Farm House

Directed by George Bessudo.

2008. Rated R, 95 minutes.

Cast:

Jamie Anne Allman

William Lee Scott

Steven Weber

Kelly Hu

Nick Heyman

Jack Donner

Every now and again, I'll watch a movie and I'm not sure what to think about it when I'm done. I'll either watch it again or replay it in my mind as best I can and then contemplate it some more. Whenever this is the case, I'll often hunker down to write a review even though I still don't know if I liked movie or not. Such is the case with Farm House. It's a film I found when I randomly searched for horror movies on YouTube. I vaguely remembered hearing about it when it came out, but it sounded interesting so I clicked "play."

After a brief prologue which comes back into play at the end, we meet Scarlet (Allman) and her husband Chad (Scott). We can tell they're an unhappy couple. Some grand event has made them this way so they've decided to move to Seattle to get a fresh start. Chad is so anxious for this new beginning, he vows to take the twelve hour drive in one shot. As you might imagine, he falls asleep behind the wheel. When he does, he runs off the road and damages the car bad enough that it no longer runs. Luckily, neither he nor Scarlet is hurt. Unluckily, this is a horror movie so it happens in the middle of nowhere with only one house anywhere in sight. This place belongs Sam (Weber) and Lilith (Hu). They seem to be nice enough. It is a bit off-putting how Sam constantly makes fun of Alal (Heyman), the deaf kid that works for them. Other than that, they're a happy go lucky, if a bit too touchy-feely pair. However, it isn't long before Scarlet and Chad find themselves strapped down in the farm house out back and about to get all dead and stuff.

It all sounds like pretty standard scary movie stuff. The difference is what Scarlet and Chad did to get themselves in this situation. I can't say what that is without spoiling the movie, so I'll stop there. That piece of the puzzle is also the reason why I'm so unsure about Farm House. It leaves us without a likable person on either side of the ledger. Having one isn't normally prerequisite to enjoying a movie, but in this case it's needed. When the credits roll we're left without a dog in the fight. Then again, that's kinda the point. The rug is supposed to be pulled from under us. However, as I am writing this I'm realizing a problem. Our two lead actors aren't really compelling enough to have gotten us fully on their side in the first place. Allman isn't too bad as Scarlet, but Scott as her husband gives a dreadfully one-note performance despite a range of emotions being called for.

Throughout Farm House, the sense of dread is palpable. Things also kick up a notch when Sam and Lilith reveal themselves to be the sadistic psychos that they are. Both Weber and Hu have lots of fun with their roles. In fact, they are far more entertaining than our heroes from the first second they show up. Hu's the standout here, giving us a sexy yet ruthless villainness. Then again, that could be my inner-pig speaking since I'm a bit gaga over her. Nevertheless, I'll stand by the statement. Overall, it's a solid low-budget horror flick that utilizes the crazed hillbillies trope, without grotesque appearances and in-breeding mind you, and fuses it with a more overtly ethical and philosophical commentary. In other words, it's a fun watch with a little food for thought thrown in.

Batman: Under the Red Hood

Directed by Brandon Vietti.
2010. Rated PG-13, 75 minutes.
Cast:
Bruce Greenwood
Jensen Ackles
John Di Maggio
Neil Patrick Harris
Kelly Hu
Jason Isaacs
Gary Cole
Vincent Martella
Jim Piddock

Using one of the Joker’s old aliases, the Red Hood (Ackles), an apparently new masked baddie is extorting all of Gotham’s crime bosses. After dispatching a number of their henchmen, he claims to offer protection not only from the police, but from Batman (Greenwood), as well.

This time around we find a guilt ridden Batman, beating himself up over the death of Robin (Alexander and Vincent Martella) at the hands of the Joker (Di Maggio). It doesn’t help that the original Robin, now known as Nightwing (Harris) keeps popping up to help out, a morbid reminder of what could’ve been. Like the best of Batman, the psychological aspects of the story are as much a part of the story as the action. At the heart of the matter, we come to learn, is Batman’s self-imposed code of ethics. Many Batman fans have often said to themselves if they were the hero, (place name of villain, here) would be dead. Someone here thinks the same. Out loud. To Batman’s face.

The action is well-done. Continuing a recent trend in the franchise, it’s also fairly brutal. Unlike the old Adam West TV series or any of the Batman animated shows from my childhood (the 70s and 80s), people die. At the risk of advocating murder I’ll say it fits the mythology of Gotham City, given the people depicted. Our hero is up against bad people who do bad things, not the vaudevillian mischievous characters they were once made out to be.

For me, the one real drawback was the voice-work of a couple of main players. It wasn’t necessarily bad, just not the voices I wanted to hear. Greenwood as Batman is adequate, but he’s no Kevin Conroy. Conroy perfected the Batman voice. His is always the one I hear when I think of the character. The same goes for Di Maggio as the Joker. He’s actually a little less than adequate making Mark Hamill’s work in the role stand out that much more.

Those minor drawbacks aside, this is a true delight for Batman fans. The story is intriguing and flows nicely into the action. It is one of the better entries into the canon.

The Tournament

Directed by Scott Mann.
2009. Rated R, 95 minutes.
Cast:
Ving Rhames
Kelly Hu
Robert Carlyle
Ian Somerhalder
Liam Cunningham
Sebastien Foucan
Andy Nyman
Iddo Goldberg

Joshua Harlow (Rhames) is the defending champion of The Tournament and he’s back to defend his crown. He’s a very tough guy. In fact, he’s so tough having his trigger finger chopped off hardly seems to affect his ability to shoot. The Tournament is an event held every seven years where 30 of the world’s top assassins vye for an exorbitant cash prize by being the last one alive. It’s held in a new host city each time, like the Olympics. Unlike the big games, the host city is “an unsuspecting town”. This time we’re in some small British town.

Truthfully, that’s all you need to know about this particular movie. Well, you might also like to know that these guys don’t just kill people, they kill ‘em good. Innocent bystanders are used for target practice. This includes strippers. A bunch of them get offed, mostly for being in the way. It’s been some years since I’ve been to a “gentleman’s club”. Because of this movie and the recent Crank: High Voltage I probably won’t be going back. They seem to be exponentially more dangerous than I remember.

Yes, there is some some other story thrown together. Tough guy Joshua is only in it to get revenge for something that happened just a few months ago. There’s also Lai Lai Zhen (Hu), who apparently has a conscience and tries to help Father Macavoy (Carlyle). He’s your stereotypical Irish-Catholic drunkard priest who unknowingly becomes involved in the game. Then there’s Anton Bogart, the Frenchman. He hardly says anything and seems to be the smartest of our hitmen. He’s played by Sebastien Foucan. You probably don’t know his name, but you might remember him as the African that James Bond is chasing at the beginning of Casino Royale. We are treated to more of his urban acrobatics, here. Other characters are deliciously over the top and help keep the ridiculousness coming at a high rate.

The Tournament is also exceedingly gory and funny in dumb way. Of course, you should interpret all this as ‘I love every second of it’. The cheese is piled high with corny dialogue and exploding body parts. Some people will tell you it’s a good ‘turn your brain off’ movie. If that’s possible, go for it. I recommend you get a bag of popcorn and settle in for something so bad, it’s awesome!

The Opposite View: Not for this baby!

What the Internet Says: 6.1/10 on imdb.com (7/2/10), 50% on rottentomatoes.com, N/A on metacritic.com


MY SCORE: -10/10