Thursday Movie Picks: Legend/Mythology

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

Directed by Thor Freudenthal.

2013. Rated PG, 106 minutes.

Cast:

Logan Lerman

Alexandra Daddario

Brandon T. Jackson

Stanley Tucci

Nathan Fillion

Douglas Smith

Leven Rambin

Jake Abel

Anthony Head

Paloma Kwiatkowski

Derek Mears

Things seem to be all hunky dory at Camp Half-Blood when there are a couple of odd occurrences. Our hero, Percy Jackson (Lermer) finds out he has a half-brother who is a cyclops. Next, the mystical barrier that keeps intruders out of the camp is broken, leading to an epic battle with an angry magical (and mechanical) bull that ends with the return of a certain bad guy. Lastly, the bumbling idiots who run the place inform Percy of the prophecy that says he will either save Mount Olympus or destroy it in the attempt. The Golden Fleece seems to be the cure for all their ails. This means going on a quest to find and retrieve it, and of course, saving or destroying...yeah, that.

Once again, Percy has his trusty cohorts Grover (Jackson) and Annabeth (Daddario) in tow. The three share an easy chemistry that serves the movie well. To that mix, Tyson (Smith) the half-brother is added. The four of them provide a pleasant enough quartet. there's a little more than a hint of sexual tension between Percy and Annabeth which drives their scenes together. She also has a raging hatred of Tyson that plays into the moral of the story. There is also Grover in full Magical Negro/comic relief mode, ever ready with some silliness to keep things from getting too heavy. None of this is exceptionally good or bad. It just sort of is and helps us roll along innocuously.

The rest of the cast is a slightly better. Not surprisingly, Stanley Tucci fares best in his role as the weary Dionysus (Mr. D), an instructor at the camp. All the man wants is a drink of wine. However, his verbal taunting of the gods has cost him this small pleasure. It's not uproariously funny, but his scenes are consistently humorous. another bright spot is Derek Mears as a big, evil cyclops. He's not going into the villain hall of fame or anything, but he provides a decent counterpoint to our heroes.

Similarly to the blandness of most of the characters, the plot unfolds in not-so-thrilling fashion. It just hits all the spots it's supposed to when it's supposed to. Nothing unexpected takes place. This makes tension the biggest casualty of all the story-telling devices. We just never feel like the good guys are in any real danger. True, going into a kid-friendly adventure like this we know the good guys are going to win. However, this movie fails to ever approach making us doubt the fact. Instead of hanging on to the edge of our seats, we're more likely to be comfortably slouched against the back of them and checking our watches.

Lots of movies of this caliber, narratively, manage to save themselves with plenty of action. This one tries, it just fails miserably. The main culprit is shoddy cgi. When the mayem breaks loose, things start looking cartoonish, but not like this was done on purpose. It further adds to the sense that we have nothing to worry about in regards to the hero's well being. We're snatched from being involved in the movie, to being reminded we're watching one. No matter how many I've seen, good films draw me into the world on the screen, regardless of how far-fetched it might be. I become invested in the events playing out before me. This is more like a stranger stooping in front of your window to tie his shoe. It might be sort of interesting, but not a compelling event. Whatever fascination it may hold passes when they stand up and continue on their way. Shortly, you may forget it ever happened. Percy Jackson stoops in front of your window to tie his shoe.

Wrath of the Titans

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman.

2012. Rated PG-13, 99 minutes.

Cast:

Sam Worthington

Liam Neeson

Rosamund Pike

Ralph Fiennes

Bill Nighy

Toby Kebbell

Édgar Ramirez

Danny Huston

Lily James

John Bell

Kathryn Carpenter

Even though he’s half-god, Perseus (Worthington) has made it clear to his father Zeus (Neeson) he wants nothing to do with those snobs on Mount Olympus. Still, the old man comes sniveling back, begging Perseus to save their hides. Zeus’ dad Kronos is a little ornery over being defeated by his boys eons earlier and wants a return match. After Kronos starts killing off gods and threatens both the gods and man alike, you know who reluctantly joins the fray. He enlists the help of Queen Andromeda (Pike), her army and his cousin, fellow half-god Agenor (Kebbell). In case you’re somehow not sure, this is the sequel to the 2010 remake of Clash of the Titans.

That last sentence sums up a lot of what people think is wrong with Hollywood. It’s what they point to as evidence of the movie industry’s lack of original though. This is particularly true of the blockbusters flooding the multiplexes every summer; an endless procession of sequels, prequels, remakes, reboots and re-imaginings heavy on techno wizardry and light on substance. These generalizations might seem unfair in a review on any one film in particular. However, Wrath of the Titans must wear the shoe it fits.

Sam Worthington adds another to his repertoire of bland protagonists. Liam Neeson does what Liam Neeson does: use his booming voice to give his character an air of authority. However, he spends most of the movie on the sidelines. Pike just looks pretty as Queen Andromeda. Most bizarrely, Kebbell as Agenor seems to be impersonating Russell Brand. As simple as the plot seems, its execution is jumbled. It doesn't always make sense and a general mess is made of Greek mythology. In short, stuff just keeps happening whether it’s logical or not.

On the plus side, that stuff keeps the movie somewhat interesting. There is tons of action as our heroes try to save both the Earth and the heavens. Creature designs are generally fantastic and they tear up things pretty well. The one exception being our main baddy. He’s a little too out of whack with everything else and getting anywhere near him should cause death. Sadly, it doesn't because then our hero wouldn't be able to be heroic. There is some heavy-handedness about father-son and sibling relationships. Honestly, this doesn't bother me since it at least makes sense. More troublesome is the weirdly atheist undertones. As I've said in reviews of other films there are good, even excellent movies from that point of view. The problem here is it feels needlessly subversive to its own subject matter. Combined with all the poetic license taken with the characters we get the feeling the people who made Wrath of the Titans don’t exactly appreciate Greek mythology.

Much like its predecessor, Wrath isn't the worst movie in the world. It’s just not a good one, either. The visuals work very well. Full disclosure: I did not watch either of the franchise’s movies in 3D which I’ve heard complaints about, especially in regards to the first film. The action keeps things moving along nicely and it’s thankfully short at ninety-nine minutes. Unfortunately, the characters are dull and/or given nothing to do and what’s happening around them doesn't always add up.

MY SCORE: 5/10 

Immortals

Directed by Tarsem Singh.

2011. Rated R, 110 minutes.

Cast:

Henry Cavill

Freida Pinto

Mickey Rourke

Stephen Dorff

Luke Evans

Isabel Lucas

John Hurt

Kellan Lutz

Joseph Morgan

Ann Day-Jones

Peter Stebbings

Where there are swords, there must also be sandals. Not really, but they do enjoy each other’s company quite often. In Immortals they not only hang out together once again, they have many more of the usual suspects with them: chain mail, oracles, prophecies, and of course, immortals. Oh, I almost forgot there has to be a magical weapon. In this case it is The Epirus Bow.

Let’s back up a bit. Many moons ago, the gods defeated the titans at war. Instead of killing their enemies, the gods banished the titans to a special cage deep within the bowels of a Greek village where they are to spend eternity in a state of suspended animation. Sigh. This is where The Epirus Bow comes in. Whoever possesses it can use it to free the titans and wreak havoc on the world. Inexplicably, the gods don’t keep nor attempt to destroy this bow. The gods must be crazy.

Fast forward a few years. Unsurprisingly, the tyrannical King Hyperion (Rourke) is busy turning over every stone he comes across looking for said bow as part of his master plan…wait for it…wait for it…to rule the world! Muahahaha…ahem, sorry. In the process, he kills lots of people just to make sure we know how evil he is. Many of these are his own soldiers and mostly for no more reason than I’ve already given. That’s got to be bad for the troops’ morale, no?

Since every villain must contend with a hero, we have Theseus (Cavill). He’s a peasant who takes care of his mom and pals around with an old man (Hurt) whom he doesn’t realize is Zeus (Evans) in disguise. Pretty early on, Zeus comes right out and tells us Theseus is the only person who can stop King Hyperion. Of course, the gods could but Zeus forbids them from getting involved in human affairs. That whole thing gets darn messy, but I digress. The virgin oracle we can’t believe is a virgin is played by the almost impossibly beautiful (in my opinion) Freida Pinto.  Also early on, she “sees” that Theseus will indeed get his hands on The Epirus Bow. So there, now you don’t have to watch this crap. Hmmm. Since we are in Ancient Greece I’ll say it Olde English (wait…what?). This crap, thou mustn’t watcheth.

If you couldn’t tell already, I hateth this movie. Immortals is aggressively dumb without the good sense to not take itself so seriously. Nearly every action any character makes can be summed up by one word: stupid. It also breaks its own rules several times. This is noticeable mostly because the film itself makes a big deal out of these rules. Save for a couple of brief instances, it lacks the visual splendor of 300 or even the Clash of the Titans remake so we can’t even distract ourselves with shiny objects other than Mickey Rourke’s ridiculous looking headgear. The final, meant to be spectacular, battle involving the cgi titans is underwhelming. The Epirus Bow isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, either. It’s a bow that supplies its own arrows which is nice, but after taking the one shot to free the titans, it’s still just a bow and arrow.

Immortals wants to an epic but just comes across as hokey. Despite his helmets, Mickey Rourke is awesome as always and does all he can with a role requiring little more of him than being sweaty and stomping around the set. John Hurt also fares well. As our hero, Henry Cavill is just ho-hum, though he certainly looks the part (or for Superman, the part which he’ll use to soar into theaters next summer). Freida Pinto is absolutely drop dead gorgeous, just in case I didn’t make that clear. Unfortunately, the amount of drool that escapes my hanging bottom lip whenever she is on screen isn’t nearly enough for me to recommend this.

Clash of the Titans (2010)

Directed by Louis Leterrier.
2010. Rated PG-13, 106 minutes.
Cast:
Sam Worthington
Liam Neeson
Ralph Fiennes
Gemma Arterton
Jason Flemyng
Alexa Davalos
Mads Mikkelson
Izabella Miko
Luke Evans

In Ancient Greece, mankind and the gods are pissed off at each other. The Gods think we’re a bunch of ingrates that need to be taught a lesson. We’re behaving…well…like a bunch ingrates that need to be taught a lesson. Of course, there is that thing about Zeuz (Neeson) coming down from Olympus and sleeping with some dude’s wife. Why would a god, the most powerful of the gods, stoop so low? Because he can, silly. Anyhoo, Zeus’ little rendezvous begets our hero, Percy Jackson…er…Perseus (Worthington).

Perseus has got his own issues. He’s all moody because Zeus is a deadbeat dad and the first time he meets his old man, pops asks him to move in like nothing ever happened. The nerve. So, feeling more than a little rebellious, Perseus joins us mere mortals and discovers he might be the only one who can stay out past curfew, I mean kill the Kraken. For ancient Greeks, the Kraken is kind of like the boogie man, only it’s about the size of Delaware with countless arms and teeth plus a very nasty disposition.

The special fx make it gorgeous to look at. I’ve heard all sorts of bad things about how the tacked on 3D effects ruined it in the theater. I saw it in plain old 2D on the very nearly obsolete DVD format and it looked great. The one letdown being the cartoon character they tried to pass off as Medusa (Natalia Vodianova).

Story-wise, it’s dull. Even if you’re not familiar with Greek mythology there’s still no mystery. We find out very early all we need to know. And I hate to come back to this, but if you’ve seen Percy Jackson or the 1981 original CotT or bothered looking at the movie poster or DVD cover then you either already know or figure out very quickly how our hero is going to be heroic.

Sadly, that hero doesn’t have the charisma to negate such a problem with the story. Maybe it’s just me, but Sam Worthington seems to have become the go-to-guy for action movies requiring bland leading men (he starred in Avatar and Terminator Salvation). His look is reminiscent of a young Russell Crowe. Unlike Crowe, Worthington never compels you to watch him. He’s simply there, dutifully blending in with all the techno-wizardry on display.

When it’s all said and done, the remake lacks the campiness and silly fun of the original. However, it amps up the special fx and is still an entertaining watch. There’s just a lot lacking between the action. It’s better than the present day set, unofficial remake Percy J, but that’s not saying much.

The Opposite View: Richard Corliss, Time

What the Internet Says: 6.0/10 on imdb.com (8/26/10), 29% on rottentomatoes.com, 39/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Directed by Chris Columbus.
2010. Rated PG, 118 minutes.
Cast:
Logan Lerman
Brandon T. Jackson
Alexandra Daddario
Pierce Brosnan
Sean Bean
Steve Coogan
Catherine Keener
Rosario Dawson
Joe Pantoliano
Uma Thurman

Someone has stolen Zeus’s lightning bolt. He’s so pissed, he warns Poseidon that if he doesn’t get it back soon, there will be hades to pay. See, Zeus believes that Poseidon’s son is the culprit. Poseidon’s son is none other than Percy Jackson (Lerman), a high school kid who thinks he’s just an ordinary joe whose life sucks. He’s got a slight case of ADHD and apparently severe dyslexia. However, we soon discover that the writers are fans of The Facts of Life because no one in this movie is handicapped, they’re “handi-capable.” If you’re under 30, you probably don’t get that joke, but whatever. Laugh now, google it later.

This is a classic case of the filmmakers trying to keep us from thinking about the lame-brained script by distracting us with lots of shiny objects. Yes, it’s action-packed almost literally from wall to wall. With beautifully rendered creatures and exciting battles scenes, it’s generally a fun watch.

It’s also incredibly stupid. Things that make no sense kepp happening. There seems to be no logical explanation for many of the things people do. This includes actually trying to kill each other during training excercises. Imagine young soldiers in training actually shooting one another with live rounds. That doesn’t make any sense, now does it?

There are other problems, as well. The attempts at comic relief are horrendous, our heroine evidently likes having a guy that can smack her around and the sidekick has a horrible case of “Magical Negro” disease. If you’re unfamiliar with that particular stereotype, the “Magical Negro” is a black character in American literature or cinema with special powers whose sole purpose is to protect and/or enrich the life of the white protagonist. Think The Legend of Bagger Vance or The Green Mile. While that aspect of those films is bothersome, it worked because they were generally well-written stories whether they used stereotypes or not. In a lesser movie such as this, it’s closer to being an unforgivable offense.

The bottom line on Percy Jackson is it’s often dazzling to “look at” but if you’re over 12, it’s probably a chore to “watch”. Oh, since I know you’re smarter than I, when you see it, or if you’ve already seen it, please explain to me how Pierce Brosnan’s character ever sat in a wheelchair.

The Opposite View: Mary Pols, Time

What the Internet Says: 5.8/10 on imdb.com (8/11/10), 50% on rottentomatoes.com, 47/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 4.5/10