Friday, October 30, 2020

31 Days of Horror: Ranking the Kills - Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

    This installment of the Friday the 13th franchise is notable for a few reasons. First, and most important in the minds of most fans, this marks the debut of genre legend Kane Hodder as Jason. Next, this is the first movie that would be in place of the then-scrapped Freddy vs. Jason. Since the powers that be still wanted to given Jason an adversary, we get Tina, who is basically Carrie from the 1976 movie of the same name. Finally, and worst for my purposes here, those pesky fools at the MPAA went hard on yet another Friday the 13th movie and had most of the actual gore cut to preserve an R rating. Let's rank the scraps they left us.

    Oh, before I get to that, I've got a very minor announcement. If you're familiar with the franchise, you know I still have a few movies to go. If you're reading this in "real" time, as in during October of 2020, then you've probably figured out I won't get them all in before the end of this year's 31 Days of Horror. I may as well let you know that my real (personal) deadline for these rankings is in a couples weeks. The second Friday in November, 2020, is a Friday the 13th.

Okay, now let's get to it.



Jane catches a tent spike to the back of the head, that we don't see at all. We see what's in that pic up there.



This would be way higher if not for the fact we don't see it. She gets a scythe to the gut. Her body later shows up with a slit throat. So, either bad editing, or Jason really went hard on Maddy. Both?



This is Tina's dad...and Tina's only victim. After she witnesses him being abusive to her mom, she collapses the dock where's he's standing and drowns him.



It's the old crushing someone's head with his bare hands trick. This is probably the least exciting version of these.



It's the old stab someone in the gut when they go to the fridge after sex trick. This is probably the least exciting version of these.



Eddie catches a machete to the throat. Barely. The camera cuts away immediately.



Sandra's smart (sarcasm). Instead off sneaking off alone for a skinny dip, she brings a guy with her. Shortly after she gets naked and hops into the water, her guy gets killed before he can join her. I guess Jason feels bad about it because he joined her. And drowned her. At some point he brings her to shore, but what-evs.



This is another of those kills where the camera flinches and shies away. But it's an axe to the face, so yeah.



Amanda (Tina's mom) gets a spear thrust through her back. She also gets a dubious honor for this. Amanda is the first person someone helped Jason to kill. She was physically placed in his path when Jason was going for someone else.



Robin gets thrown out of a window. In part 4, Jason threw another girl out of a window. She practically crushed a car and made all the windows explode. I ranked it as the worst kill  in that movie. It's about 100x better than this. Sigh.


Dr. Crews

The good doc gets the most deserved kill in all the franchise. He's the jerk that threw Amanda in Jason's path to save himself. Well, he takes a weed-whacker to the stomach for his trouble. It's the first and only time Jason uses a motorized weapon.



I want to put this higher, but due to us not really seeing it, I can't. Sound effects, the visuals of the results, and what it could have been get it this high. It's Kate getting a party horn through the eye.



I swear Jason's aim makes William Tell jealous. This time he throws a tent spike into the back of a fleeing Michael. He then walks over to Michael and yanks the thing out of kids back and tosses him.



Jason punches threw Dan's chest while simultaneously twisting and breaking his neck with his other hand.



This is the second time Jason buries his axe in someone's face. The difference is the extra bit of disrespect he has for Melissa. He adds insult to injury, uh, death when he grabs her by head, axe in place, and flings her across the room. Now, we're getting somewhere.



While Dan is getting murdered, Judy is trying to hide. I guess you can call it hiding. She zips up her sleeping bag and tries to be quiet. Jason picks it up by one end and with one mighty swing into a tree creates one of the franchise's most iconic moments.


  1. Every time I see Judy get killed, I laugh my ass off. That shit is funny. Stupid bitch for hiding in a fucking sleeping bag. She gets what she deserves.