Friday, April 10, 2015

Terrible Movie Summaries #5

It's that time again, y'all. What time? Time for Terrible Movie Summaries. This is where I give it my "best" shot at summarizing some your favorite, and not so favorite, movies in one sentence. As usual, good taste is not promised from this point forward.

Back to the Future: Boy competes with father for his mother's affections.

Batman and Robin: A billionaire and his young companion dress up in rubber suits with large codpieces and protruding nipples, harass the mentally unstable.

Big Hero 6: Socially awkward boy plays with his toy in public.

Commando: Overly macho father engages in homoerotic flirtations with his daughter's kidnappers before thrusting into them.

The Hunger Games: Teenagers form cliques, settle differences with violence.

John Wick: Man uses violence to cope with loss of wife and dog.

The Lion King: Vagrant returns to his place of birth, murders uncle.

Lucy: Woman on drugs seeks to murder her dealer.

Moon: Man with split personality tries to escape himself.

Obvious Child: An unwanted pregnancy ruins a comic's routine.

Snowpiercer: Anti-government extremist hijacks a train.

Son of God: Religious fanatics congregate illegally, leader killed.

White Bird in a Blizzard: Promiscuous teen occasionally takes time out from her busy sex life to wonder where her mother went.

White House Down: Terrorists scuff the President's Air Jordans.

X-Men: Days of Future Past: Militant ethnic group attacks government installations.

Click here for more Terrible Movie Summaries!


  1. The one about Commando cracked me up.

  2. LOL I love Batman and Robin and White Bird in a Blizzard.

    1. Thanks. Menaces, that Batman and Robin are.

  3. Love the White Bird in a Blizzard summary. That summary is exactly why that movie just did not work for me at all. It was supposed to be about her search for her missing mother, and rarely in the movie did it seem like she really even cared.

    1. I did find it odd how flippant she was about the whole thing. Thanks for reading!

  4. I love your Batman and Robin and Lion King summaries. :-)

  5. Hahaha!! Great post man, hehe this made me chuckle more than once. Good stuff!

  6. Ahah, that Commando & John Wick one are hilarious!

    1. Thanks! Love Commando, but all the banter back and forth before the guys fight is really just foreplay.