The Lion King (2019)

Saving Mr. Banks

Directed by John Lee Hancock. 

2013. Rated PG, 125 minutes. 

Cast: 

Emma Thompson 

Tom Hanks 

Paul Giamatti 

Colin Farrell 

B.J. Novak 

Jason Schwartzman 

Ruth Wilson 

Annie Rose Buckley 

Melanie Paxson 

Bradley Whitford

Even if you've never seen Mary Poppins, chances are you're familiar with the character. Based on a children's novel and released in 1964, it quickly became an iconic piece of cinema, raking in all sorts of money at the box office and an armful of Oscars for good measure. Our plot revolves around the struggles of the great Walt Disney (Hanks) to get the book's author P.L. Travers (Thompson) to let him bring it to the big screen. The problem is she's so attached to her creation she can't bear to see anyone embellish it any way and is willing to fight tooth and nail about it. We get to see how Disney and his team of merry makers charmed her enough to get her to loosen the reins. This is no small feat considering she starts adamantly against him making it one of his "silly cartoons" and absolutely does not want it to be a musical. A power struggle with a seismic shift ensues.

The film benefits from a wonderful performance by Emma Thompson in the lead role. She is a perfect blend of standoffish, defensive, and rude. At the same time, we know that she is fiercely protecting something she loves. We respect that immensely even if we disagree with her methods. Thompson commands the screen whenever she is on it which is most of the time. Her strong presence pulls us in. She makes us understand that she feels wronged by Disney and his people at every turn. We're also glad when she begins coming around.

From the other side of things, we feel the frustration of the people who are trying to give cinematic life to Travers' book. Despite what you've heard, Disney is not really key to conveying this life. He's just the muscle brought in when the rest of his team is at their wits end. They spend much more time with her, and with us. It's their pain we feel. Mostly, this is thanks to a pair of wonderful turns. One is B.J. Novak, the other by Jason Schwartzman. They play the two songwriters who compose the music for the movie. Their battles with her take on an epic quality that serves the movie well. As for Hanks as Disney, he gets two scenes where he goes for the gusto, but otherwise isn't given a whole lot to do. To his credit, he makes it work when he's called upon.

Where Saving Mr. Banks lacks most is in the tension department. Given that we all know Mary Poppins got made, the movie can't generate any whatsoever. P.L. Travers can rant, rave, stomp, and shout all she wants to, we're never going to think she's actually going to stop the production. It's like watching a sporting event when you already know the final score. Sure, seeing how it got that way can be fun, but it never generates the same excitement as not knowing how it ends. Even with lots of movies that we can predict the ending, that shred of doubt that says we might be wrong can keep us interested. This movie never affords us that.

The movie does do a decent job combating this problem by using flashbacks to Travers' life as a child. It's a history most viewers aren't familiar with. We don't know how her relationship with her dad (Farrell) plays out. We hope it works out for the best. Unfortunately, this is still only a subplot. The overriding focus is on whether or not a movie will be made, a question to which we already know the answer. That said, I have to give Colin Farrell credit, for turning in some very nice work as the author's dad. It is him and his character that provide the movie's most emotional moments.

As the movie comes to a close, we're left with the feeling we watched a nice movie that is very well made. We really enjoy the performances by Emma Thompson and Colin Farrell, as well as those of actors with smaller roles. This includes Tom Hanks, disarmingly charming when he needs to be. However, its iconic subject matter serves as an anchor. The movie can never pull it along enough to build up any serious momentum. It just moseys along, pluckily doing things we can appreciate, but aren't necessarily thrilled by. I hate to say it, but we have an enjoyable and pleasant watch that is bound to be forgotten.

Frozen

Directed by Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee.

2013. Rated PG, 108 minutes.

Cast:

Kristen Bell

Idina Menzel

Jonathan Groff

Josh Gad

Santino Fontana

Alan Tudyk

Ciaran Hinds

Chris Williams

Once upon a time in the magical land of Arendelle, there lived a princess named Elsa (Menzel). She possessed the power to create snow and ice at will. While using her powers during playtime she accidentally hurts her younger sister Anna (Bell). Knowing that she would be feared as an evil-doing witch, Elsa hid her powers by isolating herself from Anna and the outside world. However, during her coronation things get out of hand and Elsa's power is exposed. She transforms the bright, sunny day into a frigid winter night. She flees the castle in hopes of starting over all alone. Anna follows in hopes of bringing her back and ending the bitter cold her sister created. However, when Elsa's powers accidentally hurt Anna again only an act of true love can save the younger princess.

Sound familiar?

Of course, it does. It's a Disney movie about a princess, or a pair of princesses, in this case. The movie floats along the oh-so-familiar path of doing what fairy tales do. Along the way, it pauses to give us some heartwarming musical numbers that help the two young ladies explain their feelings to the audience. This includes the Oscar winning "Let it Go." Yawn. And I'm sorry, but Pharrell's "Happy" is the far better song. Screw you, Academy.

Does it sound like I'm hating on this movie?

Maybe I am. Call it a knee-jerk reaction to all the unwarranted love thrown this film's way. It's treated as if the movie's creators invented the wheel when they unleashed this thing on an unsuspecting world. This, it hardly does.

To be fair, Frozen does do something somewhat original. Though it does spend a fair amount of time dealing with a pair of Prince Charmings, it's real focus is on sisterhood. This is admirable, especially given the way most princesses are merely damsels in distress. This little bit of empowerment is welcome. Also welcome is this movie's subtle deconstruction of the notion that true love can be found instantly. Nice touch.

As far as some other things go, all the wintry landscapes make for a gorgeous movie to look at. The voice work is adequate, not spectacular. Kristen Bell fares best, being her usual plucky self. Idina Menzel is okay and shines during her one big moment, singing that song. As a whole, the music doesn't seem particularly inspired, but that could just be either the cynic or the contrarian in me talking. Our two Prince Charmings did exactly what I expected them to do and were completely bland about it. And the talking snowman generally annoyed me.

Despite all I've said, I don't think this is a terrible movie. I just don't believe that should've been gushed over by anyone over twelve. Even the bonding that occurs between females was better done just a year earlier in Brave, with a far more inventive story. Though, this one does open itself up a bit more to pro-lesbian interpretation, with Elsa hiding her true nature and later "coming out." That would be cool, to me at least, but not nearly enough to make me think this is some great cinematic achievement. Frozen is cute, even enjoyable, but not special.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Monsters University

Directed by San Scanlon.

2013. Rated PG, 104 minutes. 

Cast: 

Billy Crystal 

John Goodman 

Helen Mirren 

Steve Buscemi 

Alfred Molina 

Nathan Fillion 

John Krasinski 

Bill Hader 

AubreyPlaza 

Tyler Labine 

Julia Sweeney

Instead of continuing the story of Monsters, Inc., we take a trip back in time to the college days of our heroes. Most of our focus is on Mike (Crystal). He's wanted to be the greatest scarer of all-time since he was a very young monster. He is so obsessed with the idea, he has literally worked toward it his entire life. There is absolutely no question that he will major in Scaring when en enters Monsters University. There is one little bitty issue. Mike is not particularly scary. Soon, he meets Sully (Goodman), our other hero.

Sully is a natural, having descended from some of the industry's greats. He is much more of a jock while Mike is a bookworm. They do not get along. Their bickering even occurs in class and winds up getting them both kicked out of the Scaring program. As a last-ditch effort to get back in, they make a wager with Dean Hardscrabble (Mirren), who dislikes them both. If they, and the fraternity of misfits they're stuck with, win the campus Scare Games, they will be allowed back into the program. If they do not, they must leave school altogether.

Early on, the differences between Mike and Sully form a solid foundation for the movie. It's not just their arguing, but the choices each makes, and the people with whom they surround themselves. Best of all, Mike isn't a meek personality. He's a feisty little guy, not afraid to tell the big bad Sully what he thinks of him. Later on, their having to work together is the satisfactory development of a friendship. It is appropriately rocky, but undoubtedly on an upward swing. What's set up by all of this is a classic underdog story. When the movie launches into the Scare Games, it's fun watching the guys navigate the various events and figure out a way through them. We see them grow and bond as a team and have a good time doing it.

None of this would matter if the movie weren't funny. It is just that all the way through. Many of the jokes don't come from our heroes, though. The supporting players bring much more of the funny. The star of the show, in this regard, is Sherri Squibbles, the mother of one of the misfits. Julia Sweeney does a wonderful job with the voice and she is just a hilarious character. She lights up the screen every time she graces it. Another standout, in less screen time, is Steve Buscemi's reprisal of his role as Randy. As for Mike and Sully, they do have a number of funny moments, but they're more responsible for the drama. That drama is also well-handled. it is tense at the right times. The tension is cranked up the highest during a scene late in the movie when some horror elements are introduced. Also helping in the tension department is Helen Mirren as Dean Hardscrabble. She provides us with a solid villain with a commanding presence.

Though this is an underdog story, Monsters University is to be commended for not being satisfied with the easy finish. It seems to give us this and appears all set to ride off into the sunset. Instead, it throws us a bit of a curveball and the film continues. Rather than feeling like a false finish, it works in service of the developing relationship of our heroes and strengthens the movie for us. It directly leads to the finale which, as I mentioned, makes very nice use of horror movie tropes. When it actually does end, whether the kiddies watching realize this or not, the movie is better for going the extra mile.

Planes

Directed by Klay Hall.

2013. Rated PG, 91 minutes.

Cast:

Dane Cook

Stacy Keach

Brad Garrett

Teri Hatcher

Julia Louis-Dryfus

Priyanka Chopra

John Cleese

Cedric the Entertainer

Carlos Alazraqui

Sinbad

Anthony Edwards

Roger Craig Smith

Val Kilmer

Brent Musberger

Dusty Crophopper (Cook) is just a crop duster. That doesn't stop his dreams of being racing plane. To fulfill his lifelong wish, he decides to try to qualify for the upcoming world famous Wings Across the World race. Against all odds, and due to some funny business by another racer, Dusty snags the last available spot. Even though he's severely outclassed by his competitors, and they let him know it, he is out not just to participate, but to win. There is one other teeny, tiny problem. One leg of the race involves flying over mountains and he is afraid of heights. Yup, he's a plane afraid of heights.

If you've heard anything about Planes, it's probably that it was made to capitalize on the popularity of the Cars franchise and is pretty much a knock-off. That much is true. Where most will probably disagree with me is that, in this case, the knock-off is better than the original. Full disclosure: I hate Cars. To me, it is an overly long, poorly paced, snooze fest. Planes is on par with Cars 2, which I also like better than Cars. I place this movie as a small step below Turbo, yet another movie following the same basic template. In that one, we sub in a snail.

Planes knows something that Cars didn't and uses that knowledge to its advantage. It fully understands that the racing is the draw. Where Cars back-logged all of the fun stuff to sit behind a way-too-lengthy setup, Planes gets us to the action rather quickly. All of the other elements you'd expect to be there are incorporated into the racing. We still get the wise old sage (Keach), a love interest (Chopra), an identity crisis for our hero, and a villain. The pace is so snappy, we notice that they are present, but don't have time to dwell on them, nitpick them, or worse, become bored by them. Instead, the time flies by, bad pun intended, and we have a fun time.

The drawback to all that speed is that our characters are stuck in neutral. They all stick to the expected arcs with almost no deviation from the norm. This robs most of them of their pizazz. This is where Turbo excels. In that movie, we get big personalities that follow similar tropes, but with much more charisma. Here, I felt like I could write the dialogue. Actually, I could probably replace it all with a catch-phrase or two for each character.

As things come to a close, we've seen a movie that's fun, but ultimately forgettable. It zips through our lives covering the same basic lessons so many other cartoons have trampled to death. Without doing anything especially good or bad, it leaves nary a trace after it's gone. The silver lining is that while it's on, it's an enjoyable little plane ride.

MY SCORE: 6/10

The Odd Life of Timothy Green

Directed by Peter Hedges.

2012. Rated PG, 105 minutes.

Cast:

Jennifer Garner

Joel Edgerton

Dianne West

CJ Adams

Rosemarie DeWitt

Ron Livingston

David Morse

Common

Cindy (Garner) and Jim Green (Edgerton) are a happily married couple with one major problem. For whatever reason, they will never produce a baby of their own. We meet them as they’re applying to become adoptive parents. When asked what qualifies them for parenthood, they relate the story of Timothy (Adams), their son. Confused? Okay, pay attention. The year before, the Green’s decided they were going to move and continue their lives without worrying about having children. To symbolize this, they bury their list of baby names in the backyard. When it rains that night, guess what grows like a planted seed? Only, instead of a newborn the Greens get Timothy, a ten year old boy with leaves attached to his legs. A crash course in parenting ensues.

Ask any parents, if you yourself are not one, and they will tell you that your first child teaches you how to be one. This happens as the child grows from birth. Imagine the confusion someone feels if they suddenly gained a ten year old after not having any kids at all. You may think you know what to do, but will quickly discover you don’t. Such is the case with the Greens. Things arise that they are totally unprepared for. We watch as they muddle through them. We also get to see Timothy grow as a person. Though undeniably awkward, he is a charming kid. Along with Jennifer Garner’s angst and Joel Edgerton’s flusteredness (?), Timothy pulls us through the movie.

The cynic in me wants to hate this movie so badly because of all it’s thorough Disneyness. Throughout the succession of obstacles placed before our microwave family, we’re given heartwarming, cute and heartwarmingly cute moments. Timothy repeatedly proves to be everything the Greens hoped for, in quite the literal sense. A number of these also have enough humor to keep things bouncing along merrily. And of course, our little hero changes the lives of everyone he comes into contact with. This is all so syrupy sweet I think it will force my lunce to reappear as soupy chunks on my lap, but it doesn’t. Somethow, The Odd Life of Timothy Green drives right up to the cliff of happiness where it threatens to fall into a hopelessly twee abyss. Alas, it manages to keep its balance. I keep all of my meals down plus the popcorn I’ve been gnawing on. Everybody wins.

Frankenweenie

Directed by Tim Burton.

2012. Rated PG, 87 minutes.

Cast:

Charlie Tahan

Catherine O’Hara

Martin Short

Martin Landau

Atticus Shaffer

Winona Ryder

Robert Capron

James Hiroyuki Liao

Conchata Ferrell

Tom Kenny

Victor Frankenstein (Tahan) doesn't have many friends other than Sparky, his dog. Victor’s father notices this and urges his son to get our there with the other kids. Specifically, he gets the boy to participate in a baseball game. Not wanting to be left out, Sparky chases the ball into the street and is killed when hit by a car. Inspired by what he learned in science class, Victor successfully resurrects the dog. Initially, this is unbeknownst to anyone else. When word gets out, all the kids want to bring something back to life in hopes of winning the upcoming science fair. Of course, things don’t go as well for them as they did for Victor.

The journey director Tim Burton takes us on is one steeped in nostalgia, paying homage to horror’s glorious past every step of the way. While Victor himself is a rather typical looking Burton creation, the rest of the kids look like classic monster movie characters. One kid resembles Igor, another Frankenstein’s monster, and so on. The science teacher is a dead ringer for the legendary Vincent Price. There are many instances we’ll note as inspired by those old pictures and the entire thing is shown in a traditional black and white.

Simply incorporating elements from great movies is not enough to make this film any good. Fortunately, Burton tells us a wonderful story. It functions as a tale about a boy and his dog and as a horror flick. In true Burton fashion, the boy is a loner and a bit of an outcast. This is displayed by a brilliant inversion of the way the director usually presents things. In movies such as Edward Scissorhands, Batman, and as recently as Dark Shadows, the protagonist is not only clearly different from those around him, but to us, also. Whether it’s a physical deformity, ghastly colored skin, or just running around in a costume, we saw something strange about them. Here, the hero looks more like us than anyone else in the movie. The other characters are the more gothic creations. Since they are the majority, Victor still comes across as the oddball. However, like other leads in the Burton canon, he’s an oddball by nature, not some stubborn contrarianism. He also has a good heart. Misguided as it may have been, he brought Sparky back to life out of love for the dog. He tries to stop others from doing similar things because he knows there is great potential danger. Victor is easy to root for.

Like the best of Burton, several genres convene seamlessly. Dark comedy and horror blend into a deliciously macabre family flick. Whether we’re laughing, noticing something lifted from an eighty year old movie or staring slack-jawed at all the mayhem of the finale, it doesn’t detract from the overall experience. It’s something the director was unsuccessful doing in the aforementioned Dark Shadows. There, his switches in mode are jarring and leave us wondering what we are supposed to be watching. In Frankenweenie, it all goes down smoothly.

Enchanted

Directed by Kevin Lima.

2007. Rated PG, 107 minutes.

Cast:

Amy Adams

Patrick Dempsey

James Marsden

Susan Sarandon

Timothy Spall

Rachel Covey

Idina Menzel

Julie Andrews

In what appears to be a stock, animated fairy-tale, a prince (Marsden) meets a fair maiden (Adams) in the woods and the two fall in love. This doesn't sit well with the prince’s evil witch of a mother (Sarandon) who banishes the bride-to-be to “the land where there are no happily ever afters.” That land would be live-action New York City.

It’s a simple premise, executed very well. Essentially, it’s a fish-out-of-water tale. In this case, the fish comes from a world we've all watched numerous times as kids and again when we ourselves have kids. To effectively tell its story it has to poke fun at itself and it does. The cast really helps in this department. Patrick Dempsey gives his normal bland performance. However, everyone around him is obviously hamming it up and having a great time doing so, including a wonderful turn by James Marsden as our prince. Not least of all in the ham department is Susan Sarandon as the evil witch. She just seems to be having a ball by running with the opportunity to overact on purpose. She and her cast-mates clearly convey the message this is a fairy-tale that knows fairy-tales are inherently preposterous. It’s not an all-out deconstruction of the genre like the original Shrek but it holds its own as a self-parody that’s smart enough to entertain adults. It’s also wacky enough, with plenty of songs to keep the kids into it.

Of course, on the flip side, it’s wacky enough, with plenty of songs to keep the kids into it. Let’s be honest, whenever Disney movies kick into Broadway show-tune mode plenty of adults would gladly murder a loved one if we knew that would make it stop. We just don’t for fear of being perceived as heartless menaces to the unrelenting joy being shoved down our throats. Anyhoo, I’m pretty sure my two daughters watched this movie 647 times in a three day span.

This one’s an easy call. If you have small kids, particularly girls, they will love this movie. All of you strange, creepy adults who are still huge Disney fans will probably enjoy this more than is healthy and should seek professional help. Just kiddin'. Sort of. Let's move on. Parents shouldn't mind this. It’s funny, smart enough for you to “get” and plenty of fun.

MY SCORE: 7.5/10

John Carter

Directed by Andrew Stanton.

2012. Rated PG-13, 132 minutes.

Cast:

Taylor Kitsch

Lynn Collins

Mark Strong

Samantha Morton

Willem Dafoe

Thomas Haden Church

Ciarán Hinds

Dominic West

James Purefoy

Bryan Cranston

Polly Walker

Daryl Sabara

Civil War vet John Carter (Kitsch) spends all of his time searching for a fabled cave full of gold. The Confederate Army wants to press him back into service. They capture John, he runs away, they give chase and start a little skirmish with some Native Americans who happen to be in the way. Our hero runs some more and practically falls into the cave he seeks. The only problem is there’s a strange looking dude already there. He and John get into it and bada-boom, bada-bing, John winds up on Mars, here called Barsoom, trying to save the planet from a budding tyrant who is getting some special help. Why yes, there is a pretty girl involved. Her name is Dejah Thoris (Collins). She’s a princess being forced by her father to marry the bad guy as a means of potentially saving their empire. You see, the king doesn’t watch movies and doesn’t know that these sorts of arrangements never work out the way you’d like. Oh, one other thing, while on Mars John can leap tall buildings in a single bound. Almost.

Almost is a good word to describe the movie as a whole. By almost, I mean it’s almost good. Visually, it is quite the treat. Narratively, it is not. Once our hero gets to Mars we get eyefuls of interesting creatures and scenes of swashbuckling that feel simultaneously futuristic and primitive. The action comes often enough, usually in the form of chase scenes, highlighting the things John Carter does well. It’s between those scenes where the issues lie.

The story itself suffers from over-familiarity. It’s strictly paint-by-numbers with no deviation from the beaten path. From the moment John reaches Mars his next step always feels pre-ordained. In short, we’ve seen this many times before. You know the drill: escape here, decide to help the natives there, realize you’re in love with the princess here, and so on. In fact, it too closely follows the template set by Avatar, sans the “go green” agenda. That movie has many of the same flaws (awful dialogue, forced love story, bloated length, etc) but is even more of a spectacle. Try as it might, JC never achieves the grandeur of Avatar making its flaws even more of factor.

For a light-hearted, kiddie-fied action flick JC isn’t really a terrible choice. It’s fairly fun and the two hours go by pretty quickly. It is likely to be a forgettable crowd pleaser. Sitting through it is pleasant enough. However, by time the credits roll, you’d be hard-pressed to differentiate it from any other movie where a stranger in strange land does what such heroes do.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Directed by Rob Marshall.

2011. Rated PG-13, 136 minutes.

Cast:

Johnny Depp

Penélope Cruz

Geoffrey Rush

Ian McShane

Kevin McNally

Astrid Bergès-Frisbey

Stephen Graham

Keith Richards

Richard Griffiths

Sam Claflin

Ava Acres

Cpt. Jack Sparrow (Depp) is back for another adventure on the high seas. This time he is in search of the original fountain of youth. More accurately, he’s a reluctant guide for Blackbeard (McShane) and his daughter Angelica (Cruz) who need to find it for selfish reasons. Cpt. Barbossa (Rush) is hot on their tail. He wants to catch up with Blackbeard to settle an old score. Lots of swashbuckling, wisecracking and Cpt. Sparrow prancing about ensues.

As usual, Depp and his cast mates have a grand time hamming it up. Nearly every role is merely an excuse to mug for the camera. Our performers willingly dive over the top. The movie, even the entire franchise is better for it. Played straight this would likely be a dreadful affair. Played as it is, with a wink and a smile, allows both the viewer and the movie itself to revel in its absurdities. Like the best moments of the series: On Stranger Tides functions as much like a vaguely risqué comedy as it does an adventure film about pirates.

Wisely, this fourth installment in the “PotC” series sticks with a few easy to follow storylines. This is a welcome regression from the hyper-convoluted abyss that is At World’s End. While that movie is an incoherent jumble of parts, On Stranger Tides is a cohesive unit that moves forward at a brisk pace without leaving us behind. For some the entire franchise has lost its luster and will want nothing to do with this movie. For me, it’s a gleeful return to what we love about the PotC world. That said, I wouldn’t mind if they didn’t make any more of these. The time has come for Cpt. Sparrow to flitter away. This would be going out on a solid note.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Mars Needs Moms

Directed by Simon Wells.

2011. Rated PG, 88 minutes.
Cast:
Seth Green
Dan Fogler
Joan Cusack
Elisabeth Harnois
Mindy Sterling
Kevin Cahoon
Tom Everett Scott
Jacquie Barnbrook

Aparently, Martians know nothing about raising their young. From time to time they come to Earth to get the knowledge they need. No, no, no they don’t enroll in a parenting class or anything like that. They abduct a human mom, fly her back to Mars, extract whatever they deem necessary to mothering directly from her brain and then discard her. Yeesh. That information is downloaded to the Nannybots who do the mothering. This time they’ve snatched Milo’s (Green) mom. He manages to get on board their ship as it is leaving and soon finds himself on the red planet. Once there, he has to figure out how to save his mother.

As it turns out, Mars is a desolate, militaristic place. Like any such place in the movies, there are underground factions of rebels. Most of the ones we see are content to go about splashing color across their largely monochromatic world. One who is not a rebel, but certainly a loner becomes Milo’s most important ally. His name is Gribble (Fogler) and he is human. He’s also an adult but hasn’t had any human interaction since he was but a young boy himself. He still has a child’s rambunctiousness. With these things in place, Milo sets out on his adventure.

Our hero’s adventure is a fun one that manages to slip in a few messages along the way. Chief among them is just how important moms actually are. Like the others, this is done in a way that doesn’t feel like we’re being bludgeoned by them. To this end, things are kept fairly light-hearted until near the end when we really do get a palpable sense of danger. The daring rescue attempt manages to grab us by our throats and pull us to the edge of our seats. It takes the darkness that was harmlessly lingering just beneath the surface and brings it to the forefront. In the grand scheme of things, it’s only a few minutes of screen time. However, it’s a few minutes that drives home the message and ultimately makes the payoff more satisfying.

Secretariat

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Directed by Michael Apted.
2010. Rated PG, 113 minutes.
Cast:
Georgie Henley
Skandar Keynes
Ben Barnes
Will Poulter
Tilda Swinton
Gary Sweet
Terry Norris
Bruce Spence
Bille Brown
Laura Brent
Simon Pegg

Edmund (Keynes) and Lucy (Henley) are back for a third adventure in Narnia. Even though I stopped caring about halfway through their second, so am I. What’d you say? There are two other kids that were involved in those first two tales? Apparently, they’re getting too old for talking lions and saving mythical worlds. As penance, they’ve been shipped off to where all of us unimaginative slobs go: America. If you miss them that much, we do get to see them from time to time, briefly. The older sister is even of minor consequence. Well, not her exactly but how she looks. Am I rambling? This movie does the same, giving it a very At World’s End kind of feel. That movie being from another franchise burdened with intolerably long titles: The Pirates of the Caribbean. Reminding one of that installment of the franchise isn’t a good thing. With that in mind, I’ll give it my best shot.

We find our two young heroes now living with an uncle who’s face we never see. That’s because the only shots of him are of him hiding behind the newspaper he’s reading. This is fitting because like all regular world adults in this series, he’s completely irrelevant. The important thing is that they can’t stand their cousin Eustace (Poulter) and the feeling is mutual. Lo and behold, during a gripe session between the three, the water in the painting on the wall starts moving, pours from the canvas, fills up an entire bedroom and miraculously drops the trio into the middle of an ocean on Narnia. Wouldn’t you know it? They’re right in the path of a giant ship helmed by none other than Prince Caspian (Barnes). Technically, he doesn’t helm the ship, there is a captain. However, that guy pretty much gets told to ‘shut up and know your role’ whenever he dares attempting to impart some of his wisdom. Well, not in those words. That’s just what it sounded like to me. Anyhoo, Caspian tells our heroes that world peace has been achieved on Narnia. Since they’re accustomed to being called upon only when there is trouble afoot, the kids have no idea why they’re here. Eventually, the find out that some neon green mist that must have escaped from an eighties hair band concert periodically shows up and snatches up small boats full of people. Somehow, it’s decided that the only way to stop this is to gather up the seven mostest specialest swords in all the land and arrange them all together in cute little design. Before we actually get to that point, lots of stuff happens.By stuff, I mean a barely coherent string of events that hope they’re exciting because so much is going on.

Lots of things come up and go unresolved in favor of an action scene and moving on to the next “thrilling” event. Like the aforementioned At World’s End, it keeps flinging things at the screen until it becomes convoluted. It also doesn’t always follow its own rules. For instance, a particular bracelet seems to have killed the person its found on, but does something far different to Eustace. Other things just keep happening. Even a light saber fight suddenly breaks out. It all gets to be a bit of a mess.

For all its lack of focus, this is never a boring movie. Nonsensical? Sure. Boring? No. It consistently gives us interesting visuals. Of course, there’s all that swashbuckling going on. And most of the characters are just dumb enough to keep things interesting. So, in the end you find time has gone by quickly. Thankfully. As for what exactly happened during that period, you might not be entirely sure.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

Tangled

Directed by Nathan Greno and Byron Howard.
2010. Rated PG, 100 minutes.
Cast:
Mandy Moore
Zachary Levi
Donna Murphy
Ron Perlman
M. C. Gainey
Jeffrey Tambor
Brad Garrett
Richard Kiel

Once upon a time, there lived a girl at the very top of a very tall tower, controlled by a very evil woman and a very handsome man comes to rescue her. In a post-Shrek world, you’d think Disney wouldn’t be so lazy as to go with that exact setup. Yet, here we have Tangled. It’s the latest version of the classic fairy tale “Rapunzel.” She (Moore), of course, is the girl in the tower. The evil woman is Mother Gothel (Murphy) who kidnapped Rapunzel from her parents, the king and queen, when Rapunzel was just a baby. She does so because the girl’s impossibly long hair has special powers, providing the old lady with everlasting youth among them. Flynn Rider (Levi) is the handsome man. He gets into the tower by accident, but his role is pretty clearly defined. He is to rescue Rapunzel and make sure she lives happily ever after.

There is nothing else here, narratively. Everything simply plays out as it must. What it lacks in creative storytelling, it makes up for in comedy, action and modern sounding dialogue. It mostly works. It’s funny and in some spots, exciting. The style of dialogue and the musical numbers make it easier for its target audience to relate. For them, it’s exactly what they expected and what they wanted. For them, it’s as golden as Rapunzel’s hair. For the rest of us, it’s a fairly enjoyable time-passer. Tangled doesn’t really do anything wrong. It just doesn’t do anything original.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Tron Legacy

Directed by Joseph Kosinski.
2010. Rated PG, 126 minutes.
Cast:
Jeff Bridges
Garrett Hedlund
Olivia Wilde
Bruce Boxleitner
Michael Sheen
James Frain
Beau Garrett
Anis Cheufra

Kevin Flynn (Bridges) disappeared in 1989 and has been presumed dead ever since. In news flashes from that era, we learn that he put technology company Encom on the map and was working on the biggest, bestest thing ever when he vanished. This follows the events of the original Tron, a goofy but groundbreaking 1982 movie that didn’t do as well as anticipated at the box-office but has since developed a huge following. It’s following is huge enough Disney thought there was money in giving us a sequel almost thirty years later. In the original, Kevin accidentally finds a way to physically get inside the inner most workings of a computer. Once there, he finds programs to be like a group of very angry people. It’s like everyone’s hemorrhoids all flared up at once, or something. A few of the less angry folks became the good guys. So, of course, there were villains and Kevin had himself a grand adventure. It was so grand, he began to feel that the answers to all of mankind’s problems were in this world. I told you he was working on the bestest thing ever, right?

Mr. Flynn left behind a very young son who had already lost his mother. His name is Sam (Hedlund). Fast forward to the present. As you can imagine, growing up without either of his parents has left him with some issues. By the way, he was taken care of by his grandparents until they died a few years later. Of course they did, they looked to be in their early to mid thousands when they got him. Basically, what all this means is that Sam likes sabotaging Encom’s best laid plans even though he’s the biggest shareholder in the company. After his latest stunt, his dad’s old buddy tells him that someone paged him from Kevin’s old office from a number that’s been disconnected for over twenty years. Yes, I said someone paged him. For you young’uns who don’t know what a pager is, it’s a miniature version of that giant thing they give you at restaraunts when the waiting list is ridiculous. Only when someone dialed the number to your personal pager, you then broke your neck trying to get to the nearest phone and call them back. If you weren’t at home or work that actually meant resorting to finding a pay phone since most of us didn’t have phones in our pocket. Pay phone? Do they even have those anymore? Do doctors even use pagers nowadays? I dunno. Let’s move on.

Sam goes to check out dad’s old digs. Whaddya know? It’s the arcade from the first movie, only it is now abandoned and has been sitting there for two decades. Nothing has been touched, except for tarps being thrown over everything. Other than some dust, it’s all in tact. Even the electricity still works. Kevin must’ve wrote the power company a massive check before he got missing. Anyhoo, Sam wanders around, finds the secret passageway leading to pop’s still functioning computer. After a few tries, he guesses the old man’s password and voila! He’s actually inside the computer on “the grid.” I hate when that happens.

Well, programs are still angry so as soon as he gets there, Sam is dropped into some gladiator type games. He survives and is taken to his father. Not so fast, my friend. He’s actually taken to Clu, the program his father made in his own image. Yes, there are lots of allusions to Christianity. Imagine a movie that examines religion, includes a guy with a God complex and pumped full of special fx. Wait a sec. How did you know I was thinking of The Matrix or Superman Returns, or Tron, or…n-n-nevermind. I want to get through this. Eventually, Sam is taken to his real father, often referred to as “The Creator.” See? Since Clu is the fallen angel type trying to take over things Kevin, Sam and Quorra (Wilde) trying to escape through the portal ensues. I haven’t mentioned Quorra, yet? She’s the sexy program that hangs around “The Creator” and does his dirty work. You see, Kevin is much more New Testament benevolence than Old Testament wrath so he prefers to avoid all the conflict. Besides, she not only completes the trinity, she reminds us a lot of Trinity, too. Yup, I’m referencing The Matrix again. The movie does this a lot, as well.

The rest of the film falls into many of the same traps as the original. The visuals are fascinating, often stunning and sufficiently drive the action sequences. Those action scenes can be lots of fun, especially the ones involving the light-cycles and later light-planes. What’s between those scenes is convoluted to the point of incoherence. It’s logic is often faulty and some things aren’t nearly transparent enough. For instance, it comes to light that Clu wants to take over the real world by escaping through the portal himself. Huh? Someone please explain how this works. When my pc repair guy pulls out a motherboard does he risk being attacked? To make matters worse, Legacy takes itself way too seriously. There’s no humor, the score is ominous and the landscape is bleak. By the way, I had no idea the inside of my computer looked like a post-apocalyptic wasteland somehow filled with neon lights. The overwhelming silliness doesn’t match the tone. The original does offer some humor, realizing its own inherent absurdity. Seriousness works in something like The Dark Knight, which actually did have lots of humor, because despite it being about a guy dressed as a giant bat fighting a psychotic clown, its world resembles our own. The world of Tron Legacy does not. This world is a mashup of a number of other sci-fi flicks through the years including its predecessor.

At long last, I’ve finally come to the end of this review but do so with much consternation. I’ve been clueless about what’s really going on with every keystroke I make. Wars may have been fought because I backspaced over characters I didn’t mean to type. My Microsoft Word may be mounting a revolt right now. I work it like a slave. Finally, my heart is heavy. I deleted a program this morning. Did it die peacefully in its sleep? Or did I unknowingly send my system’s stormtroopers to perform a violent killing?

Tron

Directed by Steven Lisberger.
1982. Rated PG, 96 minutes.
Cast:
Jeff Bridges
Bruce Boxleitner
David Warner
Cindy Morgan
Bernard Hughes
Dan Shor
Peter Jurasik
Tony Stephano

Kevin Flynn (Bridges) tries to hack into his former employer’s network to find proof he created the company’s biggest selling video games. In the process, he is literally sucked into the system and has to fight his way out. It’s an odd watch due to a meandering plot and dialogue convoluted with pseudo-techno jargon. The actors are indeed afterthoughts to the special fx. All the bad guys simply keep a stern look on their faces while the good guys use an expression that says either “gee willikers,” or “holy moly.” Even future Oscar-winner Jeff Bridges just looks wide-eyed and goofy most of the time. It’s just another movie in which computers try to take over the world. Ironically, it crumbles under the weight of showing off its own technology.

Still, it’s the technology that makes Tron an essential movie. By today’s standards it looks primitive and can be outdone by any teenager with a desktop at home. However, it represents the cutting edge of its day. This is the first movie by a major studio to extensively use cgi. Summer blockbusters, as we know them are often traced back to Jaws. They were changed forever by this film. As a result, Tron’s importance far outdistances it’s actual artistic merit.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Directed by Jon Turteltaub.
2010. Rated PG, 109 minutes.
Cast:
Nicolas Cage
Jay Baruchel
Alfred Molina
Teresa Palmer
Toby Kebbell
Monica Bellucci
Omar Benson Miller
Alice Krige
James A. Stephens

Way back when, like before David Blaine, there lived a magician…er…sorcerer named Merlin (Stephens). He fought for all things good and had three apprentices. They were Balthazar (Cage), Horvath (Molina) and Veronica (Bellucci). Merlin’s arch enemy was the e-e-evil Morgana (Krige). Somehow, she got Horvath to betray his master and help her do bad things. Of course, the good guy wins, anyway. Morgana gets trapped in a tiny contraption that looks like a miniature weeble-wobble (‘member those?) and Horvath gets trapped in some other thing. Unfortunately, Veronica gets stuck inside the same device with Morgana. Finally, weakened from the battle, Merlin dies. The end.

Sadly, that’s not really the end. Before croaking, Merlin gives Balthazar a ring that looks like a dragon and tells him it will lead him to the Prime Merlinian. The Prime Merlinian is the only person who can actually kill Morgana should she ever escape the weeble-wobble. Fast forward twelve hundred plus years to the year 2000. In true Disney fashion, we quickly surmise that goofy, loner fourth grader Dave (Baruchel) is our hero. A few minutes later, Balthazar finds this out also, pretty much by accident. You see, numbskull Dave wanders off from his class while on a school trip and finds himself caught in the middle of a battle between two wizards after he accidentally lets Horvath out. I hate when that happens. Bada-boom bada-bing, Balthazar gets Horvath back in his cage, but gets trapped there himself. Meanwhile, Dave runs off with the weeble-wobble, throws it in the street and looks like he literally pissed his pants. He’s thoroughly embarrassed in front of the one girl that’s ever smiled at him. The end.

Again, I’m wishfully thinking. Instead, we have to fast forward another ten years to get to the meat of the story. Sadly, it’s the same old meatloaf. You know the routine. That goofy, loner kid is now a goofy, loner college kid. Evidentally, he’s never even been close to getting laid because he’s still pining for the girl from fourth grade who once told him he did something cool. Hey, how did you know it was the same girl that smiled at him? Did you watch this by accident, or something? Oh yeah, I just re-remembered this is a Disney movie. Therefore, no one has ever gotten laid. EVAR! What was I thinking? Anyhoo, Horvath gets out and busies himself trying to find the weeble-wobble so he can bust out Morgana and she can do some really bad things. She’s such a naughty girl. As you might expect, this often involves trying to kill Dave. Thankfully, Balthazar has also gotten out and saves our would-be hero more than once. See, Dave doesn’t know magic. Balthazar has to tutor him as we go along, thus making him…wait for it…wait for it…THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE! Ta-dah!

Okay, fill in the blanks from here. I promise you, the rest of it plays out exactly as you expect. Oh alright, I’ll give you one more morsel just in case you’re slow, or something. Becky, the girl that smiled at Dave and told him he did something cool all the way back in fourth grade suddenly pops back into his life. She happens to attend the college he’s transferred to. That’s enough. Get a pen and a napkin. Go! Yup, it’s just like that.

Don’t get me wrong. As a laser and light show, it functions pretty well. Bolts of electricity, bodies and all manner of cgi manufactured goodness whiz across the screen at a frenetic pace. This may cause seizures but it keeps our eyes busy. Fittingly, Nic Cage gets in on the act. His long locks flow and his trench coat swooshes to remind us how cool it would be if we were sorcerers. Maybe not, but he’s Nic Cage and you just wish you were.

Wait, what did I just say? Nevermind.

Speaking of Mr. Cage, he’s thankfully not as over the top as he normally is. The rest of the movie handles things in that department. Still, his more restrained than usual performance is hardly enough to save the movie. That said, it is what it is. Young viewers will likely enjoy it. Veteran viewers will often roll their eyes, never be surprised, proclaim it stupid and still might be mildly entertained by all the stuff that’s going on. They just won’t think it’s good.

MY SCORE: 4.5/10

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

Directed by Richard Fleischer.
1954. Not Rated, 170 minutes.
Cast:
Kirk Douglas
James Mason
Paul Lukas
Peter Lorre

Prof. Arronax (Lukas), Ned (Douglas) and Conseil (Lorre) sail around the world in the world's first submarine, thought by the rest of civilization to be a sea monster, as guests/prisoners of Cpt. Nemo (Mason). Based on the classic Jules Verne novel. Fans of the book will like that its pretty faithful to the source material. That's a major plus as it doesn't try to fix what isn't broken. It just tells the story pretty much the way it was intended to be told. It's also an early 1950s version of a big budget special fx flick. In that regard, its not bad as the fx are excellent for their era and haven't aged nearly as much as you would think going in. That said, the backdrops have. It is so obviously shot in a studio it can be hard to buy into the illusion these people are really sailing around the globe. Admittedy, that's a strange thing to say when this movie won the Oscar that year for Best Art Decoration & Set Decoration. Still, the solidly adapted screenplay and excellent acting keep us invested enough for it not to be a deal-breaker. Kirk Douglas is front and center among the actors, embodying all that is both good and bad about the movie. His actual performance is excellent the way its written. It makes the movie tick. However, the way its written is problematic. If there is one major drawback it's the same one that haunts Disney to this day. Ned and many grimier moments from the novel, including the overall tone, have been sanitized for mass consumption by children. This means while Douglas' work is great when it stands alone, its lacking when compared to its literary counterpart, a much more brooding and seething brute. All of this simply means its a pretty good movie but like most, it pales in comparison to the book.

MY SCORE: 7/10

The Spy Next Door

Directed by Brian Levant.
2010. Rated PG, 95 minutes.
Cast:
Jackie Chan
Amber Valletta
Madeline Carroll
Will Shadley
Magus Scheving
Billy Ray Cyrus
George Lopez

Bob Ho (Chan) is a spy on loan to the US from China. Given the climate of America’s current relations with China, let that marinate a bit. Okay, let’s move on. Bob has fallen in love with Gillian (Valletta), a single mom of three. One small problem: her kids hate him. He decides to retire, it seems largely because he’s tired to lying to her about his job. When she has to go out of town he leaps at the chance to babysit, hoping for a chance to bond with the kids and change their opinion of him. Of course, the bad guy he busted at the beginning of the movie has escaped and is trying to take over the world…or something. Kung fu hijinks and spy shenanigans ensue.

With only a little more info about the children, you could start penning the script and without having seen it and you’ll probably end up with something fairly close to what actually plays out on screen. If you doubt me, I’ll give you the tools you need to test my theory. The oldest daughter needs a serious attitude adjustment. The boy is a pathological teller of harmless lies and a wide-eyed geek who’s probably seen a Jackie Chan movie or twelve. The youngest girl constantly says and does annoying things that are supposed to be cute. Go.

Okay, so you don’t want to spend the 20 minutes it would take to actually write it down but you get the picture. The one thing you won’t be able to get near are the acrobatic and frenetic action scenes that are Jackie Chan’s signature and the saving grace of this movie. Admittedly, these aren’t top-notch, seeming to defy the laws of physics Chan scenes but they’re still fun and funnier than any of the so-called jokes in the script.

Between fight scenes, all sorts of cornball stuff wrapped in cheesy dialogue goes on. It’s nothing we haven’t seen a dozen times before. In fact, while watching it I kept wondering “Isn’t it way too soon for a remake of The Pacifier?"

The Opposite View: Prairie Miller, NewsBlaze

What the Internet Says: 5.2/10 on imdb.com (7/13/10), 12% on rottentomatoes.com 27/100 on metacritic.com


MY SCORE: 4/10

High School Musical 3: Senior Year

2008. Rated G, 112 minutes.

Director: Kenny Ortega. Starring Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, Corbin Bleu.

High school sweethearts, Troy (Effron) and Gabriela (Hudgens), as well as their classmates, have to deal with separation anxiety as graduation looms. Singing and dancing ensues. It does exactly what it wants to do. It gives it's target audience a romanticized, asexual, insulated from the real world version of high school in which every problem can be dealt with by an inoffensive pop tune complete with 1980s music-video styl group dance numbers. By the way, saying these kids have "problems" is overstating it quite a bit. They have inconveniences that slightly detract from the perfection of their lives. Adults in this world exist merely so we know they actually exist. The exception to this is the great and powerful drama teacher. Seriously. The whole thing is a rather innocuous affair that my pre-pubescent daughters both love. Honestly though, all that cheese just upsets my stomach. MY SCORE: 3/10