Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Blood of Dracula's Castle

Directed by Al Adamson and Jean Hewitt.
1969. Rated R, 84 minutes.
John Carradine
Paula Raymond
Alexander D'Arcy
Gene Otis Shayne
Jennifer Bishop
Robert Dix
Vicki Volante
Ray Young

Glen (Shayne) inherits a castle when his 108 year old uncle dies. He wants to move in with his fiance/model Liz (Bishop) but first, he has to evict the elderly couple that rents the place. What he doesn't know is that they're really vampires who keep girls chained up in the basement to supply them with blood. That really sounds interesting, but it's not, in the least. This version of Count Dracula (D'Arcy), who now prefers to go by Count Charles Townsend (what the _?) and his bride Countess Townsend (Raymond) are full-fledged members of the bourgeoisie. No neck biting or villainously sexy seductions for these two. Instead, they have mute deformed giant Mango (Young) round up any young hotties that find themselves in the woods on the castle's property. By the way, despite a number of scenes in these woods, whenever we see exterior shots of the castle they're nowhere to be found. In fact, in these shots the castle appears to be in a desert. Anyhoo, Mango brings the ladies back to the house, chains them in the, then drains just enough blood from them to fill the two wine glasses our blood suckers are fond of drinking from. They sip with delight and inquire about what "vintage" it is. For the most part, that's all they do. No, we don't even get to see the blood draining. There's also their butler/cultist George (Carradine) who worships the moon god Luna and the Townsend's buddy Johnny (Dix), who is a hoimicidal maniac. Johnny is crazy under normal conditions but keeps telling us he's so much worse when there's a full moon. Foreshadowing be damned, we never actually find out if this is the case. The dialogue is hokey when it's at it's very best but mostly cringe-inducing. My thirteen year old son could choreograph far better fight scenes and don't even get me started on the copy and paste job they tried to pass off as someone being on fire. I'll admit, some allowances have to be made for it being over 40 years old. However, this was released the same year as Rosemary's Baby and the year after Night of the Living Dead, two horror classics. This steaming pile holds no frights, provokes no thought and may indeed cure insomnia. It's quite possibly the lamest vampire movie ever made, including the Twilight movies. At least those have enough charm and melodrama to appeal to millions of teenage girls. This might only appeal to those involved in making it. Maybe. And why the hell does Dracula rent, anyway?

MY SCORE: 0/10

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