Ranking the Batman Movies: #15

15. Batman Forever

(1995)

Directed by Joel Schumacher

Batman…Val Kilmer

Robin…Chris O’Donnell

Alfred…Michael Gough

James Gordon…Pat Hingle

The Riddler…Jim Carrey

Two-Face…Tommy Lee Jones

Dr. Chase Meridian…Nicole Kidman

Well, whaddya know? We populate the bottom of the list with both Joel Schumacher movies. Anyone even vaguely familiar with the franchise probably knew this would be the case. This was the first of the JS flicks. He was hired to lighten up the series after the macabre adventure that was Tim Burton’s Batman Returns. The results are fairly bad. The tone is uneven: dark and brooding at some points, over the top campy at others. It makes little to no sense whatsoever. As The Riddler, Jim Carrey delivers a completely unhinged performance. It’s like watching Frank Gorshin on speed. That part isn’t so bad because we kind of expect that from him. What’s bizarre is watching Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face behave the same way. It didn’t seem to fit either him or the character. Robin is introduced, for I don’t know what reason. The pleasant surprise is that Val Kilmer wasn’t too bad as Batman.

Ranking the Batman Movies: #16

16. Batman & Robin

Directed by Joel Schumacher

Batman…George Clooney

Robin…Chris O’Donnell

Alfred…Michael Gough

James Gordon…Pat Hingle

Batgirl…Alicia Silverstone

Mr. Freeze…Arnold Schwarzenegger

Poison Ivy…Uma Thurman

If ever there were an easy pick for the worst of anything, this is it. It’s so beyond terrible you have to see it to believe it. The script is one painfully unfunny pun after another. Way too many of these were coldness related and grunted by Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. We’re talking riveting dialogue like “Let’s kick some ice!” Or, ahem, in Arnie’s voice: “Les keek sohm iiiiicccee!!!” Somehow, his is both the best and worst performance in the movie. And this is a cast that includes George Clooney. I’m a fan of the guy, but Batman? Doesn’t even sound right, does it? Robin is grown but has the dialogue of a 12 year old. Batgirl is introduced solely for the purpose of having a fist fight with Poison Ivy who is played poorly by Uma Thurman. Gotham City is depicted as a garish collection of oversized statues and neon lights. The movies tries desperately to recapture the magic of the old Adam West show and build on the mediocrity of Schumacher’s prior Bat-flick (more on that later), but fails miserably at both. Instead of being a campy fun ride, it will forever be remembered for giving us nipples on the Batsuit. Let’s not forget about those ginormous codpieces, either. Maybe Batman and his faithful ward really are…nevermind.