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Thursday Movie Picks: The New Kid at School

Hidden Figures

Bachelorette

Directed by Leslye Headland.

2012. Rated R, 98 minutes.

Cast:

Kirsten Dunst

Lizzy Caplan

Isla Fisher

James Marsden

Rebel Wilson

Paul Corning

Adam Scott

Andrew Rannells

Sue Jean Kim

Kyle Bornheimer

Hayes MacArthur

Becky (Wilson) is getting married tomorrow to the man of her dreams. Naturally, her three bestest high school buddies - Regan (Dunst), Gena (Caplan) and Katie (Fisher) – are in her wedding. Regan is the tightly wound maid-of-honor while the other two are notorious party animals. The bride turns in early to rest up for the big day and disappears from the movie until near the end. If you've been paying attention you've noticed I haven’t even named the man who wins her hand. As in most weddings, mine included, the groom is little more than a prop, so there. Anyhoo, with the other girls left to their own devices they manage to destroy the wedding dress. In the midst of confronting old loves, meeting potential new loves, and overdosing, a mad dash to fix the gown ensues.

Like many movies, Bachelorette isn't winning any awards for originality, either of premise nor execution. Every note is struck precisely on time with nary a surprise to be found anywhere. Yes, this bridesmaid will hook up with that guy. Yes, this will happen and that will too, right when you expect it. Unfortunately, its predictability is pretty much the bright spot. That’s not entirely true. The performance of Lizzy Caplan as Gena is pretty good, better than the material she’s working with. Kirsten Dunst has the flashiest role and gets to rage against the world. She’s no Meryl Streep, but it works.

On the other hand, the movie utterly wastes Rebel Wilson. When you have, arguably, the funniest woman in Hollywood in your cast, you don’t make her play the straight role. You certainly don’t compound the error by sending her to her room while the others go out and play. Even with material as lame and telegraphed as this, her sheer energy would be good for a few more laughs than we actually got. For proof, one needs to look no further than the awful What to Expect When You’re Expecting. She also has a bit part in that catastrophe, but lights up the screen during the brief instances in which she appears. And, since you’re probably thinking it, she absolutely is far and away the best thing about Pitch Perfect. Here, she’s an All-Star riding the bench while the scrubs run up and down the court. Her absence from most of the proceedings reveals a simple truth about Bachelorette. That truth is that the only reason her character is the titular one is because there is already a movie called Bridesmaids.

Ms. Wilson’s role is also at the heart of an even bigger issue with this picture: it’s lack of heart. It thinks it’s funny by using a lot of dirty words and some explicit sex talk. In, and of itself, this is not the issue as there is the occasional laugh to be had from this. The problem is that this is the vehicle through which Bachelorette is incessantly and aggressively mean spirited. The fact that the bride is the butt of many of the jokes is bad, but not totally cringe-worthy by itself. What takes it over the edge is that the movie tries to pass these people off as her friends. They are anything but. We very clearly get the message they let her hang around all these years because she’s not as physically attractive as they are (as per societal norms), is willing to take the fall for their crap, and tolerates it when they call her names. She’s simply someone to blame and make fun of. Therefore, it looks like they only try to get her dress fixed is because they are inexplicably wrong and wish to maintain their access to a good-natured scapegoat, not out of some deep sense of friendship.

Believe it, or not, so much suckiness is thankfully crammed into an hour and a half. However, since I started checking my watch about fifteen minutes in, it feels much much longer. I didn't think the hands of time could move so slowly. It obviously wants to be the aforementioned Bridesmaids, but can’t carry the movie’s sports bra. Truthfully, I think Bridesmaids is overrated, but at least it makes me laugh. I can’t say the same for Bachelorette.

MY SCORE: 2/10

Melancholia

Directed by Lars von Trier.

2011. Rated R, 135 minutes.
Cast:
Kirsten Dunst
Charlotte Gainsbourg
Keifer Sutherland
Stellan Skarsgard
Alexander Skarsgard
Brady Corbet
John Hurt
Charlotte Rampling

Justine (Dunst) and Claire (Gainsbourg) are a pair of emotionally unstable sisters with a half of the movie Melancholia devoted to each of them. I mean this literally. It’s divided pretty much down the middle. Part 1 is called “Justine”, part 2 “Claire”. For what it’s worth, Justine is the more damaged of the two. Her problems play out across both chapters. She suffers from severe depression. At times it cripples her to the point she can’t even will herself out of bed for days on end. Though married with her own family, Claire spends lots of time tending to Justine. Perhaps she also suffers from depression. She’s prone to break down and cry when things get to be overwhelming. This seems to be at least once a day. She’s also freaked out by our pending doom. More on that, later.

As part 1 opens, Justine has just gotten married. We go on to witness one of the most bizarre wedding receptions in the history of mankind. It’s held at the luxurious estate, golf course included, by Claire and her husband John (Sutherland). The location is the only thing luxurious about this reception, though. Justine’s mom announces to everyone that she doesn’t believe in marriage and, I’m paraphrasing here, “all you people suck.” Her boss sends his newly hired nephew to follow her around to bug her about the ad campaign they’re working on. Justine herself disappears for long stretches to have weepy conversations with Claire, who’s often sent to fetch her, or one of their parents whom she seeks out. All the while she alternately teases and gives the cold shoulder to her new hubby. None of it makes a whole lot of sense except to show that Justine is indeed depressed. And trust me, I’m leaving out some of the more colorful moments.

For part 2, we switch from disheartening drama to bleak science-fiction. Sorta. This is where that pending doom thing comes in. We see the extent to which Claire goes for her sister. It’s a tiresome job that strains her marriage. Justine eventually snaps out of her funk, somewhat. Once she’s up and about she exudes the kind of attitude that makes us want to smack her. Regardless, we shift our focus to Claire who is understandably freaked out by the heavy-handedly named Melancholia, a planet suddenly very visible in our sky. It’s visible because it is racing towards us. The question is will it actually hit us and end it all. John thinks it will not. Everything on Google says it will. So essentially, this becomes a movie about whether or not you can trust what you read online. OK, maybe not, but the subtext is there. Unlike more standard sci-fi, we don’t see armies of scientists trying desperately to come up with a solution. Bruce Willis and a rag-tag bunch of drillers turned astronauts aren’t sent up to deploy a nuke. Instead, we get Claire hoping against hope that things will turn out for the best.

On its own, each part is an interesting character study. More accurately, one and a half of the two parts is an interesting character study of Justine. Up to that point, everything we see of Claire is merely a reaction to her sister. The portion dedicated to Claire is not as complex and therefore less compelling. Of course, it’s saddled with the urgency of another planet possibly slamming into Earth. The problem is, especially with the dearth of characters in part 2, it’s less an apocalyptic event than an overwrought metaphor that overwhelms the story of the two sisters rather than aid in its telling. The fate of the world is clearly less important than the sanity of these two women. The planet merely succeeds in making a film that’s already a downer even more of one. That said, Melancholia is a mixed bag for me. It’s artistic and well-made but pessimistic without even a hint of humor. It’s interesting and different, yet relentlessly dreary. In other words, just forget about feeling good for a while after watching it.

MY SCORE: 7/10