Monday, November 9, 2015

On My Mind: What Do You Say When You Know They're Listening?


I've watched and given my opinion on thousands of movies in my life. I've put those opinions on hundreds of them into writing over the last half dozen years right here on this site. For about four of those years, this was a solitary endeavor. Very few people stopped by the site and no one commented. This was fine by me, since I write for myself more than anything. I just have to write something. It's who I am. However, I eventually decided to venture into the film blogging community and try to make a few friends, or at least gain a few regular readers. Over the last two years, views on this site have been on a fairly steady incline. Where I used to get a dozen or less random hits a day with no repeat traffic, I have been averaging about 400 lately with a number of you who make sure to stop by at least a few times a week. Small fries to many of you big-timers, I know, but a long way from where I started. Still, to the best of my knowledge, my regular audience consists almost entirely of other movie bloggers. Therefore, interactions with people who were involved in making the films I choose to write about are extremely rare. When they happen, I get a kick out of them.

Don't get me wrong. David Fincher isn't stopping by Dell on Movies commenting on my ranking of his filmography. However, some of the people who had a hand in bringing some smaller projects to the screen have let me know they appreciate that I've watched and written about their films. A couple of times, it's been the director of some almost no budget movie or another. Once it was one of the actors. I'm not entirely sure he read my review of his film (Housebound), or even came by the site at all. However, when I put the word out about my review on twitter, he gave me a retweet which is also greatly appreciated. My most recent interaction happened a couple weeks ago. Again, twitter was responsible for making me aware of this. I posted a fairly glowing review of the indie horror flick Starry Eyes. A couple of weeks later, I received a tweet from a man named Travis Stevens quoting my review and also tweeted to the film's twitter account, 


With a bit of research I found out that Mr. Stevens was one of the film's producers. A look into his filmography revealed two things. The first is that I had reviewed another movie of his, Cheap Thrills, also favorably as I found it quite enjoyable. The second was a title I just recently started coming across on my periodic Netflix scrolls, a movie hilariously called Big Ass Spider! Since that's the sort of thing that's right up my alley, I knew I'd be firing that one up. Having already heard from one of its producers bumped it up quite a few notches in my queue. I replied to his tweet, letting him know that I would soon be watching and reviewing Big Ass Spider! He responded with this tweet:

Thanks for taking the time to watch and write such a thoughtful review. Looking forward to your thoughts on BAS!

Reading those words were a bit different than my other interactions with real-live filmmakers. For starters, it seems clear that this person took the time to read my review in full. After all, the quote of mine he used in his initial quote came near the end of the review. Second, he appreciated a review that, while very positive, did point out some flaws. Armed with that knowledge, it was easy to assume that he would actually read my review. Suddenly, I felt a little pressure. I knew beforehand that I would be critiquing a piece of cinema directly to one of the people responsible for its existence.

My first order of business was to actually watch the movie. I did. And I genuinely enjoyed it. Next, I had to write the review. Doing this felt different than it ever had before due to that one known member of my waiting audience. I mean, I didn't want to pander to this guy, but at the same time, I didn't want to go out of my to be a jerk. This inner-conflict wreaked havoc on my brain. It probably didn't help that this was one of the few reviews I decided to type cold as opposed to writing out longhand with a pen and paper, as per my normal routine. Having a pen in hand is a more immersive way of writing for me. I become lost within the world of whatever it is I am writing with less care about who will eventually read it. Typing it cold tends to generate longer reviews, but I'm so aware of everything in my surroundings that I can't quite get lost in what I'm doing the same way. While pecking away at my keyboard I'm talking to my family members, watching the news or a game, listening to music, or all of the above. This awareness extends to what I'm typing and I had a hard time getting the name Travis Stevens out of my head. 



I continued to keep my potential reader in the back of my mind as I worked on it. It didn't help that I started things off in exceptionally positive fashion. Paragraph after paragraph sang the film's praises. I began to feel as if my review was becoming similar to a paid ad for the film. To combat that feeling, I then began to focus on the negatives of the film. After a few paragraphs of that, I felt I had balanced things out. Then a new question began nagging me. Did I over-review the film? By that, I mean were my praises too eager and my critiques too nit-picky? After all, the positive portion was nearly as long as most of my full-length reviews. So was the negative portion, for that matter. It all felt forced to me. 

My first thought was to scrap it and start over. I was going to delete everything I'd typed, grab my notebook, a real one not a laptop, and get busy with some good ol' fashion scribing. I thought about it for a couple of minutes, but ultimately decided against it. I didn't want to put myself through that again. Even an attempt to pour myself into squeezing my thoughts into rows sectioned off by the cool blue lines on the paper would not be enough to distance myself from the war I'd created in my own head. Rather than continuing to torture myself, I prettied up what I had already typed with some pictures and the prerequisite info on the film I always give, and clicked the 'Publish' button. Hopefully, this experience means that the next time I find myself in a similar situation, I'll take it all in stride. I like myself too much to do anything else. 


20 comments:

  1. I loved reading this, Dell! Our blog is small fry compared to yours, and our audience has so far been fellow bloggers but I felt my style of writing change once we actually started interacting with others in the blogging community. When we were writing with no audience I didn't think so much, but if I've watched a film that I sort of hated, but everyone else seemed to have loved, I hesitate with my words.
    I realise this isn't quite the point you're making here, but you got me thinking nonetheless!
    - Allie

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    1. There certainly is a difference when you know someone else is going to read it. I've also found myself a bit hesitant to slam a movie everyone else loves. Eventually, I push through it because I couldn't stand myself if I didn't. You guys have an interesting dynamic, because with two of you, each person already has a built-in audience as well as a writing partner. I love that you make both work and so enjoyable for the rest of us.

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  2. Your taking it all in stride approach is the best way to go about it. My general rule of thumb is to write as if I only have one imaginary reader. While it is great if others, especially those who worked on a particular film, like what you have to say, pleasing them is never my goal. The one reader philosophy helps to keep me focused the task of writing without having to worry about who I am pleasing and/or offending. Plus, those who worked on a film I hate might come across the review just as easily as those who were involved with a film I loved. Having said that, the other rule I use is to not write anything that I wouldn't say to someone's face. It's a simple way to ensure that my criticisms is expressed in an honest but respectful way (or at least that is what I aim to achieve).

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    1. I jave a similar philosophy, the difference being that the one reader is myself. It got shaken a little bit knowing of, or at least suspecting another reader with ties to what I am writing about. Having been in writers' groups where we meet to critique each other, I'm familiar with giving someone negative feedback in the nicest way possible. It was a bit different because this is a finished product where the writers I meet with are lioking for help on works in progress. I think I'll be able to better put it out of my head and write normally shpuld this situation present itself again.

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  3. Dell...this post is great. I love that you actually thought about it...and that whole "oh no the pressure" is normal, but you're handling it great. I love when we have interactions with filmmakers on Twitter. I still have the email notice of Antoine Olivier-Pilon favoriting and retweeting my Tweets about his performance in Mommy saved as new in my inbox, and I do occasionally look at them and get shivers. LOL.

    UGH...I miss my blogging community!

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    1. Thanks. Glad you think I did okay with it. And love the story about Mommy.

      We miss you, too!

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  4. Love reading this. It is different when you know "They" are watching/reading/listening, whoever that might be. I once had to perform A Chorus Line with the person who was the inspiration for my character in the audience, and the pressure that night was unreal, just wanting to do him justice and wondering/worrying about what he would think. After a few minutes onstage I left it behind as I'm usually able to do, but with writing it's much different, given the ability to edit and having to push that "Publish" button. Everyone who writes and reads on the internet is a person - I know it sounds weird, but it's sometimes difficult to remember, and when something like this throws that into sharp relief, well, I'd say what you describe above is probably the norm. Thanks for sharing, and kudos!

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    1. Thanks! Great story aboy Chorus Line. Getting through pre-show jitters must've been tough that night. I have to ask if you got a chance to speak to him and how that went.

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    2. I actually did get to speak with him afterwards, and he complimented my performance and even posed for a picture with me! Really nice guy, talked about the creation of the show, how meaningful it is/was/has been for him, I told him how much it meant to me... it was great. I don't usually get big pre-show jitters, but I definitely had to shake it off quite a bit that night!

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    3. Glad you were able to shake them off and that he was a nice guy. Great story.

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  5. Interesting topic! I'll be back to read this when I have a bit more time.

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  6. This was great to read, I like the approach you took too. I've had people associated with the films I've reviewed favorite my tweets, but I doubt they actually read the blog post itself, so I like the thought you put into this.

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  7. I enjoyed this piece. The behind-the-scenes feeling was a good one. I struggle with the middle of the road movies and related to the positivity/criticisms/second-guessing. Really, for me the bad movies are the easiest to deal with - my anger/disappointment really does all the heavy lifting and they almost write themselves.

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    1. I fully understand that because I'm pretty much the same way. Being honest, I've figured out that a general rule of thumb for me and this site is the worse the movie the better the review.

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  8. Awesome as always, Dell.

    Can you imagine doing this for a living? Shit. The freedom I (you?) have when writing a review for Nobody wasn't anything I ever considered, let alone longed for. But once you find yourself in the spot you mentioned it's oddly inhibiting. I've only written one thing for someone and it was f--king mentally taxing. They loved the review, but I had to put myself in a choke hold to keep it as honest as I could. That shit ain't easy.Psyched that you addressed this.

    And as much fun as I have writing reviews for 'bad' movies, I probably couldn't do it if I knew they were gonna read it. I'm just trying to be a dick. But I wouldn't want to come off as an asshole, you know?

    Okay, I'll stop now.

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    1. OMG, I might've punked out completely if I didn't like the movie. Thankfully, it was a fun one.

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  9. This is such a great topic to discuss. I think it even goes beyond the world of blogging, due to social media everyone now has a public platform to air their views. Most of us treat it as a conversation between friends where we can be as rude and honest as we want; but would we still be that honest if the person we were talking about could actually see that mean tweet or offensive facebook status? Probably not because even though our social media accounts are run by us and are reflections of our thoughts and feelings they aren't as personal as writing is. I think one of the keys to keeping a blog alive (certainly for as long as you have) is passion.We're passionate about movies - we like talking about them and the way they impact our lives. This is our private corner of the internet where we can let our views run free and I think that's one thing we should never lose. We should never lose our views or pander to an audience. Yes, the audience matters but you have the audience because you created something personal.

    I haven't had this problem yet and I don't know how I'll handle it if it ever comes up. I'm glad you managed to stay true.

    Your blogs is one of the blogs I really enjoy and look up to.

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    1. Thank you for chiming in on this subject. I agree with every point you made. The whole is something I thought was possible when I started blogging, but never considered how I might react. I think you'll do fine should you find yourself in the same situation.

      Especially thanks for the kind words about my blog. Please know the feeling is mutual. Even though I've only recently discovered your blog it has quickly become one of my favorites.

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