Thursday Movie Picks: Gambling

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Attack of the Sequels Blogathon

Rhys at Feeling Fuzzier is hosting the Attack of the Sequels Blogathon. It's his very first venture into the world of blogathons. Hopefully, he'll get plenty of submissions. As a matter of fact, you should swing by his site so you can participate. Yup, you. The way this one works is...well, I'll let him explain it in his own words...

1. Pick up to 5 films that you enjoyed, but never got a follow-up film. You can include films that are already sequels (e.g.Hellboy 2: The Golden Army). Doesn't matter how ridiculous it may sound. 

2. Talk about why you'd like to see a sequel to those movies, and where said sequels would take the story.

3. Please include the blogathon banner (above) somewhere in your post.

4. The deadline is August 7th - but I'm sure I'll go easy on any late submissions ;)

Ok...

Ok...

I'm thinking...

Ok.

Got it.

I would really love to see...

For me, 1999's Mystery Men is a movie ahead of its time. Like 2010's Kick-Ass, it takes a look at comic book and superhero culture from a subversive, yet still respectful viewpoint. I found it very funny and maintain that it is some of Ben Stiller's best work. He's hardly carrying the film on his own, though. The cast around him is very capable and very game including the always awesome William H. Macy. There's also Hank Azaria, Paul Ruebens, Greg Kinnear, Eddy Izzard, Lena Olin, Artie Lange, Geoffrey Rush, and a perfectly cast Janeane Garofalo. It also did the team thing before anyone realistically thought we'd have an Avengers movie, much less one for Guardians of the Galaxy. The most important reason for me wanting another one, however, is that the movie plays like their first adventure together of many to come. Hollywood, do it now!

No?

How 'bout this one...

2000's Romeo Must Die was my first experience with Jet Li as the star of the show. He completely blew me away in 1998's Lethal Weapon 4 (no, I don't really want another of those, in case you were thinking it) and I loved him, here. It's not the greatest movie ever, but it's a fun one. There is some family thing going on with in-fighting amongst the Chinese gangsters who were also feuding with the black gangsters. Mixed in to it all was a rather tepid, but cute love story concerning Li and leading lady Trish, played by the late songstress Aaliyah. Hmmm, the fact that she has since passed away poses a problem. I think I have a solution. We catch up with our hero shortly after the love of his life has been murdered. Not only does he want to avenge her death, but the people who killed her are also after him. Therefore, Romeo Must Die...Again! I'm a genius.

Not feeling that one, either?

This last one is going to floor you...

Oh, wait...

Never mind. I meant...

Way back in 1995, Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson played foster brothers who were also both New York City transit cops. Snipes is straight as an arrow, while Harrelson has a serious gambling problem. On top of that, they both have a thing for J-Lo. Hey, me too! Ahem...sorry. Anyhoo, it was full of action and our two male leads displayed plenty of chemistry giving us some good laughs. Sure, it was one of a million Lethal Weapon knock-offs, but I enjoyed it all the same. Our three principals are still around and presumably up to doing an action flick. I'm up for another ride. How 'bout you?

Pointless Lists: Top 10 Portrayals of Real Women

In my last post I reviewed the 2002 film Frida (here) which is a biopic about the late Mexican artist Frida Kahlo. I gushed about how amazing Salma Hayek was in the title role. This got me to thinking about a number of other great performances of real women that have graced our screens. Of course, my next thought was where does Hayek’s rank, if at all. This is no definitive list as it is only based on movies I have seen. Still, these are my…

Top 10 Portrayals of Real Women

Honorable Mentions: 

(alphabetically by actress’ last name)

Hope Davis as Joyce Pekar in American Splendor

Faye Dunaway as Bonnie Parker in Bonnie and Clyde

Mariel Hemingway as Dorothy Stratten in Star ‘80

Lynn Whitfield as Josephine Baker in The Josephine Baker Story

10. Helen Mirren as Queen Elizabeth II

In

The Queen

(2006)

As the iconic monarch Helen Mirren brings tremendous grace and dignity to the screen. Watching her really feels like we are looking at Queen Elizabeth II wrestle with the idea of how to address her nation about the passing of Princess Diana whom she is known have her differences with. Mirren was also outstanding as Alma Reville, the wife of The Master of Suspense in 2012’s largely lackluster Hitchcock.

9. Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe

In

My Week with Marilyn

(2011)

Williams captures Marilyn’s fragility and the manner in which she wields her sexuality as the only weapon she feels comfortable using. It’s remarkable work that threatens to reduce Monroe to a caricature but manages enough humanity to make her a sympathetic figure. (Review)

8. Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher

In

The Iron Lady

(2011)

As usual, Meryl Streep keeps us engaged. She again demonstrates her ability to get lost within the character and draw out both their despair and their dignity. Like a number of others on this list, she also breathed life into another historic figure. In her case, she was delightful as culinary legend Julia Child in 2009’s Julie & Julia. (The Iron Lady Review)

7. Cathy Moriarty as Vicki La Motta

In

Raging Bull

(1980)

Moriarty quite literally came from nowhere to earn an Oscar nomination for playing the wife of boxing great Jake La Motta opposite Robert De Niro. It was a fiery performance nearly as raw and visceral as her iconic co-star.

6. Jennifer Lopez as Selena Quintanilla

In

Selena

(1997)

Lopez is simply phenomenal as the Mexican-American singer who achieved superstar status in Mexico and appeared to be on the verge of a breakthrough in the United States before being gunned down by the president of her fan club. She brings an abundance of energy to her role and makes us love her. This is still her best work.

5. Reese Witherspoon as June Carter

In

Walk the Line

(2005)

It takes a tough woman to handle The Man in Black. In Walk the Line, Witherspoon gives us that plus a whole lot more. She was ridiculous feisty and perfect all the way through. By the way, give her extra kudos for doing all of her own singing.

4. Salma Hayek as Frida Kahlo

In

Frida

(2002)

Salma Hayek is an unstoppable force of nature. She emanates an irresistible flame that torches the screen. Aided by a prominent unibrow, Hayek is simply impossible to look away from. It is a magnificent performance starting with the very first time we see her.

3. Hilary Swank as Brandon Teena

In

Boys Don’t Cry

(1999)

Swank’s role is, in my mind, the second most challenging on this list. After all, she’s playing a woman who isn’t sure she was really meant to be one. Swank does a masterful job making us feel empathy for a person whose actions eventually cause pain in others. Ten years later, Swank would also play famed aviator Amelia Earhart. (Review)

2. Angela Bassett as Tina Turner

In

What’s Love Got to Do with It

(1993)

Right before our eyes, Angela Bassett morphs from being a shy country girl from Nutbush, Tennessee to one of the most iconic women in the history of American music who also happens to be desperately trying to figure out how not to be a punching bag for the husband that made her a star. It’s a powerhouse performance if ever there was one and I will go to my grave saying Bassett was robbed of the Oscar for Best Actress in 1993. In a quieter role just one year earlier, she was also excellent as Betty Shabazz, the wife of slain Civil Rights leader Malcolm X.

1. Charlize Theron as Aileen Wuornos

In

Monster

(2003)

The one role on this list more inherently challenging than Swank’s in Boys Don’t Cry is Theron’s, here. Physically, she literally transformed herself. Always the glamorous sort with classic Hollywood beauty, she was just about unrecognizable. For the role, she gained thirty pounds and shaved her eyebrows. And that’s before all the makeup and prosthetics were applied to her. But that was only the beginning. She still had to sell us on the idea that she was a serial killer. Theron certainly managed to do just that with a flat-out disturbing performance.

I’m sure I have missed one or a dozen. Let me know some of your faves.

Parker

Directed by Taylor Hackford.

2013. Rated R, 118 minutes.

Cast:

Jason Statham

Jennifer Lopez

Michael Chiklis

Nick Nolte

Emma Booth

Wendell Pierce

Clifton Collins Jr.

Bobby Cannavale

Patti LuPone

Carlos Carrasco

Parker (Statham) is a professional thief who run big-time burglaries. With the help of a crew run by Melander (Chiklis), a group he’s never worked with before, he successfully robs the Ohio State Fair of about one million dollars. Instead of splitting the money as previously agreed to, Melander suggests they put all the money toward a bigger score that will net them a few million bucks each. Parker balks at the notion and winds up in a roadside ditch with several bullet holes in him. Thanks to some good Samaritans who happen to be driving by, he makes it to the hospital. Of course, as soon as he opens his eyes he escapes and goes looking for Melander and the rest of his cronies. A broke and lonely real estate agent played by Jennifer Lopez figures into things later.

While watching that setup, I am immediately reminded of the Mel Gibson flick Payback. Gibson’s character there, and Parker in this movie, are essentially the same guy. Indeed, the two movies play out in much the same manner as far as major plot points go. The biggest difference between them is in tone. Payback strikes a darkly comic one, quite brilliantly in my humble opinion, while Parker plays it as a straight up action flick with the usual small doses of humor, here and there. This is where the movie’s biggest problems are. No, it’s not a terrible picture. It’s just that with little or nothing to truly call its own, the conventionality of its frame is laid bare. Surprises are minimal.

It doesn't help that our hero is a pretty flat character. We get that he’s been wronged and he’s incredibly focused on getting his just due. Unfortunately, that’s it. We understand that he loves his girlfriend Claire (Booth) and her father Hurley (Nolte). However, the depth of that love is summed up in the fact that whenever he does something to piss off another bad guy, he calls them on the phone to tell them someone’s going to be coming for them. Gee, thanks.

On the other hand, J-Lo’s Leslie is much more fleshed out with a good deal less screen time. The movie pushes the sympathy envelope hard with her, and simultaneously uses her for comic relief. However, it’s an up and down role that Lopez struggles with. Unlike many, I actually think she’s a fine actress. It seems to be at least as much an issue of presentation and writing as it is of her. How we’re supposed to take her changes from scene to scene and the jokes she’s given aren't funny. Besides, as good as I think she is, comedy has never been her strong suit.

All is not lost. Remember, this is an action flick. It’s a Jason Statham action flick, at that. Most people will watch to see our hero beat the crap out of and/or kill lots of bad guys. That’s precisely what he does. True to form, it’s brutal, bloody, and exciting stuff. His first fight, inside a moving SUV, and one he has later in a hotel room take top honors. Both are just plain fun to watch, no matter how preposterous they may be. Speaking of preposterous, even though the idea that Park is affected by all the damage done to his body is a fraud, I’ll at least give the film credit for trying in that department. The point is, if you’re looking for a testosterone fueled popcorn flick you could do a lot worse than Parker.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

Ice Age: Continental Drift

Directed by Steve Martino and Mike Thurmeier.

2012. Rated PG, 88 minutes.

Cast:                     

Ray Romano

Queen Latifah

Denis Leary

Keke Palmer

Peter Dinklage

John Leguizamo

Jennifer Lopez

Wanda Sykes

Nick Frost

Josh Peck

Simon Pegg

Seann William Scott

Rebel Wilson

Our most beloved prehistoric squirrel, Skrat, has finally gone and done it. His magnificent chase of that ever elusive nut has improbably led him to the Earth’s core. This sets off a chain reaction causing the surface above to split into what we now know as the seven continents. This parting of the land separates woolly mammoth Manny (Romano) from his wife Ellie (Latifah) and their now teenage daughter Peaches (Palmer). He finds himself out to sea on a block of ice with his trusty and familiar cohorts, Diego (Leary), the saber-toothed tiger, and Sid (Leguizamo) the sloth. Also along for the ride is Sid’s grandmother, Granny (Sykes). Manny trying to get back to his family as they try to reach safety ensues. And the squirrel chasing that nut.

To ensure getting the family back together is no easy task, there must be a villain. This one is Captain Gutt (Dinklage), an ape/pirate who runs a scurvy crew. The most important of the bunch is his first-mate Shira (Lopez). She’s a saber-toothed tiger and love interest to Diego. J-Lo handles the character capably. Still, Gutt stands out as a fun bad guy. Dinklage voices him excellently with a mean streak just enough to be a little scary to the youngest viewers. Gutt also provides us some of the movie’s best visuals just by swinging around as apes are wont to do. He also has a bit of magnetism about him. Helping in this regard is the fact that he’d be perfectly at home as the villain in the next Pirates of the Caribbean flick.

Speaking of PotC it is but one of the movies CD pays homage to. Most notable of these is Braveheart as the movie has lots of fun with that. It even makes fun of itself from time to time. Thankfully, it does so in a manner allowing it to avoid becoming self-parody. Just a wink and a nod letting us know it understands that much of what’s happened over the course of the series isn't historically or chronologically accurate.

Liberties with history aside, the main point of these films is to have fun. Of course, the not-so-subtle message in all of them is that we can all get along despite our differences. Even the bad guys are a collection of numerous species cooperating on a task. Once again, the lesson comes through loud and clear. The added layer is our concentration on inter-generational relationships withing the family. It’s nothing groundbreaking but still nicely done.

The Ice Age franchise has found a nice niche for itself. They aren't truly great movies like the Toy Story films, but they’re certainly a cut above most of the dreck passing for children’s entertainment. Each installment, Continental Drift included, is a fun adventure that manages to inject new colorful characters into our cast of familiar faces without upsetting the dynamics. This fits nicely into the canon.

What to Expect When You're Expecting

Directed by Kirk Jones.

2012. Rated PG-13, 110 minutes.
Cast:
Cameron Diaz
Jennifer Lopez
Elizabeth Banks
Brooklyn Decker
Anna Kendrick
Dennis Quaid
Ben Falcone
Rodrigo Santoro
Chris Rock
Rebel Wilson
Thomas Lennon
Wendi McLendon-Covey
Chace Crawford

If you’re eternally optimistic like me, or not, and have children you’d expect to laugh during a movie that bills itself as “laugh out loud funny for any parent!” Trust me, it does. Says so right on the back cover of the DVD, exclamation point included. Sadly, this may be the best joke involved with this movie, even if it is on me. My mother was right. I’m too gullible. She warned you couldn’t always depend on the goodness of Mankind or of advertising geeks who work for movie studios.

Unlike the blurbs occupying real estate on its cover, the title What to Expect When You’re Expecting is accurate. After all, we do meet a handful of women who will very shortly be expecting. By the way, this movie is based on the best-selling advice book of the same name. That probably should’ve been a warning. Anyhoo, we then journey through pregnancy with the soon-to-be mamas. In short order there’s the fitness guru/reality tv star (Diaz), the pregnancy expert who’s never been pregnant (Banks), the photographer who can’t get pregnant (Lopez), the girl who runs a food truck (Kendrick) and the NASCAR trophy-wife (Decker). Other than Banks and Decker, these ladies have nothing to do with each other. Well, almost nothing. At some point, they cross paths with each other in the most brief and contrived ways possible but still don’t get involved in one another’s stories. No, the scene in the pic above never happens.

However unrelated they may be, they do have something in common besides swollen bellies. Not one of them is the least bit funny. Almost none, but we'll get to that. Part of the problem is these women are not all that likeable. They’re self-absorbed mongers whose pregnancies have little to do with the circle of life. Instead of nurturing bundles of joy they seem to be incubating accessories - assets in one’s portfolio or validation of self-worth, and so on. Most galling, one is merely a depressing plot point in a budding romance.

None of the actresses turn in memorable work, either. Elizabeth Banks fares best and is part of the funniest, most heartfelt and oddest scene. Lopez does her best to look constantly forlorn. Diaz’s Jillian Michaels impression is meant to be a hilarious parody but fails miserably at the hilarious part. Finally, Decker seems to be channeling Jaime Pressly making me wonder why they didn’t just get the real thing. For the most part their men blend seamlessly into the background. The normally unexciting Dennis Quaid plays Decker’s husband/racing legend and stands out simply because we’re positive he has a pulse. And yes, since this is a “zany” comedy everyone will go into labor at precisely the same time. Gee, without me you never would’ve guess…who am I kidding? You knew that was a sure bet as soon as the second lady turned up in a family way. I confess, there is one exception. J-Lo literally takes the Angelina Jolie route to family expansion. Even that wraps itself up right on cue. Sigh.

Sideline players fare ever-so-slightly better. Rebel Wilson is mostly just there but elevates the Banks scene I referenced earlier. Wendi McLendon-Covey hits with a few zingers during her limited time on-screen. Most consistently amusing is the group of fathers who walk together in the park, kids in tow, led by Chris Rock and Thomas Lennon. They aren’t “laugh out loud funny for every parent,” but they’re a welcome reprieve from all the hand-wringing and failed humor of the major storylines. None of this is enough to salvage this heap. What to Expect is a classic case of a talented ensemble given nothing to work with and going through the motions.