Lovelace

The Smurfs 2

Directed by Raja Gosnell.

2013. Rated PG, 105 minutes.

Cast:

Neil Patrick Harris

Hank Azaria

Jonathan Winters

Brendan Gleeson

Katy Perry

Christina Ricci

George Lopez

Jayma Mays

Anton Yelchin

J. B. Smoove

Jeff Foxworthy

Paul Ruebens

Shaquille O'Neal

Kenan Thompson

Shaun White

Since the events of the surprisingly decent first movie, Gargamel (Azaria) has remained in our dimension and become a world famous magician thanks to the smurf essence he extracted from Papa Smurf (Winters). Of course, wealth and glory is not enough for him. He wants to rule the world. To do this, he needs an unlimited supply of smurf essence. To that end, he's created Vexy (Ricci) and Hackus (Smoove), the Naughties. They look like smurfs, but lack the magical element to make them blue and thus, true smurfs. If he figures out how to do this he can create that endless supply of essence and world domination will be his. He opens a portal between worlds and sends Vexy to Smurf Village where she kidnaps Smurfette (Perry). Gargamel then tries to force her to tell him the secret formula to turn the Naughties blue.

 As in the original, watching Hank Azaria play Gargamel is a joy. He is so good in the role, it really is like the cartoon character took human form. Unfortunately, his is pretty much a stand-alone performance. The smurfs themselves are rather hit or miss. A few of their jokes are funny, but many are not. A number of the flat ones involve Grouchy Smurf (Lopez) trying on a more optimistic outlook. I get what they're trying to do, but it just doesn't work for me. this is a shame since this character was a high point of the first film. The humans in the cast, aside from Gargamel, are generic. The one possible exception is Victor (Gleeson), step-dad to our hero Patrick (Harris). He's not necessarily a great or original character, but he does bring some life to the screen.

The thing missing most is the magic of our little blue heroes. This is ironic considering the movie repeatedly tells us that their essence is indeed magical. For two movies now, they've been drawn into our world in limited numbers and share the spotlight with humans in the form of Patrick and his family. The greatness of the Saturday morning cartoon that spawned this franchise is that they were in their own world and solely responsible for their own well-being. There were also lots of them for us to get to know. Dropping them into Paris, or New York as in the prior movie, strips them of their autonomy, reducing them to dependents in their own movies. Worse, everything feels bland and rehashed. It's like they've just been slipped into a ready-made plot. The same story, at least their part of it, set entirely in and around Smurf Village and Gargamel's castle could probably have added some oomph to things.

My feelings on the matter aside, all is not lost. I'm willing to admit to being an angry fanboy on this one. I did watch the cartoon every Saturday morning during the mid-80s. This does seem to violated the spirit of the way I remember the show. As a self-contained movie, plenty of it just isn't good for  the reasons I pointed out. Still, kids who only know the first film are likely to enjoy it. It has a good deal of action and the Smurfette storyline works well enough. They may even laugh at more of the jokes than I did. The Smurfs 2 is a solid baby-sitter, not a solid movie.

MY SCORE: 4/10

Happy Feet Two

Directed by George Miller.

2011. Rated PG, 100 minutes.

Cast:

Elijah Wood

Robin Williams

Pink

Benjamin Flores Jr.

Hugo Weaving

Brad Pitt

Matt Damon

Common

Sofia Vergara

Hank Azaria

John Goodman

Carlos Alazraqui

Ava Acres

Lombardo Boyar

Mumble (Wood), along with seemingly every penguin in the world finds themselves trapped when a giant hunk of ice blocks their path out of a frozen valley. Meanwhile, Will and Bill, a pair of krill played by Brad Pitt and Matt Damon, respectively, break loose from their school and venture out into the ocean on their own. Pop song medleys and dancing ensues.

As with its predecessor, the singing and dancing is the strength of the movie. The way songs most of would never think of in the same sentence blend seamlessly is brilliant. The numbers are lively and make time speed  by as we tap our own happy feet and maybe even sing along. That is, of course, as long as the thought of musicals aimed at children doesn’t automatically turn your stomach.

Where the first movie falters is in its sudden twist in tone. After two cheerful acts encouraging kids to be true to themselves, the third is an excruciatingly dark one involving man’s exploitation of animals for financial gain and destruction of the environment on top of our hero suffering spells of dementia. Even though we never get anywhere near those depths this time around, we’re only given one fun act before settling in for lots of penguins fretting about their pending doom and worshipping false idols. Sure, there are plenty of attempts at humor but most of them fall flat. To gauge this, I made sure to notice my children who weren’t laughing very often. The truth is the penguins and most of the other creatures fail to engage us unless they’re belting out a tune.

One exception, at least on a minor level, is Mumble’s son Erik (Ares). Like his dad, he’s a bit different than the other penguins. He doesn’t join in on any of the songs they sing. In fact, he doesn’t say much at all and spends as much time as possible hiding. As in almost every other movie ever made that features such an insecure character, this is all leading up to the moment he bursts out of his shell. The pleasant surprise is how effective a moment this is. It’s an absolute showstopper, by far my favorite part of the entire movie.

The rest of the film proceeds as it must, efficiently but not always joyfully. Everything happens right on time as we’ve been trained by countless other kiddie flicks. The climax is ridiculous, even for a cartoon about singing penguins. All of this would be forgivable if it didn’t commit a cardinal sin. There are large chunks of Happy Feet Two that are just plain boring.

MY SCORE: 5/10

The Smurfs

Directed by Raja Gosnell.

2011. Rated PG, 103 minutes.
Cast:
Hank Azaria
Neil Patrick Harris
Jonathan Winters
George Lopez
Katy Perry
Jayma Mays
Sofia Vergara
Fred Armisen
Anton Yelchin
Kenan Thompson
Jeff Foxworthy
Tim Gunn

There was a time when “The Smurfs” were a part of my Saturday morning routine. This not only included the show, but also Smurfberry Crunch cereal whenever I could get it. Watching Papa Smurf, Smurfette and the other 99 smurfs foil the evil Gargamel week after week was wholesome cheesy 80s fun. If, back then, a movie based on that show and including real-live people were to come out I would’ve been smurfed to see it. I would’ve saved up the twenty bucks to get me and my siblings each a ticket. Wow, $20 for four of us. Remember those days? Anyhoo, we would’ve been first in the smurfing line the day it opened. Now, better than a quarter century later and having seen numerous craptacular movies based on old TV shows, I’m not so smurfed. Regardless, here I am losing to curiosity and fatherhood once again. Of course my daughter wanted to see this. What? I can’t take all the smurfing blame.

As usual, Papa Smurf (Winters) and his clan of little blue people take on the smurf obsessed Gargamel (Azaria). What’s different is the setting. On the show, nearly every episode took place entirely in the area just big enough to include both Smurf Village and Gargamel’s castle. The movie starts us there but very quickly a half-dozen smurfs, Gargamel and his equally evil cat Azriel wind up in New York City through a bit of hocus pocus. Our heroes spend the rest of the movie trying to find whatever magic is necessary to get back home and avoid Gargamel.

While in the Big Apple, Papa and crew wind up crashing at the apartment of a young married couple, Patrick (Harris) and his pregnant wife Grace (Mays). He’s a career driven ad exec smurfing for his relentless boss Odile (Vergara). She seems to mostly stay at home, talking to the baby in her belly. They have two purposes for being in the movie. First, they provide the smurfs with a place to stay and play “Guitar Hero.” More importantly, they will learn an important lesson when our adventure is over.

The Smurfs is one of those movies that doesn’t do anything smurfily bad nor anything esmurfily good, either. It just drones on pretty blandly. Clumsy Smurf does something clumsy and puts the others in danger. They try to rescue him, narrowly escaping Gargamel who then has an aside with the cat and concocts his next plan. Rinse, repeat. In that respect it’s not much different than the old cartoon. That’s probably as good as we can hope for.

If there is one thing that rises above the level of mediocre, it’s the performance of Hank Azaria as Gargamel. He is absolutely smurfect. Not only does he present us with exactly what we thought a live-action version of the villain would be but he’s clearly having a blast at the same time. On the flipside, I was disappointed with George Lopez’s Grouchy Smurf. It’s not necessarily his fault, but the character feels the least true to what they were on the show. That Grouchy didn’t say much and started almost all of his very short sentences with “I hate…” This version talks constantly and is somewhat a grouch, but in a way much more reminiscent of the actor’s character from his own sitcom.

I have to admit, The Smurfs is far better than I thought it would be. Thankfully, it doesn’t induce a pain similar to being repeatedly kicked in the groin like Yogi Bear. It’s still not really a “good” movie. It’s merely a pleasant, if unremarkable time-passer that manages to maintain nostalgia and cuteness. This will likely not be the case going forward. For proof, see the Alvin and the Chipmunks and Transformers franchises. Therefore I hope, probably in vain, that the powers that be don’t shove a smurfing sequel down our smurfing throats. This one is watchable, but I get the feeling I’m all smurfed out.

Love and Other Drugs

Directed by Edward Zwick.
2010. Rated R, 112 minutes.
Cast:
Jake Gyllenhaal
Anne Hathaway
Oliver Platt
Hank Azaria
Josh Gad
Gabriel Macht
Judy Greer
Jill Clayburgh
George Segal

After losing his job as a stereo equipment saleman, Jamie (Gyllenhaal) decides to give the pharmaceudical industry a try. He takes a job as a sales rep for Pfizer. Basically, he hangs around private practices hocking Zoloft to the doctors. We most often see him at Dr. Knight’s (Azaria) office. While there, he manages to talk the doc into letting him be present during a visit from a patient. That patient is 26 year old Maggie (Hathaway) who has already been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Of course, Jamie is immediately head-over-heels in love with her, but she wants nothing to do with him. Ever the smooth talking ladies man, he navigates that little hurdle and talks her into a date. Right away, the two start a relationship they both agree is only about sex. Well, if things were that easy we wouldn’t have a movie, would we? Anyhoo, this is all set in the days leading up to the initial public release of Viagra. This becomes prominent in several ways I won’t reveal.

Things start off in an amusing manner. Jamie’s rich younger brother Josh (Gad) has been kicked out by his wife and taken up residence on big bro’s couch. Sales manager Bruce (Platt) is constantly prodding his young protégé to sell more. Prozac salesman Trey (Macht) has the upperhand and is constantly in their way. Dr. Knight is openly selling his loyalty to whichever rep can get him laid the most. Through all of this Jamie and Maggie actually do get laid, a lot…by each other. If you want to see Anne Hathaway in (almost) all her glory this is the movie for you.

It’s our favorite couple’s interactions between lovemaking sessions that try to attach us emotionally to the movie, but fail. The problem is pretty much as soon as he rolls off of her she starts with an unstoppable wave of self-pity, questioning his motives for sleeping with “the sick girl”, as she refers to herself and imploring him to stay away from her. He stubbornly refuses and back and forth they go. We’re supposed to be sympathetic towards their plight because of her disease. However, it’s much more tiresome than endearing. I have to remind you that the peripheral events all seem to work pretty well. They’re entertaining and light. When juxtaposed with them, the heavy relationship at the film’s core is jarring and transparently manipulative, ineffectively tugging on our heartstrings.