Toy Story 4

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

Point Break vs. Point Break

The Quick and Dirties: Time For Some Action

47 Ronin

Directed by Carl Rinsch.

2013. Rated PG-13, 118 minutes.

Cast:

Keanu Reeves

Hiroyuki Sanada

Tadanabu Asano

Rinko Kikuchi

Ko Shibasaki

Min Tanaka

Jin Akanishi

Masayoshi Haneda

Gedde Watanabe

We find out right away that Ronin are samurais who have disgraced their masters. Then, we don't meet any of them for a really, really long time. And the ones we do meet, we don't care about.

Oh, wait. I'm getting way ahead of myself.

Let's start with Kai (Reeves). A long time ago in a galaxy not far enough away, he's a young man who is the foster son of the good Lord Asano (Tanaka). However, since he's of interracial descent, Japanese and white, he isn't the most popular guy in town. You know things are bad when you non-chalantly answer to "half-breed." For this reason, and because he's played by Keanu Reeves, Kai seems eternally depressed and wears a blank expression on his face. That's before we even get to the real bad things that happen to him. That stuff starts when Lord Kira (Asano) and his personal sorceress, the very creatively named Witch (Kikuchi) show up. She tricks Lord Asano into committing a heinous crime for which he is sentenced to death. His right hand man Oishi (Sanada) is branded a Ronin and thrown into a hole in the ground. Asano's daughter Mika (Shibasaki) is told she will marry Kira in one year's time. Kai, our hero, is promptly sold into slavery. When that year passes, Oishi is let out of his hole, tracks down Kai plus 46 fellow Ronin, and go after Kira. This is all very loosely based on a true story. Really loosely. Matter of fact, if you have any knowledge of it, just scrap it for the purpose of watching this movie. Hell, I'm even going to pick apart my own summary of the film for you. Out of everything I just wrote, here's what you need to know: it's all over a girl. That's it.

Simple, right?

Wrong.

It should have been.

Instead, the movie plays out in an excruciatingly convoluted and increasingly boring fashion. It mixes Samurai lore with the purely mystical to less than thrilling effect. It's bread and butter should be sword heavy martial arts. When it gives us this, the movie is at least a little fun. Unfortunately, it spends far more time with our hero and his "friends" tip-toeing around in the woods talking to magical beings and spouting pseudo-philosophical declarations at one another. It wants to be Takashi Miike's 13 Assassins, but with a supernatural element. it's actually an even messier and far less exciting version of 2011's Conan the Barbarian, itself an incoherent slab of movie. This is definitely prettier, having some top notch production values. However, I'll say what I've said before. Pretty pictures do not a movie make. In this case, it's lipstick on a pig. That might make it a great looking pig, but I still don't want to kiss it.

You know what? I haven't even dug into Keanu Reeves' performance, yet. Or, should I say his lack of one? Truthfully, it's no more or less than what I expect. He gave us a non-descript villain in the better, but not great Man of Tai Chi. Here? You watch it and let me know if you detect a pulse. I'd say his rebranding of himself as a martial arts star isn't going too well. A quick glance at the numbers seem to refute my assessment, though. 47 Ronin stumbled its way to a $150 million take at the box office. However, you have to factor in what it cost to make such a beautiful mess. It had a budget of $175 million. Yeah, I'm right. Always.

Man of Tai Chi

Directed by Keanu Reeves.

2013. Rated R, 105 minutes.

Cast:

Tiger Hu Chen

Keanu Reeves

Karen Mok

Yu Hai

Simon Yam

Sam Lee

Ye Qing

Michael Tong

Iko Uwais

If you're familiar with Tai Chi then you know it's the one style of martial arts you never hear about anyone actually using in a fight. It's much more of a spiritual, meditative endeavor. You may have seen elderly people practicing it in the park using slow, sweeping, and graceful motions that scream peace. Tiger Chen (Chen) wants to show the world that Tai Chi can indeed be used in combat. To accomplish this he enters a televised martial arts competition. After winning his first bout, he catches the eye of Donaka Mark (Reeves). By this time, we know what Tiger has yet to learn. Donaka runs a very lucrative and ruthless underground fight club. How ruthless? He kills fighters who show mercy and the poor sap they've shown it to. Lots of kung fu fightin' ensues while the cops try to shut down the operation. This is said to be inspired by Chen's actual life. Um...okay.

The draw here is obviously the martial arts acton. First time director Keanu Reeves wisely reunites with legendary fight choreographer Woo-ping Yuen. The two worked together on The Matrix trilogy. Here, the characters are more tightly bound to the laws of physics so Yuen doesn't have quite as much freedom as when he was choreographing showdowns between Neo and Agent Smith. Still, he delivers the goods. The added layer of realism makes this set of fights a bit more visceral. We feel a little closer to the action. That's not say these guys don't perform a few impossible acts because they do with the aid of a few instances of wire work. It's just not enough to really subtract from our enjoyment.

As the guy we're most often watching, Tiger Chen proves himself to be a capable on-screen martial artist. Many of the guys he fights are faceless opponents, but represent various styles and help keep things interesting. As an actor, he isn't too bad. He does a decent job conveying the changes his character is going through. However, it's Yu Hai as Chen's teacher, Master Yang, who is the real standout. He gives us a classic wise old kung fu sage through a nice mix of nuanced performing and fortune cookie dialogue. Truthfully, lots of the dialogue in this movie qualifies as fortune cookie worthy. Hai makes it work better than anyone else.

The rest of the cast is pretty bad. Sadly, but not surprisingly, this includes Keanu Reeves as our villain. As a bad guy, he's more laughable than menacing. This is largely due to his unchanging facial expression and the fact that every word he utters feels forced and completely lacking the charisma need for an effective antagonist. Yes, I count The Matrix among my very favorite movies of all time. However, it still baffles me that he is the star. Even more perplexing is the fact that he was once a highly sought after and highly bankable actor. Seriously, we're talking about a guy whose best work was in the Bill & Ted movies.

In the director's chair, Reeves fares much better. Don't get me wrong, he's no Ben Affleck, another guy who became a star despite questionable acting ability and has stepped behind the camera. Man of Tai Chi is no Gone Baby Gone, The Town, or Argo, and thus, won't be competing for any Oscars. That said, it's a solidly crafted martial arts movie with a leading man we like. He also has a personal conflict that's easy to get behind. Therefore, even though it isn't great, those two things combine with the action to not only make it highly watchable, but re-watchable and likely a favorite of boys of all ages who are into kung fu flicks.

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

2 Days That the Earth Stood Still

The Day the Earth Stood Still
1951. Not Rated, 91 minutes.
Director: Robert Wise. Starring Michael Rennie, Patricia Neal, Sam Jaffe, Billy Gray.
An alien spacecraft lands smack dab in the middle of Washington D.C. during a busy day. The being that emerges from the ship is shot within moments of setting foot on Earth. He survives and demands to meet with all of the planet's leaders. With WWII having ended only 6 years earlier, along comes this grim allegory of a movie that's gone on to be hailed as a sci-fi classic. The being inside, Klaatu (Rennie) represents us, therefore it's very important that he looks like us. He's no green-skinned monster who instantly opens fire on us. He is us, giving a warning to ourselves. As far as movie-making prowess goes, it's a success but not an overwhelming one. The narrative drags just a bit since the tension is eased while our messenger takes a tour around D.C. Still, even that serves a purpose in the movie, so no big deal. The special fx are actually pretty stong for the era and appropriately they're used sparingly. The dialogue lacks any subtlety whatsoever which gives the movie the feeling of someone beating you over the head with their message. What's remarkable is that message is not as dated as the movie's age suggests. By changing the word atomic to nuclear and making it a little snazzier looking it could still resonate with today's audience. Hmmm....

I normally don't do this for old movies but just as a point of comparison...

What the Internet Says: 8.1/10 on imdb.com (#224 all time, 5/5/09), 94% on rottentomatoes, N/A on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 8/10

...which brings us to this...



The Day the Earth Stood Still
2008. Rated PG-13, 104 minutes.
Director: Scott Derrickson. Starring Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Jaden Smith, Kathy Bates, John Cleese, James Hong.

Plot: An alien spacecraft lands smack dab in the middle of Manhattan one night. The being that emerges from the spacecraft is shot within moments of setting foot on Earth. He survives and demands to meet with the planet's leaders.

The Good: The early parts of the movie do a nice job building tension quickly. This gives it the sense of urgency it's looking for. There's also an air of mystery as we watch a bunch of scientists and government officials who are rightfully baffled by what's going on. It's also a good looking movie, reminiscent of The Matrix franchise. Having Keanu Reeves as the star only reinforces this notion, but it's attractive nonetheless in that same monochromatic manner. Finally the new GORT, Klaatu's personal giant robot security guard is very impressive...for much of the movie.

The Bad: A constant problem for this movie is that it's ideas are solid but the execution of them is horrible. Chief among these ideas is the updated premise. The original was a warning against us causing our own destruction through atomic weapons. With our constant worry about who has nuclear weapons, I thought that was still a strong foundation to build on, obviously changing the word atomic to nuclear. However, the filmmakers opted to go with the "green" angle (hence, the greenish tint to the whole movie) and warn us about destroying the planet itself. Okay, I'll buy that but exactly why beings from other universes should care is unclear. It follows that by piling up inconsistencies at a mind boggling rate. Some of which even involves special fx - I'm looking at you, massive swarm of bugs. Next, not only is Klaatu not terribly bright for a being from a supposedly more advanced civilization but he does something incredibly idiotic. That by itself might not be so bad, but we get the sense he only does it so the movie has an excuse to try and dazzle us with cgi. Don't even get me started on the overly melodramatic and Armageddon-esque finale that's only possible because our hero came to the same realization that my 6 year old came to about 3 years ago.

The Ugly: Ya know, I liked Jaden Smith alongside his dad in The Pursuit of Happyness but he really, really...really annoyed me here.

Recommendation: This is a misguided attempt at modernization. Instead of thoughtfully updating the original it gives us the same basic setup and then repeatedly taps us on the shoulder and says "Hey, doesn't this look cool?" Even the DVD cover does this. If you look at the back of it, you'll see in large print "THIS TIME THERE'S MORE ACTION, MORE SPECIAL EFFECTS AND MORE MAYHEM!" Yawn.

The Opposite View: David Nusair, Reel Film Reviews

What the Internet Says: 5.6/10 on imdb.com (5/5/09), 21% on rottentomatoes.com, 40/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 3/10