Thursday Movie Picks: The Stage

Barbershop: The Next Cut

A Haunted House

Directed by Michael Tiddes.

2013. Rated R, 86 minutes.

Cast:

Marlon Wayans

Essence Atkins

Nick Swardson

Andrew Daly

Alanna Ubach

Cedric the Entertainer

Marlene Forte

David Koechner

Dave Sheridan

Affion Crockett

J.B. Smoove

Today is a big day. This is when Malcolm's (Wayans) girlfriend Kisha (Atkins) is moving in with him. He has a spacious house with a pool and a jacuzzi and a housekeeper named Rosa (Forte) to help him maintain it all. Of course, the second Kisha gets there, strange things start happening. It soon becomes apparent that there is a ghost in the house. And since this is a found footage movie, every oddity is caught on camera. Just so you don't go thinking this has any chance of being scary I'll let you know that this is a parody of the Paranormal Activity franchise. Therefore, comedy, or something like it, ensues.

The setup is familiar. Things happen, with the most extreme stuff occurring during the wee hours of the night. In the mornings, our loving couple watches the footage to see what went on for themselves. The difference between this and the movies it pokes fun of, plot wise, is that this is really all about sex. Nearly every joke overtly references some form of the act or another. This includes a rather extended scene of a threesome involving Malcolm and a pair of teddy bears. You might laugh yourself silly, become too uncomfortable to laugh, or both. Like much of the movie, it goes out of its way to be crass. A Haunted House also leans toward stereotypes and male homophobia (being completely okay with female homosexuality, naturally). Take it, or leave it.

Now that you know what to expect out of this movie, I can probably stop writing. However, I do want to touch on some of the highlights. For me, the biggest is Marlene Forte as Rosa. She is the one who made me laugh most consistently. She also takes what could be just a sliver of a character and forms a fully realized being. To be perfectly honest, it probably helps that we only get her in small doses. I'm judging by the plethora of supporting players who come to the house at some point. Most are at least a little funny for the first few minutes after they show up, but manage to wear out their welcome. Another positive is that whether you love it or hate it, it's not boring. The run time is thankfully short. On top of that it moves quickly because things are constantly happening that grab our attention.

While I wouldn't call A Haunted House good, I will say it wasn't nearly as painful as it could have been. It's better than another Wayans Brothers horror spoof, the Scary Movie franchise. Unlike those, it doesn't just re-enact random scenes from a bunch of movies appearing schizophrenic and pulling us in way too many directions. A Haunted House uses the template provided by Paranormal Activity, even to the point of imitation, but creates its own self-contained and cohesive narrative. You need not have seen twenty other films to get most of the jokes. Really, you don't even have to have seen Paranormal Activity. It stands up, or falls down depending on your tolerance for humor that might be beyond raunchy, on its own accord.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

Planes

Directed by Klay Hall.

2013. Rated PG, 91 minutes.

Cast:

Dane Cook

Stacy Keach

Brad Garrett

Teri Hatcher

Julia Louis-Dryfus

Priyanka Chopra

John Cleese

Cedric the Entertainer

Carlos Alazraqui

Sinbad

Anthony Edwards

Roger Craig Smith

Val Kilmer

Brent Musberger

Dusty Crophopper (Cook) is just a crop duster. That doesn't stop his dreams of being racing plane. To fulfill his lifelong wish, he decides to try to qualify for the upcoming world famous Wings Across the World race. Against all odds, and due to some funny business by another racer, Dusty snags the last available spot. Even though he's severely outclassed by his competitors, and they let him know it, he is out not just to participate, but to win. There is one other teeny, tiny problem. One leg of the race involves flying over mountains and he is afraid of heights. Yup, he's a plane afraid of heights.

If you've heard anything about Planes, it's probably that it was made to capitalize on the popularity of the Cars franchise and is pretty much a knock-off. That much is true. Where most will probably disagree with me is that, in this case, the knock-off is better than the original. Full disclosure: I hate Cars. To me, it is an overly long, poorly paced, snooze fest. Planes is on par with Cars 2, which I also like better than Cars. I place this movie as a small step below Turbo, yet another movie following the same basic template. In that one, we sub in a snail.

Planes knows something that Cars didn't and uses that knowledge to its advantage. It fully understands that the racing is the draw. Where Cars back-logged all of the fun stuff to sit behind a way-too-lengthy setup, Planes gets us to the action rather quickly. All of the other elements you'd expect to be there are incorporated into the racing. We still get the wise old sage (Keach), a love interest (Chopra), an identity crisis for our hero, and a villain. The pace is so snappy, we notice that they are present, but don't have time to dwell on them, nitpick them, or worse, become bored by them. Instead, the time flies by, bad pun intended, and we have a fun time.

The drawback to all that speed is that our characters are stuck in neutral. They all stick to the expected arcs with almost no deviation from the norm. This robs most of them of their pizazz. This is where Turbo excels. In that movie, we get big personalities that follow similar tropes, but with much more charisma. Here, I felt like I could write the dialogue. Actually, I could probably replace it all with a catch-phrase or two for each character.

As things come to a close, we've seen a movie that's fun, but ultimately forgettable. It zips through our lives covering the same basic lessons so many other cartoons have trampled to death. Without doing anything especially good or bad, it leaves nary a trace after it's gone. The silver lining is that while it's on, it's an enjoyable little plane ride.

MY SCORE: 6/10

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted

Directed by Eric Darnell, Tom McGrath, and Conrad Vernon.

2012. Rated PG, 93 minutes.

Cast:

Ben Stiller

Chris Rock

Jada Pinkett Smith

David Schwimmer

Sacha Baron Cohen

Bryan Cranston

Cedric the Entertainer

Jessica Chastain

Frances McDormand

Martin Short

Andy Richter

Chris Miller

The crew, once again led by Alex (Stiller), is still trying to get back to New York City. This time, sadistic French Animal Control specialist Captain Chantel DuBois (McDormand) is hot on their tail. She desperately wants Alex’s head on her already cluttered wall. In trying to escape, our heroes find themselves joining a circus traveling across Europe. As luck would have it, there is a big promoter coming to their next show. If all goes well, he’ll pick them up and, yes, send them to New York. There’s just one little hitch, well two hitches: the show sucks and Captain DuBois is relentless.

Though our core group works through the main plot, newer characters are given ample time to shine. Bryan Cranston’s grumpy Russian tiger, Vitaly, is particularly fun. He gives us a nice opposing viewpoint to Stiller’s eternally optimistic Alex. In turn, his story and the resulting character arc are the most genuinely heartfelt in the movie. This emotion is perfectly counterbalanced by him having the most preposterous ability. It all combines to make him the most intriguing of the newbies. The others are fun, and we spend lots of time with the budding romance between Alex and Gia (Chastain), another Russian tiger.

The alumni fits comfortably into their roles. More or less, they’re tasked with keeping the laughs going. At this, they do a nice job. However, they might be trumped by another newbie – Captain DuBois. Honestly, Frances McDormand could not play the role any better. This is a movie that understands it’s only as good as its villain. It’s got a good one. Right from the start, her maniacal pursuit hits all the right notes.

There are issues. Most noticeably, things sag a bit in the middle as all the different subplots play out. I know what I said, that everyone getting time to shine is a good thing, because it is, but from time to time it can be too much. This gives Madagascar 3 a bit of a cluttered feel. It has to work pretty hard to pull all the plot strands together. It manages well enough and ends up being a solid ride.

MY SCORE: 7/10

Larry Crowne

Directed by Tom Hanks.

2011. Rated PG-13, 99 minutes.
Cast:
Tom Hanks
Julia Roberts
Cedric the Entertainer
Bryan Cranston
George Takei
Pam Grier
Taraji P. Henson
Gugu Mbatha-Raw
Wilmer Valderrama
Rob Riggle
Nia Vardalos

Our story starts with 50-something Larry Crowne (Hanks) losing his job at big-box store U-Mart. It’s an obvious downsizing move but he’s told that since he didn’t go to college he has virtually no chance for advancement within the company and it’s against policy to limit their employees in such a manner. That runs counter to what I’ve seen and experienced. Such people are a gold mine because they become experts at their jobs and the company has a built in excuse for not promoting them. This saves the company money since they don’t have to give that person a raise nor hire and train a new person to take their place, but I digress. With all of his newfound free time since he can’t find a job, Larry does indeed decide to go to college to keep this from happening to him in the future. Once there, he’s encouraged to take Speech 217 because it’s a life-changer. It doesn’t hurt that he’s given a huge hint that the instructor is hot. When he gets there, he agrees she’s hot. She is Mrs. Tainot (Roberts), pronounced Tay-no, she emphasizes. Note the Mrs. Prefix but understand her marriage sucks. We spend a good deal of time in her class.

Lest you go thinking Speech is his only class, we also spend lots of time with Larry in Econ 1, taught by Dr. Matsutani played by George Takei AKA Mr. Sulu. He pimps his book, laughs at his own jokes and confiscates Larry’s cell phone repeatedly. It’s an odd, somewhat creepy but still enjoyable performance. Before he gets to either class, Larry runs into Talia (Raw). She’s young, pretty and vibrant. She’s also capable of overrunning men in mere seconds, bringing to life the term “killing them with kindness.” Almost immediately after meeting Larry she changes everything about him: his wardrobe, his hair, the way his furniture is arranged, even his name. She insists upon calling him Lance because she thinks it fits him better. He’s so smitten, he lets it all happen. We’re told she has this effect on all men.

Most of the movie just trots by without much in the way of joy or pain. When I say trot, I should say prance because it is shamelessly bland. There are some exceptions, of course. We bristle, or at least I did, whenever Talia is busy recreating Larry. It’s like a horror movie with some happy-go-lucky psycho taking over your life. On the other hand, the scenes with Mr. (Cranston) and Mrs. Tainot are much more enjoyable. The story of their deteriorating marriage is an interesting subplot we’re tempted to try and separate from the rest of the movie. Their scenes are funny, melodramatic and infinitely more intriguing than anything else going on. It could possibly have made a nice dark comedy.

Alas, it is not to be. We’re stuck with Larry Crowne as is. It wants to have something deep to say about the economy but doesn’t. It wants to be an enthralling romantic comedy, but isn’t. Larry gets not one, but two “game-winning” moments that are anti-climactic to the point of being boring. Even the plucky neighbor routine is botched. Cedric the Entertainer and Taraji P. Henson play the happily married couple that lives next door to Larry and makes their living by having a yard sale every single day. Seriously. Ced is supposed to dispense sage advice and make us laugh as he haggles price on everything. Instead, he just says a lot and most of it is unfunny. As he’s running off at the mouth, Ms. Henson just hangs out in the background collecting a paycheck for doing nothing. Good for her, managing to get paid while participating in this mess as little as possible.

Cadillac Records

Directed by Darnell Martin.
2008. Rated R, 109 minutes.
Cast:
Adrien Brody
Jeffrey Wright
Columbus Short
Beyonce Knowles
Eammon Walker
Emmanuelle Chriqui
Cedric the Entertainer
Gabrielle Union

Plot: The history of Chess Records, home to Rock and Roll Hall of Famers Muddy Waters (Wright), Little Walter (Short), Howlin' Wolf (Eamonn Walker), Etta James (Knowles), Chuck Berry (Mos Def) and label owner Leonard Chess (Brody). It was also known as Cadillac Records because Chess would often buy his artists brand new Cadillacs.

The Good: This is a lively affair that merrily bounces along. The movie effectively uses music to create wonderful scenes and to bridge one scene to the next. That music starts with Muddy's down-home blues, moves on to Berry's pioneering Rock and Roll sound and James' heart-wrenching ballads. The acting is a major plus. Jeffrey Wright continues to make me believe he's perhaps the most underrated actor working today. He fully inhabits his characters and does the same for Muddy Waters. Brody is solid as ever. Columbus Short (of Stomp the Yard and Quarantine), whom I was losing faith in, delivers his best performance as does R&B superstar Beyonce Knowles. She ably portrays James as a woman who attempts to mask her fragility with tough talk and tough drugs. The cast also includes Gabrielle Union (as Muddy's wife Geneva) and Emmanuelle Chriqui (as Chess' wife Revetta).

The Bad: It's way too fast. It keeps the accelerator to the floor and rarely lets up. That's fine for an uproarious comedy or a thrill-a-minute action flick. For a drama that's trying to recreate larger-than-life personas and obviously wants us to feel their joy and pain, it's not. Instead of us really identifying with these people and going through the highs and lows with them, it often feels like old-school newreel journalism. We get a bunch of quick scenes in chronological order as we're told in a cold, clincal manner "this happens, then this, then this and this and this, the end." We never get attached enough to be happy or sad for them. For a movie about people who reached deep into their souls to create beautiful music, it has surprisingly little soul of its own.

The Ugly: Little Walter making sure no one steals his name.

Recommendation: CR is a fun little movie because it showcases the music and has some great acting. If it weren't so hell-bent on getting to the end as quickly as possible and really digging into the emotions that went into making the music, it would've been a real winner. As it is, it's decent but forgettable.

The Opposite View: Christopher Tookey, Daily Mail (UK)

What the Internet Says: 6.7/10 on imdb.com (9/8/10), 67% on rottentomatoes.com, 65/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 6/10


Sidenote: Separate movies on any of these people could be great but I would particularly like to see one about Chuck Berry.