The Girl Week Blogathon: Poetry

Best Movies of 2010

As promised a few days ago, I've finally gotten around to listing my top movies of 2010. Of course, this is based only the movies I've had the pleasure of watching. So if you don't see your favorite here, either I didn't see it or didn't like it quite as much. By the way, my feelings on some movies has changed a bit since first watching them. Some for the better, some worse. This means that the list below doesn't strictly follow numerical order based on the scores I intitally gave them. Oh well. Anyhoo, enough of my yapping. Here are my top 20 movies of 2010:

20. Exit Through the Gift Shop

Exit is intriguing, funny and cautiously triumphant. It’s also visually captivating watching thes guys take a guerilla style approach to getting their work seen.

19. The Book of Eli

This is a parable that’s divisive, much like religion itself. The naysayers will quickly point out the ridiculousness of all Eli accomplishes given a certain fact about him which I won’t spoil. Supporters will note that it’s a metaphor, not meant to be taken literally. Count me among the supporters.

18. Easy A

Brazenly, but wisely, Easy A juxtaposes itself with the Hawthorne classic, “The Scarlet Letter”. It even takes the time to note the similarities and differences for us. It goes so far as to defend not only the novel, but the original film version while throwing barbs at the much more recent cinematic attempt starring Demi Moore. I find it funny and very smart. It doesn’t cause uncontrollable laughter, but extracts the grins and soft chuckles that come from being able to relate to what we’re seeing.

17. The King’s Speech

This takes two genres and mashes them together to create a triumphant inspirational film. The plot outline follows the template of a sports movie with our Duke in the underdog role and the therapist, his charismatic coach. However, what plays out amidst the machinations of the plot is pure bromance. When we get to the end, we’ve become vested in these men, their friendship and their quest.

16. Poetry

Like the verse our heroine aspires to write, this film is lyrical and prefers to show rather than tell. The answers are all right there in front of us. However, they aren’t spoon fed to us. We often have no clue what decisions she reaches until she carries them out. Poetry challenges us and we’re better for it.

15. The Social Network

This is about the decade we’ve just lived through. It’s about how technology in general, and Facebook in particular, alters our world in increasingly rapid ways. It’s about how prepared or unprepared we are for those instantaneous changes. It is also about relationships disintegrating. We’re intrigued to see if anything can be salvaged. However, the winds of sudden success has wreaked havoc on these people. Essentially, we’re watching a divorce procedure. At stake, the custody of their 500 million “kids” worldwide.

14. Let Me In

In Let Me In, the characters are not in some totally foreign dimension where everything is glossy and nice where vampires can go out in the daytime and wean themselves from human blood. Instead, the vampire is dropped into our reality. True, it is rare that a remake can stand up to the original, particularly when the remake is American and the original is not. This one does.

13. Machete

A healthy dose of graphic and over the top violence keeps our inner-sadists sated. This includes beheadings, impalings and even a crucifixion. There’s also enough nudity to live up to the exploitation flicks to which Machete owes its existence. It basks in the light of outrageous, testosterone driven fun. The key here is that although nothing that actually happens is to be taken seriously, the movie’s message is.

12. Shutter Island

For Scorcese, it’s a departure from the norm. This is no gritty urban crime drama, but his storytelling is as effective as ever. This is a top notch psychological thriller. It diminishes its own predictability with a heavy dose of ambiguity. It also plays with our heads by using lots of smoke and mirrors, but in a good way. This isn’t your uncle pulling a penny out of your ear, it’s a really slick sleight of hand that would make David Blaine proud.

11. True Grit

The eye-patch, unruly beard, weathered skin and gruffier-than-usual voice all help our leading man get lost in his character. He is not Jeff Bridges, he’s Rooster Cogburn. Aside from who’s playing the lead, a few of the other changes are pure 21st century. The Coens have effectively trimmed the fat, giving us leaner and still fulfilling meat. This remake not only stands up next to its inspiration, I believe it surpasses it.

10. I Saw the Devil

This movie is not for the squeamish. It may be one of the more brutally violent films you’ll ever see. Still, despite the seemingly gallons of blood spilled and dozens of blows to various heads with heavy blunt objects (pipe, fire extinguisher, etc), this is no simple gore-fest. It blends the genres horror, thriller and action to create an unflinching and slyly complex revenge flick.

9. Black Swan

Does art imitate life? Or, is it the other way around? That’s the question hovering just above the surface of Black Swan. Below it, the question is: what happens to us when we push ourselves beyond our breaking point? There are no easy answers to either and along the way you might come up with more questions. Because of this, our journey is always fascinating despite it also being occasionally confusing. The true beauty of this film is that even though we get a definitive ending in the physical sense, we still have to deal with those questions.

8. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Every now and then you watch a movie that just shouldn’t work, but absolutely does. Scott Pilgrim vs the World is one of those movies. Here’s the thing: I get the sense this is a love it or hate it type of deal. People like me will sing its praises. Others will roll their eyes at all the madness, complain about how unrealistic it is, proclaim it moronic, and me a moron for liking it. It boils down to this: if you can’t understand the brilliance behind the “pee meter”, you’ll never get this movie.

7. 127 Hours

Director Danny Boyle keeps us engaged by letting us into Aron’s mind. He doesn’t merely point the camera at a man stuck to a rock. He explores the man. To make this work, star James Franco is willingly explored. For my money, this is easily his best performance. To be honest, I haven’t liked him in anything I’ve seen him in. Here, he plays his role wonderfully. It’s easy for an actor to be over the top when they’re often the only person on the screen. However, taking a cue from Tom Hanks in Cast Away, his emotions fluctuate perfectly throughout. The movie as a whole does the same. We ride the roller coaster anxiously as it ascends, afraid as it drops and excitedly through the loops.

6. Blue Valentine

Even though this is a remarkable film, it’s not for everyone. As mentioned, it is not a date movie despite the fact we’re focused on a relationship. That means it’s certainly no rom-com. It’s not an over-the-top melodrama, either. It might be a tear-jerker. Whether you cry or not, it’s not a feel-good movie. What it does is give us food for thought, something to discuss. This isn’t about characters in a movie. This is about people we know, perhaps even about the people we are.

5. Winter’s Bone

For starters, it’s a more modern remake of “True Grit” than what the Coens gave us. It is also a terrific blend of colloquialisms and menacing statements that build all sorts of tension. The film is shot in a perfectly bleak manner reminiscent of The Road. This has a similar feel of hopelessness. That feeling also comes through the music. Mostly sang by Marideth Sisco, who appears in one scene, the sad songs about the futility of the singer’s efforts mirrors Ree in a manner we can’t deny. We hear it. We feel it. This is an excellent movie experience that is as much about the language we hear and the music we feel as it is about what we see.

4. The Fighter

We watch this drama unfold in a fashion that feels excruciatingly real. This is where the power of The Fighter lies. We’re either a part of, or have known families exactly like this. If we’re a part of such a family, our empathy for Micky is boundless. If we’ve only known families like this, he has our sympathy. We wish we could save him. We root hard for Charlene (Adams) because she is obviously trying to do just that. We cheer her every action during her run-ins with Alice and the sisters. Carrying out such a display of not always humane humanity requires great acting. This movie has it in spades. Every rolling of the eyes, raising of the voice, expressing of concerns, swilling of a shot and puffing of a cigarette rings true. More than becoming familiar with these people, we really know them. The Fighter also utilizes many of the same conventions as other sports films. Somehow though, it makes them feel much more true.

3. Kick-Ass

This isn’t just an action-comedy. It’s a brilliant spoof of all things superhero. It’s simultaneously reverential and irreverent. It lovingly skewers the genres of literature, television and cinema that birthed it, holding their feet to the fire even as it gives them a hug. Comic book fans will notice the subtleties that make it special. For instance, notice the unspoken joke of our hero wearing glasses in his regular life but not when dressed as his alter-ego. What makes it great is that even if you miss those little touches you can still have a great time watching it. This is because the best spoofs use the genre they’re spoofing for inspiration, making fun of that genre’s absurdities while also working within its confines and stand alone as narratives. You needn’t have seen any specific movie to get most of the jokes. You only have to be familiar with a certain type of movie. This is why Young Frankenstein works for people who’ve never actually seen the original Frankenstein or Scream for people who aren’t necessarily fans of slasher movies. Kick-Ass is one of the best spoofs.

2. Toy Story 3

This is a great way to either extend or end the series. Unlike so many other sequels, it doesn’t feel like a money-grab, whether it is or not. It feels like the logical next chapter of a great book. With three outstanding entries, it firmly places itself among the best cinematic trilogies of all time. I would be hard pressed to keep it out of the top handful. Even better than that, there could logically be a TS4. Why yes, I’d be pumped for that, too.

1. Inception

This is far from a simple movie. Like many fantasy or science-fiction films, it asks us to accept something seemingly preposterous as a sort of reality. The difference between Inception and the majority of others is simple. For the two hours or so we’re watching those others, it’s mutually understood that the reality on screen is wholly separate from our own. We know that no amount of exposure to gamma rays is going to transform us into The Hulk. Here, we’re given cause to wonder about our own dreams and the odd events that occur during the portions we can remember. And what about those parts we can’t remember? Amazingly, even with all the jumping in and out of dreams and playing with reality, Inception is not nearly as convoluted or complicated as it could’ve been. Like I said, though, nor is it simple. With incredible special fx, astute storytelling, enough action infused into the proceedings and another great performance by DiCaprio, it strikes a perfect balance between entertaining us and challenging us.


Honorable Mention: Biutiful, The Ghost Writer, How to Train Your Dragon, The Kids Are All Right, Megamind, Mother, The Town.


So there you have it. What are your top flicks from '10?

Worst Movies of 2010

I know, I know. It's that time when everyone tells you what they thought the best movies of this year were. Well, I work a little slow. I like to amass a decent sized sampling of movies and it takes me a little while to get there. I like to end on a positive note, so we'll get to the flipside in a couple days. I'll start with the bad news. These are my worst movies of 2010.

10. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

We get lots of drawn out scenes of meetings where old men try desperately to save their own backsides. We get lots of one-on-one meetings between others, either trying to save themselves or talk tough to one another. We get lots of clips of CNN. All of this is steeped in joyless financial jargon. The movie only moves away from feeling like economics class when it involves Gekko’s daughter, Winnie. However, with her constant whining she’s much more an annoyance than the reprieve we need.

9. The Bounty Hunter

This is a string of rom-com and action flick clichés positioning themselves one after another right through the inevitable, totally unsurprising ending. Somewhere, there’s a room full of trained monkeys banging out a class action suit on their keyboards because they didn’t get credit for churning out the screenplay. In short, the jokes aren’t funny, the action isn’t exciting, there are no twists we don’t see coming.

8. Gulliver’s Travels

The latest version of the classic tale Gulliver’s Travels is pure Jack Black through and through. Either he cracks you up, or he doesn’t. There isn’t much else to tip the scales in the movie’s favor. That’s because the story constructed around his hijinks and shenanigans is merely bland when it is at its very best. Most of the time it just takes all that’s good from its source material and pummels it into submission.

7a. Stomp the Yard: Homecoming

Dance movies are pretty much critic-proof. Take the original Stomp the Yard, for example. It’s largely a rip-off of Drumline, right down to how the climactic battle plays out. Still, it was a modest financial success and has developed a devoted following of people who won’t hear a negative word about it. The high energy routines are infectious. People enjoy dance movies, regardless of their narrative issues. This is why Stomp the Yard was made in the first place. It’s why lots of people still tune in to cable airings of You Got Served and Honey. It’s why there have been three Step Up movies. Alas, it’s the only reason why we have Stomp the Yard: Homecoming.

7. Step Up 3D

This third installment of the Step Up franchise takes a disturbing about-face in philosophy from its predecessors. The original is an okay flick. Step Up 2 The Streets is dreadful, arguably racist and has a ridiculous title. However, to the credit of both movies, they have a character using dance to help them get a better education. This takes the opposite approach. It sticks its middle finger up at academia whenever possible. I understand it wants to promote dance as a way of life, but the near criminalization of education is off-putting. Ethics aside, SU3 suffers from the same thematic problems as SU2. The plot is lazily concocted. The dialogue is hokey at its very best and often cringe worthy. I may not be as young and cool as I once was, but I know when slang sounds phony and unnatural. This does. The entire movie is unnatural, for that matter. It acts like it is part of this universe, but clearly is not. And why is this is 3D, anyway?

6. Jonah Hex

Silliness can be well executed. Sadly, not in this case. Our hero occasionally kills people because he feels like it, is in love with a prostitute and doesn’t have the most pleasant personality. The prostitute, by the way, is named Lilah and is played by Megan Fox. She works so hard at her southern accent she neglects to ever change her facial expression. Even a face as beautiful as hers is boring if it never does anything. John Malkovich could’ve saved this thing by giving us a dynamic villain, but he’s far too restrained. As Jonah Hex, Brolin does what’s asked of him and grunts his way through the movie.

5. My Soul to Take

This reminds me of another Wes Craven flick, Shocker. However, while Shocker is a gleeful dark comedy and revels in its own ridiculousness, My Soul to Take is an unfocused poser. It desperately wants to be something, it just can’t decide what. It’s attempts at cleverness are anything but. As a result, we get a lot of eye-rollingly bad jokes. It’s efforts at scaring us fail miserably. Wes Craven deserves his lofty spot as a master of horror. He’s earned it through decades of scaring the crap out of us. Occasionally, he’s scared us while simultaneously making fun of how he does it. However, in a career longer than my life has been he’s made some missteps. This is one of them.

4. Hereafter

This movie plays out over the course of two hours. Two long hours. Two long, boring hours. To be fair, Eastwood manages to inject some intrigue here and there. We get a few fascinating scenes and our interest piques because we get the sense that this whole thing is eventually going somewhere. It doesn’t. Actually, it does. It just doesn’t go anywhere near where we thought it was going. Often, this is a good thing, gives a movie the element of surprise. Here, it’s a bad thing. It’s a very bad thing. It makes an already pretentious movie even more so. The three strands of the story come together in a most contrived manner for an utterly corny ending. Worst of all, it never even bothers attempting to answer the question it spends nearly its entire runtime beating us over the head with. If you’re curious about the possibility of a hereafter go speak to your local clergy, read some books on the subject or google it. Whatever you do, don’t try to find the answers here.

3. Cop Out

There is no justification for this film to last more than thirty minutes. Yet, it clanks its way through 107 excruciating hours…er…minutes. Could director Kevin Smith have outsmarted us all, and pulled a Tarantino by paying homage to a genre born of an era, long gone? Of course, that appears to be exactly what he’s done. However, doing that is simply not enough. You still have to make a good movie. The best of those movies were funny and contained big, exciting action sequences. This has Tracy Morgan dressed up like a cell phone.

2. Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

To try and force some laughs, parents are treated to…subjected to a never ending stream of references to other, better movies. Lots of James Bond, some Lethal Weapon, Men in Black and countless others, including a huge Silence of the Lambs parody that can be spotted from miles and miles away by anyone who’s seen the horror classic. And it’s not funny. Yeah, during the 82 minute runtime I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes at least 82 times. Story-wise, it just lurches forward with the obvious message about overlooking our differences, joining forces and working together to overlook our differences. No, that’s not a typo. It gets to the point where it’s unbearable.

1. Yogi Bear

The extent of the humor here is Yogi steps on, touches or leans against something and gets hit in the face, knocked down, flung through the air, etc. Verbal jokes are boiled down to him saying “pic-a-nic” instead of “picnic” over and over and over…and over again. Occasionally someone farts, references farting, or makes a farting noise. To be blunt, this movie thinks kids are dumb. Sure, some will laugh at first. However, after about ten minutes they will realize the well is dry. I’ll give the slow ones fifteen before the chuckles stop.


Dishonorable Mention:

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Dinner for Schmucks
From Paris with Love
Little Fockers
MacGruber
Saw: The Final Chapter (3D)
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Why Did I Get Married Too?
What did I miss?

Salt

Directed by Phillip Noyce.
2010. Rated PG-13, 100 minutes.
Cast:
Angelina Jolie
Liev Schreiber
Chiwetel Ejiofor
Daniel Olbrychski
August Dehl
Hunt Block
Daniel Pearce
Olek Krupa
Andre Braugher

Evelyn Salt (Jolie) works for the CIA and has endured a lot for the good ol’ USA. Still, one day a man claiming to be a Russian defector shows up at the agency and says that she is really a spy from his homeland. Naturally, more and more doubt is cast upon her allegiance to the stars and stripes as parts of the man’s story seem to check out. Of course, through much mayhem and Houdini-like escapability, she gets away from the law and goes on the run. The question is whether she’s trying to clear her name or commit the assassination the defector says she will.

This is a movie filled with breath-taking stunts, brutal fight scenes and narrow escapes. There’s hardly any “down time” but what little there is perfectly sets up what’s to come. It also gives us just enough insight on the title character for us to care. No, we’re not talking grade A character development, but it’s more than sufficient for an action flick.

Helping all this out are a few very deftly performed sleight of hands that keep us guessing what’s really going on. Eventually, it’s not enough, but only because the number of possibilities is limited, at best. There simply aren’t enough characters to keep the mystery going. To keep the ruse up as long as it does is remarkable.



I’d be remiss if I didn’t compliment the star. This is not a role which will get Angelina Jolie nominated for an Oscar. However, it’s a role she plays perfectly. It helps that the role is tailor-made for her. I’m hard pressed to think of another woman who could do the role justice with both her acting and athleticism. Uma Thurman? Milla Jovovich? Lucy Liu? Kelly Hu? I say maybe on all of them, but no doubt on Jolie.

In the end, Salt is very much a female version of The Bourne Identity. You can knock it for that and for the ending blatantly setting us up for a sequel. And frankly, the program said to be causing all this trouble is a flimsy foundation for a story. All of this would drag down a lesser movie. I didn’t mind any of them because they’re all minor and the movie is slick enough to overcome its faults. The overall ride is just flat out fun, even though it is undeniably preposterous. Question my judgment, if you must, but I loved every second of it. Why yes, I am anxiously awaiting that sequel.

Halloween (2007)

Directed by Rob Zombie.

2007. Rated R, 111 minutes.
Cast:
Malcolm McDowell
Daeg Faerch
Tyler Mane
Sheri Moon Zombie
William Forsythe
Scout Taylor-Compton
Hanna Hall
Danielle Harris
Danny Trejo
Brad Dourif 

John Carpenter’s Halloween is widely regarded as one of the greatest horror movies ever made. It is undeniably one of the most influential and imitated movies of all time. Every slasher flick that followed owes it a huge debt of gratitude. Without it, there may not have been a Friday the 13th or A Nightmare on Elm Street. That it would be remade was inevitable. Musician turned director Rob Zombie tackles the task.

To Zombie’s credit, he’s not content with merely doing a spot-on remake with updated wardrobes. He truly tries to make it his own. He does this by taking us deep into the world of the iconic slaughterer of teens. We first meet Mikey (Faerch) when he is just a wee lad, albeit one with a penchant for killing small animals. Very tired of how people treat him, he graduates from animals to humans. Through a startingly realistic series of events, he kills four people who make the error in judgment of pissing him off. We then spend some time with him in a mental institution, both at the beginning and end of his stay. Eventually, we get to the point that serves as the starting point for the original, his escape from the institution and subsequent return home. This constitutes the first half of our feature and it is spectacular film-making. It’s much more brutal, unflinching character study than true horror. Since it revolves around a child committing some hellacious acts, all of which are graphically depicted, it’s all sorts of unsettling. The magic of it is that through the mayhem of his life, we feel bad for Mikey. Like we do about most children who come from adverse circumstances, we feel his life could’ve been different. It could’ve been better. We see points where small changes my have made a world of difference.

During Michael’s escape, something happens that eats away at the movie. His humanity is quickly and completely stripped away. All of the empathy the film had been working so hard to build up comes tumbling down due to his final encounter with the guard played by Danny Trejo. This is an occasion where predictable would’ve been a good thing. Had the expected thing happened, basically the opposite of what actually does, it would’ve maintained our feelings for him going forward. Instead, the director’s nihilism got the best of him. From this point on Michael Myers (Mane) is once again a faceless monster we’ve no attachment to.

This brings us to the second half. From here we get a mechanical but truncated remake of the original. Things keep happening at a rapid rate so we’re never bored. The problem is our emotional involvement has taken a nosedive. The reason for this is two-fold. I’ve already explained the first part of it. The other part is this shortened second act. We meet the people of present day Haddonfield that Michael will shortly terrorize. However, we don’t know them. We don’t care about them. They are merely the bodies in various stages of undress that our killer will mutilate. Like all the best movies in the franchise, the original isn’t about Michael Myers. It is about Laurie Strode, the Jamie Lee Curtis character now played by Scout Taylor-Compton and the terror he cast upon her. We felt for her. We were scared with her. This time around we couldn’t give a flip about her. It wouldn’t be an issue if we still cared about Michael but we don’t. In the blink of an eye he went from a scarred, misguided and dangerous child to a superhuman behemoth who’s only function is viciously killing anyone in his path.

Rob Zombie’s Halloween is a hard movie to judge. The first hlf alone makes it worth seeing. It contains some of the best storytelling of any American horror flick perhaps of the 21st century. The second half is stilly visually exciting, but leaves us flat as the boogeyman coldly moves from victim to victim. Murder is a gruesome but clinical and joyless task he must continuously perform for our morbid pleasure. The director gave us Mikey and created a soft spot in our hearts for a child who can’t seem to help but lash out in ways fatal to others when he’s angered. Then, Mikey was snatched away. In his place, we were given the machine known as Michael Myers.

MY SCORE: 7.5/10

Insidious

Directed by James Wan.
2010. Rated PG-13, 103 minutes.
Cast:
Rose Byrne
Patrick Wilson
Ty Simpkins
Barbara Hershey
Lin Shaye
Leigh Whannell
Angus Sampson
Andrew Astor
Ruben Pla

Meet the Lamberts. They’ve just moved into a big pretty house. Almost immediately things start going bump in the night…and sometimes during the day, too. Mom Renai (Byrne) notices things the most. She whimpers and cries a lot. Dad Josh (Wilson) is almost perpetually on his way out the door and sleeps fairly hard do he doesn’t notice anything at all. Their oldest son Foster (Astor) says he’s scared once then we hardly ever see him again. I guess Hollywood is compliant with child labor laws after all. Speaking of which, there is an infant who’s name I can’t recall. She’s also sensitive to the strange happenings and cries almost as much as her mother. Finally, there’s middle-child Dalton (Simpkins). He seems to be the target of all this paranormal activity. See what I did there? Smooth, huh? He bumps his head, sees something scary and a day or two later slips into a coma. The doctor says it’s not really a coma. He doesn’t know what it is, but whatever. Mom and Dad bring Dalton home so he can be in his own bed during his not-coma and weird things keep going on.

Before I go any further, let’s talk about this house. It’s a gorgeous house with at least two floors of living space plus an attic. All of the rooms are huge including a living room in which their piano looks small. For a family of five, with the parents presumably in their thirties, it’s pretty much a dream house. Mom is an aspiring but non-paycheck earning songwriter. What does Dad do? He’s gotta be a young hotshot exec at some highly successful company, right? No. maybe he’s a lawyer or a doctor? Try again. Pat yourself on the back if you said school teacher. I’m not talking professor at a prestigious university. I’m talking middle-school. Uh-huh. Let’s move on.

As they tend to do in such movies, the noises and sightings intensify. Unable to take it any longer, Mom demands the family move immediately. The very next day, or so it appears, the Lamberts are moving into a smaller but still very nice house they’re leasing according to the sign on the lawn. Seriously, what district does this dude teach in? Anyhoo, in their new-new home there’s more random noises and sightings of grumpy looking dudes stomping around. Who ya gonna call? Momma-in-law (Hershey) has been hanging around the new-new place and is seeing stuff, too. She calls Ghostbusters, sort of. It’s really Elise (Shaye) who is a friend of hers who has a pair of geeky employees with lots of equipment. Long story short, we get the revelation we either figured out on our own or already knew because it’s in the trailer. Lady, it ain’t the house. It’s that little snot-nose that’s been lying in bed for the last 40 minutes of this flick. I won’t tell what happens after that because then we’d be getting into spoilers. It’s far beyond me to totally ruin a movie watching experience for you. Maybe.

I will do what I’m here for. I’ll tell you how I feel about all this. If you’ve ever seen a haunted house movie, this one will be less than thrilling. It is even more derivative than most. It feels like a mashup of Paranormal Activity and The Amityville Horror with a heaping helping of Poltergeist thrown in. At this point, the entire sub-genre can only be so creative. This one merely regurgitates what it got from those others without the tension carrying over. It never grabs you. The whole thing feels more hokey than scary. It doesn’t help that this set of apparitions is comparatively impotent. They pace back and forth, hide in corners and occasionally reach for someone. Sadly, it’s painfully obvious they’ll never get there. Worse, they look like they know they’ll never get there. The last scenes provide some intrigue and is a decent setup for a sequel. It’s just not a sequel I’m particularly anxious for.

MY SCORE: 5/10

I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

Directed by Steven R. Monroe.

2010. Not Rated, 108 minutes.
Cast:
Sarah Butler
Jeff Branson
Andrew Howard
Daniel Franzese
Rodney Eastman
Chad Lindberg
Tracy Walter
Mollie Milligan
Saxon Sharbino

Jennifer Hills (Butler) is a novelist about to begin to working on her next book. She looks a little young to be on a “next” book but nevermind my ignorant biases. To get some solitude in which to work she rents a cabin way out in the middle of nowhere. She plans on staying there for several months…all alone…dun dun dun duuuunnnnn. Lost, she stops for gas and directions. While there she laughingly dismisses Johnny (Branson), the local yokel who hits on her. Over the next few days, Ms. Hills writes a little, drinks a lot and here’s plenty of things go bump in the night. Meanwhile, Johnny stews over being rejected thanks in no small part to lots of teasing from his buddies. At some point during all this one of them sneaks up to the cabin and gets some footage of our girl in her undies. After getting a look at this Johnny and the boys spring into far more deplorable action. Just so you’re up to speed, this ragtag bunch is made up of Johnny, the big guy who always has his video camera rolling (Eastman), the guy who thinks he’s handsome (Franzese) plus the mentally challenged and constantly reluctant Matthew (Lindberg). Much to Jennifer’s chagrin, they are soon joined by the town sheriff (Howard). A gang-rape ensues. Make that two gang-rapes.

Horror and revenge movie buffs are keenly aware that this is a remake of the cult-classic 1978 flick sometimes known by the same name. It also goes by its original title Day of the Woman. It might be one of the earliest entries into the genre that would eventually come to be called torture porn. The plots of the two films are identical. What the choose to emphasize is not. The three acts of both are as follows: 1) spend a little time with the heroine in and around the cabin while the boys work themselves into a lather 2) gang-rape and 3) revenge. Where the original loses people, and perhaps gains others, is the excruciating detail and protracted length of the rape scenes. We watch this poor girl being brutalized in uncomfortably realistic fashion for an overwhelmingly large chunk of the movie. Though the whole movie is fairly short, her dehumanization seems to go on for hours. This is why many have labeled the original one of the most depraved films ever made.

The remake takes a different path. We still get the rape scenes and they’re still plenty unsettling. However, they feel shorter in this version and certainly more stylized with fadeouts, echoing voices and the such. They’re enough to make the point and access our appetite for blood. The real emphasis is not only on her revenge, but how she gets it. By the way, I don’t consider anything I’ve written a spoiler. Knowing what happens is irrelevant to this movie. The question is: Do you want to see how it happens. To this end, each of her assailants is made to suffer mightily before their demise. In an interesting twist, the way she disposes of them has something do with either their personality or their role during the rape. Gore hounds will love it since we get into some pretty gross territory, here.

This brings me to my biggest technical gripe with I Spit. I’ll only speak of the technical side because the debating the morals and ethics of this movie could take several days with no resolution. A lot of what Jennifer does obviously required lots of moving unconscious men around over various distances. All of them are heavier than her, by quite a bit in some cases. In at least one instance, probably two, lifting appears to be involve. Unless she has the help of a movie crew (wink), it seems highly improbable, if not impossible she’d be able to do these things. I know, it’s a movie so roll with it, right?

After we’ve been disturbed to our core, the question remains. Is it any good? That depends on your tolerance for the sheer sadism of the acts depicted. Like the original, it fancies itself a “girl-power” movie. However, I can’t imagine either appealing to the majority of women. Is it better than its predecessor? I’d say they’re roughly the same, giving a slight edge to the original. Taken for what they try to be, I enjoy both. For exactly the same reason you may hate them.

MY SCORE: 7/10

Saw: The Final Chapter

Directed by Kevin Greutert.

2010. Rated R, 90 minutes.
Cast:
Tobin Bell
Costas Mandylor
Betsy Russell
Cary Elwes
Sean Patrick Flanery
Gina Holden
Laurence Anthony
Chad Donella

Jigsaw (Bell) is back! Well, sorta. He’s actually been dead for several movies now. To be sure, this is America’s favorite torture-porn franchise and it’s back for a seventh installment. We still get to see our twisted game master through flashbacks and hear his voice on all those ominous tapes that explain those games. I swear, this guy has left behind more recordings than Tupac. As has been the case for the  last couple movies, Jigsaw’s work is carried on by Det. Hoffman (Mandylor) who finds himself in a war with Jigsaw’s widow Jill Tuck (Russell). You may remember she ended Saw VI by  trying to kill him. She enlists the help of Det. Gibson (Donella) who apparently knows and has a beef with Hoffman. Finally, there’s Bobby (Flanery of Boondock Saints fame). He’s a Jigsaw survivor who’s written a best-seller about his ordeal.

As you can see there are a lot of pieces to this jigsaw puzzle. Unfortunately, when they’re put together they still don’t make any sense. The biggest problem is we have two different movies going on at the same time. On one hand, we have the Hoffman/Jill fued. This tries to advance the plot from the better than expected part VI, but it hardly feels like a Saw flick. On  the other hand, the story of Bobby, along with brief but gruesome asides involving a love triangle and a group of racists, seems to fit the franchise motif. Sadly, neither storyline seems to have anything to do with the other. Helping to fog things up even more, the movie itself appears to have no idea who’s doing what. Rhyme and reason are this chapter’s real casualties. They are left for dead as we rush along to see how the next person will die.

Many a horror flick has been guilty of that same exact sin. For various reasons, I’ve enjoyed lots of them. One of those reasons is the morbid sense of humor on display. The Final Chapter has no sense of humor whatsoever. Like the rest of the franchise, it takes itself dreadfully serious. Our dueling plots joylessly lurch forward dragging our butchered carcass through the murderous traps until we rach perhaps the most eye-rollingly bad climax of the series.

There are plenty of disgusting moments for gore-hounds. The human body is cut, impaled, squashed and ripped apart. More accurately, a number of painfully obvious dummies and rubber body parts are mutilated. This is a sad step down from the rest of the series which got the gore part right in even the worst of the series. Still, these scenes are what people come for and are easily the highlight of the film. The rest of it lacks both cohesion and a funny bone, making us feel like the ones in an inescapable trap. The makers have claimed this will be the last of the Saw movies. If this is the best they could muster for then I hope it truly is “game over.”

MY SCORE: 2/10

My Soul to Take

Directed by Wes Craven.

2010. Rated R, 107 minutes.
Cast:
Max Thierot
John Magero
Denzel Whitaker
Zena Grey
Nick Lashaway
Paulina Olszynski
Emily Meade
Jeremy Chu

Sixteen years ago the local serial killer turned his attention on his own family. He’s rather lazily dubbed “The Ripper” and had been terrorizing the town by cutting up people with a rather large knife that has the word “VENGEANCE” scrawled across the blade. Don’t worry, that’s never actually explained. He seems to suffer from multiple personalities which we’re informed are really multiple souls. One of these kills his wife, while another calls his shrink. A battle with the police ensues which includes The Ripper being shot, presumed dead, waking up a few times to stab some more, get shot again, being rushed to the hospital, causing the ambulance to crash and disappearing.

Fast forward to the present and all the local kids born on that fateful night gather at the lake near the ambulance crash site every year on their birthday to ceremoniously drive The Ripper back into the water for another year. To do this , one of them has to push over a giant puppet representing the killer. This year it’s Bug’s turn. He’s so scared he botches the job. Yup, you guessed it. The kids start getting knocked off…one…by…one.

As slasher flicks go, this premise is okay even though its not terribly original. It reminds me of The Shocker. Not so coincidentally both movies were penned and directed by horror legend Wes Craven. While The Shocker is a gleeful dark comedy and revels in its own ridiculousness, My Soul to Take is an unfocused poser. It desperately wants to be something, it just can’t decide what. It’s attempts at cleverness are anything but. As a result, we get a lot of eye-rollingly bad jokes. It’s efforts at scaring us fail miserably. This is due in part to us trying to figure out if we’re watching comedy or horror and part because there is almost zero tension created. The best of Craven makes us both laugh and cower in fear because humor and horror blend seamlessly to form a potent mixture. Here, the two keep bouncing off one another after awkwardly smashing together. A couple plot twists here and there keep us very mildly interested but aren’t enough to save the film from itself.

What may have helped is better money shots. In slasher fare, money shots are the kill scenes. Even if a movie is awful as a whole, fans of this particular genre will still enjoy it if the grisly murders staged for our morbid pleasure are creative and memorable. In MStT they are neither. They are an incredibly boring succession of stabbings. While they would be undeniably heinous in real life, they’re unbelievably tame for its target audience. We never get what we came for. Imagine watching an action flick in which every fight consistent of just one punch and every shootout a single shot. We get the equivalent of those things.

Wes Craven deserves his lofty spot as a master of horror. He’s earned it through decades of scaring the crap out of us. Occasionally, he’s scared us while simultaneously making fun of how he does it. However, in a career longer than my life has been he’s made some missteps. This is one of them.

You Again

Directed by Alan Fickman.
2010. Rated PG, 105 minutes.
Cast:
Kristen Bell
Odette Yustman
Jamie Lee Curtis
Sigourney Weaver
Betty White
James Wolk
Kyle Bornheimer
Billy Unger
Kristin Chenoweth
Victor Garber

Hey, have you seen that romantic comedy that ends in a wedding? Of course you have. Yes, this is yet another one. If you still want to see You Again, read on. If you don’t, read on anyway just to be sure. I mean, it’s got Betty White in the cast. That’s gotta count for something, right?

Okay, so we know how it ends. Like most rom-coms it’s not the ending, but how we get there that determines whether its good or not. The easiest route usually starts with boy meets girl. Kudos to this film for not including that little cliché. In fact, YAis not really about the couple that gets married. It’s actually about the contentious relationship between the soon-to-be bride Joanna (Yustman) and her beau’s sister Marni (Bell). Well, it’s mostly about Marni. She was once the classic Hollywood high school nerd. She wore big glasses, had bad hair and got great grades. As an adult, she’s transformed into a beautiful swan with a very successful career. In high school Joanna, then known as J.J. was her nemesis. J.J. was the head cheerleader which by movie logic means she was without question the most beautiful, popular and meanest person in school. Her most famous moment appears to be having Marni carried out of the building and locked out while the entire student body sings Queen’s “We Are the Champions” in perfect harmony.

Now, years later Joanna is marrying Marni’s brother Will (Wolk). He has no idea about her mean girl past despite going to the same school during her reign of terror. She wants to keep it that way. Marni wants Joanna to tell the truth about everything and make an apology. Over the weekend leading up to the bid day, the zany antics of thes two wild and crazy gals ensue. Oh, almost forgot something. Marni’s mom Gail (Curtis) and Joanna’s aunt Ramona (Weaver) have a similar relationship that’s still volatile despite the two having not seen each other in decades.

Yes, what all of these ladies do can accurately be described as zany. Is it funny? Meh. There are a few moments that are good for a laugh. All of our ladies, including Marni’s grandmother (White), play off each other well enough to generate the occasional chuckle. Then there’s the slapstick and pratfalls aspect so some of you won’t be able to stop giggling. That said, a lot of it is unfunny stuff recycled from other unfunny movies. Even worse, the way the handle the whole bully vs geek thing makes it feel like something that should be airing as a half-hour sitcom on ABC Family. I can totally see Marni as the main character in a series developed over time. In a feature, there isn’t enough of her for us to really latch onto. That’s magnified by her willfully sinking to unbecoming depths to do something she could’ve accomplished by confronting Joanna on the first day after finding out about the wedding. We sympathize with what happened to her in high school, but we don’t like her.

All of the bickering, strutting, scowling, rapping and competitive dancing takes us through the prerequisite ups and downs we’ve come to expect from such movies. It has a formula and sticks to it pretty faithfully. So now you know, and knowing is half…um…nevermind. If you like rom-coms see it. If you don’t, don’t.

MY SCORE: 4/10

The Tourist

Directed by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck.
2010. Rated PG-13, 103 minutes.
Cast:
Angelina Jolie
Johnny Depp
Paul Bettany
Steven Berkoff
Timothy Dalton
Rufus Sewell
Christian De Sica
Alessio Boni

The police are hot on the trail of Elise (Jolie). Everywhere she goes there are a couple of agents practically within spitting distance. Cameras are constantly trained on her and her every move is reported back to Inspector Acheson (Bettany) in real time. However, they’re not really interested in her. They are after her super reclusive boyfriend Alexander Pierce. They don’t know what he looks like. Still, they’ve managed to surmise that she is leaving Paris to meet him on their way to Venice. To throw the hounds off her scent, Elise throws herself at tourist Frank Tupelo (Depp) on the train, making the cops think he is the man they’re looking for. Why the law is after Pierce isn’t immediately clear. Why someone else is after him is made plain right away. He’s managed to steal over $2 billion from a ruthless gangster who also isn’t sure what he looks like.

Watching Jolie get followed around is mildly interesting. Trying to figure out who’s the mystery man is a tiny bit moreso. Occasionally, we get a chase scene as Frank either flees for his life or gets rescued by Elise. Mostly, these are not spectacular action sequences. They’re just adequate and advance the plot just a bit. It’s all rather bland.

Our two leads were brought in to be anything but bland. Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp are both stars. This is without question. Each has considerable presence, demanding we watch them. That is their job and both do it well. Sadly, the rest of the movie fails them. Who the actors are is remarkable. What they are doing is not. As a result, the romantic sparks that may have ignited this affair are missing. The humor that may have carried the day is hit or miss, at best. This means this movie has many of the same problems as a pair of movies of recent vintage: Knight and Day and Killers. Unfortunately, this has less action than either of those to distract us with. This wants to be smarter than those. It is. It’s just not smart enough to mask its flaws and raise itself from mediocrity.

MY SCORE: 5/10

Biutiful

Directed by Alejandro González Iñárritu.

2010. Rated R, 148 minutes, Spanish.
Cast:
Javier Bardem
Maricel Álvarez
Hanaa Bouchaib
Guillermo Estrella
Edward Fernández
Luo Jin
George Chibuikwem Chukwuma
Lang Sofia Lin
Diaryatou Daff

Early on, we learn that Uxbal (Bardem) is a criminal. With one hand, he helps find employment for a group of Chinese immigrants. Currently, this means they manufacture bootleg merchandise. He then provides that merchandise to a group of African immigrants who sell it on the streets. Both groups are living in Spain illegally. This is not the part of the man we focus on. We focus on the fact that he’s a single dad to two children, a girl and a boy. His business exploits apparently aren’t making him rich. The family stays in an apartment that appears to be coming apart at the seams. They’re all they’ve got.

Uxbal is actually still married to Marambra (Álvarez), the mother of his children. However, they are separated due to some serious issues of hers. Most seriously, she’s bipolar and refuses to take her medication. Then there is her job. She’s a masseuse that does housecalls. Even though its not made explicity clear, it seems safe to assume sex is part of the package she delivers. At least Uxbal seems to think so. When she decides to visit, he rushes her out the door as quickly as possible. It’s like he’s trying to minimize the damage she does to the children.

There are two other strands to the story. Uxbal is very sick. He can also talk to the dead. The former worries him. He’s not really worried about himself. He’s afraid for his children. He grew up without his parents and doesn’t want them to go through the same thing. The latter is something he does on the side. Some believe he’s authentic, some do not.

We follow Uxbal on his daily travels through all the areas of his life. We get to know him pretty thoroughly. Director Iñárritu weaves in and out of each effortlessly. As Uxbal’s world is coming apart we are drawn in. Javier Bardem’s wonderful performance helps in this regard. His is not a mencing portrayal like his role in No Country for Old Men. This is more nuanced and shows a wide range of emotions without being showy or over the top. He strikes each note precisely as he should.

The pace of the movie feels a bit disjointed. There are a few places where it drags and we start to feel the near two and a half hour runtime. There is also one particular aspect that feels like it should’ve been left out. Remember how I mentioned that our hero can talk to the dead? It feels shoe-horned in and completely changes the tone whenever its brought up. At times, an element of horror is introduced that’s totally out of wack with the rest of the film. It’s supposed to justify the opening and closing scenes. However, those scenes would be fine on their own and need no justification. Overall, it’s a good watch with excellent work from its star. Its problems keep it from its full potential, but Bardem deserves to be seen.

The King's Speech

Directed by Tom Hooper.
2010. Rated R, 118 minutes.
Cast:
Colin Firth
Geoffrey Rush
Helena Bonham Carter
Michael Gambon
Guy Pearce
Claire Bloom
Derek Jacobi
Eve Best
Timothy Spall

The Duke of York has a problem. Bertie (Firth), as he’s called by his family, has stammered all his life. On those occasions when he has to speak publicly he struggles mightily with disasterous results. Over the years, he’s tried numerous speech therapists to no avail. He’s given up hope. His only consolation is that as the younger son of King George V, it’s unlikely he’ll ever rise to the throne. He won’t be called upon to address the nation.

At the urging of his wife (Carter), Bertie tries one more therapist. Lonnie (Rush) was recommended to her by a friend and is known for his unconventional methods. After all the failures in this area of his life, Bertie is understandably reluctant and skeptical of the possibility he could be cured. Lonnie agrees to take the job, but only on his terms. The two men start an uneasy work relationship that over changing times and circumstances develops into a real friendship. Through some unforseen circumstances, Bertie does indeed become king, King George VI whom this movie is based on.

The King’s Speech takes two genres and mashes them together to create a triumphant inspirational film. The plot outline follows the template of a sports movie with our Duke in the underdog role and the therapist, his charismatic coach. This simply replaces the athletics with speech. What plays out amidst the machinations of the plot is pure bromance. The interesting dynamic is how Bertie keeps trying to distance himself from their relationship, yet keeps getting drawn back. It seems Lonnie is the only person he can confide in.

A movie where the title implies the climax will be made up of dialogue and not action has to be well written. This one is. It not only humanizes a member of British royalty, it makes him a sympathetic figure even though he’d much rather have us leave him alone than pity him. Remarkably, nothing feels as if its done for effect, at least for our purposes. For Lonnie’s purpose, most things are ploys designed to help or learn how to better assist his troubled pupil. This is why we root for Lonnie as much, if not more than Bertie. Bertie’s successes and failures are equally Lonnie’s. They will validate or invalidate him.

In these roles, both Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush are superb. Firth’s performance runs the gamut of emotions. Yet, even at his most regal we sense his fragility. The show he puts on in public is easily seen through by those who know him. Firth lets us know him. He does this whil keeping his stammer from being ridiculous and causing inappropriate laughter. As Lonnie, Rush is a sturdy beam for Bertie to lean on. He’s full of genuine compassion, but also curiosity. He often approaches his student as a riddle to be solved. In a strange, but totally effective way, Lonnie carries himself more like a monarch than Bertie. We sense this quality has something to do with why Bertie is drawn to him.

When we get to the end, we’ve become vested in these men, their friendship and their quest. We’ve watched them struggle with one another over a period lasting many years and gone plenty of growing pains. Eventually Bertie, by now King George VI, finds out that as World War II threatens his nation, he has to make a speech to galvanize it. This is the big game. We want them to win.

MY SCORE: 8.5/10

True Grit (2010)

Exit Through the Gift Shop

Directed by Banksy.
2010. Rated R, 87 minutes.
Cast:
Thierry Guetta
Banksy
Space Invader
Shepard Fairey
Rhys Ifans
Deborah Guetta

For all of his adult life Thierry (pronounced Terry) has carried around a video camera and filmed everything he came across. To say he was obsessed with the activity is an understatement on the level of saying the sun is kind of warm. By chance, he meets and latches on to a street artist named Space Invader. Invader’s specialty is putting up characters from the iconic video game on any surface he could get to and get away with around Los Angeles. Thierry tags along on Invaders excursions with the camera always rolling. Through Invader, Thierry starts meeting all sorts of street artists, some would call them vandals. He becomes entrenched in their community, allowed to film them constantly. Eventually, his new obsession of recording as much street art as possible takes him around the world. It also puts him on a collision course with Banksy, the most notorious and mysterious street artist in the world. With this and the mound of footage he’s amassed Thierry decides he’s going to make a documentary. Exit Through the Gift Shop is not that movie. In essence, this is a documentary about a documentary no one has ever seen. It’s also about what happens to Thierry after it becomes apparent he’s no documentarian. I realize that sounds ominous, but it’s not like that at all. Thierry’s life is a fun and amazing journey. The question is: is what happens to Thierry good for his beloved street art and what does his experience say about it?

Exit is intriguing, funny and cautiously triumphant. It’s also visually captivating watching thes guys take a guerilla style approach to getting their work seen. Fans of graffiti, of which street art is a direct descendant, will thoroughly enjoy this aspect. Once Banksy is introduced, what we see is not only candy for our eyes, it offers food for thought. The artist himself is a shadowy and compelling figure. However, Thierry is the unquestioned star. He has fun talking. We have fun listening.

If there is a major flaw in Exit, its that it brings up the tough questions then sidesteps them. We never really get a serious discussion on whether or not street art is actually art. We don’t find out about the current state of the relationship between Thierry and the street art community. Is he an artist? What about the effect all of this has had on his wife and children whom he spent many nights away from on what appears to be a fruitless endeavor. All of these things are touched on, but not delved into. This is much more about Thierry’s account, as well as of those who were there, of how he arrives at the place we meet him. If you’re looking for a seious meditation on street art or a chronicling of its history, don’t look here. If you want a fun time, an interesting story and to see some cool stuff then Exit Through the Gift Shop.

Hereafter

Blue Valentine

Battle: Los Angeles

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman.
2010. Rated PG-13, 116 minutes.
Cast:
Aaron Eckhart
Ramon Rodriguez
Cory Hadrict
Michelle Rodriguez
Ne-Yo
Bridget Moynahan
Michael Peña
Adetokumboh M’Cormack
Noel Fisher

Let’s not kid ourselves. If you’re interested in Battle: Los Angeles you’ve already seen it a dozen times or more. Random aliens land on Earth and promptly start exterminating humans. There is no “I come in peace,” or “take me to your leader.” They just land their ships and hop out shooting. We follow a small group of heroes who’ve been suddenly thrust into war with an intergalactic enemy. In this case, it’s a platoon of Marines led by Staff Sgt. Nantz (Eckhart), sorta. Lt. Martinez is supposed to be in charge and talks like it. However, he’s fresh out of school and apparently just recently stopped wetting the bed. The crew is made up the normal Hollywood band of merry men. There’s a few white guys, a few black guys, a couple guys of other nationalities. Of course, they each have their issues. One guy is stressed over helping his fiancée plan their wedding, another guy has anger management problems, and so on. Which guy is which is largely irrelevant. The only thing that matters, aside from some very grumpy extra-terrestrials, is that a bunch of Marines under Nantz’ command were killed the last time he was in a combat situation. Oh, one other thing: along the way they pick up a few random Marines, including a dad with two small children. That’s more than you need to know.

If you’re looking for non-stop action, this is the place to be. If plot is important to you, this is not. For what it is, it’s well done. Danger lurks around every corner, down every dark corridor and surrounding the outside of whatever our heroes are trapped in. They strategize, build each other up, tear each other down, strategize some more and still don’t always make the most logical decisions. It’s a fun time. Still, it is what it is: rehashed, predictable and far too lazy to bother with any reasonable explanation for what the aliens hope to accomplish. Well, there is a reason. Assuming they had to come from millions of miles away, it makes no sense. It’s basically equivalent to getting in your car and driving six hours to get gas. Watch it for the action. It’s an effective popcorn flick. If you think about what you’re seeing though, you’re asking for trouble.

MY SCORE: 6/10