Anchorman 2: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Directed by Adam McKay.

2013. Rated PG-13, 119 minutes.

Cast:

Will Ferrell

Steve Carell

Christina Applegate

Paul Rudd

David Koechner

Meagan Good

James Marsden

Kristen Wiig

Dylan Baker

Fred Willard

Harrison Ford

When we first catch back up to Ron Burgundy (Ferrell), he's co-anchoring the evening news in New York City with his wife Veronica (Applegate) at the dawn of the 1980s. Together, they share a happy marriage which includes their son Walter (Nelson). However, things fall apart instantly when Ron is passed over for a promotion to anchor the nightly national news show in favor of his wife. Soon, he's living in San Francisco, alone, and miserable because he's out of the news game all together. His fortunes change when he's hired by GNN, the first 24 hour news network. Blues Brothers style, he gets the band back together and travels back to the Big Apple for their new gig. Once there, he finds himself not only in competition for viewers with his estranged wife, but also with his own network's prime-time guy Jack Lime (Marsden). This is especially daunting given his 2 AM time slot. Hijinks and shenanigans ensue.

Anchorman 2 bolts out of the starting gates. The first half of the movie is as funny as the original. Part of this is due to how effectively it builds steam during the setup phase. It takes advantage of our excitement for seeing the crew back together by re-introducing the characters in brilliant ways. The most fun re-introduction belongs to Brick Tamland (Carell) and involves his funeral. In fact, Brick is probably the most fun character in the entire film. Also fun is the ambiguous feelings for Ron that Champ Kind (Koechner) displays through his actions. There are also a number of jokes rehashed from the original. However, they work early on. It's remarkable given the fact if you've seen the first movie, you're pretty much guaranteed to remember how funny those bits were.

While the re-introductions of old characters, intros to the new ones, and the occasional rehashing of familiar bits carries the first act, our source of humor changes a bit for act two. We focus squarely on tying those early days of cable to the current state of news reporting. For those of us old enough to remember what it was like back when there were only three major networks and news only came on at six and eleven, this is a sharp satire and truncation of three and a half decades of news dissemination. For younger viewers, it is at least effective at reminding you what things were like before the age of Twitter. The movie also gets mileage out of Ron Burgundy trying to get to know his son, the competition between Burgundy and Jack Lime, and the dynamics of interracial relationships. It does that last thing by putting Burgundy together with Linda Jackson (Good), his boss who happens to be both female and black, two facts that gave Ron and the boys cause for pause. Admittedly, it never really does anything other than use it for an excuse for Burgundy to act like an imbecile. It tries to show the ignorance of stereotypes, but loses something because Ron never gets it.

All the steam we've coasted on for the first two thirds of the movie is lost when the third act starts. Simply put, the whole thing falls apart. The first thing is that all the loose strands come together quickly, but the movie keeps going as if they hadn't. Therefore, the climax is drawn out and unfunny. The effectiveness of re-using jokes from the first movie peters out because they go to the well one too many time. On that last trip, they also bring out way too large a bucket. Not content to merely copy what happened the first time around, the movie crams itself full of what seems like the most cameos in cinematic history. The problem is that the movie assumes that seeing these familiar faces is inherently funny rather than giving them something funny to do. It wants us to go "Ha ha, that's Will Smith, hahahahahaha." However, it only gives us enough material to say "Hey, that's Will Smith." See the difference?

The nosedive taken at the end of the movie makes Anchorman 2 a frustrating experience. We're enjoying ourselves for quite a while. Next thing you know, we're cringing at how bad things have gotten. It flipped from being slyly clever in a way that appears stupid to actually being stupid. Even the cast seems worn out by this time. Our main characters don't have much to do and seem to be going through the motions for what they do have. It's pretty apparent because, like the rest of the movie, they had so much life earlier. They become relegated to the sidelines while a bunch of celebrities hijack the end of the movie for no good reason, at all. Maybe the writers or director Adam McKay didn't know how to end it, or couldn't agree on it. In any event, they did not reach the right conclusion.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

Directed by Mike Mitchell.

2011. Rated G, 87 minutes.
Cast:
Jason Lee

Justin Long
Christina Applegate
Anna Faris

Amy Poehler
David Cross
Jenny Slate
Matthew Gray Gubler
Jesse McCartney

Brothers and sisters of the congregation, I’ve learned a new word: twee. Let us turn our text to the book of Urbandictionary.com, chapter 20 verse 23. It says that twee is “something that is sweet, almost to the point of being sickeningly so. As a derogatory descriptive, it means something that is affectedly dainty or quaint, or is way too sentimental. In American English it often refers to a type of simple sweet pop music, but in British English it is used much more widely for things that are nauseatingly cute or precious. It comes from the way the word sweet sounds when said in baby talk. Twee.

Family, this is the part where I tell you that the Lord works in mysterious ways. It could only have been the Almighty God that deposited the word twee into my spirit and moved me to seek out its meaning just hours before sitting down to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. Only He could’ve known that without knowledge of this itty bitty word there Would Be…Could Be…Should Be…no review today. I would have not the language to express the sights and sounds that Engulfed Me…Surrounded Me…Trapped Me as the whale did Jonah! Twee.

Brothers and sisters, I don’t think you understand. You see, there are three…yes, indeed there are Three…Count ‘em One, Two, Three boy chipmunks. There’s Alvin (Long), Simon (Gubler) and Theodore (McCartney). They are one of the biggest musical acts in the world. They call themselves…I Said they call themselves THE, as in THE one and only…as in THE most important…as in THE stars of our show…they call themselves THE Chipmunks. There are also three girl chipmunks: Brittany (Applegate), Jeanette (Faris) and Elanor (Poehler). They too, are one of the biggest musical acts in the world. They are known as The Chipettes. Now family, even big time stars need some time away from the spotlight…a chance to recharge their batteries…some R and R…to take it easy. So, what do they do? They go on a family vacation with their so-called “father”, the human being named Dave (Lee). This is NOT David who slew Goliath! No, NOT THAT David who became king of Israel! This ain’t even DOCTOR David Bruce Banner who transforms into the Incredible Hulk when angry! This is Just Dave, guardian of six singing chipmunks. Dave and his family are oh-so-sweet, sickeningly so. Twee.

Family, let us not take their vocation…oh yeah church, I’m moving on to their VO-cation and away from their VA-cation…let us not take their VO-cation lightly. That’s right, they sing. They sing with helium fueled voices so shrill they pierce the lower rungs of Heaven! These voices grate nerves like the horns of The Fallen Angel scraping the soles of The Creator’s feet! They sing. They sing songs that are WEAK…FRAIL…INNOCUOUS…WITHOUT Substance…DEFICIENT in Strength! They sing Simple Sweet pop music! It’s Nauseatingly cute! Twee.

Brothers and sisters, like Satan has a plot to enter our souls and turn us away from our Salvation, so too does Chipwrecked have a plot. The Chipmunks, The Chipettes and their so-called “father” Dave take a cruise for their family vacation. Shortly after their ship sets sail, Alvin’s mischief causes mayhem. All six of the furry little creatures find themselves holding tightly the string of a kite. The wind carries them to a Deserted Island! Dave MUST find them! His Heart is BROKEN! His “Children” are MISSING! His Paternal INSTINCTS take over! He MUST…he HAS TO…he WILL get to That Island! His MOTIVATION…DEDICATION…OBLIGATION…INCLINATION…His E-MOTION and DE-VOTION...Their Connection…Their link…Their Familial Bond…Their Unconditional LUUUUHHHVV is Disturbingly adorable…Horrifically pleasant…Repulsively perky! It is NOT funny! It is NOT exciting! It is NOT suspenseful! It LACKS tension! It LACKS imagination! It is Syrupy Sweet, Sickeningly So! It is filled with Simple…Sweet…Delicate…Forceless…Languid…Limp…Powerless pop music! It is AFFECTEDLY DAINTY, QUAINT and way too SENTIMENTAL! It is NAUSEATINGLY CUTE and PRECIOUS! Brothers and Sisters, Chipwrecked Is Wrecked! It is EXCEPTIONALLY UNEXCEPTIONAL! It is BROMIDICALLY BLAND…DEVILISHLY DULL…MERCILESSLY MILD…PARTICULARLY PLAIN…TRAGICALLY TRITE! WithOUT question, the good Lord has placed in MY VERY HEART the perfect word to describe the ATROCITY to which I bore witness: Twee.

Can I get an “Amen”?

Hall Pass

Going the Distance

Directed by Nanette Burstein.
2010. Rated R, 102 minutes.
Cast:
Drew Barrymore
Justin Long
Christina Applegate
Charlie Day
Jason Sudeikis
Rob Riggle
Oliver Jackson-Cohen
Ron Livingston
Jim Gaffigan

Boy meets girl a few hours after breaking up with some other girl. The boy is Garrett (Long). He works at a record company and is tasked with managing a band he hates. The girl is Erin (Barrymore), an intern at a newspaper with hopes of becoming a full-fledged reporter. However, with that industry steadily going the way of the dinosaur this seems unlikely. They meet in New York. Her internship is only six weeks long, after which she’ll head home to California. She tells Garrett this pretty much up front, warning him not to get too attached. As you might expect, thes crazy kids can’t help but fall in love over that span. The two decide to carry on a long-distance relationship after she moves back to the west coast, hence the title.

It’s pretty much the same old, same old. The ups and downs of their relationship play out as lots of other movie relationships have. It’s complete with surprise trips across the country, spontaneous sex and trust issues. It’s also funny in spots. To me, most of these spots involve Erin’s sister Corinne (Applegate) and her husband Phil (Gaffigan). They get the best lines and Applegate’s high-strung, control freak/germophobe act is great.

Most of the other funny parts come from Dan (Day) and Box (Sudeikis), Garrett’s misfit buddies. They are both an asset and a detriment to the movie. They’re an asset because occasionally they are hilariously funny. They’re a detriment because of what they aren’t, yet try so very hard to be. They’re basically an imitation of the slacker buddies that populate the Judd Apatow clan movies. Think Knocked Up or The 40 Year Old Virgin. Try as they might, these guys don’t quite measure up. This, combined with the occasionally raunchy dialogue of all the characters makes the whole thing feel like a copycat production.

Like many of the movies GtD tries to duplicate, the chemistry of the two leads is questionable. In this case, the problem is they exist as much to put themselves in awkward situations in front of others as they do to fall in love. Their relationship is a string of these occurrences. Others can always hear or see what they’re doing and jokes are made of this. Since neither of them is funny, this is how they provide comedy.

GtD is a fairly typical rom-com of the rated R variety. It has more curse words and blatant sex talk than its PG-13 rated siblings, but the story is the same. There are pockets of good humor, just not enough to save it from itself.

MY SCORE: 5/10

Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

Directed by Brad Peyton.
2010. Rated PG, 82 minutes.
Cast:
James Marsden
Christina Applegate
Bette Midler
Katt Williams
Nick Nolte
Neil Patrick Harris
Sean Hayes
Chris O’Donnell
Roger Moore

Kitty Galore (Midler) is a super-villainous cat that is trying to take over the world. It’s up to the agents of a secret dogs-only CIA-type organization to stop her. James Bond influenced, CGI enhanced cat versus canine hijinks and shenanigans ensue.

Along the way, our heroes make alliances with a cat and a pigeon while generally unfunny stuff happens. On the flipside, even more unfunny stuff happens as we watch Kitty try to spring her evil plan into action while also dealing with her owner who is a bumbling, incompetent magician.

Don’t get me wrong, there is the occasional chuckle to be had. Many of them belong to the pigeon, voiced by Katt Williams. Hmm, how ironic is it that in a movie about cats against dogs, the bird is played by a person named Katt? Nevermind. I feel a tangent coming on. This movie isn’t worthy of a tangent.

To try and force a few more laughs, parents are treated to…subjected to a neverending stream of references to other, better movies. There’s lots of James Bond, some Lethal Weapon, Men in Black and countless others, including a huge Silence of the Lambs parody that can be spotted from miles and miles away for anyone who’s seen the horror classic. And it’s not funny. Yeah, during the 82 minute runtime I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes at least 82 times.

Story-wise, it just lurches forward with the obvious message about overlooking our differences, joining forces and working together to overlook our differences. No, that’s not a typo. It gets to the point where it’s unbearable. Kids might love it, but many adults will be fighting the urge to take a nap. Remember G-Force? Yup, it’s like that. By the way, if you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned the original, assuming you even knew this was a sequel, it’s because aside from that whole Silence of the Lambes, this has absolutely nothing to do with the first movie. I actually like that movie. This one, they could’ve kept.

To be fair, it is a 3D movie, but I saw it in plain ol’ 2D. Maybe, it would’ve been better in 3D. Nah, because then all the suckiness would be leaping off the screen at me.

The Opposite View: Billy Heller, New York Post

What the Internet Says: 2.4/10 on imdb.com (2.4/10 on imdb.com, 96th worst of all time as of 9/20/10), 13% on rottentomatoes.com, 30/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 2/10