Thursday Movie Picks: Legend/Mythology

The Fate of the Furious

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Directed by Jon M. Chu.

2013. Rated PG-13, 110 minutes.

Cast:

Dwayne Johnson

Channing Tatum

Adrianne Palicki

Bruce Willis

Byung-hun Lee

Jonathan Pryce

Elodie Yung

Ray Stevenson

D.J. Cotrona

Ray Park

Luke Bracey

Arnold Vosloo

RZA

With the first paragraph of my reviews, I try to give the reader a synopsis of the movie in question without spoiling it. Usually, this involves me recapping the first ten or fifteen minutes of said movie, but not telling much of anything about what happens the rest of the way. My line of thinking is that if you want to watch a film, regardless of how I feel about it, I don’t want to be the one that completely removes any suspense you may otherwise have found there.

Sometimes, I can’t help myself.

For certain movies, explaining why I like or dislike them has to include events from later in the proceedings. Even then, I try not to give too much away. For others, there may be a spoiler in the setup, or at least something that lets us know it is not going to be quite what people expect. This brings me to G.I. Joe: Retaliation.

Actually, before we get into this particular flick, let’s take a short trip back to the 1990s, ’96 to be exact. My soon-to-be sister-in-law and her husband were huge Steven Seagal fans. They made sure to be in a theater on opening night of all of his movies. And so they were on a Friday evening, just starting to binge on popcorn, candy, and soda as Seagal’s latest, Executive Decision gets rolling. Prior to arriving in their seats they had seen the television commercials which made it appear that their guy was teaming up with Kurt Russell to take back a plane from some hijackers in an action packed adventure and somehow Halle Berry was involved. Those of you that have seen it know this isn’t quite the case. For the rest of you…SPOILER ALERT…not only is it much more slow-paced thriller than action flick, but Seagal’s character dies about ten minutes in before he kicks any ass whatsoever. Since my in-laws feet hadn’t even had time to get stuck to the floor real good yet, they promptly got up and left. As far as I know, they’ve never bothered trying to watch the rest of it.

Now let’s bring things back to the present. As unbelievable as it seems nowadays, most people don’t actually research a movie before deciding to see it. Maybe they watch a trailer or two online, or happen to see one on TV. Perhaps they don’t even do that if it’s a sequel to something they like and/or it stars someone they are a fan of. In this case, we have the sequel to 2009’s G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra based on an 80s cartoon which itself was based on a line of Hasbro toys. It raked in hundreds of millions of dollars at the box-office. The star of the show was none other than Channing Tatum. He had been around for years, but this was his first really big movie. It catapulted him to superstar status.

Well, as this one starts up we get way too chummy with Tatum’s character, Duke. We see how close he is to Roadblock, played by The Rock, as the guys talk about lots of personal stuff. He never actually says it, but we get the feeling that Duke is seriously thinking about settling down real soon and maybe starting a family like his buddy. Uh-oh. Astute viewers will notice this sounds suspiciously similar to having less than two weeks until retirement. Sure enough, the boys get sent on one of those missions that turns out to be a setup and guess who doesn’t survive. This causes the movie a two-folded problem. First, they just killed off a good portion of the reason people want to watch this in the first place. This is true not only for people who are fans of the actor, but for Joe fans to whom Duke is an iconic character. Of all the people in this universe to knock off, that’s the one they pick? I wonder how many of those who didn’t know this was coming got up and left the theater.

No matter what, the show must go on. Roadblock gathers up the remaining Joes, which eventually includes Bruce Willis, and decide they have to work off the grid for a while to solve their issue since they easily figure out they were betrayed by none other than the President of the United States. Eventually, this all leads back to Cobra Commander (Bracey) as it must in a G.I. Joe flick. Oh, don’t act like that’s a spoiler. Anyhoo, CC embarks on a plan eerily similar to Dr. Evil’s in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. If you’re unfamiliar with that one, just think about most James Bond movies or any number of films where the bad guy has a super-duper powerful weapon that can blow up everything and threatens to use it unless everyone in the world gives him money.

I know. I’m just spoiling all types of stuff for you today.

Okay. So far we have a major star playing a popular character dying in the opening moments and a generic plot. Let’s add in the fact that it is lazily written and has more than its fair share of hammy acting performances. Sounds like a total nightmare, right? Well, not so fast. This movie knows what we’re here for and gives it to us. If you like the first G.I. Joe then you probably appreciated it for being a big movie filled with action and exciting visuals. This installment gives us much more of the same. Everything goes boom real good and there is lots of martial arts goodness. My favorite sequence is a ridiculous mountainside battle.

What makes it work is that it just is. It doesn’t take itself too seriously nor too lightly. It is simply a spectacle. And unlike a Michael Bay movie, thankfully, it resists the urge to hammer us with a barrage of terrible jokes meant for 13 year-old boys or an overly goofy love story. Best of all, it doesn’t keep going for what feels like 127 hours. Therefore, it might not be exactly true to whatever you think a G.I. Joe should be, but it’s fun.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Snitch

Directed by Ric Roman Waugh.

2013. Rated PG-13, 112 minutes.

Cast

Dwayne Johnson

Susan Sarandon

Barry Pepper

Jon Bernthal

Michael K. Williams

Benjamin Bratt

Melina Kanakaredes

Nadine Velazquez

Rafi Gavron

David Harbour

You just can’t trust people these days. Jason (Gavron) learns the hard way when his best friend sets him up with the feds by shipping a box of illegal pills to his house. The thing is, Jason is not really in the drug game. His buddy is and just needed someone to implicate in order to reduce his own sentence. Now, he faces a possible ten year prison bid. No worries, his dad happens to be The Rock…er…Dwayne Johnson…I mean John, played by The Rock…um…Dwayne Johnson. Like any good parent, dad wants to help his son in any way possible. Since we need something to justify us spending nearly two hours with him on his quest to save the boy from permanently becoming Bubba’s bitch, he does so in the dumbest way he can imagine. Despite being wealthy enough to afford a lawyer good enough to beat an extremely flimsy case, he uses his connections to get a meeting with Joanne Keeghan (Sarandon), the powerful District Prosecutor. There, he volunteers to do what his son wouldn't: help the cops catch more bad guys. Despite being told it doesn't work that way, and warned not to do anything stupid, he does precisely that. He takes it upon himself to go undercover and pretend to be a guy looking to get into the drug trafficking business.

The setup of any movie requires the viewer to buy in for our suspension of disbelief to kick in. This is no different. The problem is in trying to simultaneously create empathy for John it removes logic from his thought process. What he does should be a last ditch effort, not the first thing that pops into his brains. As mentioned, he’s financially well off. He owns a successful business. It is obvious he is not an idiot. I’m sure the man has dealt with lawyers before. Why he immediately accepts what he’s been told at the police station and by the prosecutor who’s job it is to lock people up boggles the mind. He never even asks his son what happened. It becomes galling because we know that the case against the kid is flimsy. Yes, the feds have a bunch of pills that were shipped to the boy. However, their whole case is really based on the idea Jason explicitly agreed to commit the crime he’s charged with. What makes this flimsy is not just that he did no such thing, but the entire conversation takes place online, so it’s presumably retrievable. Any lawyer worth his salt would have a field day with this. The takeaway from all this is that our hero is a guy unnecessarily playing cowboy. It’s something he does several times throughout the picture, putting himself and the rest of his family in harm’s way. The movie would have benefited greatly from having everything he does be the only thing he can. It rarely feels this way. Instead it feels like we’re watching a man back himself into a corner over and over again when he doesn't have to.

Faulty premise aside, Snitch does a number of things well. For starters, and in aid of its “inspired by true events” label, it resists the urge to become an all out balls-to-the-wall action flick until very late in the movie. It lets situations play out in a manner that at least suggests reality more than simply having John load up his arsenal and go hunting bad guys. We get a decent bit of tension from wondering how our hero will come out of his various predicaments in possession of his life. Two people in particular help things along in this regard. First, Barry Pepper as Agent Cooper excellently provides our voice of reason. He gets roped in to working with John, but doesn't like it one bit. He knows the risks too well. His heedings are at the backs of our minds whenever … decides to fly by the seat of his pants, which is often. On the other end of the spectrum is Michael K. Williams as mid-level drug dealer Malik. I know, it’s a stereotypical role. However, he plays it with such intensity we can’t help feeling a little worried for anyone on the screen with him.

The pacing of the film also works to its advantage. It moves along nicely, quickly getting our hero into one dangerous scenario after another. Between them, he argues with Susan Sarandon. The cycle works well enough that eventually, we let go of that nonsensical beginning and just roll with the idea that this is a father trying to save his son. Still, the memory of it is never completely erased because our hero keeps doing stupid things. This is just one way in which the movie undermines itself. Another is in its heavy-handedness. I mentioned the pacing is a plus. However, we get numerous pauses in the movie’s flow so someone to make sure the audience understands that none of this would have happened if not for the evils of mandatory sentencing. Whether I agree or not is irrelevant. I don’t want to be repeatedly hammered over the head with any viewpoint. At times, it feels more like propaganda than entertainment. A message should be weaved seamlessly into the narrative, not stopping it in its tracks every so often. The end result is a movie that works when it focuses on dad saving the day, but struggles with everything else.

MY SCORE: 6/10

Fast & Furious 6

Directed by Justin Lin.

2013. Rated PG-13, 130 minutes.

Cast:

Vin Diesel

Paul Walker

Dwayne Johnson

Michelle Rodriguez

Jordana Brewster

Tyrese Gibson

Sung Kang

Ludacris

Luke Evans

Gal Gadot

Elsa Pataky

Gina Carano

At the end of Fast Five we were teased with the most soap operish of endings. One of our favorite characters, Letty (Rodriguez), was coming back from the dead for the next installment. And so, here we are. Our wait to see how her return plays out is over. The setup shows our heroes living high off the hog in exotic locales around the globe thanks to the money they made dragging a vault through the streets of Rio. Dom (Diesel) has something else he picked up while there: Elena (Pataky), the hot Brazilian cop who just couldn’t resist the Diesel engine. What? Too much? Anyhoo, Agent Hobbs (Johnson) shows up to fill Dom in on the fact that his thought to be deceased girlfriend is alive and kicking. The catch is she’s working for the newest bad guy, Owen Shaw (Evans), whom Hobbs is currently pursuing. With no hesitation, Dom rounds up the rest of the crew in London where all the madness is going down so they can get fast and furious. Six. Okay, that’s corny. You try. No? Let’s move on.

Like many an action movie, this one is at its worst when trying to explain itself. In other words, we don’t care one iota why Shaw is being such a dick, for lack of a better word. We sort of care about Letty’s situation. In true daytime drama fashion, she has amnesia. Let me back up a step. We actually don’t care about that either. We’re really just counting down the minutes until she figures out which team she’s supposed to be on. We’re also eye-balling part six’s buff female cop Riley, played by MMA fighter (and star of Haywire) Gina Carano and giddily awaiting the inevitable cat-fight between the two.

Two, my friends, is the magic number. That’s how many times our leading ladies square off. So good. So so good. I peek to make sure my wife isn't reading along as I type this. Aaaaannndd…the coast is clear. Anyhoo, that unabashed appeal to the shallow thirteen year old within us all has always been what works for this franchise. With Fast Five, the effort shifted into overdrive and never let up. FF6 travels the same road, but its pit stops are a tad longer. Otherwise, its commitment to the ridiculous is gloriously intact. We get more Dwayne Johnson being The Rock, more Ludacris and Tyrese Gibson trading insults. In fact, Tyrese is almost strictly comic relief. We also get more Paul Walker doing whatever Vin Diesel tells him to but somehow thinking he’s in charge and more of Sung Kang and Gal Gadot making googly eyes at each other. More than any of that, we get more crazy stunts involving not only cars, but a tank and a plane speeding down a runway that must be 50 miles long. And I’m not even joking a little bit about that last part.

Let’s back up to the cars for a moment. Know that I’m weeping on the inside as you read this because I’ll probably never have one. Our first real action scene involves something amazing. That something is not one, but two – yes, the magical two – two armored formula one racing cars. Sigh. May we please have a moment of silence for the untimely demise of all my other vehicular fantasies.

Thank you.

At the end of it all we get another really fun, but really dumb movie that is near impossible to resist. Sure, the dialogue is cheesy, the story is thin, and people act more out of convenience to the flimsy plot than anything remotely plausible. However, there’s an art to making watchable crap. It took a few movies to get it right, but these people have mastered it. How else to explain my total lack of disdain for the spectacular bridge stunt between Diesel and Rodriguez that makes the bridge scene in Fast Five feel somewhat realistic? And yes, we get another major promise (and closing of a loophole) right at the end. FF6 isn’t quite as good, or as terrible, as its predecessor, but it’s still so bad it’sawesome!

MY SCORE: -10/10

Journey 2 the Mysterious Island

Directed by Brad Peyton.
2012. Rated PG, 94 minutes.

Cast:

Dwayne Johnson

Josh Hutcherson

Vanessa Hudgens

Michael Caine

Luis Guzman

Kristin Davis

The Rock…er…Dwayne Johnson in another benign family flick. Yaaayyy! This time he leads a cast of misfits in the sequel to 2008’s Journey to the Center of the Earth which stars Brendan Fraser, hence the “2” in the title. Clever, ain’t they? Or not. Could Fraser have possibly been too busy to do this one? Never mind. Like in the original, a group of people decide to try and actually locate a mythical location from a Jules Verne novel. Obviously our heroes, only one of whom is in the first flick, are trying to find “The Mysterious Island.” With only a single relevant character appearing in both movies, the strongest link between the films is the supposition that Verne was actually a historian and not a novelist. Okay, fine.

Despite the focus on The Rock’s bouncing boobs, more on that later, the story revolves around the kid from the first movie (Hutcherson). No, I don’t care what the character’s name is, just know that he’s played by the kid from The Hunger Games. In that movie he is trying to find his father whom he thinks is at the center of the Earth. Here, he’s searching for his grandfather whom he believes…do I really have to say it? The kid is also a grade A brat who can’t get along with his stepdad played by The Rock AKA Man Candy. In an unusual bonding effort, Man Candy decides to help the kid find the place in the title. Not surprisingly, getting there takes some serious effort and surviving some particularly foreboding weather. Think Bermuda Triangle. It also includes Vanessa Hudgens and her dad Luis Guzman, AKA the pretty girl and comic relief, respectively. Of course they make it. Of course, and this is not a spoiler, they find Alfred Pennyworth…er…Harry Brown…er…Michael Caine, the kid’s grandpa. The conflict of the movie isn’t getting to the Mysterious Island, it’s getting off.

You probably know how all this plays out, except for that whole thing about Man Candy’s bouncing boobs. I’ve long suspected the reason he is in so many of kiddie flicks is to give moms something to fawn over while the fam friendly fun drones on. Journey 2 confirms my suspicions. He dispenses sage advice to the kid on how to make women fall madly in love. Part of that advice is repeatedly, and alternately, flexing your pecs which he happily demonstrates. Yes, the shirt he wears throughout surely cuts off his circulation. The pic above doesn’t do it justice, you gotta see this thing in action. During this excruciatingly long scene I had to endure my wife’s taunts of “You can’t do that,” and my daughter noticing “I can see his nipples.” Yup, they were that obvious. Think J-Lo in Anaconda, only I didn’t enjoy looking at these. Rated PG my shiny black hiny.

I’m not insecure. Really.

Regardless, Journey 2 isn’t terrible. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it good, but you know what you’re getting, especially if you saw the first one (not essential viewing to enjoy this one) and/or the Will Ferrell flick Land of the Lost. It’s an adventure with a few funny moments, some interesting visuals and a cute puppy love story all wrapped in an inoffensive package. Inoffensive except for Man Candy’s chest twitching, that is. For him, I invoke the words of the late great (and fictional) Nino Brown (google him, young’uns): I never liked you anyway, pretty mother…I’ll shut my mouth because I’m tired of talkin’ ‘bout The Rock.

MY SCORE: Wait a sec…

Dear Mr. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson,

These are just the jokes of an angry little human. After all, everybody’s a comedian. If we were to ever meet in person I’d gladly proclaim that you are ‘The Man’ and invite you to dip your ever-poking-through-the-soft-material-of-your-shirt nipples in ink and use them to etch an autograph for my all-too-smitten-with-you wife. You just can’t do this upon her actual person or we will have to fight to my death. Okay, now...

MY SCORE: 5/10

Fast Five

Directed by Justin Lin.
2011. Rated PG-13, 130 minutes.
Cast:
Vin Diesel
Paul Walker
Jordana Brewster
Dwayne Johnson
Tyrese Gibson
Ludacris
Elsa Pataky
Matt Schultze
Sung Kang
Gal Gadot
Joaquim de Almeida

Right away Fast Five lets us know what type of movie we’re in for. One of our heroes, Dominic Toretto (Diesel) is sentenced to 25 years in prison without the possibility of parole. Since it would be a waste to have one of our stars sitting in a cell for two hours, this calls for a daring escape attempt. As Toretto is being transported to prison on a bus with a bunch of other inmates, Brian (Walker) and his girlfriend/Dominic’s sister Mia (Brewster) show up right on cue to rescue their guy from the clutches of the law. Basically, their plan is to use their supped up sports cars to cause the bus to flip about half a dozen times, pull Dom from the wreckage and speed off. Huh? We couldn’t come up with a better idea than hoping everyone on board doesn’t die when we try to kill them? When you see the bus tumble you just know there have to be massive fatalities. Yet, the new anchor reporting the spectacular event informs us, “Amazingly, no one was killed.” Toretto and pals ride off into the sunset. Cue opening credits. This is your chance to make a break for it. Leave now, and spare yourself two hours of pure retardedness. Or, sit and enjoy the unrelenting display. Having plunked down twenty bucks on a Mother’s Day treat for the wife, I chose the latter. Yes, she picked the movie. Why? Are you kidding? Vin Diesel and The Rock in one flick? She couldn’t possibly resist that much man in one place at one time. I can’t blame her.

Speaking of The Rock, he plays the federal agent tasked with hunting down our favorite fugitives from the law and rocking a cool goatee. He’s sort of like Tommy Lee Jones’s character in The Fugitive, only with the ability to lift my Ford Explorer and that goatee. I may be exaggerating, but that thing is so cool it should’ve been listed in the credits as a separate character. Anyhoo, he and his crew have tracked our heroes down to Rio de Janeiro.

In need of money, Brian meets up with old pal Vince (Schultze) from the original The Fast and the Furious and decides to help him out on a train robbery. Yup, a train robbery. Of course, they’re stealing cars off of this train. Don’t you know what movie we’re watching? Predictably, things don’t go quite as planned. In fact, they go craptacularly wrong. They wind up with a car that the most evil and powerful man in all of Rio wants very badly. This basically means he tries to kill them to get his hands on the thing. To solve this problem our crew, who still have no money since they haven’t been paid for the botched job, launch an operation that looks to have cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not a million. This includes calling up people from other F and F movies and getting them down to Rio. It’s like they had a movie budget stashed away, or something. Not to mention, they have to deal with The Goatee catching up with them every so often and trying to drag them back to the US to face multiple charges.

As expected, we eventually get a knock-down, drag out fight between The Goatee and Vin Diesel. According to everything I’ve read on the internet, the combination of the ridiculous amounts of testosterone and machismo possessed by these two men should’ve resulted in a mix so volatile the universe would instantaneously implode once the first punch landed. Only those of lucky enough to be hiding in Chuck Norris’s beard would be safe. Luckily, we survived this potentially cataclysmic event to get to what is perhaps the most supercalifragilisticexpealidopeycoolstupid chase of all time. I’ll just say that, in terms of realism, I’m not sure if its more or less so than the A-Team trying to fly a tank in their movie.

I can’t blame anyone who hates this movie. The dialogue of the main characters is largely made up of them barking at one another. The supporting cast does provide some humor. Story-wise, there are so many gaping plotholes I accidentally dropped my over-priced tub of popcorn into one. They even create a plothole on the way out of theater. When the end credits roll, stick around through the end of the first song and see what the next F and F will be about. Will they call that one Fast Six? What about the series chronology? If Tokyo Drift has yet to happen yet, like they keep telling us, how exactly does our crew know Han? This gives us the best in-joke of the movie. Brian and Mia often talk about going Tokyo after pulling off the big job they’re working on because they don’t have extradition. When Han is asked about Tokyo, he says “We’ll get there, eventually.” How bad is TD that the rest of the franchise keeps distancing itself from it?

Let’s get back to this particular installment. As I said, there’s lots of yelling. There is also plenty of gunfire, fighting and of course, cars doing things I don’t think cars can do. Lest you get the wrong idea, I loved every single minute of this crap. It’s so bad, it’s awesome!

MY SCORE: -10/10

Faster

Directed by George Tillman Jr.
2010. Rated R, 98 minutes.
Cast:
Dwayne Johnson
Billy Bob Thornton
Carla Gugino
Oliver Jackson-Cohen
Moon Bloodgod
Michael Irby
Mike Epps
Tom Berenger
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

Driver (Johnson) gets out of prison today. There’s no one at the gate to pick him up. Instead, he hoofs it to the nearest junkyard where someone has left him a car with a gun stashed under the seat. His first order of business is to drive to a local business office and shoot some poor schlub in the head before he can even get out of his cubicle. Nice. Before you go thinking Driver is a random nut job about to kill everyone in the joint, he only pops the one guy and calmly walks out. It seems this dude had it coming. We learn pretty quickly that Driver’s brother was murdered by some double-crossers after a bank robbery and cubicle man was somehow involved. We can easily figure out now that Driver’s out of jail, a lot of people have it coming.

Since the law frowns upon vigilante justice, no matter how scummy the victims, there have to be police officers trying to stop Driver. Cicero (Gugino) is working the case. Just so we know how tough she is, she huffs out straight talk while keeping her hands on her hips. Reluctantly, she allows Cop (Thornton) to work with her. The first thing we find out about Cop is he’s got a drug habit. He also sucks as a dad. Hey, that’s a hard job. Trust me. The two of them trying to track down Driver as he wastes one sleaze bucket after another ensues. Oh, I almost forgot something. Someone who knows what’s going on has hired Killer (Jackson-Cohen), a hitman. Okay, so there wasn’t much thought put into the names in this movie. Anyhoo, not only does Driver have some killin’ to do, he’s being chased by Cop and Killer. Poor guy.

In case you’re still not sure, let me make this perfectly clear. This is an action flick, no more no less. If you want deep metaphors and explorations of the human spirit, look elsewhere. If you want to see The Rock kick some ass, get your popcorn and beverage of choice and enjoy. One of the reasons he became a superstar is because men lived vicariously through his wrestling persona. Whe he first broke into movies, that whole act transferred seamlessly to the big screen. In recent years, he’s headlined a few kiddie-flicks and basically lampooned his own image. Sure, these movies made a lot of money, but the people who made him a star stayed away in droves. They couldn’t smell what The Rock was cooking. Faster returns him to the mold in which he was cast: action hero.

None of what I’ve written should be construed as a pitch to make you believe this is the greatest movie ever. It is not. It is deeply flawed. For one, it would be a completely different film if Cicero asks a question at the beginning of the movie, like she was supposed to, instead of waiting until the end. She didn’t, and we got this. It is a dumb action flick. That doesn’t matter. What does is that it’s fun, brutal, fast, faster.

MY SCORE: 7/10

Tooth Fairy

Directed by Michael Lembeck.
2010. Rated PG, 101 minutes.
Cast:
Dwayne Johnson
Ashley Judd
Stephen Merchant
Julie Andrews
Chase Ellison
Destiny Whitlock
Billy Crystal
Barclay Hope
Ryan Sheckler

Derek Thompson (Johnson) is an aging, former NHL player with a large ego toiling in the minor leagues. On the ice, he’s the star of his team. His knack for dislodging teeth from the mouths of opponents has earned him the nickname “The Tooth Fairy.” Off the ice, he’s pretty much a jerk. He seems to delight in crushing the dreams of others. When, in a fit of anger he goes too far, Derek finds himself sentenced to be a real tooth fairy. The powers that be hope to rehabilitate his outlook on life.

Basically, this is The Gameplan all over, again. The difference is this movie uses hockey instead of football and our hero sports a pair of silk pajamas with Victoria’s Secret style wings. The Disney formula remains intact and everything works out just as you would expect. Of course, there’s cuteness all around.

That said, TF is still watchable. Mostly, that’s because of the star. Dwayne Johnson has both the larger than life personality and the willingness to poke fun at his own persona to make this type of movie work. His presence and charisma place this, and the aforementioned The Game Plan, a shade above similar movies starring other action heroes. His natural charisma and years as “The Rock” have made it easy for him to be “that guy.” He’s so good at it, we get it as soon as we see him. His presence is a commanding one. As a result, his scenes with Julie Andrews are interesting because she has the same sort of aura. Having them both on the screen simultaneously is to have two powerful magnets competing for attraction.

Sadly, the movie as a whole isn’t nearly as compelling. Johnson still carries it well. He also gets help from a couple fairies. Stephen Merchant, as his caseworker Tracy, plays nicely off the star. In what amounts to little more than a cameo, Billy Crystal plays the equivalent to James Bond’s Q and gives us perhaps the best scene of the movie.

Overall, this is simple, light-hearted family fare with the pre-requisite life lessons included. It’s nothing great, but it is cute.

The Opposite View: Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel

What the Internet Says: 4.8/10 on imdb.com (9/18/10), 17% on rottentomatoes.com, 36/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 6/10