasionally entertaining.

More than any other genre, whether or not we like a comedy depends on how we feel about its stars. You either find certain people funny or you do not. I like Eisenberg okay, but can’t say I think he’s hilarious. I am also lukewarm on Danny McBride. Generally speaking, Ansari and Swardson both annoy me far more than make me laugh. When you add all that up, you get a movie that I believe has some funny moments, but mostly falls flat. The other aspects, like the story and action, are also rather hit-or-miss. Give it an additional demerit for reducing Michael Peña to a total stereotype. Now rewrite sentences three through six of this paragraph to better reflect how you feel about this movie’s stars.

MY SCORE: 5/10

Grown Ups 2

Directed by Dennis Dugan.

2013. Rated PG-13, 101 minutes.

Cast:

Adam Sandler

Kevin James

Chris Rock

David Spade

Salma Hayek

Maya Rudolph

Maria Bello

Taylor Lautner

Nick Swardson

Steve Buscemi

Colin Quinn

Tim Meadows

Jon Lovitz

Shaquille O’Neal

If you loved Grown Ups, you’re in luck. The whole gang is back for another comic adventure through their collective mid-life crisis. Well, almost the whole gang. Rob Schneider is conspicuously absent from this little reunion. The rest of the guys are present, though. This time around, big shot Lenny (Sandler) has already moved back to his hometown and spends as much time as possible goofing off with his buddies Kurt (Rock), Marcus (Spade), and Eric (James). They talk tough when their wives are not around and long to be boys again. Lenny is still having problems with an old bully from his school days. James is secretly spending every afternoon watching soaps with his mother. Spade, the only bachelor of the bunch, finds out he has a son who looks just like him but is roughly three times his size. So is the female body-builder he’s been sneaking around with. Rock just kind of shadw Sandler. As a group, they find themselves at odds with the frat jerks from the local college, led by the overly obnoxious Andy (Lautner). The guys, trying to figure out if they can still kick a little ass ensues.

As expected, each storyline is a running gag. Sometimes they work, other times they don’t. It might be better if it weren’t so repetitive. Therefore, what might be funny early grows tired. We start to anticipate, with solid accuracy, what variation of the joke is coming next. It doesn’t help that almost any character that is not part of the big four, or their wives, are walking punch-lines. I’ve already mentioned that Lautner is obnoxious. The female bodybuilder is manly, Stone Cold Steve Austin is boorish, and so on. Since this is an Adam Sandler flick, Nick Swardson is hanging around. The wives all play into the stereotype that the women we marry are really just our second mothers. So as not to upset the apple cart our story is paint-by-numbers, too.

That said, there is a certain amount of charm to the movie. For all of their flaws and immaturity, these are likable guys. Okay, that’s debatable in Spade’s case. Even though they play out in way over-the-top fashion, their problems are not terribly different than many in the target audience. Plenty of us forty-somethings have moments when we attempt to recapture our youth by trying to do “guy” stuff without our wives knowing. Plenty of us seek an innocent reprieve from them on occasion. Oddly, Sandler himself is a huge help in this regard. Despite the fact his character is wealthy and married to Salma Hayek (drool), he manages to give off a regular joe vibe. In essence, he speaks in his normal voice and gives us his subdued routine. The others make fools of themselves while he generally plays it straight.

Like with all Sandler movies, use however you feel about his other work as an aid when deciding whether to watch this or not. It would be wise to ignore the ones where he speaks with a kooky voice with a dumb accent and/or wears a wig such as That’s My Boy or You Don’t Mess with the Zohan. Instead, focus on your thoughts about those movies where he is more generic and family friendly like Bedtime Stories, Just Go With It, Click, and of course, the first Grown Ups. If he is tolerable to you in this guise then you might enjoy Grown Ups 2. Personally, I didn’t hate it and honestly found myself laughing more than I expected.

MY SCORE: 6/10

That's My Boy

Just Go with It

Directed by Dennis Dugan.

2011. Rated PG-13, 117 minutes.

Cast:

Adam Sandler

Jennifer Aniston

Brooklyn Decker

Nick Swardson

Nicole Kidman

Dave Matthews

Bailee Madison

Griffin Gluck

Kevin Nealon

Ratchel Dratch

Minka Kelly

Dan Patrick

Keegan-Michael Key

Ever since he was jilted at the altar twenty some odd years ago, Danny (Sandler) has been an unrepentant womanizer. He still wears the engagement ring he bought way back when as a decoy. When the woman he’s talking to notice it, he tells them how miserable his marriage is to gain sympathy points and to get in their pants. It usually works. When he meets Palmer (Decker), he thinks his days as a ladies’ man is done because she is the one. However, she actually wants to meet his wife to verify the two are actually getting a divorce. This is where Katherine (Aniston) comes in. Danny happens to be a top notch plastic surgeon and Katherine is his assistant. She agrees to pose as his soon-to-be-ex-wife during a lunch. When it slips that she has two children, Palmer naturally assumes they are also Danny’s kids. One thing leads to another and the whole gang of them, plus Danny’s cousin Eddie (Swardson), are off to Hawaii for a week of bonding that our hero hopes will end with he and Palmer living happily ever after.

If you want to know how this is going to play out, you only have to tap into your memory banks and do a little tweaking. Let me help. If these characters were in high school, Brooklyn Decker would be playing the hot and popular cheerleader while Jennifer Aniston play’s Sandler’s platonic best friend, hiding her beauty beneath a pony tail and glasses. Aniston really does sport that look, at least in the beginning. If that doesn’t help you, I don’t know what will.

Since we don’t have to worry about where the plot will take us, we only have to decide whether or not we find it funny. It is. In a few spots. Sandler doesn't do anything terribly different than normal so he’ll make you laugh as much, or as little as usual. Swardson is his buffoonish sidekick and mostly annoying, but does have a moment or two worthy of a laugh. The two kids have their moments, as well. Aniston is funny only when her character is “in character” as the over the top ex-wife. Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews fare best as a couple Aniston desperately competes with in Hawaii. Finally, as an actress, Brooklyn Decker is a great swimsuit model.

Therein lies the rub. Ms. Decker is both the best and worst part of Just Go with It. As implied, her performance is entirely forgettable. Nothing she does suggests she is more than just a pretty face. She’s since failed to change my mind on that with her less than stellar work in Battleship and What to Expect When You’re Expecting. On the other hand, for pigs like me, the scene of her emerging from the ocean in a yellow bikini is indelible. It’s probably one of the best bikini scenes of any movie ever made. It completely overshadows a similar, less bombastic but still impressive moment featuring Aniston. Then again, what does it say about this film that these are by far the two best scenes? Other than causing envy in lots of viewers wishing that their own sexual dilemma is having to choose between these two ladies, it doesn't speak well. The only thing I clearly heard the movie say is Adam Sandler has lots of money and will spend any amount of it for a piece of ass.

Bedtime Stories

Bedtime Stories
2008. Rated PG, 99 minutes.
Director: Adam Shankman. Starring Adam Sandler, Keri Russell, Guy Pearce, Courtney Cox, Russell Brand, Richard Griffiths, Teresa Palmer, Nick Swardson, Lucy Lawless, Carmen Electra.

Plot: Hotel maintenance man Skeeter (Sandler) babysits his sister's kids for a few days while she's out of town. With their help, he comes up with elaborate bedtime stories which amazingly become reality.

The Good: It's so gosh-darn cute. The kids are cute. The stories are cute. The way they translate into reality is cute. Therefore, our viewing is sprinkled with chuckles and giggles. All of this helps to keep things moving along nicely as the movie bounds from one tale to the next.

The Bad: It's so gosh-darn cute. Since it is, it's not afraid to pile on the cheese. So, in between the giggles and chuckles you might be rolling your eyes a lot. It doesn't help that the plot is a paint-by-numbers job.

The Ugly: The Booger Monster.

Recommendation: This is solid family fare. The stories are inventive, so they hold your attention as the movie bounces merrily along. There's really not much here to offend even the hardcore prudes, but it is predictable. You're willing to forgive all that because, well, it's just so gosh-darn cute.

The Opposite View: Jim Hill, Channel 4 Film

What the Internet Says: 6.2/10 on imdb.com (4/29/09), 22% on rottentomatoes.com, 33/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 6.5/10